Purveyor of Pleasure

Pleasure is my business, my life, my joy, my purpose.

Back to Basics: My BDSM Desires

By

On January 8, 2009

In a Love: Onyx, Identity: Submissive, Identity: Top, Introspection

adipositivity184
Number 184 from The Adipositivity Project

Since we have dismissed the Dominus/submissive power structure from our relationship I have been thinking a lot about what worked and what didn’t with us in those roles and what I want in general. While I enjoy where we are now, and think that is what works best for our relationship, I still find myself wanting more.

I have been feeling more submissive lately in general, but not with Onyx. I have the desire to submit still in me, and while Onyx and I do play along those lines it’s not the same as what I want.

We’ve come to realize and embrace the fact that he and I desire play on different levels. We switch along a Top/bottom level, as he’s a bedroom-only player, yet I desire BDSM along a Dom/sub level or even an Owner/slave level much of the time.

At the beginning of our relationship I was trying to make him fit into the mold I wanted, what I desired, and it never worked because that’s just not part of him. He convinced himself that was what he wanted as well, but we now both know that it won’t work. We’ve accepted that now, and it’s made our relationship better because of it.

I enjoy the feeling of comfort that embracing our switchy natures has brought to the relationship. We’ve always been rather perfect for each other in every other aspect, just never quite fit right D/s wise, which was part of why I started this blog, to talk about our relationship and other relationships I/we might have. Now we fit remarkably well, but I’m still missing something.

I desire to own and to be owned. I need that. D/s are not roles for me, they are me, they are my life. I’m a 24/7 switch, which is contrary to the usual idea of 24/7, but for me it works. It’s not something I slip into and out of, it’s something I want and am all the time, something I shape my life around, but because I fit into different roles it’s difficult to explain.

Lucky for me, both Onyx and I are poly, so there is no need for us to disband our relationship for me to get what I need. We’ve talked about the possibility of me having another partner, and of bringing someone in to our relationship, both of which I am all for, and we are finally at our most comfortable, not trying to be something that we’re not, so now I’m comfortable to look for another or others.

I’m still very much the cuntpet that I defined oh so long ago, the definition that was the catalyst for this blog. I’m very much the Domina that I’ve found myself to be, and now that Onyx and I have found our perfect situation as Top/bottom switches it’s time for me to find others I can explore my cuntpet and Domina sides with.

My perfect situation would be a foursome for me, with or without the others interacting I’m not positive. Switching with Onyx, a Domina to serve, and a sub/slave to serve me, that would be my perfect combination, plus social play partners and such as well. The best of all worlds. Though I’m open to whoever may come along that fits with me, but that is my current ideal (which is, as always, subject to change).

There is quite an extensive scene up in Seattle, and I intend to dive into it headfirst and not bother looking back. I’m finally at the place where socialization is necessary and desired, and Seattle will be a much better place to do so than Salt Lake has been. I’ve already been looking around at the community there, as well as events and such, and I’m more than ready to get out of this state and live somewhere comfortable. T-minus eight days.

Size & Sexuality Study – icecoldbath

By

On January 6, 2009

In Adipose, Sex Blogging, Size & Sexuality Survey

adipositivity220
Number 220 from The Adipositivity Project

This is the second of many posts with answers to my Size & Sexuality Study questions within them. The answers have not been edited in any way. I hope you find them as interesting and informative as I have. I have gotten a huge number of responses already and I still want more! If you would like to answer these questions you can find more information here.

Read the first: Size & Sexuality Study – luna[KM]

icecoldbath is a 20 year old female (she says: “I can haz vajayjay?” – yay for lolspeak) who is pansexual. She blogs at Confessions of Promiscuity and also twitters as icecoldbath.

What size is your body?
Well let’s see, I’m a size 20-22 in pants. But I’m 5’5″ 250lbs, and I genetically have a bigger tummy than the rest of my body, but I’m pretty well proportioned.

How comfortable are you with your body both in general and your body size specifically?
With my body in general, I’m content. My body size specially, I’m happy with it, I’m plus size, I’m sexy, I’m voluptuous, curvy.

How has your relation with and attitude toward your body and the size of your body changed over time?
Oh geez, when I was younger I definitely went through that “I hate my body” stage. I’ve come to love my body a lot more than I used to. Although, from time to time, I do get a little upset with my body size, I know that I’m sexy and my body is definitely a main factor in that. As far as body size, well yeah, I’ve gained a few pounds. Okay, like 50 in the past couple of years.

How important is sexuality to your life?
Sexuality is a big part of my life. As crazy as this sounds, when I first got my nipples pierced, that’s when I really started to feel sexy. After that, I explored different revenues of sexual expression and who I am sexually.

How has your relation with and attitude toward your sexuality changed over time?
I have definitely grown sexually over the years. I had my first sexual encounter at the age of 14. Needless to say my thoughts were “that’s it?”. Obviously we all grow as time goes on, so my sexuality evolved as well. As far as my attitude toward my sexuality, I’ve always been comfortable in it and with it, I never doubted that I enjoyed sex, sex that my peers at the time were astonished by (kink) at the time.

How comfortable are you with expressing yourself and your body sexually?
As of this year, I’ve really opened up with my body. I’m not afraid to show someone how I like something done, in the bedroom. I’m not worried about what stereotypes or judgements may fall on me. I like sex, I know that I like sex, and if you aren’t doing it right, I’ll let you know.

How comfortable is society with the idea of viewing your body as sexual?
Society in general isn’t comfortable seeing a scarred, fat, pierced, tattooed, stretch marked woman. That’s fine by me, because one day, all these skinny bitches will be out of the magazines and all us big girls will be the ones on the cover. Watch out Suicide Girls – big girl’s comin’ through!

Through answering these questions and/or thinking about your relation to your body and your sexuality, have you noticed any links or similarities between the two? If so, what?
I’ve noticed that to feel comfortable in your sexuality, you need to feel comfortable in your body. To feel comfortable in your body, it’s not necessary, but pretty important to be comfortable in your sexuality.

Anything else you would like to add?
We’re a generation of fattastic, fatgasmic women. Let’s embrace that, and show the world that we aren’t afraid to wear a corset and thong, so what if we have stretch marks. Big is beautiful, and damnit, I’m proud to show you my naked body!

Pleasurists #11

By

On January 5, 2009

In Link Carnivals

angel-schaudon-de
From Scaudon Photodesign

Pleasurists is a round-up of the adult product and sex toy reviews that came out in the last seven days from bloggers all around the sex blogosphere. Did you miss Pleasurists #10? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #12? Submit it here before Sunday January 11th at 11:59pm PST. Please re-post this list on your own blog if listed.

Want to be part of the Best Sex Toy Reviewers List of 2008?

Want to win some free swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.

On to the reviews…

Madame Editrix
Scarlet Lotus St. Syr

Read More

Best Sex Toy Reviewers of 2008 Nominations!

By

On January 5, 2009

In Link Carnivals, Sex Blogging

Domina Doll and Scarlet Lotus Sexgeek are teaming up to put together the (first annual?) Best Sex Toy Reviewers List for 2008 which will be featured on Pleasurists!

We know a lot of reviewers, but we don’t know all of you out there, so that’s where you come in! We have many reviewers in mind already, but we are also looking for nominations from you all to give us a good idea of who you think is fit to be on the list of the best sex toy reviewers of 2008!

The nomination information:

  • You can’t nominate yourself, but feel free to (and please do!) re-post this on your blog, that way your readers may want to nominate you for the list.
  • If someone is already nominated you can nominate them as well. The nominations someone receives may factor in to the final listing, so nominate everyone, even if someone’s already mentioned them.
  • To qualify the person must have reviews up (well, obviously). Preferably multiple reviews not just one or two.
  • You can nominate as many reviewers as you’d like, but please keep in mind this is a list of the best of the best. So, try to give me the absolute best five or ten reviewers rather than a huge long list.
  • Nominations are open until January 25th and the list of reviewers will be posted January 31st.

You must go to Pleasurists to nominate people. Nominate your choices in the comments of the post on Pleasurists! Or, if you would prefer your nominations to be private feel free to send an email to scarletsexgeek at gmail dot com.

Review: 3/8x30in Red Acrylic Cane

By

On January 5, 2009

In Sex Toy Love


Note: I can’t find my card reader for my camera, but once I do I will have a custom picture up, not the stock photo.

I love canes. No, really. I mean, I often hate them as well, especially while they are being used, but I think they (can) feel great, look super sexy, and leave the prettiest marks and bruises of any impact play implement. So, when looking around at the various BDSM and Fetish Products on SexToy.Com I was instantly attracted to this gorgeous (and extremely affordable) acrylic cane.

Cane’s aren’t usually very expensive, but can range from next to nothing to around $25 or $30 at the maximum depending on material and quality of craft. I don’t think I’ve seen a cane for more than $25, though I could be wrong. They can be used lightly for more of a not too painful burning sensation, or up to a harsh sharp sting depending on the type and force of the blow. They are often scary to some, who associate canes with extreme pain, and while they can produce that if desired they can also be a wonderful (and inexpensive) addition to any toybox.

I have wanted an acrylic cane for a long time, mostly because I think they are absolutely gorgeous. I’m a color coordinator by nature, and I love to have all colors matching, including my toys to my restraints/rope/cuffs, clothes/lingerie, and etc. so acrylic canes are perfect for that. They are also just pretty in general, and prettier (I think) than natural canes, which is the other kind of cane we have.

The first cane we bought is rattan (I think) and the same shape as this one. It’s thicker than my new acrylic cane, but about the same length, 30 inches long. I find the length to be perfect, not too long to be annoying but long enough to get some nice good swings. The red acrylic cane is a lot more bendable than the other cane I have, and also stings more both because of it’s bendability as well as being thinner in diameter. The thinner the cane the more sting it produces.

Because it’s stingier that didn’t wholly endear it to me. I prefer my canings to burn more than sting, it’s a slight difference but definitely important. Although the way a cane is used also greatly impacts the type of sensation received, and this cane is easy to produce many different kinds of sensation with. I’m planning on getting the 1/4x20in Red Acrylic Cane to compare and contrast as well.

Find the Red Acrylic Cane along with other BDSM and Fetish Products and sex toys of every flavor on SexToy.Com.

Much thanks to SexToy.Com for letting me review the 3/8x30in Red Acrylic Cane!

In 2009…

By

On January 4, 2009

In Introspection

Like many others, I’m not a big fan of resolutions. Instead I prefer to set goals that may actually be attainable, or ones that aren’t just to see if I can do them. So…

In 2009 I want to:

Move to Seattle! – We’re 99.9% sure it will happen the weekend of the 16th of January, probably heading out of here the morning of the 17th.

Comment more. – There are so many wonderful blogs out there that I read, and many more that I’m sure I don’t, and I don’t comment most of the time, even sometimes if I feel like it. I know I love it when I get comments, so I want to spread the love around! I just need to start doing it.

Write more smut. – Something I keep telling myself I’m going to do, but end up failing at it. I’m not very secure in my smut-writing abilities, and to get better at it I really need to write more of it. Plus, you all seem to like it when I do.

Get a job (that I enjoy). – Somewhat self-explanatory. I’ve been out of work for five months now, and while it’s been kind of enjoyable (but also stressful to not have a job) I need to get one, and I think it’ll be easier to get one in Seattle. Looking at sex shops there but unsure if they’re hiring, also just about anywhere, there are lots more opportunities there.

Get healthier. – I was doing really well with going to the gym for a while there in 2008 after coming back from Juneau, but I’ve lapsed a bit on it. The apartment we’re (probably) moving in to has both a gym and a pool in the complex, so I’ll have no excuses not to work out. I’m not as focused on weight-loss as I am general health and wellbeing, feeling better and moving better, but I’m also not opposed to losing weight should that also occur.

Take more photographs. – My 365 portraits project will help with that, though I really want to take photos of others as well. I really enjoy portraits and pin-up type photos of others and want to do more of that in this year.

Figure out grad school. – Meaning, figure out what I want to get in Seattle before going to IASHS in San Fran. We’ll end up being in Seattle for a few years before going down there, and I think I want to get a Masters from UW but I’m not sure in what. Possibly creative writing. Maybe something else.

Do something sexual I’ve never done before. – Multiple partners, perhaps. Or a number of other things. Sex in public, maybe. I’m not sure. Something sexy that I haven’t done. I should make a list of things I haven’t done that I want to do too.

Get my drivers license. – I know, it’s crazy. I don’t have a license to drive and I never have. It’s just never happened, and although I’ve needed one it’s never been the right time. Plus, if I got one in Oregon or Utah it would disqualify me for the PFD from Alaska, so I never got one in the last four plus years living outside of Alaska because of that. I will get one in Washington.

Continue to learn and grow. – I think it’s nearly impossible not to do this one, really, but it’s something I want to highlight every year.

resohealthysec

365 Self-Portraits Challenge

By

On January 3, 2009

In Introspection

002

This year I’m planning on doing a 365 self-portraits challenge. I set up a sub-domain on Deviant Decadence for it, and will be posting self-portraits of me on there every day from 1 January 2009 to 31 December 2009. That’s the goal anyway.

I’m already running a little behind, but I’m sneaky and am okay with posting two pictures today for the past two days and just pretending like they were there the whole time. That’s cheating a little, I know, but I don’t really care.

This also means I’ll probably be participating every week in HNT’s since I’ll be taking pictures of me anyway.

Why am I wanting to do this?

Well, partially because I want to get in the mode of taking photos every day. Also, I was looking for photos of myself over the last couple years, and aside from my HNT pics and face shots I took for this site specifically or when my hair changed I really didn’t have that many photos of myself.

I don’t usually like pictures of myself, so this is a way for me to get out of that (maybe) and start looking at myself. It’s a way for me to get more comfortable with images of my face and my body, though I love it sometimes I still have a difficult time much of the time with loving and accepting my body, and viewing it every day may help with that.

I also really want to get better at photography in general, and I think that over the year of taking photos of myself I’ll be able to work with and understand both my camera and photography in general better. I’ll get used to viewing the world through the lens and learn what’s right for me. I now have a tripod and a remote for my camera as well (got both for xmas) and so I should be able to do some awesome things. Once we move I’m hoping to get some lighting as well.

If you want to take a look and follow the 365 days of me go to 365 Scarlet Portraits

Review: Ophoria Bliss No. 12

By

On January 2, 2009

In Sex Toy Love

Find the Ophoria Bliss No. 12 and other Ophoria products on Babeland.

Much thanks to Babeland for letting me review the Ophoria Bliss No. 12!

banner_babeland Affiliates

In the Year 2008

By

On January 1, 2009

In Introspection

2008someecards

Yes, yes, a yearly review post is a little cliche, but it’s also nice for me to think about what has happened over the past year, and maybe nice for you to read about it and recall some of the things that made up my year. Some things feel like they were years ago, when they were really just a few months. It’s funny how perception of time is such a fluctuating thing.

In 2008…

I’m sure there was more that happened in 2008, those are just the highlights, but it was a good year. I may add more later if I think of other things.

2009 is going to be a great one as well. T-two weeks until we move to Seattle!

Size & Sexuality Study – luna[KM]

By

On January 1, 2009

In Adipose, Sex Blogging, Size & Sexuality Survey

BBW Shibari by Hikari Kesho
From the Boundless Project by Hikari Kesho

This is the first of many posts with answers to my Size & Sexuality Study questions within them. The answers have not been edited in any way. I hope you find them as interesting and informative as I have. I have gotten a huge number of responses already, due in large part to groups on FetLife, and I still want more! If you would like to answer these questions you can find more information here.

luna[KM] is a 31 year old female who identifies as heterosexual with bi-kinky tendencies. She is owned and collared by KnyghtMare. Her personal blog is BDSM is Love, and she also maintains a number of other websites including The Iron Gate and Sensual Service.

What size is your body?
I weigh 340 lbs, am a pear shape with a large belly apron. My measurements are 54 60 64. I wear a 28/30 US.

How comfortable are you with your body both in general and your body size specifically?
I’m quite comfortable with my body around people I know, but am very sensitive to looks and whispers when out in public and with strangers or new acquaintances.Specifically I don’t like and am very embarrassed by squeezing into theater seats, having to move the tables of booths so that it can accommodate me, or skipping sitting altogether to avoid the embarrassment.

How has your relation with and attitude toward your body and the size of your body changed over time?
I remember as a child being humiliated at my size. I was constantly picked on, and while my friends did enjoy being around me, they always tried to pair me with the fat boys, as if I would only be acceptable around them if I dated within my own body size. As I grew up I realized that my size wasn’t so bad and began dressing as if I was average sized. This included short skirts, tight tops, sleeveless or halters and tried my best to be sexy.

Then I got married and gained over 100 lbs. I felt horrible about how I began to look, no clothing fit me right, I didn’t want to dress sexy any more. Sweats and jeans were common attire. Now that I’m not with him anymore and with my Master he has lifted my body image immensely. He cultured my love of sexy clothing, reminding me that when I wear make-up and do my hair I feel sexier. This has resulted in a new pride in my body size and I’m less uncomfortable going out with him beside me.

How important is sexuality to your life?
Sexuality is very important in my life. I feel the most free when I can express my sexuality openly.

How has your relation with and attitude toward your sexuality changed over time?
I grew up thinking that sex was something you only did with your spouse and it was very hush hush. I thought that the woman didn’t have to enjoy it every time and that as long as the man was happy, the sex was fine.

When my husband and I separated I was exploring sexual freedom. I tried to sleep with anyone who wanted me. It wasn’t a proud moment in my personal history but I learned a lot about myself during that time.

I’m far from that thought now. I love sex and love expressing my beauty to my owner. I’m a flirt and a tease and tend to engage in these tactics at the most frustrating times! He encourages my sexual identity and I thrive in knowing that I’m a sexy woman to him and can light his fire with just a look.

How comfortable are you with expressing yourself and your body sexually?
I’m pretty comfortable expressing myself, although I seem to lock up when put on the spot and asked to ‘show how bad I need it.’ It took me several months to be comfortable masturbating in front of my partner and it still causes a skipped beat when asked to do that.

How comfortable is society with the idea of viewing your body as sexual?
Society really isn’t comfortable with people my size having sex at all. Someone my size is more a fascination or fetish rather than an acceptable desire. If I dress sexy I tend to get unappreciative looks from people because in their eyes my body should be covered and hidden. Sexuality isn’t accepted in obese people. It’s like we are lepers or something.

Through answering these questions and/or thinking about your relation to your body and your sexuality, have you noticed any links or similarities between the two? If so, what?
The bigger my body has gotten, the higher sexuality plays a part in my happiness and fulfillment. Of course that could be attributed to my partner’s adoring gaze too.

If you would like to answer these questions you can find more information here.

Page 36 of 66

Previous

Next

Powered by WordPress & Theme by Anders Norén