Purveyor of Pleasure

Pleasure is my business, my life, my joy, my purpose.

Tag: seattle

Play Piercing (HNT)

By

On January 9, 2009

In Introspection

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Remember my XXXmas Wishlist? Well, if you follow me on twitter than you already know this, but I got the Advanced Play Piercing Kit that I was wanting from that list, and I haven’t been able to stop piercing myself since!

This was actually my first multi-needle piercing in myself. I attempted to do two once before this, which is what the big bruise next to the piercings is from. I was doing one on each thigh, and the second one I put in I think I either went too deep or just hit a vein or something so it bled a lot and bruised like mad (as you can see). The bruise is still there, a week later, and still very noticeable. It’ll take a while to go away.

I absolutely adore my kit, I’m sure I’ll review it some time this month. I went and got purple nitrile gloves to use with it, too, as the gloves that were supposed to come with it were left out accidentally. We’re getting them, but I wanted gloves immediately, of course, and purple nitrile gloves are just awesome, and purple (obviously), so I really dig them. I’m not allergic to latex, but I’ve had a reaction to it before so I don’t want to develop one and avoid latex whenever possible.

It took me a while to get to the point where I could pierce myself, but once I did it was easy. I now have even more of a desire to become a piercer, as I know how easy it is and how much I enjoy doing it. This may be something I explore in Seattle. I know that professional piercing and play piercing aren’t identical, but they are very similar, of course.

I’ve pierced Onyx a few times, too, which has been fun. I’m not sure if he enjoyed it or if he was just doing it for me, but he was the one who suggested it, I think because he knew I wanted to, he’s very accommodating like that.

So there’s my HNT, a little late, but only because I couldn’t find my card reader yesterday, so I’m posting it a day late. I think play piercings are pretty. How ’bout you?

Back to Basics: My BDSM Desires

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On January 8, 2009

In a Love: Onyx, Identity: Submissive, Identity: Top, Introspection

adipositivity184
Number 184 from The Adipositivity Project

Since we have dismissed the Dominus/submissive power structure from our relationship I have been thinking a lot about what worked and what didn’t with us in those roles and what I want in general. While I enjoy where we are now, and think that is what works best for our relationship, I still find myself wanting more.

I have been feeling more submissive lately in general, but not with Onyx. I have the desire to submit still in me, and while Onyx and I do play along those lines it’s not the same as what I want.

We’ve come to realize and embrace the fact that he and I desire play on different levels. We switch along a Top/bottom level, as he’s a bedroom-only player, yet I desire BDSM along a Dom/sub level or even an Owner/slave level much of the time.

At the beginning of our relationship I was trying to make him fit into the mold I wanted, what I desired, and it never worked because that’s just not part of him. He convinced himself that was what he wanted as well, but we now both know that it won’t work. We’ve accepted that now, and it’s made our relationship better because of it.

I enjoy the feeling of comfort that embracing our switchy natures has brought to the relationship. We’ve always been rather perfect for each other in every other aspect, just never quite fit right D/s wise, which was part of why I started this blog, to talk about our relationship and other relationships I/we might have. Now we fit remarkably well, but I’m still missing something.

I desire to own and to be owned. I need that. D/s are not roles for me, they are me, they are my life. I’m a 24/7 switch, which is contrary to the usual idea of 24/7, but for me it works. It’s not something I slip into and out of, it’s something I want and am all the time, something I shape my life around, but because I fit into different roles it’s difficult to explain.

Lucky for me, both Onyx and I are poly, so there is no need for us to disband our relationship for me to get what I need. We’ve talked about the possibility of me having another partner, and of bringing someone in to our relationship, both of which I am all for, and we are finally at our most comfortable, not trying to be something that we’re not, so now I’m comfortable to look for another or others.

I’m still very much the cuntpet that I defined oh so long ago, the definition that was the catalyst for this blog. I’m very much the Domina that I’ve found myself to be, and now that Onyx and I have found our perfect situation as Top/bottom switches it’s time for me to find others I can explore my cuntpet and Domina sides with.

My perfect situation would be a foursome for me, with or without the others interacting I’m not positive. Switching with Onyx, a Domina to serve, and a sub/slave to serve me, that would be my perfect combination, plus social play partners and such as well. The best of all worlds. Though I’m open to whoever may come along that fits with me, but that is my current ideal (which is, as always, subject to change).

There is quite an extensive scene up in Seattle, and I intend to dive into it headfirst and not bother looking back. I’m finally at the place where socialization is necessary and desired, and Seattle will be a much better place to do so than Salt Lake has been. I’ve already been looking around at the community there, as well as events and such, and I’m more than ready to get out of this state and live somewhere comfortable. T-minus eight days.

In 2009…

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On January 4, 2009

In Introspection

Like many others, I’m not a big fan of resolutions. Instead I prefer to set goals that may actually be attainable, or ones that aren’t just to see if I can do them. So…

In 2009 I want to:

Move to Seattle! – We’re 99.9% sure it will happen the weekend of the 16th of January, probably heading out of here the morning of the 17th.

Comment more. – There are so many wonderful blogs out there that I read, and many more that I’m sure I don’t, and I don’t comment most of the time, even sometimes if I feel like it. I know I love it when I get comments, so I want to spread the love around! I just need to start doing it.

Write more smut. – Something I keep telling myself I’m going to do, but end up failing at it. I’m not very secure in my smut-writing abilities, and to get better at it I really need to write more of it. Plus, you all seem to like it when I do.

Get a job (that I enjoy). – Somewhat self-explanatory. I’ve been out of work for five months now, and while it’s been kind of enjoyable (but also stressful to not have a job) I need to get one, and I think it’ll be easier to get one in Seattle. Looking at sex shops there but unsure if they’re hiring, also just about anywhere, there are lots more opportunities there.

Get healthier. – I was doing really well with going to the gym for a while there in 2008 after coming back from Juneau, but I’ve lapsed a bit on it. The apartment we’re (probably) moving in to has both a gym and a pool in the complex, so I’ll have no excuses not to work out. I’m not as focused on weight-loss as I am general health and wellbeing, feeling better and moving better, but I’m also not opposed to losing weight should that also occur.

Take more photographs. – My 365 portraits project will help with that, though I really want to take photos of others as well. I really enjoy portraits and pin-up type photos of others and want to do more of that in this year.

Figure out grad school. – Meaning, figure out what I want to get in Seattle before going to IASHS in San Fran. We’ll end up being in Seattle for a few years before going down there, and I think I want to get a Masters from UW but I’m not sure in what. Possibly creative writing. Maybe something else.

Do something sexual I’ve never done before. – Multiple partners, perhaps. Or a number of other things. Sex in public, maybe. I’m not sure. Something sexy that I haven’t done. I should make a list of things I haven’t done that I want to do too.

Get my drivers license. – I know, it’s crazy. I don’t have a license to drive and I never have. It’s just never happened, and although I’ve needed one it’s never been the right time. Plus, if I got one in Oregon or Utah it would disqualify me for the PFD from Alaska, so I never got one in the last four plus years living outside of Alaska because of that. I will get one in Washington.

Continue to learn and grow. – I think it’s nearly impossible not to do this one, really, but it’s something I want to highlight every year.

resohealthysec

In the Year 2008

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On January 1, 2009

In Introspection

2008someecards

Yes, yes, a yearly review post is a little cliche, but it’s also nice for me to think about what has happened over the past year, and maybe nice for you to read about it and recall some of the things that made up my year. Some things feel like they were years ago, when they were really just a few months. It’s funny how perception of time is such a fluctuating thing.

In 2008…

I’m sure there was more that happened in 2008, those are just the highlights, but it was a good year. I may add more later if I think of other things.

2009 is going to be a great one as well. T-two weeks until we move to Seattle!

Happy New Year!

By

On January 1, 2009

In Sex Blogging

ditahny

Hope your 2009 is filled with everything you need, loads of hot sex, kinky fun, keen personal insights, growth, and, most of all, partying! Good times and good sex is what 2009 is all about.

It’s pretty much official that 2009 for me is going to be my first year in Seattle, almost a full year at that. Onyx and I are about 95% sure we are moving the weekend of the 16th. We have multiple possibilities for both apartments and jobs in Seattle and know how we are going to move, now we just have to do it.

2009 will be the year of Seattle for me! What are you going to do in 2009?

Waiting

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On December 18, 2008

In Introspection

waiting

I’ve been feeling off lately, disconnected, reserved. The majority of my thoughts are focused on Seattle, I feel like I’m forever waiting for something to happen, and not able to make something happen on it’s own.

I didn’t realize how difficult it is to move somewhere once you settle in with another person. Moving here was easy for me, I made up my mind and left a few weeks later. Bing, bang, boom. Easy. Uprooting the lives of two people at the same time and moving them somewhere new is more difficult.

More than that, since I know we’re leaving I’m reluctant to do anything or get involved in anything or with anyone here. It makes me not want to do anything or go anywhere, and having toys to review and posts to write and a house to clean makes it easier for me to not leave the house. I go very few places, and I do very few things. Sometimes I am contented with that, and sometimes I feel I should do more.

It’s easy for me to get caught up in one of my many many projects and websites online. I don’t mind it, and I get exercise at home, yoga mostly. I have things to keep me busy, but I’m missing something.

I’m waiting to have a life until we move, and it’s difficult. It’s easy on those days and weeks that I don’t feel like talking to people, on those days I crawl into myself and try to make believe the rest of the world doesn’t exist. On the days I actually want to be around people, though, it’s hard to be waiting.

I have all these plans once we move to Seattle. There are places and groups I want to get involved with, stores and jobs to check out, new people and people to get to know better. I have these plans, but I have to wait until the time is right, until we have the money and the ability to move. We’re both ready and bursting with the desire to get out of this city, but still we wait.

Every time I think “I hate waiting” my mind launches into this, the automatic exchange that comes with those three words together, below:

Indigo: I hate waiting… could I give you my word as a Spaniard?

Wesley: No good, I’ve known too many Spaniards.

I: Isn’t there any way you’ll trust me?

W: Nothing comes to mind.

Assumptions

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On December 2, 2008

In Introspection

I wrote the following in response to Sinclair’s post defining identity alignment assumptions, basically “the assumption that one’s identity categories align with what is either a stereotype or a dominant compulsory cultural norm.” I ended up writing more than I thought I would, and I have more to add so I thought I’d just convert it into a post on here.

There are many identity alignment assumptions that I struggle with, including the assumption that I’m straight because I’m with a cis-man, the assumption that I’m straight because my primary gender identity is femme, the assumption that my gender expression is traditionally feminine instead of femme, and the assumption that I’m unhealthy or somehow immoral because I’m fat. I’m sure there are more, of course, if I started really thinking about them, but these are the biggest that have been impacting my life lately, especially the first.

I’ve always embraced my difference, and not being visibly different (even moreso recently since I dyed my hair a normal color) is difficult for me in general. I find myself having a difficult time embracing the queer community in general because even though I’ve never been straight and never will be straight I am perceived as straight by many, including many within the queer community. Most people want others to be monosexual, it seems, it’s easier to quantify people that way.

I know that I have some assumptions I make as well, though I’ve noticed that my assumptions are different depending on my location. In Utah I tend to assume most people are mormons and straight, but elsewhere I don’t actually think about what religion or spiritual affiliation people might have, and I tend to assume more people I come across are queer. I do often link gender and sexuality assumptions together, such as assuming masculine females and feminine males are queer, but I also tend to assume general queerness rather than gay/straight binary assumptions.

Occasionally I will try to spend a day purposefully assuming the world is the inverse of what society tells us, that queers are the majority (or total) population, that assumed gender expression doesn’t actually denote the sex of the person, that everyone is polyamorous, and that people won’t automatically judge me by my size. It’s a refreshing and sometimes humbling exercise, though it’s often shattered quite quickly.

[End of the comment: start of the extra]

I actively work on my own assumptions, but that doesn’t mean I don’t still have them, though it’s hard for me to pinpoint them. I try to not make the same assumptions about others that I feel others make about me, but I know I do it, like assuming straightness instead of queerness.

These assumptions extend beyond people as well, to places. I find myself making assumptions about Seattle and others make assumptions about Salt Lake City due to the identity associations there. I’ve had people mention being surprised that there is a kink community here, a queer community, pagan and occult communities. People assume that SLC is just a mormon hub that doesn’t have any kind of diversity within it, though they’ve obviously not seen SLC Punk. People are surprised when they find out I live in Salt Lake City, though I don’t wholly blame them because I’m surprised that I live here.

I’m finding myself making the opposite assumptions about Seattle. I know a fair amount about the city itself, and have been reading up on it even more since we decided to move there. I’m excited about the communities there. I assume that it is going to be easier for me to find people I click with there. I assume that because it is more liberal that I won’t feel as shut-in as I do here. I don’t know if these assumptions are in any way correct, however, because I’m not counting on that other factor: me.

Socializing and Me

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On November 16, 2008

In Introspection

I’ve realized lately just how far the extent of my lack of desire to socialize goes. Of course, it’s highly dependent on my mood, and I’ve been rather down lately, mostly because of lacking a job and the inability to get one, having no one want me basically, which really gets my abandonment and rejection issues to the forefront. When I get in these modes I just want to curl up in bed and forget about the rest of the world, which for me usually includes either a book or the internet or some combination thereof.

Though I haven’t forgotten about the rest of the world exactly, either. We went to the local protest here yesterday, and I was happy to know that there were marches like ours going around all across the nation in every state. I was proud to be a part of it, but I did have to force myself to go, because the idea of being with so many people was a little daunting. Once we were there, though, it was fantastic, and it helped me remember why I need a community, but it also made me remember that I’m not a part of the community here.

I’ve been a highly active member of the queer community since I was in high school, but I’ve been absent from my community for a long time, and even now I’m debating getting into it because I know that we are going to leave soon. I don’t want to make friends with new people at this point because I know that we are going to go to (probably) Seattle in just a few months and I hate leaving friends behind. We’re already leaving behind too many friends when we move, I don’t want to add to that number.

At the same time, I crave friendship, which is part of why I’m online so much, I think, why I write in here so much, because I’m trying to create relationships with you, because they’re at least somewhat sustainable. However, the more I think about it, I’m still very guarded and I don’t reach out as much as I want to. This is common for me, but it’s also not a conscious choice, it’s just something that I do.

After my interview for a Sundance Film Festival box office position on Friday I wanted to call and talk with someone about it, so I called Onyx, who was busy taking a certification test and was unable to answer the phone. I went through the phonebook on my phone and realized that the only other person I was comfortable calling was my mom, and she would be busy at work at that time of day. So I didn’t call anyone.

I hope to expand that list of people I can just call whenever something is upsetting me or bothering me or I just want to talk once we move. I’m sure there are others I could have called, in fact I know there were. I could have called my sister, Kat, a couple friends in California, or a few others, but I rank people in my mind who I can and can’t just talk to and, more specifically, whine to.

I do it here too, I categorize what is and isn’t appropriate by how personal it is. Sex and sexuality is definitely personal, but it’s not the same as exposing my emotions and vulnerability. I can be emotionally detached from my gender and sexuality talk, even though it is very personal, because I can categorize it as an academic discussion rather than anything sensitive.

I have a strange sense of what is or isn’t appropriate to post here, and really I should be able to post just about everything here, and I am able to but I definitely censor myself sometimes, and it may just be time to stop.

Queercents Economic Stimulus Plan: Buy Sex Toys

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On November 14, 2008

In Sex Blogging

Queercents is a wonderful queer finances resource, and if you’re not reading them you really should, they even have a Femme Economics section which I highly recommend!

Although I don’t always take their advice on everything because I have horrible financial sense (cents?), I found the recently posted economic stimulus plan was too good to pass up. Their advice? Buy sex toys!

The economy sucks, the days are getting darker; but don’t get depressed, get randy! Here are four great reasons to “stimulate” the economy (and other things!)

1. It’s a relatively cheap way to spoil yourself and while improving your health. If you have more sex/get off more, you will fill the psychological contentment void which otherwise causes you to over-eat ($$) and spend more of your precious cash on bigger frivolous items.

2. If you stay home and have sex by yourself or with a sweetie, you are less likely to blow $100 or more per night on dinner and wine, night clubs, drinks, (prostitutes?). A really nice vibrator or dildo at $80 can provide hours and hours…and hours of enjoyment… Go read the rest!

In case you didn’t realize it, I’m a big fan of sex toys (okay, so that’s not much of a secret). Lately I’ve been thinking that what I really want to do is open a feminist women-friendly queer-friendly sex toy shop like Babeland or Good Vibrations, or just work in one, though competition for that is fierce. Possibly start off as an online store, and then once I settle into a city that’s not Salt Lake City (Portland perhaps?) have it evolve into a brick-and-mortar store. Now I just need a good name.

In the meantime, before my store is up and running, who you should buy from is VibeReview, as the affiliate proceeds from any toys you buy through my affiliate link will be donated x2 to The Butterfly Temptress Cancer Fund! If you need some inspiration for things to buy you can check out my reviews or Pleasurists, my weekly review round-up site.

Also! If you’re wanting a sex toy case for all the sex toys you already have For Your Nymphomation is offering 20% off with the coupon clearancesale20. So there’s no reason not to buy something!

Happy Halloween (HNT)

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On October 30, 2008

In Introspection

I’m a little late on my HNT, but here it is! This is me in my Leather Hobble Corset Dress from Alter Ego Erotics, which I absolutely love and am going to wear on Saturday for a play party we’re going to. The skull is simply half of our television decarations in the living room, the other half being the puzzle box from Hellraiser.

Tomorrow night for Halloween itself we are having a horror movie marathon to celebrate. One of the many strange things about Utah is they don’t really do trick or treating, not around here anyway. They do trunk or treating, and they have trick or treating at malls and such, only “safe” locations as to not potentially pick up a razor blade in a piece of candy or something like that, because that’s totally happened.

In other news, if you’ve been reading this blog for a while you may know that Onyx and I have been planning on moving to San Francisco for quite some time. Due to some recent developments, my lack of getting a job and some issues at his work as well, and the possibility of getting my PFD in the next few weeks, we’ve been wondering if all this is the universe’s way of pushing us toward moving sooner rather than later. Well, we’ll see, but for now it looks like Seattle will just be easier in general to move to and easier to get a job in, so that’s where our sights are set.

More interesting and sexy post tomorrow (though the picture’s pretty sexy, just not so much the text).

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