Tag: bdsm & kink Page 6 of 9

My First Public Play Experience

On August 6, 2008

Master and I went to our second play party this weekend, our first was a couple weeks ago where we didn’t play, we just observed. Despite being into BDSM for many years, we’ve never gotten much into the actual community, and since we didn’t know people very well and we didn’t bring any of our own toys to the first play party we didn’t feel like playing (though, I felt like playing near the end, but we didn’t).

This party, however, we did end up playing. We mingled and chatted for a while, observing others in their scenes, getting introduced to new people and seeing a few friends. I was wearing a black leather corset with spiderweb tights on my arms (basically spiderweb tights with the crotch and feet cut out, which works very well as a pseudo-shirt), a black skirt with D-rings and black bondage straps, black lacy panties, and silver and black cute femme shoes. I looked good, if I do say so myself.

We made the rounds, watched some delicious scenes including some caning, rope bondage, gas mask breath play/asphyxia, pressure point play, and physical force (not all in the same scene, mind you). I got a little antsy watching all the others playing and I asked Master in my coy and subtle fashion (until he made me ask him verbally) if we could play somewhere. We walked around, looking for an empty room, and ended up getting one after a little bit of waiting. I took off my corset and skirt, stripping down to my panties and spiderweb tights, and got up on a long flat massage table with my head facing away from the door.

We pushed the boy-cut panties up a bit so they were more thong-like and he had access to my ass, as I didn’t feel comfortable taking them off. He started with some nice swats to my ass with his hand, getting me warmed up. I was nervous, but it was kinda nice to be nervous and heightened the experience in some ways. I was facing away from the door so I couldn’t see people looking in, and we were somewhat secluded, in a seperate room off of the living room and most people were outside or downstairs, which helped with my nervousness as well Once I was able to focus on what he was doing and not on the fact that we were doing this in public it stopped being an issue.

Once I was sufficiently warmed up with his hand he began flogging me. We used to have a flogger that I liked better than the one we currently have, not that this one is bad mind you, and at that moment I missed the old one. It was much heavier and had a better thud. Despite missing the other, the flogging was long and yummy. He alternated between slow and fast, hard and soft, all as a good flogging should go. By the time he moved on to the next implement I was so far gone and loving every second of it.

The cane was next and, honestly, I love canes when I’m in the mood for them. I think they have a wonderful combination of burning and stinging, plus they leave the most gorgeous marks (look for that tomorrow for my HNT, by the way). I was deep into masochistic pain-space and loving every second of it so even though the cane hurt there was also an amazingly warm and yummy feeling coursing through me. He alternated between the cane, back to the flogger, then to the cane again, and I would occasionally notice someone at the door behind me, but was unable to tell who it was (various people, I’d assume).

At one point, our friend Ashley, who is gorgeous and graciously invited us to come with her (also my newest favorite friend here in SLC), came into the room and observed. She remarked that I have a nicely rounded butt (a bubble-butt I call it) and Master asked if she’d like to get in a smack with the cane, which he was currently using on me. She readily accepted, warned me that she isn’t nice when it comes to inflicting pain, and asked how hard she could hit. I told her I had a pretty high tolerance, so she gave me a nice hard smack, and let me say: it hurt! It wasn’t unbearable, though, and it was actually really nice (and painful). She hit me a few more times before realizing that Master had only asked her if she wanted “one” smack with the cane, not multiple (though, honestly, she probably could have kept going and neither of us would have cared).

She handed the cane back over and either departed or watched for a bit longer and then departed (I’m not sure). Master asked how I was doing, and when I said “wonderful” he informed me that he would continue until I asked him to stop. I was more than fine with that. I found that I really like multiple fast semi-hard swats with the cane, it creates more of a burning sensation than a stingy sensation, and I really like that better. I asked him for that a few times over the session. He switched back to the flogger, and then back to the cane, all the while I was flying high.

I asked him if he would put his hand over my nose and mouth while he spanked me, which is my favorite method of breath play/asphyxiation. I find it extremely intimate as well as much more solidly breath-affecting and slightly less risky than hand-on-throat. We had seen some gas-mask breath play earlier in the evening which was also suitably arousing. He controlled my breath perfectly, I thought, and spanked my ass with his hand and then with the cane while controlling it. As you probably can imagine, I was taken even higher into that pain-space/sub-space/play-space mindset.

After playing with my breath for a good amount of time he stopped and kissed me and told me that we were done. I still wanted more and could have taken more, but I knew that he was right in stopping before I hit my limit. I got off of the now very sweaty table and he cleaned it with alcohol as I fixed my panties and put my skirt back on, choosing to opt out of the corset since it would be a pain to get back into and I was much more comfortable without it, plus the spiderweb mesh makeshift-shirt looked hot by itself.

We headed to the kitchen where I ate a bit of food and had some water, and then headed outside where we were told that our scene was hot by someone I didn’t know had been observing. I realized I didn’t know who all watched and who didn’t, aside from Ashley, which was a little strange, but not bad (and actually kind of hot). For the remainder of the party we chatted with people, wandered around, and observed more, including a fantastic play piercing session with 50+ needles which was amazing. Master and I played with the idea of flogging my back a couple hours after we ended our session, but it didn’t end up feeling right, so we decided against it.

All in all it was a wonderful party, and I really enjoyed meeting new people or meeting people I had seen at other events. I’m finding that I’m more interested in getting involved with the community here the more I get to know people, which makes sense, and I’m really looking forward to getting into it even more.

Semantics Sunday: Domina

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On August 3, 2008

In Discourse, Identity: Top, Power Play

Semantics Sunday is the day for me to write my own definition of a word, how I feel about a word, and how it relates to me personally and my own identities. This could be anything sexual, gender, bdsm, and poly/relationship oriented, or anything else I feel like throwing in. This is simply my definition and understanding of the word, and not meant to be the only definition that is or could be. If you have an alternate definition, if you agree with my interpretation, or if you have something to add which I left out or which needs correcting, feel free to let me know in the comments!

For my first Semantics Sunday I figured I should use a word that is near and dear to my heart. Since I have already given my lengthy definition of cuntpet I decided I should focus on the other of my identities: Domina.

I recently created a new channel on irc.bondage.com, where I am quite frequently, called #Fiery_Dominas. This is the first channel with Domina in the channel name, which is part of the reason why I started it, however it has inspired comments such as “What is dominas? Dommes plural?” which is relatively ridiculous considering for one thing, Dommes is Domme plural, and for another thing Domina is a fantastic and real Latin word, unlike Domme, which is a slang term.

Now, on one hand, I feel there is nothing wrong with slang terms, and think that they should be used and incorporated, and Domme basically incorporates Dom and Femme (as in french for female, not queer femme), which is not horrible in general, and is rather logical. However, now that I have discovered and embraced Domina, Domme sounds silly to me, it is nowhere near as linguistically luscious or regal-sounding as Domina is, and it doesn’t inspire the same awe. I also feel that Domina is a much more feminine term than Domme, which is partly why I’m so partial to it as well.

Basically, Domina comes from the Latin root dom- found in other such words as dominate, domify, domicile, and domestic, as well as domin- such as dominant and dominus. From various sources I find that “dom-” actually relates to a household or realm, and the actual Latin translation of Domina or Dominus (the male counterpart), is “Lady or Lord of the house/realm.” This makes sense, considering dom- relating also to words such as domicile and domestic. The prefix domin- alone (supposedly) indicates regal status, such as Lady/Lord, or Mistress/Master, which is why Domina is the feminine and Dominus is the masculine (the suffix -a being feminine, and the suffix -us being masculine).

This brings us to the question, if we use Dom and not Dominus, why should we use Domina and not Domme? Well, I’m not saying that we shouldn’t ever use Domme, I’m just saying that I don’t want to use Domme, and furthermore, we could use Dominus as well, should a male dominant desire to be called that. I’m not going to condemn others for using the term Domme, but I do not identify with the term and will not be using it for myself or for others unless specifically requested.

The Hermit Peeks Out From Her Shell

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On July 22, 2008

In Power Play

Master and I went to a play party this weekend. It’s the first one either of us had ever actually been to, and hopefully it won’t be the last. Despite having explored BDSM for the last ten years or so I’ve never been anywhere that had an active community that I was a part of.

Juneau, Alaska, where I grew up, has virtually no community, if you look on FetLife there are only three users from there as of now (and one of them signed up last night–I get to greet him today). The next place I lived, Ashland, Oregon, was also a small town. While there is a group in Medford, which is not too far away, I didn’t have a car so it was difficult for me to get involved with that group. I did join the mailing list, but never attended any gatherings.

Master is quite the same way, he’s never been involved with the local community, despite having lived here for nearly nine years. He’s been busy in other communities here and just hasn’t gotten out much in the BDSM community. He’s been exploring BDSM for longer than I have, though has never been part of a community offline. Both of us are rabid online junkies, after all that is how we met, and we have been in online communities for quite some time.

I really enjoyed the play party, although Master and I didn’t end up doing anything during it, but we observed and got to know new people. I really hope that we get to go to another one, and I think we will. I would like to get involved in the community more here. I went to a class of the local group as well a couple weeks ago, and that was… interesting. Honestly it wasn’t the best class to go to, but it wasn’t horrible. I think it could be beneficial to go simply to meet people. Honestly, I wouldn’t mind skipping the classes and just going to play parties.

One of my big problems with living here in Salt Lake is that I have a really hard time clicking with people. Partially, I think, that is because I have a really hard time opening up about myself and being relaxed. It’s difficult for me to open up and talk about things that interest me when I’m not sure who would be offended, etc. Even some of the most liberal people I’ve met here are not people that I could really open up to.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately that what I want to do with my life is teach, but specifically, teach about sex and kink, educate and go to conferences and do all that. It’s hard work, and I know it would be, but it’s what I think I would want to do. I’ve been planning on psychology, but the part of it that fascinates me is sexuality. I want to be the next Carol Queen or Midori or Tristan Taromino or all of them and me.

Tangent aside, back to the play party. I didn’t get to know many people, though I am working on getting better acquainted with those who we came with, and one girl here who I keep bumping into at these things (and we are mutually following on twitter as well). The three of them are people I really want to get to know much better. There were others there, too, who I could see myself getting to know, though I didn’t interact with them as much. Both Master and I were very much observers and listeners, getting the lay of the land, so to speak.

These are the people I was missing! I just hope that these are people who I can start having sexual philosophical discussions with and deep intense conversations. I think they are, I know two are, I think the rest would at least have some interest as well. We shall see how things progress. We still have about six months in this city, maybe more depending on our financial situation, and I really do want to get to know more people and get in with this group.

It’ll be good to expand our social network. And, hey, who knows, maybe we will end up hosting a play party of our own.

Bound to Struggle Vol. 3 Call for Submissions

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On July 14, 2008

In Power Play

Found via Subversive Submissive and thought I’d pass it along. I’m definitely going to add it to the list of things to write a piece for.

Bound to Struggle
Where Kink and Radical Politics Meet
Volume 3: Word Play
Call for Submissions – Deadline September 1, 2008

PURPOSE: To create a ‘zine that brings together the words of a diverse group of practitioners of both kink and radical politics

WORD PLAY: I’m interested in the words we use – when we are playing, when we are negotiating, when we are telling stories. The power/lack of language. The queering of words. The possibilities of words we thought were foreclosed to us. Reclamation, recreation.

YES: personal essays, comics, theoretical works, poetry; serious, funny, sexually explicit, fabulous, unfinished; clearly drawn art due to cheap copy machines

NO: grocery lists of anecdotes, using others’ names without their consent, photos (sorry, I don’t have the equipment necessary to replicate photos)

PLEASE: questions you may not have the answers to, analyses you can’t talk about in class or reading group, thoughts about power and sex that get more complicated the more they are dissected, turning readers on with your brilliance

SEND ALL SUBMISSIONS TO:

simon strikeback
1433 W. Lunt #IN
Chicago, IL 60626
s.strikeback@gmail.com

Recognition of a Switch

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On July 4, 2008

In Identity: Submissive, Identity: Top

I recently changed my role on FetLife to switch. In some ways this is a minor change, I’ve called myself a “cuntpet who Tops on occasion” for quite a while, but these desires are moving from occasional to more frequent.

As Master said when I mentioned that I was thinking about embracing this new identity: now that I have a better idea of my submissive side it’s time to delve into another aspect of myself. He said it half-jokingly, but I know in some ways he’s right. My way of delving into myself is much like my way of delving into relationships: one thing must be solid before I can move on to the next. He didn’t seem surprised when I mentioned it to him, and I have a feeling many of you won’t be either.

Now that I’ve had some major changes in how I express my submissive side, and have a more solid mental base for our relationship I am able to explore that other side of myself, the Top side, the (dare I say it?) Domme side. I’ve never suppressed or denied this aspect of myself exactly, I was just focused on another aspect at the time. I’ve been told by many friends whenever I “came out” as kinky that they expected me to inhabit a dominant role, and I’ve been told by a few friends that they thought I have more Domme in me than I would admit to.

Well, that was true. I’ve struggled with my Top side for many reasons, but especially because it would come poking out when Master and I were having troubles, at least I think that’s what it was. I would get so frustrated that I would try to Top him into dominating me and, really, it didn’t work out that well. Topping from the bottom, yes, but not because I’m not also a bottom but because I wasn’t getting what I needed.

That’s all changed, of course, but I do find myself craving more. Not just a woman, though I’ve been craving that for quite some time, but another partner to play with, to explore this other side of myself. I would not want to switch with Master. I can’t see myself Topping him, nor do I want to Top him. I can’t see myself switching with one person, perhaps because my desire and love of power exchange is that it is constant and stable, not changing, but consistent. This isn’t to say that those who do switch with one partner are bad or doing it wrong or not stable or not consistent. Heavens no! I’m just saying that, for me, that’s how I view it.

Perhaps it has to do with the level of power exchange which I desire, though I’m not sure on that. I know that if I was to take on a sub it would have to be casual at first, but I would end up wanting a rather high level of control in the end. Remember, I’m a control freak, and basically want all or nothing. There would have to be some negotiating and figuring out how me having someone would work into Master’s and my relationship, but I can definitely see myself owning someone at some point in time. This is something I’ve thought a lot about, actually, although it’s jumping the gun quite a bit at this point.

I also think “switch” has a lot of the same (negative) connotations that “bisexual” does, such as fence-sitting, not committing, unsure of what they want, not able to commit to anything long-term, really one way and pretending to be the other, things like that. This is part of the reason why I have chosen to start embracing the term.

Switches are misunderstood in many ways as well, I think. Hell, I’ve had many misconceptions and misinterpretations of what switch means, but only before I started training myself to not view labels as fixed identities but as helpful hints to one of many aspects of a person (though I don’t achieve this all the time, I’m working on it).

I may have to change the subtitle to add “and Top” at the end of it. Maybe after I get more settled into this new identity. I need to try it on in a very real way first, not just in my head.

Ode to FetLife

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On July 3, 2008

In Power Play

While most of you have probably encountered or signed up on FetLife already, I am long overdue on a post about it. I have mentioned it in a few other posts already, but not quite done a direct “why I love FetLife” post, and now that I am an Official FetLife Greeter (with a nifty green badge on my profile and everything), and very proud of that fact, it’s time!

I have been on alt.com. I have been on bondage, collarme, okcupid, and I’ve even been on adultfriendfinder, and FetLife is not one of those sites. It’s not a dating site. I mean, sure, it can be used for that if that is your intention, but it is so much more than that.

The brilliant thing (in my opinion) about FetLife is that it is so simple. Profiles, fetishes, groups… that’s really about all that it is comprised of (not to mention various ways to find others profiles and ads, but that’s beside the point). My absolutely favorite aspect of FetLife is the groups. They are simply wonderful and you can get insight into just about everything.

Right now, for example, I started fantastic discussion on the term “fat” over in BBW Submission about two hours ago, and already I’ve had many responses. I have three groups that I call my very own: BDSM Theory, Mental BDSM, and Versatility, and I love each one of them!

So, although most of you know about it already, this is just for that small pocket of the kink population which has not yet found FetLife, just in case there are some of you out there reading this who are not familiar with it (and I know there are at least a few of you). And, if you do end up joining (or if you have a profile already) you should make sure to add me as a friend user: scarletlotus.

Impromptu Ravishment Play

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On June 28, 2008

In a Love: Onyx, Smut

Please note: this post will contain talk of ravishment/rape play and is not meant to be a trigger for anyone who may have suffered from sexual assault. This post or participation in this activity does not condone any sort of non-consensual sexual activity.

As Tart said, “Do I want actual rape? Good lord no!” And I completely agree. I can’t express my feelings of horror when I think that people actually think it is acceptable to have sex with someone completely against their will, and yet I find consensual play incredibly arousing. Playing with vulnerability and putting myself in seemingly vulnerable situations is one of the strongest lures I have to BDSM in general, and is my pull to rape play.

There is something powerful in consensually giving oneself to another, something I’ve talked about numerous times before. Willfully putting oneself in the power of another to create the illusion of helplessness while still having some measure of control is all power play is about. Rape play is another form of power play, obviously, as most rape is about power, not about sex. Being able to pretend to struggle, to be “overpowered” and “forced” into submission is something which appeals to my force fetish and allows an outlet for my strong-willed and stubborn nature while also being in the context of Master’s and my relationship.

As said before: do I want to be raped? Do I want to be taken against my will? Of course not! I would even say: hell no! However, rape play is about the blending of one person’s will to struggle and be overpowered and the other’s will to overpower. It’s about mutual fantasies being fulfilled, and fully consensual and safe, even if it may not always completely feel like it in the moment.

That said, on to the scenario.

Master and I were lying in bed, talking, teasing each other. He moved on top of me and grabbed my wrists as he often does, I struggled a little more than usual, and he became more forceful. As he became more forceful I began to struggle even more, saying “no” and “stop” and trying (not too hard) to get out of his grasp. He told me what he was going to do to me, he slid a finger inside me and told me how wet I was, that I wanted it, and I disagreed.

He began fucking me hard, wonderfully, and he continued teasing me about my desire, which I constantly refused to admit until he slowed down and then took his cock out of me. I whimpered and refused to admit it for a few moments before giving in, furthering the scenario by admitting to be a horny slut, begging to be fucked, begging to be used, begging for his cum.

The few force scenes that we’ve done have ended that way. It’s a long-time fantasy of mine, being discovered as a slut, being called out on it even if I’m pretending to resist. It is something Master loves as well, he’s the one who always turns it to that aspect of it. “Non-consent” erotic stories (or, consensual non-consent scenarios) were what lead me to BDSM in the first place.

These are desires that, when I look into the origin of them, don’t make much logical sense. But, then, what desires really do? The desire to be out of control for me (a control freak) is a big mixture of scary, exciting, and arousing. The same can be said for vulnerability. One of the nice things about rape play is that it allows me to be scared in a way that regular play does not. I can work with feeling scared and vulnerable in a space where I can let those emotions out while still knowing that I am safe and cared for (despite the appearance of otherwise from an unknowing outside observer).

The Perfect Cure for Grumpyness

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On June 19, 2008

In Smut

The other day I was in a kind of grumpy place, I have been a few days this week, actually, and I’m not completely sure why. Though when I get grumpy, I often get needy. Not that regular kind of emotionally needy, or just regularly physically needy, but a deep desire to be dominated like I’ve written about before. I’m not always sure what triggers this. Sometimes it’s a bad day, sometimes it’s just lack of getting it, a lapse in regular play, and sometimes my paranoid and overanalyzing nature gets the better of my mood.

I hadn’t been tied up for quite some time. I was working on my computer, lying naked on my stomach on the bed with my laptop in front of me, and Master came in to straddle me from behind, he ground his cock into me and we exchanged a few teasing words.

Though I was wearing a robe, and he had on his pants, I could feel the semi-hardness of him grinding against my ass. I asked him if he was going to fuck me, and he told me that he was going to tease me for a while first. I asked him if he would tie me up when he did it.

Later he came back into the room, this time I was naked as it had been hot and the fan I had going wasn’t quite enough to cool me down. He started playing with me teasingly, straddled me again and grabbed at my wrists, holding them behind my back so that he could wind the bondage tape around them.

From there I was helpless. I fake-struggled for a bit, testing my bonds, as he slid his fingers into me, testing me, preparing me for him. He fucked me, while slapping my ass, grabbing my hair, using my bound wrists to pull me back onto him, doing all the little things which drive me wild.

The entirety and details of the experience are more of a blur than anything. Being bound and fucked is something which will put me in an almost immediate state of submission, taking me down into my fantasies.

I think it is the automatic feeling of helplessness which does it, an automatic overpowering that I can feel in every bit of me. The feeling can manifest through physical or mental bondage, and simply from hands pinning me down or grasping my wrists.

There is also something about it which makes me feel cherished and loved. I’m not quite sure what it is that gives me that sensation. It was the perfect cure for my grumpy feelings.

A First Meeting: Sex Toys, Coffee, and A Kiss

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On June 12, 2008

In Power Play

I’ve had so much to write about lately that I haven’t gotten to doing any of it, except the sex toy reviews, obviously.

I met up with The Dark Republican yesterday. He just moved to SLC and we have been talking online for a while, so we met up in person. He wrote about it here, which is a nice summation of what happened, in my mind, too, but from his point of view. So here is mine.

We met up at a coffee shop near my house, but it was rather crowded and we decided to go to Cahoots first, a sex toy shop that’s right next to it. He had mentioned on a mailing list we’re both on that he was wondering about good sex shops, and so I thought it might be fun to go there during our first meeting, as I’m a big fan of sex toys (as you know, no doubt), and I’m all about gauging people by their interests.

We chatted as we looked at toys, and helped one woman figure out what to buy for a bachelorette party. There were some fun ones there, and a red glitter dildo that could be used in a harness, which I’m enamored with currently. I may need to get it next time I have money (which won’t be for a while). I asked about a job there as well, and the pay isn’t great, but it could be a fun part-time thing if I find another well-paying job. It’s a possibility, anyway, and would look good on a resume considering I want to work in sex shops (Good Vibrations would be my top choice once we move to San Fran, of course, but any sex-positive sex store with a good energy about it is wonderful to me).

After looking around the sex toys for quite some time, we went back to the coffee shop and got some drinks and sat and chatted about all sorts of things, mostly on the geeky side of things, but also about society, socialism, and a wide range of wherever the conversation took us. We ended up going back to my place, partially so that we could talk about more intimate type things like BDSM. He’s very new, and seems very eager, which is very cute.

We were sitting on my couch chatting more, I did most of the talking at this point, and I expounded upon some of my bdsm philosophies, my relationship with Master, newness to bdsm, and all sorts of topics like that. I don’t often get a chance to delve into those sort of topics with someone face-to-face, so it was very nice to be able to just talk about all sorts of things like that.

He was very nice, and adorable. There were times I wanted to pinch his cheeks (no, not -those- cheeks…), but I refrained. I was chatting with Master at the time, as well, idly, though (and hopefully not rudely), just letting him know what was going on, and he reminded me I was supposed to deliver something to our landlord today, and I had spaced it since I hadn’t had time before meeting up with TDR, and we had been getting to know each other for much longer than I had anticipated.

I had to go, so I had to kick him out so that I could do that. We stood up and hugged, and I knew when I leaned in to that hug he was going to kiss me. He had been flirting the entire time, and I had done a little back, but I’m seriously rusty when it comes to flirting, I just don’t do it much. But he knew I was at least mostly receptive, and I knew that I could stop him if I wanted/needed to, and it was a nice first experience. We kissed, briefly, there was a little groping as well, but I cut it probably shorter than he would have liked it and ushered him out the door.

We talked about the possibility of him meeting Master, of the three of us maybe doing things, and I related this to Master later, and he said it is definitely a possibility (which I kind of knew already). They will have to meet and we will have to get to know him better before anything actually happens, but I’m sure that something will work out.

It was really nice getting to meet him, and I’m sure we’ll get to know each other better.

Power in Submission

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On May 1, 2008

In Equality, Identity: Submissive

The essay for my Queer Theory class… hopefully it’s somewhat coherent, I’m not quite sure if it is.

A man and woman go out to dinner at a restaurant. The woman opens the door for the man to enter the establishment, she pulls out the chair for him before he sits down, and when the waiter comes to take their orders, she orders for the both of them. In this situation, who is submissive? Is it the man, is he being lead and treated as a subordinate by his mistress? Or is it the woman, is she an adept submissive who is serving her owner by taking care of his needs?
A man and woman are in their bedroom, the woman is on her knees and receives a slap to her cheek, then a hand in her hair, gripping it and pulling it back tight. She is spit on as her face is made to look upward, and then slapped again. The man sits on the bed and drags her with him, tugging her across his knee to give her a spanking, not satisfied until her ass is a bright shade of red. She is screaming and struggling, but despite being physically capable of freeing herself, she does not for fear of repercussions. Is this scenario depicting abuse, or simply play?
Both of these scenarios show potential ambiguity within power exchange relationships, but in very different ways. The first demonstrates the diversity of what power exchange relationships can look like, the second is a more shocking representation of what play can look like, and how to an outside observer, it could appear to be abuse. The point of both of these is to show the diversity and fragility of what could or could not be consensual power play activities. There is not just one way to experience or practice relationships of this type.
Often when subjects such as sadomasochism, or BDSM (Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/submission, and Sadism/masochism), are explored relationships which break social norms are analyzed, such as gay or lesbian BDSM relationships, or heterosexual relationships in which the normative power structure is reversed: the female is dominant, the male is submissive. The paring which on the surface goes along with societal norms is sometimes dismissed as patriarchal because the male partner is dominant while the female partner is submissive. Despite what seems like a patriarchal situation, male-dominant/female-submissive relationships are built on both parties having equal power over the relationship, though unequal roles in power exchange scenarios.