Tag: photographilia Page 3 of 5

In 2009…

On January 4, 2009

Like many others, I’m not a big fan of resolutions. Instead I prefer to set goals that may actually be attainable, or ones that aren’t just to see if I can do them. So…

In 2009 I want to:

Move to Seattle! – We’re 99.9% sure it will happen the weekend of the 16th of January, probably heading out of here the morning of the 17th.

Comment more. – There are so many wonderful blogs out there that I read, and many more that I’m sure I don’t, and I don’t comment most of the time, even sometimes if I feel like it. I know I love it when I get comments, so I want to spread the love around! I just need to start doing it.

Write more smut. – Something I keep telling myself I’m going to do, but end up failing at it. I’m not very secure in my smut-writing abilities, and to get better at it I really need to write more of it. Plus, you all seem to like it when I do.

Get a job (that I enjoy). – Somewhat self-explanatory. I’ve been out of work for five months now, and while it’s been kind of enjoyable (but also stressful to not have a job) I need to get one, and I think it’ll be easier to get one in Seattle. Looking at sex shops there but unsure if they’re hiring, also just about anywhere, there are lots more opportunities there.

Get healthier. – I was doing really well with going to the gym for a while there in 2008 after coming back from Juneau, but I’ve lapsed a bit on it. The apartment we’re (probably) moving in to has both a gym and a pool in the complex, so I’ll have no excuses not to work out. I’m not as focused on weight-loss as I am general health and wellbeing, feeling better and moving better, but I’m also not opposed to losing weight should that also occur.

Take more photographs. – My 365 portraits project will help with that, though I really want to take photos of others as well. I really enjoy portraits and pin-up type photos of others and want to do more of that in this year.

Figure out grad school. – Meaning, figure out what I want to get in Seattle before going to IASHS in San Fran. We’ll end up being in Seattle for a few years before going down there, and I think I want to get a Masters from UW but I’m not sure in what. Possibly creative writing. Maybe something else.

Do something sexual I’ve never done before. – Multiple partners, perhaps. Or a number of other things. Sex in public, maybe. I’m not sure. Something sexy that I haven’t done. I should make a list of things I haven’t done that I want to do too.

Get my drivers license. – I know, it’s crazy. I don’t have a license to drive and I never have. It’s just never happened, and although I’ve needed one it’s never been the right time. Plus, if I got one in Oregon or Utah it would disqualify me for the PFD from Alaska, so I never got one in the last four plus years living outside of Alaska because of that. I will get one in Washington.

Continue to learn and grow. – I think it’s nearly impossible not to do this one, really, but it’s something I want to highlight every year.

365 Self-Portraits Challenge

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On January 3, 2009

In Introspection

This year I’m planning on doing a 365 self-portraits challenge. I set up a sub-domain on Deviant Decadence for it, and will be posting self-portraits of me on there every day from 1 January 2009 to 31 December 2009. That’s the goal anyway.

I’m already running a little behind, but I’m sneaky and am okay with posting two pictures today for the past two days and just pretending like they were there the whole time. That’s cheating a little, I know, but I don’t really care.

This also means I’ll probably be participating every week in HNT’s since I’ll be taking pictures of me anyway.

Why am I wanting to do this?

Well, partially because I want to get in the mode of taking photos every day. Also, I was looking for photos of myself over the last couple years, and aside from my HNT pics and face shots I took for this site specifically or when my hair changed I really didn’t have that many photos of myself.

I don’t usually like pictures of myself, so this is a way for me to get out of that (maybe) and start looking at myself. It’s a way for me to get more comfortable with images of my face and my body, though I love it sometimes I still have a difficult time much of the time with loving and accepting my body, and viewing it every day may help with that.

I also really want to get better at photography in general, and I think that over the year of taking photos of myself I’ll be able to work with and understand both my camera and photography in general better. I’ll get used to viewing the world through the lens and learn what’s right for me. I now have a tripod and a remote for my camera as well (got both for xmas) and so I should be able to do some awesome things. Once we move I’m hoping to get some lighting as well.

If you want to take a look and follow the 365 days of me go to 365 Scarlet Portraits

New Year's Eve HNT

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On December 31, 2008

In Identity: Submissive, Introspection

For the HNT this week we’re supposed to choose our favorite HNT from the year. I’ve done 18 since I started participating in Half-Nekkid Thursdays back at the end of July. I can’t just decide on one, so I’m going to show a few that I particularly loved.

Scarlet Seductions

My first HNT that I think captures a lot about me within it. Original post here.

Baby Dyke

A picture of me from way back in 2002. Short hair, corset, my trademark leopard print coat. Kind of a wonderful way of looking back at my past for me, and one of my favorite photographs of me as well. Original post here.

Bare

A little sexy, a little exposed, a little femme. What else is there to say? Original post here.

Fabulous

Other somewhat “quintessential me” pictures. This is kind of how I see me: fishnets, scarlet corset, leopard print coat. All me. Original post here.

Bettie Page, 22 April 1923-11 December 2008

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On December 12, 2008

In Introspection, Sex Blogging

“With deep personal sadness I must announce that my dear friend and client Bettie Page passed away at 6:41pm PST this evening in a Los Angeles hospital. She died peacefully but had never regained consciousness after suffering a heart attack nine days ago.

“She captured the imagination of a generation of men and women with her free spirit and unabashed sensuality. She is the embodiment of beauty.”

Statement by Mark Roesler, business agent for Bettie Page from BettiePage.Com

What is it about Bettie Page that has captured so many? I’m not sure when my affinity with her began, only that it was some time in high school. I can’t pinpoint the first place I saw her or how I heard of her, I’m honestly not sure, but once I did I was hooked. There’s something about that sultry innocence, the light mischievousness, it just rubbed me the right way. Me and everyone else.

I own multiple tshirts with her on it (or renditions of her by Olivia), multiple posters, a few books, and dozens of pictures saved on my computer. I have been drawn to her for years. I even have a tattoo of her on my right thigh that I got three and a half years ago. I remember going to see The Notorious Bettie Page the next year with my then roommate and in some ways being annoyed that my cult-hit of a pin-up crush was now shared with everyone. I used to have people ask me “Who’s that?” when I would wear one of my many Bettie Page shirts, now I get “Have you seen the movie?”

Now, my own elitist ideals aside, what is it that has attracted us to her for so long? She definitely portrays something that others since her have not had, but what is that? I honestly can’t describe why I am so intrigued and attracted by and to her.

As the model who many have argued raised cheesecake to an art, Page combined exuberant, wide-eyed innocence with confident, sometimes aggressive sexuality. VANITY FAIR praised the playfully seductive Page as “our Uber-pin-up.” The NEW YORK TIMES has declared that today “her star shines more brightly than it did in her brief heyday from 1950 to 1957.” PLAYBOY immortalized Page as one of its inaugural centerfolds and recently named her “the model of the century, yet she remains one of its best kept secrets.” In a recent TVGuide.com poll, Bettie Page was voted the “ultimate sex goddess,” outscoring others such as Marilyn Monroe. BettiePage.Com [Emphasis mine].

Going back to my post on Mae West and Marlene Dietrich the first part of the quote had to do with Marilyn Monroe’s non-threatening sexuality, unlike the other two. I believe Page offered us a glimpse of a mixture of threatening and non-threatening sexual ideas, which appeals immensely to our sexually schizophrenic madonna/whore-addicted culture.

As above, she was a combination of “exuberant, wide-eyed innocence with confident, sometimes aggressive sexuality.” Essentially portraying the perfect madonna/whore. Someone sweet and innocent enough to bring home to mama, yet aggressive, confident, kinky, and sexually charged enough to want to keep in your bed. The epitome of US American sexual desires.

It’s amazing that someone who was modeling for such a short amount of time could have such a long-lasting effect on the world. She will be missed.

Happy Thanksgiving (HNT)

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On November 28, 2008

In Introspection

I spent the majority of yesterday thinking about today: what I was going to cook, what kind of booze we’d need, and who was going to be here.

Last year it was me, Onyx, our roommate Katrisa, and her mom which was very fun. The year before that it was the same, minus the mom, and our next door neighbors. Before that it was me and my neighbor (and future roommate) Merrilei. Before that I was with my sister and her friends in Seattle. Hopefully next year we’ll be with new friends in Seattle.

This year was just me and Onyx, as the neighbormates headed to Wyoming to celebrate with Kevin’s family. I made some mighty delicious food that we’ve been eating at all day while watching Queer as Folk and The Maltese Falcon. Now it’s just about time for dessert: apple cobbler.

I whipped up some whipping cream for our cobbler and decided to have some fun with it. I thought it might make a perfect HNT post for you all to see…

Click for the larger versions.

Side View Exposition (HNT)

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On November 20, 2008

In Adipose, Introspection

Click for the larger version.

Since I figured you’ve all seen enough of my face lately…

Seriously, though, the reason why I posted this is because I hate my arms. I showed a flash of tit so that there would be something else to look at too, but the main focus is my upper arm and thigh.

I remember the moment I started hating my arms, I don’t remember exactly how old I was only that I was in high school. I was talking with my dad about buying clothes or something about clothes and he told me that he wouldn’t buy me any tank-tops because I shouldn’t show my arms off because they were fat. My dad said that, he whose body type I emulate and who is heavier than me. I just about died.

I still hear his tone when he said that to me, so nonchalant. I’m sure he didn’t mean to cause harm by it specifically, it was just something he felt the need to inform me of, as if I wasn’t already painfully aware of my fat body. He wasn’t trying to be mean, but he did make me overly self-conscious about my fat upper arms.

The more I think about my dad and all the things he’s said to me over the years in passing, all the little remarks, insisting I should sit in the front when five people are in the car because I’m the largest, little things that I’m sure he doesn’t mean to be hurtful but that are. The more I think about his attitude towards size in general I realize that he’s extremely fatphobic, and a lot of fat people are.

I guess it makes sense, and I shouldn’t be surprised by that realization, but I was the first time I had it. Pretty much everyone has some fatphobia in them, I know I still do, although I actively work against it. So here I am working against my fat arm phobia, by letting you all see it in all it’s large glory.

I blame/thank Bevin for helping me with the courage to post this, though it’s still taken me all day to actually do it. Back on my HNT two weeks ago I mentioned “I have a thing about showing my arms, especially my upper arms, I blame my dad for that, so I had to cover them up with something.” She responded to the post that “unearth[ing] your upper arms” is “crucial to fat activism” and I’ve been thinking a lot about that in the last two weeks, especially with my posting of The Adipositivity Project and looking at all the bold beautiful big sexy women who are uncovered there.

I’m still not where I want to be health-wise, and I still have that inner voice telling me to keep myself covered, but I need to get to a better emotional place before I have the motivation to do all that I want to, and this is a step toward that, so enjoy.

This Just In (HNT)

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On November 13, 2008

In Introspection

Click for the larger version.

Here’s this week’s HNT, in just barely under the wire. This would be my “after” image, you can view my HNT of last week as the “before” image. I bought a red “natural” box dye, instead of my usual Blood Red and HI-Octane Orange Special Effects dyes, this natural red dye was named Pomegranate, which I thought was fabulous and fitting as I have a slight obsession with most all things pomegranate.

I expected my hair to turn a medium shade of red, slightly brown but just about 95% red and 15% brown (10% reddish brown, you know, that overlap was purposeful), instead it’s… very brown. There is definitely red in it, of course, but for the most part it’s very brown, much more brown than I expected.

The brown is a shock. It’s very close to my natural color, at least I think it is. I’m not positive as I haven’t had my hair it’s natural color for about nine years. I haven’t really had it any sort of natural color for about nine years. There were brief stints of blonde (for a play) and brown (also for a play), but those lasted no more than three weeks or so before it went back to red, purple, pink, blue, green, black… basically any color but natural. Black is arguably so, which is why I was able to get away with having black hair at my last job.

So why did I dye my hair a “natural” red? I have an interview for Sundance tomorrow. The Sundance Film Festival is held here every year, well, technically it’s held in Park City, Utah not Salt Lake City, Utah, but they have a box office and screenings here. This interview is for a box office monkey position here in SLC (though they don’t call it that). At this point I need a job so badly that I have sacrificed what I have called my closest-to-perfection-as-possible hair color. While one would think Sundance may be cool with unnaturally colored hair, but this is still Utah and I’m just not positive enough to take the chance.

Even though it turned out way more reddish brown than brownish red I actually kind of like it, but I’m still a little in shock over how brown it is, how… natural it is. There’s nothing wrong with it being a natural color, of course, it’s just different. Somehow me having a natural color is strange and almost unnatural because I haven’t had a natural color for a long long time. Though I have a feeling I’m going to have to get a different red to put over it within two weeks or so. I’m not sure this will sit right for long. We’ll see.

The Adipositivity Project

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On November 12, 2008

In Adipose

I only discovered The Adipositivity Project yesterday via Feministing, and I have been looking through the images ever since. They are absolutely gorgeous photographs of real women who are fat and proclaiming it proudly. Women who are sexy AND fat and who are trying to show that is not an oxymoron, even though society at large thinks it is. We sexy fat women know that we can be sexy, though sometimes it can be hard to know that, and sometimes we forget that, but through asserting ourselves as sexy beings we may be able to make others realize it as well. Size positivity is all about recognizing that fat people are people too, we are sexy and gorgeous and fat.

From the Adipositivity Project website:

Adipose: Of or relating to fat.

Positivity: Characterized by or displaying acceptance or affirmation.

MISSION:

The Adipositivity Project aims to promote size acceptance, not by listing the merits of big people, or detailing examples of excellence (these things are easily seen all around us), but rather, through a visual display of fat physicality. The sort that’s normally unseen.

The hope is to widen definitions of physical beauty. Literally.

The photographs here are close details of the fat female form, without the inclusion of faces. One reason for this is to coax observers into imagining they’re looking at the fat women in their own lives, ideally then accepting them as having aesthetic appeal which, for better or worse, often translates into more complete forms of acceptance.

The women you see in these images are educators, executives, mothers, musicians, professionals, performers, artists, activists, clerks, and writers. They are perhaps even the women you’ve clucked at on the subway, rolled your eyes at in the market, or joked about with your friends.

This is what they look like with their clothes off.

Some are showing you their bodies proudly. Others timidly. And some quite reluctantly. But they all share a determination in altering commonly accepted notions of a narrow and specific beauty ideal.

Corseted (HNT)

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On November 6, 2008

In Introspection

Click for the larger version.

I was feeling like a change, thinking of cutting my hair, and although it’s not a major change I did part my hair on the side instead of in the middle (shockingly different, I know), but I also did myself up all pretty with makeup, though the eye detail is hard to see because of the glasses, but I’m okay with that.

I haven’t been able to fit into this corset for two years, and I barely got into it now, but I did get into it (with Onyx’s help), which made me feel very good. I was going for a sort of 50s pin-up type look, but that didn’t come across with the shawl, but I have a thing about showing my arms, especially my upper arms, I blame my dad for that, so I had to cover them up with something. I really like purple, gray, and black together, though, so I think it works.

I have nothing great or profound to say, except simply being happy that I can fit into the corset again (kind of), and I’m hoping that I’ll be able to fit into my cherry blossom underbust corset again soon. We can hope! It’s my favorite. I’ve got lots of posts lined up, I just need to write them. In the meantime, enjoy my other favorite pictures from me in this corset that I love and haven’t worn forever.

Click each image for the larger versions.

Happy Halloween (HNT)

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On October 30, 2008

In Introspection

Click for the larger version.

I’m a little late on my HNT, but here it is! This is me in my Leather Hobble Corset Dress from Alter Ego Erotics, which I absolutely love and am going to wear on Saturday for a play party we’re going to. The skull is simply half of our television decarations in the living room, the other half being the puzzle box from Hellraiser.

Tomorrow night for Halloween itself we are having a horror movie marathon to celebrate. One of the many strange things about Utah is they don’t really do trick or treating, not around here anyway. They do trunk or treating, and they have trick or treating at malls and such, only “safe” locations as to not potentially pick up a razor blade in a piece of candy or something like that, because that’s totally happened.

In other news, if you’ve been reading this blog for a while you may know that Onyx and I have been planning on moving to San Francisco for quite some time. Due to some recent developments, my lack of getting a job and some issues at his work as well, and the possibility of getting my PFD in the next few weeks, we’ve been wondering if all this is the universe’s way of pushing us toward moving sooner rather than later. Well, we’ll see, but for now it looks like Seattle will just be easier in general to move to and easier to get a job in, so that’s where our sights are set.

More interesting and sexy post tomorrow (though the picture’s pretty sexy, just not so much the text).