Purveyor of Pleasure

Pleasure is my business, my life, my joy, my purpose.

Broken

As of two days ago the triad we have been working so hard on the last six months or so ended. The state of my individual relationships within the triad is unknown at this point but we are all certain that Marla and Onyx’s relationship is no more.

If you follow me on twitter you already know this.

Two days ago Onyx went to work and shortly after Marla and I woke up to text messages from him telling us that Marla had to be out of the apartment by the time he got back. This was at 6am and he would be back around 7pm. This came as an extreme shock to us as things had actually been going better for a while, at least I thought they had. He told me that our relationship was over and that I might want to find a relative or someone to stay with.

This sounds extreme, and it really was. Marla and I talked with our families and ended up getting tickets to head home to where we grew up, I’m currently writing this from Juneau, Alaska.

We were not able to get flights until the next day, so (like the wonderfully sweet and amazing person she is) Coy Pink and her husband put us up at their place for the night, she even drove us to the airport the next day and everything, I’m still blown away by her willingness to help us, especially after having not seen me in months and never having met Marla.

Back to the beginning, though. The reason why everything changed so quickly was because Onyx snooped and read Marla’s private journal and discovered horrible things written there about him, bad enough that he never wants to see her again. I have not read what she wrote and I’m not sure I would want to even if given the chance.

I can understand him needing to read it and him wanting her out based on what she’s told me, though I also understand that what she wrote is not what she feels all the time and that it was an outpouring of raw emotion which was never to be read by anyone, especially not the person it was mostly about. I’m in Juneau figuring out what the next step for me is, what I need, who I can be with. I still love them both very much, and I’m pretty much guaranteed to break one or both of their hearts at this point.

Onyx has since said that he never intended to kick me out. He was delirious with anger and sadness and he assumed I wouldn’t want to stay with him if he kicked Marla out. He also assumed at first that I knew more about what she had written down than I did. Although twelve hours to pack up and leave is rather unreasonable he became more lenient once he started thinking rationally. We did leave before he got home, taking as much as we could, and he agreed to send the rest as we requested.

This is extremely hard on all of us, and I don’t really blame either of them for what has happened, although maybe I should. I can see both sides and knowing that they both still want a relationship with me in a way makes it all that much more difficult. I am no good at making decisions, especially when a situation changes from an “and” to an “either/or” and so that’s what I’m working on doing up here in Alaska.

How long I’ll stay is up in the air right now, all my stuff is still in Seattle along with my kitties but I don’t really have a job tying me there. I’m allowing myself time to sort through everything and figure out what’s best for me.

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6 Comments

  1. Honey, I’m really sorry and hurting for you three. You started this triad with hearts full of love and as much optimism as I’ve ever seen human beings possess. I hope whatever happens with your relationships, that each of you will remember the positive aspects of your time together.

    Be well, take care of yourself. I hope we see each other again sometime cuz I’d love to give you a big ol’ hug.
    .-= Kyle´s last blog ..Artfully Re-Rendered =-.

  2. I hope the time away, though sudden and difficult, will be good for you. Hopefully it will be easier to make decisions when you’re completely removed from everything. I am so sad for all three of you. I’m sure you’re all suffering miserably from broken hearts. The mom in me wishes she could fix it all. I’ll be thinking of you.
    .-= Coy Pink´s last blog ..HNT – Front and back part 2 =-.

  3. Hugs darling, I know that things are intensely painful for all of you right now. Take care of yourself.
    .-= Ellie´s last blog ..Dating a (reformed) cheater =-.

  4. I wish I had advice or sage words to soothe you, but the best I can do is let you know that I’m sorry to hear this fell apart so badly. *hugs*

  5. I am so sorry for all of you and I understand being the one who sees both sides and understands both. It is so hard to love to people who are at odds. Is there a reason you can’t be poly w/o being a triad? You love them both and they both love you…so why do you have to choose? Obviously you do not owe me an answer i just think given time both will realize you can love them both even though it manifests differently with each.

  6. Sending much love. Sometimes pain sends terrible forces ripping through us that can impact those we love the most. This is a terrible quandary, for all involved, and I hope that there can be healing for everyone in this difficult situation.

    Sending healing energy…hoping there can be some peace.

    Love

    Mo
    .-= Mollena´s last blog ..The Negress Natters: On BDSM & Race Play. =-.

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