This is the ninth of my 30 Days of Kink in which I will be answering each of the thirty questions in different posts. I thought these would be interesting to answer and (hopefully) interesting for you to read. These will be posted in order, but not always back-to-back.
Day 9: Post a kink related song or music video you enjoy.
No great insight into these, just enjoy them.
I’ve posted this poem before, about a year and a half ago but I’ve recently re-discovered my love for it and also found I could share the audio version with you all. I was first introduced to it on Ani DiFranco’s live album at Carnegie Hall and fell in love with it immediately.
The image above is a wall hanging my sister made for me with the poem on it (obviously) but it’s also below as well as Ani DiFranco reading it.
I’m not entirely sure what it is about the poem that hits me, maybe it’s how I imagine myself to be or how I used to be… I’m not much for analyzing poetry even though I’m one for analyzing myself.
I’ve used the first line “Her words pour out as if her throat were a broken artery and her mind were cut-glass, carelessly handled” for quite some time on my livejournal and I’ve been thinking of incorporating it here somewhere as well, I love the imagery and it’s definitely how I think of my posts sometimes.
Ani talks a bit before getting into the poem, but this player doesn’t allow you to skip forward so you’ll have to listen to it to get to the poem, but I promise it’s worth it.
by Judy Grahn
Her words pour out as if her throat were a broken
artery and her mind were cut-glass, carelessly handled.
You imagine her in a huge velvet hat with great
dangling black feathers,
but she shaves her head instead
and goes for three-day midnight walks.
Sometimes she goes down to the dock and dances
off the end of it, simply to prove her belief
that people who cannot walk on water
are phonies, or dead.
When she is cruel, she is very, very cool
and when she is kind she is lavish.
Fisherman think perhaps she’s a fish, but they’re all
fools. She figured out that the only way
to keep from being frozen was to
stay in motion, and long ago converted
most of her flesh into liquid. Now when she
smells danger, she spills herself all over,
like gasoline, and lights it.
She leaves the taste of salt and iron
under your tongue, but you dont mind
The common woman is as common
as the reddest wine.
Like many families, my family doesn’t celebrate Christmas from a Christian standpoint, mostly from a cultural standpoint. None of us are really Christian, per se. Christmas music is huge in our house, however, mostly because of my mother, the rest of us like it for the most part (possibly because it’s one of those family things since mom plays it all the time around Christmas time) but we don’t do as much listening as she does.
Since Christmas music is so big in my family I thought I would share with you my favorite Christmas song. It’s not terribly well-known (read: not overplayed). I usually listen to The Carpenters version of it, but I found the Frank Sinatra version of it on YouTube and thought I’d share that.
It is The Christmas Waltz.
Happy Christmas to all you who celebrate it, religiously or culturally. Happy Hanukkah, Happy Solstice (a few days ago), Happy Holidays to all, and may New Years bring you all the happiness and gifts that you desire.
I recently have begun looking into phone sex operator (PSO) work, and with the guidance of the wonderful Ellie Lumpesse I have applied at a few places, and ended up getting a couple offers, one of which I have accepted. Master just faxed in my contract to them today, and so I’m hoping to start work tomorrow. I’m both excited and nervous for this new and very different opportunity! I have chosen to get into this type of sex work for a few reasons.
In looking for a new job, as I have been for the last few months, I have come to the realization that in order to make the kind of money I would like here (in Utah, as that is the tricky part) I would have to change my appearance and personality, basically I would have to hide myself. Now, that is not to say I wouldn’t have to do the same things doing PSO work, obviously there can be quite a bit of roleplay involved, but it is a much different type of roleplay.
I have worked and continue to work a lot on my appearance and personality. I am constantly learning about myself, my desires, my likes and dislikes, and all sorts of factors which go into what I consider to make up this entity which is me. I have done a lot of exploring via this blog, and other blogs, and just in my head. I have come into my own in a very distinct way, and I really to believe that I am constantly learning and changing.
However, I also believe that just about any place I would find acceptable to work here in Utah, with a few exceptions (though none which are hiring), would also not allow me to be me, I would have to pretend to be conservative, straight-laced, and professional, as well as dye my hair, cover my tattoos, and wear clothing I wouldn’t wear otherwise. This isn’t necessarily bad, and I’ve done this before for most jobs which I’ve had, but I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want to do with my life, what goals I have, what I see myself doing down the road, and basically I do not want to be schizophrenic. What I mean by that is, I don’t want to have to be a different person at work than I am at home.
With PSO work I may have to be a different person than I am, engage in some roleplay, something like that, but I would always be me, because the roleplay has a much different purpose. I will be able to help others explore their own (often hidden) fantasies, while exploring my own sexuality as well. In some ways it’s a lot like sex therapy for both myself and the client, both of us being able to act out a fantasy that might not be accessible otherwise. I imagine this will be a highly rewarding for someone who enjoys finding and exploring the sexuality of others as well as my own sexuality.
When I told a few friends of mine that I was getting into phone sex work, after asking about the money one of them said “well, if you’re going to degrade yourself, you might as well get paid well” or something similar. It was kind of glossed over in the conversation, as I think I was the only one who heard him say that, so the others went on to something else, but it made me think.
I really don’t view PSO work or any sex work as degrading when done for the right reasons. It can be degrading for some if done for various reasons or if forced into it, as some people are. However, I do believe that someone can actually choose to get into sex work and find joy, pleasure, and happiness in it. I also believe that it can be empowering, which is often thought of as the opposite of degrading. This is part of being sex-positive, in my mind.
I have yet to have my first day, as I said above, I have a briefing scheduled for tomorrow and hope to start shortly after that. I’ll no doubt report on how I feel about it post-first day, and if any of my feelings regarding PSO work or sex work change. I’m very interested to see how I grow from this experience, and I hope to find out new things about myself and about others due to this decision.
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