This will make slightly more sense if you’ve read this first. This is the results of that post, or, what I did after that post, really, and what Master and I have been working on since, and etc. This is basically what has come of me getting all these frustrations out in the open, and what we have done, and how we are progressing.
Tuesday
After I posted the long complaining entry (and before work) I sent Master a series of rather long text messages describing what I wrote in there, for the most part. That was a venting of frustrations and emotions which lead me to be able to communicate exactly what I am actually wanting. Anyway, I sent him text messages, and mentioned for him to think about it, mull things over, etc. He replied that he thought rules and regulations were a good idea to set down as well.
Kat called me during work, and so I called her back afterwords. We had a good long talk about things, and I think I elaborated on the situation better to her on the phone than I had in my entry. We talked, and she validated my concerns in many ways, and it was very nice for both of us, I think. Getting off trax and heading to the bus stop I realized that Master was there at the bus stop, we met there mostly by accident. It was later than I usually get off work, and he had taken a different route home since he had missed the bus he would regularly take. So I said goodbye to Kat and Master and I began talking.
We were alone at the stop, so I ended up bringing up just about everything, but mainly focusing on what I needed and what I thought would help us change. He agreed on all points, and we agreed that we needed to change, which we come to over and over. I expressed by frustrations and my concerns about if things would even change and he expressed some of his concerns and frustrations, all and all it was good. He decided that he would make rules for me, and we got to a good place, but there was still more I wanted to talk about, but we had to get on the bus, and then I had to make dinner and our roommates were there, and then I had to do homework, so we didn’t quite get the opportunity to talk about everything that night.
Wednesday
We talked more Wednesday night, longer and much more in-depth. I cried, I expressed all sorts of concerns, he listened, he agreed, he contributed too (I swear this wasn’t all one-sided–though I mentioned how I felt all the work has been on my side and that I know he’s done some work but I’m always the one who brings it up, etc. He agreed). It was a very good conversation, and got out a lot of irritations and problems and fears and let them bubble on the surface for a while instead of under the surface.
He told me he had been working on a list of rules/regulations/expectations, and that they should be done Thursday, and that he would give them to me. He also told me he was working on a list for himself as well, and I told him I wanted that one as well and that we could help each other stay on track. Although the majority of the responsibility is on him, and we talked about this, I can also help to keep us on track, and it will be easier to do this now that I’m knowing what he’s wanting specifically, though I’m still worried that this isn’t want he wants, and this is something I’ve expressed to him numerous times. I reminded him that he should talk with Kat, that this would be good for both of them if they would, and he agreed.
Thursday
We didn’t talk much about it Thursday, but he gave me his list of expectations kinda lateish that night, I was working on homework most of the night, and once I was done he gave them to me. He’s still working on the list of his own. I read over it, but we didn’t really talk about it, I wanted time to think about them, read over them again, formulate questions, etc.
Friday
I tried to do all as I was instructed, and did rather well, he told me. I had a few minor infractions, but that’s normal. I’m still prone to irritability and he doesn’t want me to take it out on him when I am, and I’m trying not to… we started our horror movie marathon that night, and I did for him as he requested. It was really nice, though there were times I felt threatened by my roommate, as she did things for him that I was going to do sort of thing, but that’s my issue. I’m just so unstable in my role that any little thing is threatening. It’s irrational, really, as I know that just as I don’t want another Master he doesn’t want another pet, (though play partners is something else) but I’ve recognized the source of it and understand it and the more secure I get the less it will bother me, so I’m not worried, just need to work with it and get through it.
After the movies I was very tired, but we fucked anyway. It was quick as we were both tired, but it was wonderful, and I came a few times.
Saturday
We woke up kind of late, not too late, and fucked twice. It was great. He pinned me down at one point (which I love), and it was just amazing and perfect, and he initiated it (twice in a row too ’cause he did last night) and there was a sort of catharsis in the fucking that morning, more so than the night before, probably because we were both sober this time, I’m thinking, and we could get to that level of power exchange that we couldn’t when we were drunk. It was wonderful.
We then went to Long Life Veggie House, which is currently my favorite Chinese restaurant. It is all vegetarian, but they have fake chicken and such, much like my other favorite Chinese restaurant, Shanghai Cafe. LLVH has breaded strips of chicken for their lemon chicken and sweet and sour chicken and it’s so yummy and reminds me of when I was a kid, plus they have brown rice… anyway, off topic. He took the majority of the rest of the fried rice when I wanted more, and I was going to point it out but decided to keep my mouth shut because he could take what he wanted, and leaving me any was nice of him, it was his decision, and this is what my thought process was, which is HUGE, and not something I would have thought probably even the day before. I wanted to point it out to him, too, but I didn’t, because that would be like bragging about how good I was, heh. So I just kept my mouth shut and took what he had left me. I felt really good and happy about doing that. I felt like we were finally getting somewhere with this. I felt like I was finally doing right.
We came home and continued our horror movie marathon and I did as he told me all through the night, and was only difficult a few times, though a few times too many according to him, of course. I was trying, though, and got irritated a few times, I don’t remember why really. It was good, though. We went downstairs and watched an episode of House and decided we were too tired to fuck.
Sunday/Today
I woke him up by stroking his cock and he ended up cumming in my mouth. I made pancakes for breakfast and then some nachos since we weren’t quite full from the pancakes. We watched Firewall and cuddled and he had me do things for him, as he had the last two days, like get him drinks and whatnot. He made me give him some of my lemon sour fruit salad candy even though I had saved those for last and when I said so he said that therefore I should be honored to give them to him, since I thought they were the best. I just shut up and gave him two of the four that were left. After the movie I came down here and have been working on this entry.
I guess in some ways it doesn’t seem like we’ve changed, but internally it does. I actually feel submissive to him. He’s making me feel like a cherished pet, which I need, and a filthy whore, which I crave. I’m feeling more like his than I have in a while, and it’s wonderful. Thank you, Master, for changing this with me.