Purveyor of Pleasure

Pleasure is my business, my life, my joy, my purpose.

Category: Introspection Page 21 of 25

In 2009…

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On January 4, 2009

In Introspection

Like many others, I’m not a big fan of resolutions. Instead I prefer to set goals that may actually be attainable, or ones that aren’t just to see if I can do them. So…

In 2009 I want to:

Move to Seattle! – We’re 99.9% sure it will happen the weekend of the 16th of January, probably heading out of here the morning of the 17th.

Comment more. – There are so many wonderful blogs out there that I read, and many more that I’m sure I don’t, and I don’t comment most of the time, even sometimes if I feel like it. I know I love it when I get comments, so I want to spread the love around! I just need to start doing it.

Write more smut. – Something I keep telling myself I’m going to do, but end up failing at it. I’m not very secure in my smut-writing abilities, and to get better at it I really need to write more of it. Plus, you all seem to like it when I do.

Get a job (that I enjoy). – Somewhat self-explanatory. I’ve been out of work for five months now, and while it’s been kind of enjoyable (but also stressful to not have a job) I need to get one, and I think it’ll be easier to get one in Seattle. Looking at sex shops there but unsure if they’re hiring, also just about anywhere, there are lots more opportunities there.

Get healthier. – I was doing really well with going to the gym for a while there in 2008 after coming back from Juneau, but I’ve lapsed a bit on it. The apartment we’re (probably) moving in to has both a gym and a pool in the complex, so I’ll have no excuses not to work out. I’m not as focused on weight-loss as I am general health and wellbeing, feeling better and moving better, but I’m also not opposed to losing weight should that also occur.

Take more photographs. – My 365 portraits project will help with that, though I really want to take photos of others as well. I really enjoy portraits and pin-up type photos of others and want to do more of that in this year.

Figure out grad school. – Meaning, figure out what I want to get in Seattle before going to IASHS in San Fran. We’ll end up being in Seattle for a few years before going down there, and I think I want to get a Masters from UW but I’m not sure in what. Possibly creative writing. Maybe something else.

Do something sexual I’ve never done before. – Multiple partners, perhaps. Or a number of other things. Sex in public, maybe. I’m not sure. Something sexy that I haven’t done. I should make a list of things I haven’t done that I want to do too.

Get my drivers license. – I know, it’s crazy. I don’t have a license to drive and I never have. It’s just never happened, and although I’ve needed one it’s never been the right time. Plus, if I got one in Oregon or Utah it would disqualify me for the PFD from Alaska, so I never got one in the last four plus years living outside of Alaska because of that. I will get one in Washington.

Continue to learn and grow. – I think it’s nearly impossible not to do this one, really, but it’s something I want to highlight every year.

resohealthysec

365 Self-Portraits Challenge

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On January 3, 2009

In Introspection

002

This year I’m planning on doing a 365 self-portraits challenge. I set up a sub-domain on Deviant Decadence for it, and will be posting self-portraits of me on there every day from 1 January 2009 to 31 December 2009. That’s the goal anyway.

I’m already running a little behind, but I’m sneaky and am okay with posting two pictures today for the past two days and just pretending like they were there the whole time. That’s cheating a little, I know, but I don’t really care.

This also means I’ll probably be participating every week in HNT’s since I’ll be taking pictures of me anyway.

Why am I wanting to do this?

Well, partially because I want to get in the mode of taking photos every day. Also, I was looking for photos of myself over the last couple years, and aside from my HNT pics and face shots I took for this site specifically or when my hair changed I really didn’t have that many photos of myself.

I don’t usually like pictures of myself, so this is a way for me to get out of that (maybe) and start looking at myself. It’s a way for me to get more comfortable with images of my face and my body, though I love it sometimes I still have a difficult time much of the time with loving and accepting my body, and viewing it every day may help with that.

I also really want to get better at photography in general, and I think that over the year of taking photos of myself I’ll be able to work with and understand both my camera and photography in general better. I’ll get used to viewing the world through the lens and learn what’s right for me. I now have a tripod and a remote for my camera as well (got both for xmas) and so I should be able to do some awesome things. Once we move I’m hoping to get some lighting as well.

If you want to take a look and follow the 365 days of me go to 365 Scarlet Portraits

In the Year 2008

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On January 1, 2009

In Introspection

2008someecards

Yes, yes, a yearly review post is a little cliche, but it’s also nice for me to think about what has happened over the past year, and maybe nice for you to read about it and recall some of the things that made up my year. Some things feel like they were years ago, when they were really just a few months. It’s funny how perception of time is such a fluctuating thing.

In 2008…

I’m sure there was more that happened in 2008, those are just the highlights, but it was a good year. I may add more later if I think of other things.

2009 is going to be a great one as well. T-two weeks until we move to Seattle!

New Year's Eve HNT

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On December 31, 2008

In Identity: Submissive, Introspection

For the HNT this week we’re supposed to choose our favorite HNT from the year. I’ve done 18 since I started participating in Half-Nekkid Thursdays back at the end of July. I can’t just decide on one, so I’m going to show a few that I particularly loved.

Scarlet Seductions

My first HNT that I think captures a lot about me within it. Original post here.

Baby Dyke

A picture of me from way back in 2002. Short hair, corset, my trademark leopard print coat. Kind of a wonderful way of looking back at my past for me, and one of my favorite photographs of me as well. Original post here.

Bare

A little sexy, a little exposed, a little femme. What else is there to say? Original post here.

Fabulous
HNT Fabulous Fishnets   HNT Fabulous Leopard Coat
Other somewhat “quintessential me” pictures. This is kind of how I see me: fishnets, scarlet corset, leopard print coat. All me. Original post here.

Happy Christmas!

By

On December 25, 2008

In Introspection

Like many families, my family doesn’t celebrate Christmas from a Christian standpoint, mostly from a cultural standpoint. None of us are really Christian, per se. Christmas music is huge in our house, however, mostly because of my mother, the rest of us like it for the most part (possibly because it’s one of those family things since mom plays it all the time around Christmas time) but we don’t do as much listening as she does.

Since Christmas music is so big in my family I thought I would share with you my favorite Christmas song. It’s not terribly well-known (read: not overplayed). I usually listen to The Carpenters version of it, but I found the Frank Sinatra version of it on YouTube and thought I’d share that.

It is The Christmas Waltz.

Happy Christmas to all you who celebrate it, religiously or culturally. Happy Hanukkah, Happy Solstice (a few days ago), Happy Holidays to all, and may New Years bring you all the happiness and gifts that you desire.

Waiting

By

On December 18, 2008

In Introspection

waiting

I’ve been feeling off lately, disconnected, reserved. The majority of my thoughts are focused on Seattle, I feel like I’m forever waiting for something to happen, and not able to make something happen on it’s own.

I didn’t realize how difficult it is to move somewhere once you settle in with another person. Moving here was easy for me, I made up my mind and left a few weeks later. Bing, bang, boom. Easy. Uprooting the lives of two people at the same time and moving them somewhere new is more difficult.

More than that, since I know we’re leaving I’m reluctant to do anything or get involved in anything or with anyone here. It makes me not want to do anything or go anywhere, and having toys to review and posts to write and a house to clean makes it easier for me to not leave the house. I go very few places, and I do very few things. Sometimes I am contented with that, and sometimes I feel I should do more.

It’s easy for me to get caught up in one of my many many projects and websites online. I don’t mind it, and I get exercise at home, yoga mostly. I have things to keep me busy, but I’m missing something.

I’m waiting to have a life until we move, and it’s difficult. It’s easy on those days and weeks that I don’t feel like talking to people, on those days I crawl into myself and try to make believe the rest of the world doesn’t exist. On the days I actually want to be around people, though, it’s hard to be waiting.

I have all these plans once we move to Seattle. There are places and groups I want to get involved with, stores and jobs to check out, new people and people to get to know better. I have these plans, but I have to wait until the time is right, until we have the money and the ability to move. We’re both ready and bursting with the desire to get out of this city, but still we wait.

Every time I think “I hate waiting” my mind launches into this, the automatic exchange that comes with those three words together, below:

Indigo: I hate waiting… could I give you my word as a Spaniard?

Wesley: No good, I’ve known too many Spaniards.

I: Isn’t there any way you’ll trust me?

W: Nothing comes to mind.

Bettie Page, 22 April 1923-11 December 2008

By

On December 12, 2008

In Introspection, Sex Blogging

Bettie Page: Queen of Hearts

“With deep personal sadness I must announce that my dear friend and client Bettie Page passed away at 6:41pm PST this evening in a Los Angeles hospital. She died peacefully but had never regained consciousness after suffering a heart attack nine days ago.

“She captured the imagination of a generation of men and women with her free spirit and unabashed sensuality. She is the embodiment of beauty.”

Statement by Mark Roesler, business agent for Bettie Page from BettiePage.Com

What is it about Bettie Page that has captured so many? I’m not sure when my affinity with her began, only that it was some time in high school. I can’t pinpoint the first place I saw her or how I heard of her, I’m honestly not sure, but once I did I was hooked. There’s something about that sultry innocence, the light mischievousness, it just rubbed me the right way. Me and everyone else.

I own multiple tshirts with her on it (or renditions of her by Olivia), multiple posters, a few books, and dozens of pictures saved on my computer. I have been drawn to her for years. I even have a tattoo of her on my right thigh that I got three and a half years ago. I remember going to see The Notorious Bettie Page the next year with my then roommate and in some ways being annoyed that my cult-hit of a pin-up crush was now shared with everyone. I used to have people ask me “Who’s that?” when I would wear one of my many Bettie Page shirts, now I get “Have you seen the movie?”

Now, my own elitist ideals aside, what is it that has attracted us to her for so long? She definitely portrays something that others since her have not had, but what is that? I honestly can’t describe why I am so intrigued and attracted by and to her.

As the model who many have argued raised cheesecake to an art, Page combined exuberant, wide-eyed innocence with confident, sometimes aggressive sexuality. VANITY FAIR praised the playfully seductive Page as “our Uber-pin-up.” The NEW YORK TIMES has declared that today “her star shines more brightly than it did in her brief heyday from 1950 to 1957.” PLAYBOY immortalized Page as one of its inaugural centerfolds and recently named her “the model of the century, yet she remains one of its best kept secrets.” In a recent TVGuide.com poll, Bettie Page was voted the “ultimate sex goddess,” outscoring others such as Marilyn Monroe. BettiePage.Com [Emphasis mine].

Going back to my post on Mae West and Marlene Dietrich the first part of the quote had to do with Marilyn Monroe’s non-threatening sexuality, unlike the other two. I believe Page offered us a glimpse of a mixture of threatening and non-threatening sexual ideas, which appeals immensely to our sexually schizophrenic madonna/whore-addicted culture.

As above, she was a combination of “exuberant, wide-eyed innocence with confident, sometimes aggressive sexuality.” Essentially portraying the perfect madonna/whore. Someone sweet and innocent enough to bring home to mama, yet aggressive, confident, kinky, and sexually charged enough to want to keep in your bed. The epitome of US American sexual desires.

It’s amazing that someone who was modeling for such a short amount of time could have such a long-lasting effect on the world. She will be missed.

Fabulous (HNT)

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On December 4, 2008

In Introspection

I was feeling fabulous and decided to put on my red leather corset, fishnets, and red and leopard print shoes. I did a few classic pinup poses but photos from my perspective.

HNT Fabulous Fishnets

I thought my legs looked pretty wonderful, but my boobs looked pretty awesome as well, so I had to get a nice shot of that. Similar perspective, but different focus…

HNT Fabulous Boobs

I took a few shots with my leopard print coat, to match the shoes. I’ve had this coat for about nine years, and I still love it! It’s had it’s share of repairs, but is still as fabulous as ever.

HNT Fabulous Leopard Coat

And a little back view…

HNT Fabulous Leopard Coat Back View

My fabulous drag queen self couldn’t resist showing off today, as my flame is burning bright. I’ve been thinking a lot about my genders lately, and my affinity with Mae West, and if you haven’t read my post on The Femme’s Guide please do! I’m feeling really happy with my body, happier than I have in a while, and I think it shows.

Examination of Two Queered Genders

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On December 4, 2008

In Gender Galaxy, Introspection

Here’s a snippit of my latest post on The Femme’s Guide, though you’ll have to go there to finish it.

Much by accident I just came across this quote:

Marilyn was revered as a tigress, but she was loved (and pitied) as a kitten. In that sense her sexuality did not present a challenge; vulnerability made her manageable–it guaranteed her femininity.

The threat of other lustful man-killers is diminished by intimations of their androgyny. Mae West looked all girl but her style was decidedly butch. “It’s [men’s] game,” she says with trademark smarminess of her multiple, casual seductions in She Done Him Wrong. “I happen to be smart enough to play it their way.” Marlene Dietrich in tux and top hat is also both hyperfeminine and faux homme, a man in drag in drag. –My Enemy, My Love By Judith Levine p. 92

It goes on to talk about the book’s real point in bringing this up: the antipode to the Seducer or femme fatale, The Slave. But, that’s not really what intrigued me about it. I especially love this line: Mae West looked all girl but her style was decidedly butch. It is an angle I hadn’t really contemplated before, but basically Mae West as femme. It’s pretty damn obvious now that I’m thinking about it, but it just wasn’t a connection I’d made before. Though she wasn’t queer in the sense of sleeping with women, but she did have an affinity toward gay men and wrote The Drag.

The two ways used to describe Mae West and Marlene Dietrich are both incredibly queer, while Marilyn Monroe is more of an archetype for traditional femininity. Mae West was femme in look, butch in action, or simply a description of a type of queer femininity, or simply femmeininity. Marlene Dietrich was a man in drag in drag, a queer masculinity on a female body so that it is not the same as masculine because it is also overtly feminine.

Read the rest! It’s fabulous, so go.

XXXmas Wishlist

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On December 3, 2008

In Introspection

Since it’s getting to be that time of year (it’s December already?! How did that happen?) I thought I would share a few naughty things on my xxxmas wishlist. I’m not expecting to get all of these this holiday season, probably only one if any, but a femme can dream, can’t she?

Advanced Play Piercing Kit from Play Piercing Kits.Com which includes pretty much anything you could want for play piercing, as well as a case to carry it all in. I’ve been drooling over this since I found it, and I want to make it mine!

Advanced Play Piercing Kit from PlayPiercingKits.com

The Midori Value Kit in crimson and The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage by Midori from Twisted Monk, to better try out the ties from Two Knotty Boys Showing You the Ropes as well as Midori’s own book.

The Deluxe Toy Bag from Protocol Leather which includes: 2 paired Two Tone Suede Floggers, 1 Protocol Flogger, 1 set of Ankle Cuffs, 1 set of Wrist Cuffs, 1 Collar, 1 Dragon’s Tongue, 1 Snake’s Tongue, 1 Protocol Agony Cane, 1 Stinger, 1 Protocol Strap, and 1 Lexan Cane. I just know that Onyx and I would have lots of fun with all these delicious implements.

I also desperately desire a Violet Wand Kit, though they are way out of our current price range (though so is the protocol leather kit, but I can still want them! I have seen electrical play done, but not yet experienced it for myself, but I want to rather badly, and I know Onyx feels similarly.

There are, of course, non-sex fetishes that I also love to partake in, namely my shoe and boot fetishes. I figured I should add a few of those in as well.

Corset Magic Boots from Pennangalan. I have wanted these boots for just about this side of forever (or about three years) and just have never been able to afford them, since they are expensive as it is and also from the UK. They are gorgeous, though.

I was going to include a pair of cute Fluevog shoes, but the site doesn’t want to load. May edit in later!

[EDIT]

There are so many Fluevog shoes I’ve been drooling over, and boots too, including these boots and these boots, but I already showed you a picture of boots I want, so I’ll show you some Fluevog shoes. Since I’m chronically unable to make up my mind or choose just one when it comes to things I like, I’ll show you three! Though I can’t decide if I want the first ones in black or red… maybe both!


[/EDIT]

So, that’s my expensive naughty wants this holiday season. What do you want?

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