After our switching attempt was almost over last weekend, Onyx and I talked about it and ended up extending our switch another week, until Sunday night, partially because both of us were enjoying it, and partially because we hadn’t really done too much, I was going a little too slow.
I actually had a harder time switching than he did at first. I had to work down the “you will not switch with Onyx” block I had in my head ever since I discovered my switch side just a few short months ago. It took me a few days to get over that, and I won’t say it’s completely gone now but I’m close to perfectly comfortable in this new role with him, and I’d say he is comfortable as well.
When I first started discovering and playing with my switch identity I thought I wouldn’t want to switch with one person. I thought it would be strange, that I wouldn’t like it, and I wouldn’t have at that point. My desires have changed dramatically lately, not only power- and kink-wise, but also in a myriad of other ways. The basic desires are all still the same, but the specifics are, in some cases, vastly different.
Onyx and I were both surprised at how much we enjoyed the ‘switched’ situation. We put an expiration date on it at the beginning because we knew we wouldn’t want to permanently change to Domina/submissive, but through exploring it what fits us became obvious. We decided to switch with each other on a regular basis, to not have general roles but be able to “pull rank” on the other whenever desired, basically opening up our relationship to be whatever it becomes.
I won’t say this is going to be how it will be forever, but it’s what feels perfect for this moment. We may end up finding someone else that we can always be dominant or submissive with, as well, but not at the same level I was forcing.
I feel like this has given us both room to breathe in some ways. We are able to just be as we feel in the moment. We are able to inhabit a dominant or submissive role because we want to and because we feel like it not because we feel like we have to.
Looking back I know I have been the main reason for throwing this relationship off track D/s-wise, because I was pushing too hard for something that is simply alien for us. We are not meant to have roles that are set in stone with each other, and we never really have except when I pushed for it. It’s nice to be able to breathe.