Tag: sexualities Page 2 of 8

This Is Gender

On June 1, 2010

I just discovered Kit Yan and Good Asian Drivers today. You may or may not have heard of them or seen them before, but in case you haven’t I have two videos for you. The first is Kit alone doing his awesome piece titled “Third Gender,” the second is Kit and Melissa Li in a piece titled “Queer Nation.” They are both extremely powerful, and I’ll let them speak for themselves.

there may be as many as a million genders, identities, and sexualities,
just floating around, searching for the right person,
to snatch them up,
put them on, and proudly parade around in their new skin,
unrestricted by layers and identity, and
limitations of culture, society, and social construction.
this new gender is a function of inner desire, and
genuine understanding of self to be lived…

Hey, I thought that our people were past this
That everyone was a feminist non-conformist boundry-pushing progressive
and enlightened spiritual being but I’m wrong
to think that queer people were born with an inherent knowledge
that push past the nurture of America
but the truth is that we screw up too
see we still haven’t found our groove on the outskirts of society
we’re still using old blueprints with bad foundations

And for a little more humor…

Call for Submissions: Spirit of Desire

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On May 25, 2010

In Power Play, Sex Blogging

From Lee Harrington’s LJ, he’s compiling an awesome anthology about sacred kink!

Spirit of Desire: Personal Journeys in Sacred Kink

In 2009, Lee Harrington’s “Sacred Kink: The Eightfold Paths of BDSM and Beyond” opened up the dialogue around altered states of consciousness, sexuality with intent, sex magic, and BDSM and its intersections with faith to an audience hungry for information. Now, it’s time to tell your stories.

Have you experienced catharsis, ordeals, transformation or a rite of passage in your erotic edge experiences? Do your perceive your consensual slavery as an ascetic path, find depth in your fear play, or dance in delight at the end of a lash? Do your fetish objects hold actual power? Does your connection to the divine manifest through your kink, engaging you through possession in or through scenes or as a sacred consort? Perhaps you have a different tale to tell?

Authors are invited to write 2-10 pages (approximately 1000-5500 words) about their own personal experiences with Sacred Kink. Anthology contributions need to be about a specific encounter or theme/concept within the life of the author, not on Sacred Kink in general. Fiction is not appropriate. Poetry will be considered on a case by case basis.

Who Should Contribute:

We are looking for a variety of contributions- Tops and Bottoms, Masters/Mistresses and Slaves, Fetishists, Voyeurs, Swingers, Male, Female, Genderqueer, Straight, Queer, Monogamous, Polyamorous, Monotheist, Pantheist, Atheist, God-Owned… and everyone else. English-language contributions preferred, but multi-lingual entries accepted on a case by case basis.

How To Contribute:

Send a one-paragraph summary of the concept of what you want to write about to Lee@PassionAndSoul.com with the subject line “Spirit of Desire Anthology” before August 1st, 2010. Also include up to one paragraph about yourself as the author.

Why the summaries first? A book of only one type of entries would not show the diversity of Sacred Kink encounters and experiences taking place in our community and behind closed doors.

Once summaries have been accepted, authors will have until September 7th to get their rough draft in. New authors will be worked with throughout the process to help share their unique story with the world.

Are you ready to tell your tale of Sacred Kink? Drop us a line.

Compensation:

Authors will have their biographies listed in the book, have wholesale rights to the project, and receive 1 finished copy of the book upon completion.

Doublethink Over Dissonance

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On April 17, 2010

In a Love: Onyx, Discourse, Gender Galaxy, Identity: Queer Intellisexual, Identity: Submissive, Identity: Top, Introspection

Onyx and I have settled in to a remarkably comfortable D/s dynamic. We have talked extensively about it, but the difference this time is that it just clicks, for lack of a better term. All the background issues that were making so much noise the last time we were trying these power roles have been resolved, thanks in large part to the many things we learned through the trial of the triad. I find myself enjoying to do things for him, and he is now more able to push and guide me than he was before. It is, in a word, wonderful.

I have noticed that I am hesitant to share this power dynamic with others, even on here to an extent. I believe this is in part due to it still, in some ways, being so new and foreign but mostly it is because it is still private and vulnerable. Despite the abundance with which I share my private feelings and thoughts on this blog (less so now than I have before, but I’m working on writing more when I don’t have writer’s block) I have an extremely difficult time sharing personal things with others, especially in person and especially those I don’t know very well. Hell, I even have trouble expressing things to Onyx sometimes which I would have no issue writing to him.

The last couple of weekends while going out with amazing people I’ve noticed myself being slightly more comfortable but still not all that comfortable with expressing my submissiveness, and that was with fellow kinky perverted people who have read my blog including stories of me being slapped and dominated and fucked. I don’t mean showing my submissvieness to them, but just talking about it.

I see others so secure in their submission and happy to proclaim to the world that they are submissive and I find myself having trouble with that. Perhaps it is because I am a switch. I can’t fully embrace my role as submissive because, although I feel submissive to Onyx, I do not feel wholly like a submissive. I cannot throw myself into submission with complete abandon because I am also a Top. Or, that is the roadblock I come to in my mind.

Although I don’t consciously think this is true, there is a part of me that thinks embracing submission fully would mean giving up the parts of myself that are not submissive. Call it internalized binary programming that says I have to be one or the other but never both. The way some people say someone can’t feel Dominant and submissive at the same time, but I highly disagree, I say I am always both and it is the people I am with and situations I am in that bring each out in me.

However, I don’t have any hesitations about expressing my dominant side. I think in part this is because it is less vulnerable, less private, in a way. I am more comfortable with it, but also because it seems to be less normative. It’s more “okay” to express because it somehow shakes up the expectations.

I feel the same way with sexuality and gender, I’m far more comfortable expressing my desires when they have to do with cis-females or trans-people than when they have to do with cis-males. Essentially, I’m far more comfortable expressing my queer sexuality than what would be seen as a hetero-sexuality, as if expressing desire for cis-males somehow makes me less queer. Of course, in some minds it does. In some minds it would completely invalidate any other expression of queerness.

Similarly with gender I have been desiring lately to express my masculine side, the personae (yes, plural) I designate as Quyn or Sebastian sometimes. I used to dress more masculine and drifted to the feminine and now I’m working on finding the way to be both or neither, to dress as I please. While I’m more comfortable expressing my femme drag queen gender identity I think because that, in some ways, is the one that is less normative, despite being assigned female at birth, but that’s a whole other post.

Perhaps in the same vein expressing submissive desires could somehow invalidate any expression of dominance. I’m not saying this is the case, but I do think that Aristotelian logic is so ingrained in our culture that it is difficult to work against. If we express ourselves as being on one side of a cultural binary we are not only saying what we are but we are saying what we are not. By this logic when I say I am submissive I’m also saying I’m not dominant. It works for everything, really: power, sexuality, gender, etc. All the identities I hold middle ground on, certainly, and others as well.

I’ve talked about this many times before, I know, and read about the phenomenon. It’s not new, but it is significant. The point I’m trying to make here, though, is that I’m more comfortable expressing one aspect but not another on these supposed binaries (and I should point out that I do not see power dynamics or sexualities as part of a binary system, but they are largely seen culturally to be so which makes operating outside of them difficult and that is why I am referring to them as binaries), and my comfortability seems to be backwards. I am comfortable expressing the non-normative desires, those outside what is culturally expected, when it’s usually (or so I think) the opposite.

I want to be just as comfortable expressing and embracing all of my identities, and the first step just like with anything is acknowledgement. I have internalized binary and aristotelian logic programming. I have internalized power dynamic programming. I can actively work on acknowledging this programming and work to move beyond it, and that’s what I’m trying to do. Instead of thinking of these socially contrary ideas in terms of conflict and feeling dissonance over them I want to get to a point of doublethink, where I am comfortable with embracing these identities that seem to be contradictory and am, further, comfortable in my own skin. That’s what it’s all about in the end, anyway.

Over the Weekend

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On March 29, 2010

In a Couple: Terra & Storax, a Love: Onyx, Identity: Queer Intellisexual, Introspection, Polyamory, Smut

This weekend was, in a word, amazing. Lots of sex, new friends, Tristan Taormino, and our first foursome. Though not in that order.

Wait, though, I need to back up a bit.

While I was in Juneau Onyx met Terra and her husband Storax. Onyx and Terra were attracted to each other and began talking, flirting, getting to know each other, and playing with the idea of more. I was hesitant to endorse this potential new relationship as the triad was so fresh a wound but I was also determined not to hinder Onyx if that was what he wanted to do. After some talk and a lot of overanalization that I do so well and acceptance that this was my own shit that didn’t need to hinder Onyx from exploring this new attraction, I became more and more okay with it.

When he told me they had done things together I reacted in a way I didn’t expect. I expected to have a pang of jealousy, insecurity, envy, anything, but instead I didn’t feel anything like that. I can’t say I was completely to compersion as I can’t say I experienced joy because of it happening, but I didn’t feel negatively about it, which actually confused me. I had felt negatively previously when he first brought the possibility up so I expected to feel that again, but it simply wasn’t there. It was strange, honestly, but really nice.

On Friday Terra came over for a few hours and we pretty much hit it off. We three talked, I showed her my sex toy collection, we all flirted and, eventually, kissed. She left with a play date scheduled for Sunday when she and Storax would come over and we could see if things progressed further between her and I, or basically just see what would happen.

That night Onyx and I were up late. I’m still sore, actually. We talked about the possibilities that Sunday might bring which just added to the usual high level of lust that has become the norm between us again.

Saturday was spent recovering, mostly. We cuddled and kissed while we watched shows, ate, enjoyed each other’s company, and fucked. We’ve both become quite into him slapping me in the face or tits and pinching and twisting my nipples hard.

Sunday we got up early to finish some things we had not gotten to the night before. I had been wanting to do a batch of dishwasher dildos for a while, by which I mean sterilizing my sterilizeable toys by running them through the dishwasher on the top rack with no soap, and so I did while we did some general cleaning up, showered, got ready, and so forth.

They brought coffee and we all sat around talking for a while, further getting to know each other. We put on some porn, Storax and I were scratching Terra’s back which progressed into some groping and kissing before determining it would be best to move into the bedroom. Once there we all began gentle exploration and a good four hours or so was spent in such blissful fun that I only remember it in fragments, snapshots.

The three of us using various implements to smack Terra’s ass. Terra and Storax remarking about my cunt piercings. Onyx’s fingers on my nipples, Terra’s tongue on my clit, Storax sucking my toes (which I never thought I would enjoy, but I did). Terra coming around my fingers as my tongue flicked against her clit, Onyx’s cock in her mouth, Storax’s fingers in my ass. Terra sucking Onyx’s cock as I licked his balls. Onyx helping me suck Storax’s cock. Using an enema syringe for the first time. Onyx coming as he stroked himself, Terra licked his balls and fingering his ass, Storax’s cock in my ass (that happened a lot). Storax coming in Terra’s mouth as Onyx and I watched and I softly sucked Onyx’s spent cock.

Lots of kissing. Lots of anal for everyone. Lots of grinning. Lots of groping. Lots of check-ins, both verbal and non-verbal between pretty much everyone, everyone making sure everyone else was having fun and enjoying themselves. Lots of breaks for whatever we needed, but the ease of sliding back into play when those needs were satiated.

It was beyond wonderful. It was so different from our threesome experience, it was all about fun, play, and making sure everyone was having a good time without obsessing about it. There was no jealousy or negative feelings, things were taken slow in some areas, especially where Storax and I were concerned, and he was extremely good about asking me if I was alright with him doing something before he did it, especially since we had not talked about it at all before things happened.

I was a little reserved, apprehensive, unsure of how much to assert myself, unsure of what I should or should not do at times, but also wanting to just sit back and see what the others wanted to do. I was happy to relax and let things progress as they all wanted, especially knowing that this is likely to happen again.

As evening rolled around we all rinsed off, dressed, and Onyx and I got ready to go to Tristan Taormino’s workshop on “Making Open Relationships Work,” which seemed like a fitting end to a lovely day. Although we lamented having to stop the fun we were all having, but were reminded that Terra and Storax live here, unlike Tristan, and they both had no qualms with emphatically assuring us this would be able to happen again.

After the workshop (for that itself is a separate post) we came home, relaxed, and went to bed exhausted. Fortunately the excitement of the weekend was enough to encourage another hot and intense rough fucking session complete with multiple orgasms for me. The weekend ended in cuddles while Onyx drifted off to sleep.

Microfantasy Monday – Role Reversal

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On December 14, 2009

In Smut

On a happier note, here’s a MFM! Not as much a “reversal” as “exploration” but I think it falls under the general category, and it’s what I wanted to write, so there you go.

The idea behind Microfantasy Mondays comes from Ang of Sweltering Celt.

This week’s theme: role reversal.

Though we have talked about genderfuckery this is the first time I’ve expressed the more vulnerable side of me, the one I’m still working on figuring out my own self. I went all out with this one, which seemed like a good idea at first but as I waited at her door I couldn’t help but wondering if she would laugh at me. She didn’t.

The minute she saw me I could see the recognition in her gaze as she looked me over, supporting my gendered choices with a sweep of her gaze and a bite of her lower lip. I saw her take in my black slacks and crisp white shirt over a chest flatter than she had ever seen on me, and the fedora that covered the top of my bright red hair.

My still slightly nervous smile became more of a cocky grin when I saw the recognition quickly overcome by lust and I made my way into her apartment. I quickly pushed her against the wall and tangled my fingers into the soft auburn hair on either side of her head, taking her lips with my own and asserting myself against her. I could smell her, spicy with a hint of vanilla. I was already intoxicated by her and aching for more.

I pressed my pelvis against her so she could feel my cock, an unfamiliar bulge against her thigh. Knowing it was there made me want her lips around it. The silicone was feeling more like my flesh every moment as my excitement mounted. My lips moved to her neck my hand slipped under her skirt to find her cunt, no panties just as I had instructed. She mumbled something about having dinner all ready for us, but I had a different hunger to sate first.

Desire for One

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On August 21, 2009

In a Love: Marla, a Love: Onyx, Introspection, Polyamory

I have abandonment issues. Though, really, doesn’t everyone to one extent or another? I think this is one of the biggest issues with poly for me, specifically moving from a V type relationship to a triad, I’m worried that my partners will find something they like in each other better than they like in me and cast me aside. I think this is a pretty common fear, and why a lot of triads don’t work out so well, though there are a lot of other factors as well of course, but this is a big one.

I know this is a fear both my partners have as well. For Onyx I’ve always maintained the fact that I’m more attracted and connect more with women than I do with men and so when Marla came in to the picture he was worried that this was just a way for me to leave him. When she moved here and things didn’t work out the way we all thought they would (and, sidenote, if you haven’t read his post on the subject I highly suggest doing so. I’ll be here when you get back, promise. No, really, go. I’ll wait. … Okay. Anyway.) that was triggered in him even more, because his relationship with me suffered greatly from that as well.

From things Marla has said to me I know she worries about this as well, especially being the one coming into the existing relationship she’s mentioned worrying that we will decide she’s not worth it, or that we don’t want her, or that she’s too much work and Onyx and I would rather be alone. I don’t and never have forseen any of these things happening, but that doesn’t mean the fear and insecurity isn’t there.

The thing I’ve come to, however, after these six or so weeks since Marla moved in with us, is that while there are ups and downs in the frequency of having sex being intimate with one of my partners just makes me want to be intimate with the other, it fills me with desire rather than taking away from the desire I have for the other. Call it greedyness, perhaps, or indecisiveness, or maybe just the way my poly brain works, but it’s true.

Despite having been with Onyx for much longer the two of them are linked in my head, and even though we three haven’t had sex together in a while that idea is still in my head as well, of course, and I look forward to the day we are all able to do that again. I even look forward to the day that they desire to be sexual with each other with or without me, knowing that my partners are happy together is going to be amazing. I’m sure I will still feel a twinge of uneasyness, but at the very least I’m anticipating my compersion.

I find it immensely interesting that my desire for one is linked with desire for the other. I don’t feel like they are not separate entities that I must divide my love between, but rather each enhances my love for the other, that they compliment each other rather than taking away.

I’m excited to reach this stage, even, and hope they will eventually be able to find the same thing in each other and me.

Let's Talk About Sex

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On August 8, 2009

In a Love: Marla, a Love: Onyx, Identity: Queer Intellisexual, Introspection, Polyamory

Let's have a frank discussion about our favorite sexual positions

When did sex become such a big deal? I mean, don’t get me wrong, my spirituality is heavily tied in with sex and sexuality, and in many ways it is a big deal, but at the same time who cares. Sex is fun and I, personally, like my sex to have laughter and a feeling of casual exploartion and passion. I want it to be free to be what it is, be it led by one person or another taking on a Top role, or just a casual fun exciting time had by all, but it feels like sex has become much more than that.

I want sex to be people having fun and exploring each other’s bodies (exploring regardless of how many other times the people involved have the bumps and nooks and crannys of the others ingrained in to their memory). There should be something new every time, even if the routine or props or positions are similar, because every time is a new time to be intimate and explore. I want sex to be fun.

Lately I feel like sex has so many other connotations. Onyx and Marla aren’t really sexual with each other separately, we three have been sexual together and I have been sexual with each of them, and there are so many implications that sex with one or both of them has to the relationship at large. I know it’s necessary to a point, of course, because sex does have implications and connotations but at the same time I just want sex to be sex.

Onyx and I have been having sex for four years, nearly five if you count cyber and phone sex, and yet in the past few months our sex has changed rather dramatically, though not in a bad way. Our sex and, for that matter, our sexual and relational dynamic has always been fluid and subject to change.

I felt guilty for being able to have sex with him and not being able to have sex with Marla when she was still 3000 miles away, and since she’s been here I’ve wavered back and forth over actually wanting to have sex with Onyx, mostly because of an incident we had after she moved which I haven’t written about. I should clarify, never have I not wanted to have sex with him, but there have been times I’ve been indifferent as my NRE with Marla was coursing strong and I was rather obsessed with her.

Lately, the last week or so, I’ve been feeling the NRE slowly melting into just plain ol’ relationship energy as Marla and I get used to being around each other and living with each other. That’s not to say the passion and desire isn’t still there, but it’s not as much of a driving need as it was, although we do still need and want and crave each other, but in a more realistic way I feel. It’s difficult to explain.

Marla and I have always had great sex, it’s at times incredibly hot and at other times incredibly goofy, and it has been like that since the first time we fucked. We feel free and comfortable with each other and we both seem to know certain buttons to push on the other as well to turn them on quickly.

With the three of us sex has been complicated, for Marla and myself especially I think as we both have more possessive tendencies than Onyx does, and seeing the other with him has frequently been difficult. I haven’t had to deal with Marla and Onyx having sex without me yet, and I’m both terrified and excited for when it actually does happen, as I think it will change a lot of things and enhance their relationship as well as the triad but at the same time I’m worried about how I will react to it. I have not yet mastered the art of compersion as they haven’t interacted enough to give me practice at it.

I think some of the complications could be taken from it if we can get back to thinking of sex as casual and taking away the potential negative connotations to it, though that’s much easier said than done of course and I’m not really sure how to do that. I want to put the fun and the goofy back in sex with all three of us, and to get to a place where we can all be comfortable and happy. I am confident this will be able to happen, right now it’s a question of when.

Butch/Femme (HNT)

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On July 16, 2009

In a Love: Marla, Gender Galaxy, Introspection

This week’s HNT was Marla’s idea. We’ve been doing a lot of gender play since she got here in many different forms, and that combined with my newly cut hair, walking through this park a couple days ago and wanting to take pictures in front of the waterfalls, and the dress she’s wearing (which I was wearing yesterday) all gave her the idea for these shots.

I set up and took the pictures with my tripod and little camera remote (so handy!).

We got a little naughty in the park, it’s rare I’m on the other side of the skirt and I took full advantage of the fact she wasn’t wearing panties. Luckily there weren’t too many people around. You can see a hint of that in a couple of the pictures below.

Click any picture for a larger version of the same.

First a little of me…

One of her…

Then a little of us…

Check out Marla’s HNT for some of the same and some different photos!

Sex 2.0 Conference – I'm Coming!

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On April 14, 2009

In Introspection, Sex Blogging

I’m so very excited! All the stars have aligned to send me to my very first sex-oriented conference Sex 2.0 which is all about “the intersection of social media, feminism, and sexuality.” I had enough mileage for a plane ticket to New York City where I will be staying with one of my sisters (both of whom live there).

Now I’m sure you’re going “wait, the image above says it’s in D.C. not NYC, what’s going on here?” or you’re not, but I’m going to address that question anyway: it was just way easier to get a flight to NYC than one to D.C. plus it means my trip can be longer than just a couple days so that I can hang out in NYC!

I’m flying over on the red-eye May 5th and arrive in NYC Wednesday May 6th around 7am. Then I have time in NYC until Friday at 10:30 when I’m bussing over with the amazing Mollena, the fabulous Essin’ Em and whoever else makes it onto the Friday NYC to D.C. sexbus! It’s going to be a blast!

Then, the conference, I’ll be staying in a hotel room with Domina Doll who I absolutely love and am very excited to be meeting for the first time! I’m meeting pretty much everyone going for the first time since this is my first conference, so I’m super excited. There will be lots of fun to be had on the 9th (Saturday) but also the night before, Saturday night, and Sunday morning. I’ll be tweeting while at the conference, no doubt, and posting about it once I return as well (or maybe on the bus back as it does have wifi), so look forward to that!

Once the conference stuff slows down I’ll be heading back to NYC on Sunday night to stay with my sister again, then I hope to make my way up to see my lovey Kat (also Kat of Kat and glen who Onyx and I went to England with last May) and Carnivalesq who live not too far away from each other. I’m not sure how or exactly when I’m going to do this yet, but I want to. I fly back home to Seattle on Wednesday.

It’ll be the first time that Onyx and I have really been apart since well before we moved, so it will be interesting in that respect as well. I’m going to have a lot to do so I’ll probably be able to stay busy enough to not think about it too much, but I’m sure we’ll miss each other terribly.

Who else is coming at to Sex 2.0? Any of you in NYC and want to meet up for coffee/drinks/whatnot while I’m there?

More About Sex 2.0

From the website:
Sex 2.0 will focus on the intersection of social media, feminism, and sexuality. How is social media enabling people to learn, grow, and connect sexually? How is sexual expression tied to social activism? Does the concept of transparency online offer new opportunities or present new roadblocks — or both? These questions, and many more, will be addressed within a safe, welcoming, sex-positive space.

You can still get a ticket at the discounted rate of $30 until April 16th, then it goes up to $40. They also may have some scholarships available for those poor folks like me.

For more information:
Sex 2.0 website
Google Group

The Sex 2.0 Google Group is where all the discussion and organizing of the event (and the events before and after) is happening.

For a great compilation of links regarding last year’s Sex 2.0 check out this post on Viviane’s Sex Carnival

Visible: A Femmethology – Virtual Tour Day

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On April 7, 2009

In Gender Galaxy, Sexuality

Cross-posted on The Femme’s Guide here.

Femme–an identity that has caused controversy, celebration and ridicule–is now the topic of a two-volume set from Homofactus Press and editor Jennifer Clare Burke titled Visible: A Femmethology. Femmethology calls the LGBTQI community on its own prejudice and celebrates the diversity of individual femmes. Award-winning authors, spoken-word artists, and totally new voices come together to challenge conventional ideas of how disability, class, nationality, race, aesthetics, sexual orientation, gender identity and body type intersect with each contributor’s concrete notion of femmedom. – from femmethology.com

This month of April marks something I’ve been waiting for quite some time: the Femmethology virtual blog tour! Today is lucky enough to be my day, and so I’m sharing some of my feelings and insights related to the Femmethology. Visit Daphne Gottlieb tomorrow for her day, and all the sites at the bottom of the post on their days.

First, a little about the Femmethology:
Visible: A Femmethology

Femmethology is essential—a roadmap of Femme Nation, an index, an anthropology, a manifesto, and a googleology. – Dorothy Allison

Visible: a Femmethology is a two-volume anthology of essays revolving around femme identity.

I’ve been discovering and embracing my multigendered identity lately, but in that multigendered identity there is a solidly femme identity as well, which these books helped me remember.

Not that I had forgotten my femme identity, I just had been focusing more consciously on my fagette identity than my femme because it was new and in a way easier to focus on because it’s more visible (though only slightly). The identities in no way are opposites, they are complimentary, but they are also different. Reading through the Femmethology in a way re-connected me with my femme identity.

The biggest benefit of the Femmethology, in my opinion, is that it helps remind us that we are not alone as femmes. While some of us have many femme friends and a wonderful support system the rest of us do not and we have to navigate the world without much reassurance and reminders that there are so many of us out there feeling the same things. This is one of the reasons I started The Femme’s Guide in the first place, to emphasize that there are many of us out there, and while we’re all different we are also all the same.

I was moved many times throughout the two volumes. There were authors I knew well or moderately well, from various avenues such as Sinclair Sexsmith, Sassafras Lowrey, and Tara Hardy. There were many other authors that I didn’t know anything about, but I was able to get to know something about them through their stories.

Many stories touched me to the core, rocked me, and left me dazed and contemplating my own stories and my own identities.

I feel that Visible: A Femmethology is not just a book or anthology meant to be read, though it certainly is that as well, it’s also a look into each of these femme’s lives and voices, an adventure into different types of femme-ininity and different experiences that all somehow are similar because of this identity we all embrace and inhabit. It shows the vastness of femme while also showing what unites us.

It screamed “you are not alone” to me right when I needed it.

From the Introduction to the anthology: “Femme means I won’t compromise on complexity. … Above all, my femme is not your femme, which is the good news. … Femme means my sexuality, my partner choices, my definitions and my gender presentation might not match your labels.”

You can order Volume 1 and Volume 2 through the fabulous Homofactus Press.

You can also hear Sinclair Sexsmith reading his Love Letter to Femmes!