Purveyor of Pleasure

Pleasure is my business, my life, my joy, my purpose.

Tag: queer Page 6 of 8

Library Request Activism

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On August 30, 2008

In Sexuality

Found here at Queers United

Inspired by a right-wing blog I read that was advocating for their readers to request “ex-gay” books for their local libraries I decided to post a reverse entry.

Your local library is about serving the community, they want to carry books and videos that their residents want.

They have a suggestion box or email form, why not go ahead and list some good queer political books, coming out resource guides, and queer history books to be added to the shelves?

In addition to requesting new books, make sure to take out the existing books on queer culture so that the libraries do not discontinue these books.

Many libraries have been forced to place LGBTQ books on high shelves due to community outcry, making it harder or virtually impossible for people to have access to them. Speak to the head librarian and demand that the books are visible and available for those who want them.

It seems like a wonderful idea to me, and I’ve checked the Salt Lake City Library for some authors and titles, and was pleasantly surprised at some of the things they have there, though not too surprised as SLC itself is pretty liberal and queer friendly. Best would be going to the library in one of the surrounding extremely conservative cities and doing this, and I’m placing it on my to do list.

I’ve had a somewhat sexless weekend despite it being our anniversary weekend, we just keep doing things other until we’re too tired to fuck. We did buy a fur flogger last night, which is “impact caressing” as Dominus dubbed it. I love it so much, plus it means I’ll get to flog him! I’m a fan. More later.

The Undead are Cumming

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On August 27, 2008

In Sexuality

“Braaaaaaaaains… I mean, peeeeniiiissssssssssss…”

How could I resist posting the clip from a gay zombie movie as found here on Queerty. When someone combines two of my favorite things and makes them just this hilarious, there’s no way I’m passing up posting about it.

This spoof trailer could easily be viewed in one of two ways: as social commentary on the idiocy of being scared of homosexuals as if we carry the plague or some other sort of disease (like zombie disease), poking fun at the stupidity of people who think that way; or it could be a reproduction of that fear. There is no real indication on their website that I can see, or on the YouTube info, but given that it’s comedy and obviously supposed to be a parody or spoof of a real zombie movie, which have been theorized to all be cautionary tales of becoming the “other” in society, I’d say it’s either meant to be a social commentary, or simply a happy accident.

I think it’s hilarious, and brilliant.

Queer Love, Het Love, Whatevah

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On July 31, 2008

In Gender Galaxy, Sexuality

By Athens Boys Choir, “a gender-deviant, multi-media, spoken word/hip-hop extravaganza.” Found via Ellie Lumpesse and Feministing. I absolutely love it, and so even though many of you will have seen this already, I’m still reposting it for those of you who may not be reading Ellie (though you should be).

Pansexual is one of the identities I embrace, usually pan or omnisexual when I don’t want to get into my definition of intellisexual or my use of the word queer. I’m all about multiple identities that mean the same thing with slight differences.

It also features Team Gina who I’ve posted a video by before, AND who I am going to go see tonight! I’m so super excited about that. Go watch ButchFemme and Rock The Like by Team Gina on YouTube, or go to their myspace page and listen to some of their other songs. I love them. So excited!

My Queer Identity, Or: Problems of Visibility

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On July 21, 2008

In Identity: Queer Intellisexual

Being part of the queer community has been something extremely important to me since I was in high school, though I came out in middle school. I have always been queer in one way or another. I was the fat kid growing up, always the largest in my class, always the one made fun of. I was the outcast. I embraced my queerness, my freakhood, by difference. I wanted to be different, it made me special. I enjoyed it, and I still do.

It was easier to be queer when I didn’t have a partner, or when I had a female partner. Now that I’m with a male, and specifically living with a male and being submissive to a male it is very difficult for me, and difficult to maintain my queerness when in many ways I look very heterosexual. This isn’t necessarily a negative thing, but for me it kind of is. I feel washed over, I feel like my queerness isn’t as easily recognized as I’d like it to be.

Sometimes even those who know my orientation do not credit it because of my current partner. I am forgotten about as queer, and it’s really something that hurts me when it comes from those close to me. I may be with a man, but that doesn’t mean I’m still not queer.

What comes into my queer identity? What makes it up? Kink and poly definitely inform my queerness, because they inform my sexuality and no aspect of my sexuality can be analyzed without the addition of all the other aspects. Really, no aspect of my sexuality can be analyzed without all other aspects of my identity taken into account, including gender and size, which is part of the reason why all those identities are subtitles to this blog, because it’s nearly impossible to understand me without understanding all those identities first.

It’s difficult to be femme gendered and partnered with a biologically male and masculine person and to still be labeled as queer. I can embrace the label all I want, and I can try to make that label known to the rest of the world, but that doesn’t always mean I will come off that way.

I can view the plus side of it, as it means I can walk in the heterosexual world and use terms like “partner” which is the primary way I refer to Master as to new people I meet, and which confuses people or makes people assume that my partner is female. This allows me to get into a dialogue about the term partner, about bi/pan/queer sexualities if I so choose.

Now, this is all well and good, and I do try to use it to my advantage as much as possible. I try to sneak in comments like “Just because I’m with a man doesn’t mean I’m straight” or “doesn’t mean I’m not queer.” There are ways that I can subtly influence those around me, but I often wonder if it is enough. If I constantly have to assert my identity, is it really worth it? But, then again, I have the same issue with my gender identity. Perhaps my identity fetish is just too advanced for easy identification.

I’ve read about similar experiences with other bi/pan/omni-sexuals and queers, and people with FtM lovers, and I know that I am not alone in this, but that doesn’t make it any less frustrating. I know that this problem will not change any time soon, but maybe I can figure out a better way to deal with it.

Obama vs. McCain On Queers

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On June 29, 2008

In Sexuality

I’ve been trying to keep relatively out of election politics thus far, but I feel these deserve repeating. Obama’s and McCain’s positions on queerness.

First, McCain. Found here via Queers United. “A video by Stonewall Democrats showcasing John McCain’s anti-LGBT voting record.” Are you really surprised?

Second, Obama. Found here via Queerty. “Some excited voter – or crazed fan – has collected Obama’s greatest same-sex hits into a meaty nine-minute video.” It made me tear up. This is a change we can believe in.

Jon Stewart on Gay Marriage

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On June 18, 2008

In Sexuality

Simply fabulous, and my last post on gay marriage for the time being.

In Case You're Hiding Under a Rock Somewhere

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On June 17, 2008

In Identity: Queer Intellisexual, Sexuality

You all are, no doubt, tired of hearing about same-sex marriage passing in the California supreme court by now (though who would be tired of hearing about something as wonderful of this, you say? Good question!). However, I will make this short and sweet and just want to send out happiness of all types to all those who have and will participate in the California legalization of gay marriage

Also, the country newly near and dear to my heart (remember: Master’s from there and we just went there in May for a few weeks), Norway legalized same-sex marriages. Previously, Norway had civil partnerships, but did not have the right to church weddings or to be considered as adoptive parents. There are wonderful things going on for marriage equality everywhere!

Now, personally, I think these examples of marriage equality are wonderful, and I believe that marriage is a wonderful declaration of love between two people. I always tear up at weddings, I can’t deny that. I think that any commitment ceremony is beautiful, and I think that it is wonderful that people of the same sex can now marry each other 100% legally with all the same rights and privileges as other sex marriages.

That said, I do have some problems with marriage. It is by and large a religious institution of a religion I am not associated with. I’m not against the idea of a legal contract between two (or more) consenting adults for child and/or tax purposes and things like that. However, calling it marriage (a religious term) and making it basically mandatory for other sex couples who live together for a certain amount of time (as it varies between states) is just ridiculous.

Personally, I don’t intend to get married, possibly ever, though I may be forced into one of those common law marriages at some point, or I would get married to Master if/when we move to Europe (thereby making me a citizen of Norway and making it much easier for me to move over there). Or, if we were to have children I would probably marry him, though I’m not sure that will ever happen. I just don’t believe in the institution of marriage, nor do I think it is necessary for me, except in the above mentioned circumstances.

I used to say I wouldn’t have an other sex marriage before same sex marriages were legal, and, well, that’s not completely true yet, but it’s definitely getting closer. I still wouldn’t do so until it’s legal all over the states, except for the moving to Europe scenario. My other problem with marriage is that it is confined to two people. Although I do not want marriage for myself, I would like consensual adult polyamorous marriage to be a reality, and I think it will someday, just not for quite some time.

However, legalization of same sex marriage in California is also reason number one billion six hundred fifty eight thousand and one to move to San Francisco. Just counting down until 2009, now.

Spilling Over: A Fat, Queer Anthology

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On June 1, 2008

In Adipose, Sexuality

Something I’m thinking about writing a piece for, I’ll have to come up with a suitable idea first, but it would be something I could do. I don’t talk a lot about size issues in this blog, though I have been thinking about them more and more lately, and reading more fat/size-oriented blogs like Femme FATale (among others). The call for submissions was found on her blog:

Call for Submissions

Working Title: Spilling Over: A Fat, Queer Anthology
Contact: spillingover@gmail.com
Submission Deadline: December 1, 2008

Despite the attention given by queer studies to the materiality of bodies and the cultural and social inscriptions that designate them, still a dearth of both scholarship and literature exists around intersections of gender, sexuality, and fatness. As fat studies begins to emerge as a viable academic location of inquiry, questions surface as to how fat bodies, deemed “excessive” in their trespasses of size and space, create even more complex subject positions when compounded by queer desires. This proposed anthology seeks contributions addressing junctions of “fat” and “queer” in pieces that consider the representations and resistances of non-normative corporeality and also writings considering the theoretical conceptions of these intricate subjectivities. Spilling Over will reflect the notions of excess, boundaries, and containment implied by the labels “fat” and “queer” both singularly and collectively. In the form of scholarly writing and creative non-fiction pieces, essay submissions might consider (but are not limited to):

* theorizing the concept of “excess” as it pertains to fatness and queerness
* fat and queer identities; personal narratives; reclaiming “fat” and “queer”
* notions of (in)visibility, hypervisibility, and passing and/or privilege
* intersections of race, class, gender, sexuality, ethnicity, (dis)ability, age, and religion
* the economics of the obesity “epidemic” and the diet industry
* fat, queer art and performance; performativity
* pleasure, sex-positivity, eroticizing non-normative bodies
* acceptance movements, political activism, resistance
* the engagement of feminism with fatness
* global, transnational, transcultural constructions of fat, queer bodies and lives
* critical reflections of fatness and queerness in media, literature, film, music, and visual arts
* the rhetoric of fat oppression, fatphobia, homophobia, transphobia, bigotry, responding to and/or addressing hate speech

By December 1, 2008, please send your 2,000 – 6,000 word submission, along with your complete contact information and a 50-100 word biography, to spillingover@gmail.com with the subject line of “Spilling Over – Submission.” Submissions must be received in 12 point Times New Roman font and sent in via Word documents (PDFs will not be accepted). Pieces will be reviewed and decisions made by April 2009. Please note that accepted submissions will be approved on a tentative basis, pending editorial board approval once the anthology has secured a publisher.

Questions can be directed to me at spillingover@gmail.com or visit the MySpace page at www.myspace.com/spillingoveranthology

The Same, but Different

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On May 20, 2008

In a Love: Onyx, a Relationship: Kat & glen, Polyamory

Some of you may not know, but I am currently on vacation, or “holiday” as they say over where I last was. We were in England for five days, Stansted for a day and then Brighton, which was where we met Kat and glen. Brighton was amazing. Now we are in Norway, Stavanger specifically, which is where Master grew up. There will be more of an update on the vanilla stuff in my regular journal soon, once I have the time to sit down and go through everything.

There has been a lot going on inside me as far as Master and Kat and glen. I find myself wanting exactly what I posted before about my ideal situation. I can’t imagine my life without any of them in it, and on that far off day when they are able to live together I hope that we will be able to live next door to them, or at least very close. I’m sure we can all pull it off.

I had a fit on I think it was Tuesday night. We had all been drinking, and I had on my wireless remote-controlled vibrator, which Master had been teasing me with all night. I had gotten used to it, but it was still annoying. Outside Kat pulled my hair and I turned into mush, but I didn’t want to show it, though I’m sure I did a little because I was drunk. When I was in the bathroom Master passed on the remote to Kat, which I didn’t know about. When I came back glen said a few things regarding not being mean to me, which I didn’t quite get, until I found out she had the remote.

When it was uncovered, when she handed it back to Master, I realized I would have acted differently if I had known she had it. This sent me into questioning why I would have acted differently, and I realized that I felt more submissive to her than I do to my own Master. I know part of that is that she is now off limits, in some ways, she’s someone I want but can’t have the way I would like, and that makes it all the more painful not to have her. The thing is, I really would rather them be together than she be with me, because I know and have known for quite some time that they are simply perfect together, and the trip just emphasized that. I have no desire to come between them, but I do still have these desires and I’m working on that.

I have a lot of issues with being with Master, a lot of heterosexual guilt for one thing, but also a lot of mistrust of him. I shut down that night, and they gave me all sorts of attention which in one way made it worse, but glen was the best that night. He said the most perfect things to me in the hallway, and things which I know but things I haven’t embraced fully. I’m wondering if I am able to with Master. It’s a matter of knowing that I’m smarter than him in some ways, though not in others too, and also knowing that if I’m stubborn enough I can usually get my way, and knowing that he will forget things that he’s said or not pay attention to the details of things when I will. I know he will disappoint me, or, I anticipate it, and I really shouldn’t.

Part of the reason, too, why I’ve come to desire Kat so much is that I know she is an extremely mental Dominant, and that is what I crave. I can’t be mentally dominated by someone who I expect to disappoint me, and I know that, and I’m working on getting out of that mentality, but it’s difficult. I am better than I was a year ago, I’m even better than I was last week, I think, but at the same time he will have to work on things. Consistency is something which I need badly, and it’s something that I haven’t really gotten, but I’ve expressed this to him before, and nothing seems to change.

I wonder if I’m expecting too much, and maybe that’s my problem, along with the disappointment thing. I’m expecting too much from him and when he doesn’t deliver I get upset and depressed and it’s harder for me to submit to him. I know now that I crave domination, I just need to actually feel dominated, and he doesn’t really do that, but part of that is my fault, because I won’t let him dominate me. It’s a two-way street as I’ve mentioned in other posts. He needs to take control, he needs to make me do things, but I also need to give him that control and I need to do the things he tells me to.

We’ve gotten better, in some ways, just in the last week. He’s calling me scarlet more, and I love when he calls me scarlet. I actually do things when he calls me scarlet, too, which is something I think he’s realizing. I know it means business when he calls me that, I guess, or something like that. I have been trying to have faith, like glen says, I’m trying to put myself in the mindset that he needs my help, my submission.

I have been trying to view myself in the ways that I have outlined in this blog, which I have believed or wanted but not actually put myself into that position. I have been thinking of myself as his personal assistant, and I’m needing to mention this to him as well, as I think it would help him in having me do things for him, which is difficult for him in some ways. I’m his personal assistant, his fucktoy, his bratty/sassy cunt, and his precious pet. This is basically what I said back in my first post about owner/cuntpet, and something I’ve embraced but also not quite taken to heart, and also something I have a slightly different perspective on now. I’ve got much more to say about all this, but that’s for another post.

All Good Things Got to Come to an End

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On May 3, 2008

In a Relationship: Kat & glen

I’ve been putting off writing about this until my finals were done, and then I was going to post about it yesterday, but it was just so hectic that it didn’t happen. Better late than never, really, and this is something I need to post about (and something a couple of you involved are probably waiting for).

The way I generally process emotions and reactions to things is through blogging/writing about them, and I know I haven’t quite yet processed everything regarding this.

Kat, essentially, broke up with me, in laments terms. I mean, we weren’t really “going out” but we were exploring D/s in regarding to our relationship, so it’s kind of fitting, but kind of not. She and glen had long talks about poly and monogamy and what he wanted vs. what she wanted and all that good stuff, and she came to the conclusion that she needs to be just with him. It will be better for both of them, and I completely agree and understand that. That’s not to say I’m not disappointed, which I am.

I’m not angry, just a little saddened and disappointed, but I know that, ultimately, this is the best decision for them and it is what they need to do right now. I don’t believe that this will affect our friendship, though I may be a little stand-offish for a bit while I get used to the new boundaries that surround us. I know that we can still kiss and flirt and snuggle, that we have always done, but there will be no more possession of me, no more calling me her flower or her lotus, no more hand gripping my hair, and no more of me showing her my submission.

I had gotten quite comfortable and used to being submissive to her, and I was really enjoying it. I mean, really enjoying it. I was all caught up with NRE like crazy. I’m not saying this to make anyone feel guilty, and I hope I’m not. I really do think this was the best decision to be made, I’m just not completely happy about it for my own sake. For their sake, I think it’s wonderful, and I have always valued their relationship above mine with Kat, as they are so perfect and wonderful together, and they are primaries, while we were secondaries.

I really want to stress that I’m not mad or upset or even that I don’t understand why they did it. I am really fine with the decision, and I think it is for the best. I really wasn’t surprised by the decision, either. I wasn’t expecting this to work like this for very long. I am glad that they are doing what is necessary for their relationship, as I want their relationship to work as much if not more than they do. I know what it has done for both of them, and I wouldn’t want to come between that.

I had said sometime the week before that if they needed me to stop, if they needed us to stop, then I would gladly (though not happily) back away and return to friendship mode. And that is very true, and that is what I have done. I know that Kat would like to continue our explorations, at least that’s what she says, and about 99% of me believes her, but that little paranoid voice in the back of my head does not. That’s not to say I don’t believe her, just… I’m very paranoid when it comes to interpersonal anything, which is why I generally avoid it.

I am glad to back away because it is the best thing for their relationship. I am sad and disappointed to back away because I was really enjoying the little subtle differences within our relationship. I am not going to let this affect our friendship, and I don’t think it will or it should. I still love her, in any way that I can get her, and I’ve been wrapped around her little finger from the first time we met, really. I’m sure nothing will really change, just the D/s subtleties will no longer be there, and we will go back to how we were before. However, we are closer than we were before. We were drifting apart before we tried this, and it has helped us immensely. It has helped us, and I’m happy for that.

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