Pleasure is my business, my life, my joy, my purpose.

Tag: genders

Seven, Sieben, Siete, Sju

Seven quirks/habits/facts about myself. Some of this information may be known by some and not by others, so…

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1. Butch Despite my high femme appearance lately in high school I was extremely butch. I kept my hair anywhere from shaved to about 3″ long. For a long time I would only play men in plays. I shaved my head once and kept it shaved for a while. I went to my Junior prom in a black suit and fedora with pink tie, socks, and hair to match my date’s pink dress. I still don’t really feel female, I don’t feel male either, though I also wonder if someone can feel like their sex if they know that their sex and gender do not have to be correlated. I now identify as a femme drag queen, or high femme sometimes, but I still love putting on men’s suits and hiding my hair under a fedora every once in a while.

2. Hair Dye I am addicted to dying my hair. Although this has changed in the last few years as I have been growing my hair out and it is extremely damaged due to my hair dying for a while in high school I used to dye my hair about once a week. I have had nearly every color in my hair which you can think of: red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple, pink, blonde, brown, redhead, black, silver, teal, turquoise, light green, dark green, light purple, dark purple, reddish purple, blueish purple, fuscia, orangey red, pinkish red, blood red/scarlet, light red, light pink, hot pink, etc. Currently my hair is black and while I love it I also miss having other colors in it but can’t because I’m not allowed to at work. Instead of dying now I wear hair falls.

3. Astrology (while I do mention this in my profile and have the filter, this is slightly different) I’ve taken quite a few classes on astrology by a (certified, I believe) astrologist. I have learned quite a lot and know (barely) how to interprate a chart and the basics of most things. Although this is true, I have trouble with interpreting a number of things, mostly that which I do not have in my chart or that which I have retrograde or etc. I can intellectually explain and understand them, but I can’t feel them like I feel other signs/planets/etc.

4. IRC I am addicted to going on IRC. This ebbs and flows as addictions do, but I love going on there. Usually I go to irc.bondage.com or irc.sexnet.org or often both. You can find me in various channels on either network. Master and I even met on IRC, on sexnet in a channel called #group-sex (back in the golden age of g-s). The majority of our relationship was developed over bondage.com, however, but we originally met on sexnet. I have made many friends this way, and though many of you know this already many of you don’t.

5. Body Modifications Though I do say this in my profile, that I am “a body-mod addict (thirty-four piercings and eight tattoos)” I do not describe those. I love body modifications in general, and I would like to apprentace as a piercer one day soon. My piercings: 19 in my ears (6 in each lobe (12), three cartilage, a rook, a traigus, and an orbital (which I count as two as it’s two holes)), three in my nose (two on one side, one on the other), my tongue, +’s in my nipples (two barbells in each), a vertical clitoral hood (vch), and six in my inner labia (three in each). My tattoos: a stylized heart on my left breast, a small cancer (zodiac) symbol on my right breast (cancer rules the breasts and stomach), a small aries (zodiac) symbol behind my left ear (aries rules the head and neck), what I like to call “lovers entwined” between my breasts, bettie page by olivia (the photo does not do it justice) “don’t tread on me” (see icon) on my right thigh, elvgren’s pinup witch on my right calf (again, photos do not do it justice), a key with heart-shaped handle on my left wrist, and a heart-shaped padlock which looks like it goes under my skin on my right wrist.

6. Musicals I love musicals. Lately my addiction is Sweeney Todd, but before that has been The Producers, Rent, and tons of others including Marilyn Monroe and Audrey Hepburn musicals, among others.

7. Vintage and Retro I love vintage and retro clothing as well as many of my idols are from earlier eras such as Mae West and Bettie Page. Also, I was into this before it became the “big thing.” I cut my hair in image of Bettie’s freshman year of high school and then cut it short again, but once I started growing it out I have had it like hers since. I used to get asked “who is that?” when I would wear tshirts or have something with her on it, now I get “did you see the movie?” This is mildly annoying.

The Importance of Identity Politics and How They Have Shaped the Queer Rights Movement

Ever since the academic appearance of the concept of homosexuality in 1869 homosexuals and others with non-normative sexual orientations and non-normative genders have been studied and attempted to be defined (Faderman, 41). Many different definitions and labels have been produced to appeal to different factions of non-normative sexual identities, some of which have been taken from slurs and taunts as a means to empower them that reclaim it. Identities and labels of those who claim non-normative sexual orientations help people fit in within society as well as within groups. It is nearly impossible to escape a label in this society.

Some claim, however, that labels based on gender and sexual orientation are imprisoning, and reduce people into one state of being instead of recognizing the complexities of individuals. Through exploration of labels of the past, and examining the current evolution of labels, I shall show the importance of labels within the queer rights movement. Labels, while potentially restrictive, are a necessary catalyst for the advancing of queer rights, because by defining and choosing our labels we are then able to deconstruct and, later, abolish those labels.

When the term “homosexual” was first defined it was labeled both as a gender deviance or a sexual partner preference deviance, depending on the sexologist doing the labeling. In 1897 the label of sexual inversion was given to homosexuals by Havlock Ellis, with which he categorized homosexuals into several different and distinct categories. Ellis was ahead of his time in several ways: he was the first to attempt to categorize homosexuals into distinct classifications, and the first to talk of homosexuality as a permanent identity, which was not widely accepted until the 1920s (Ellis, 122).

“Homosexual” is seen as a clinical term, first used by scientists and psychologists, and while it has been used widely since its inception, the term was put onto those who were deemed homosexuals, not chosen by homosexuals for themselves. Pejorative terms such as fairy, fag, queer, and dyke also have questionable beginnings and lineage. Though, often the people on whom those terms were being applied chose to turn around and embrace them, disempowering their impact by wearing them proudly like a badge.

Before 1973 homosexuality was considered a psychological disorder by the American Psychological Association (APA) and was included in their Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of mental disorders (DSM) (D’Emilio 13). In 1973 it was removed from the DSM but was replaced by ego-dystonic homosexuality in 1980. Ego-dystonic homosexuality was not simply characterized by having homosexual desires, but by having unwanted homosexual desires, which were interfering with the normal heterosexual desires you were “supposed” to be having. This newer disorder of ego-dystonic homosexuality was later taken out of the DSM in 1986, and no disorders regarding homosexuality remain in the DSM today (Herek). The terms gay and lesbian have more personal resonance within the queer movement than the term homosexual because they were not developed within an academic rhetoric and are not associated with the “pathological” disorder of homosexuality.

‘Gay’ and ‘lesbian’ have no specific date of origin, but did not come into common mainstream usage until around the 1970s and the beginning of the queer rights movement (then the gay rights movement), though they had been around for many years before that. The labels for deviant sexual orientations throughout the years since the beginning of the modern gay movement have changed significantly. Starting out simply gay and lesbian, becoming broader and more inclusive with lesbian, gay, and bisexual, then gender was added into the mix with lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender, and then come the micro labels which are in common usage today: lesbian, gay, bisexual, omnisexual, pansexual, sapiosexual, transgender, transsexual, transvestite, cross-dresser, cisgender, genderqueer, gender bender, asexual, ally, queer, intersexed, intergendered, questioning, unsure, same gender loving, men who have sex with men, women who have sex with women, two-spirited, etc. The semantics of the movement are slowly moving toward using a catch-all umbrella term—queer—to encompass all of these terms and more. This progression is extremely important, in relationship to the progression of the queer movement.

Micro-identities, for the purpose of this paper, are more defined and specific, and relate to a larger, more well-known or mainstream identity. Dyke, butch, and femme are all micro-identities of lesbian identity just as fag, queen, and macho are all micro-identities of gay identity. Micro-identities have been a part of queer identities since the early 20th century when identities regarding sexual orientation became commonplace. There have always been different terms (Ellis, 22; Faderman, 59). Today individuals within the queer movement are choosing and creating micro-identities which define their own distinctive selves. People are coming up with relatively new terms such as “sapiosexual” or simply stringing a number of micro-identities together to create one identity such as “bio-female omnisexual genderqueer femme drag queen,” instead of simply choosing broad identities such as gay, lesbian, or bisexual.

While identifying with a term can help to claim a part of the self, such terms can also become stifling and limiting in their definitions. The more defined and specific the label is the more restricting and imposing the label becomes. Once one claims an identity they are then often seen as only having that identity, and not given room to maneuver within or outside of it. Should someone claim a micro-identity which is slightly difficult to outwardly express, such as the example above, they are often put into categories by those who observe them which do not fit their own self-identity. By only being seen as one of potentially multiple identities a person is only seen as a fraction of themselves, or by not having their identity recognized by others, that person may be seen as someone they are not. In this society and many others there are very strict ideas of how a person is supposed to look or behave depending on their culturally perceived identity, which is extremely limiting both for people who do and do not fit into their perceived identity (Third World Gay Revolution and Gay Liberation Front 297).

The sexual orientation identities of gay and lesbian are often tangled with a gender stereotype, and there is no way to untangle them (Third World Gay Revolution and Gay Liberation Front 297). The gender identification which is stereotypically related to gays or lesbians is often that of the culturally “wrong” or “incorrect” gender, that is, masculine females for lesbians and feminine males for gay men. With the assumption of the socially correct gender comes the assumption of the socially correct sexual orientation, that is, a “real” masculine male must only be attracted to a “real” feminine female, and visa versa. When the sexual orientation is non-normative, the gender assumption is as well. However, “gender identity, being entirely artificial, has little to do with sexual orientation, this is another way gay oppression is used to keep people in line” (297). While gender deviance and non-normative sexual orientations can be linked in many people, there are also many people who have the socially correct gender presentation while still having a non-normative sexual orientation.

Foucault and other post-modernists claim that through the construction of these identities we are taught ways in which to not only police others to see if they fit into these categories, but also to police ourselves. We must consider, at every moment, what sort of presentation we are giving, if our body and mannerisms are aligning with our supposed gender or not. Because of this self-policing and the sense of permanent visibility of our selves to ourselves, to others, and to society, conformity, and specifically in this case gender conformity, is possible and also encouraged (Wilchins, 69).

Through this idea of self policing we are also able to see how gender roles and identities are socially constructed. Without the constant pressure of society to conform into these gender roles, we would all simply do as we chose. According to Foucault, there was a shift around the historical period of the Enlightenment which moved the ideas of purity and decency from simply decency of acts to decency of thoughts and desires as well, even if they were never acted upon. Since then this has permeated society, we are taught that even our thoughts must be controlled and proper, and this includes our ideas about hetero- and homosexuality as well as what gender we must express and when and where it is acceptable to act in certain ways. This idea of self-policing extends identities which are non-normative, any identity which has a stereotype associated with it, including gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, and so on, is subject to self-policing. This is another reason for the expansion into micro identities, especially those which are not widely known or not stereotyped. Without a stereotype that we must fall into we are free to act as we choose.

What the queer rights movement is expanding toward currently is back to a generalizing term that can encompass all gender deviance and sexual orientations while still encouraging individualistic micro identities. It is the youth within the movement who are embracing the term “queer” and working toward the very post-modern idea of abolishing labels. The ideas behind the queer rights movement are becoming more post-modern in theory and activist practice. Breaking down of all the micro-labels into one overarching label of “queer” or simply saying “don’t label me,” which is another strong movement within queer youth, are both ways which the youth of today are deconstructing the idea of labels, and getting to a point of potential abolishment.

When either sexual orientation or gender identity are non-normative, the expression of these non-normative identities works on breaking down the assumed gender roles and assumed heteronormativity of our society. This is accomplished through simply the ability to have a gender identity or sexual orientation which is out of the norm and thus subversive. This confronts other’s mainstream ideas about sexuality and sexual orientation. In this way, the production of micro-identities and labeling down to a fine very specific and individualistic detail allows for not only a wider array of people to consider themselves part of this deviant sexual culture but also for a broader idea of those within the queer culture and queer rights movement. Getting down to these almost nit picky identities and dividing the community into these micro-identities allows for the community to solidify across identities and to form a major movement in which everyone is represented.

Just as in order for someone to come up with the idea of post-modernism society first had to have modernism, in order to work toward abolishing labels in the context of gender and sexual orientation identities we have to define those labels within the queer community. “As Judy Grahn said, “If anyone were allowed to fall in love with anyone, the word ‘homosexual’ wouldn’t be needed”” (Third World Gay Revolution and Gay Liberation Front 289). And so, to work towards that ideal future where these labels and terms for “alternative” and “deviant” sexual orientations are not needed, we first had to go through the process of finding those labels and painstakingly dividing ourselves into neat little categories before we are able to tear down those ideas and live without inequalities. There is a long road to go before all deviant sexual orientations and gender identities find themselves accepted by the mainstream, but labeling and deconstruction are both working toward that, just as the queer rights movement is as a whole.

Works Cited
D’emilio, John. “After Stonewall.” Queer Cultures. Ed. Deborah Carlin and Jennifer Digrazia. Upper Saddle River, New Jersey: Prentice Hall, 2004. 3-37.
Ellis, Havelock. “A More or Less Distinct Trace of Masculinity.” Engendering America: a Documentary History, 1865 to the Present. Comp. Muncy Robin and Michel Sonya. McGraw-Hill College, 1999. 122-125.
Faderman, Lillian. Odd Girls and Twilight Lovers: a History of Lesbian Life in Twentieth-Century America. New York: Penguin, 1991.
Third World Gay Revolution and Gay Liberation Front. “The Imprisoning and Artificial Labels of Gay, Straight, and Bi.” Engendering America: a Documentary History, 1865 to the Present. Comp. Muncy Robin and Michel Sonya. McGraw-Hill College, 1999. 296-298.
Wilchins, Riki. Queer Theory, Gender Theory. Los Angeles: Alyson Books, 2004.

The Paradox of Femme-ininity As Transgender Identity

The paper I wrote for my Gender and Sexual Orientation class. It is rather long and somewhat academic.

The Paradox of Femme-ininity As Transgender Identity

Simone de Beauvoir (1949) states in The Second Sex “one is not born a woman, but, rather, becomes one.” Judith Butler (1990) asserts in her analysis of gender in Gender Trouble that woman is to copy as copy is to copy, therefore there is no original when speaking of traditional gender roles or gender in and of itself, it is all a reproduction of something else. If these two statements are taken to be true, than anyone could become a woman, a man, or any other gender role which they desire. If women are not born then no other gendered identity is born either. Is gender, then, whatever we make of it?

Traditionally in our society gender roles are supposed to follow the sex which the gendered body is representing. Male bodies grow up to be men/masculine and female bodies grow up to be women/feminine. This isn’t always the case. Transgendered people throw off these two neatly defined gender categories which are socialized into us from day one. While multiple definitions can be applied to the term ‘transgender,’ it is generally and broadly defined as any gender deviance from the (two) traditional socially accepted genders (OutProud, 2007).

The term femme can have multiple meanings and interpretations as well: “[m]any femmes are lesbians, but femmes are also drag queens, straight sex workers, nelly fags, all strong women and sassy men” (Camilleri & Rose, 2002). Some have gone so far as to say “[t]rying to define femme is like trying to capture the essence of mystery” (Drinkwater, 2006) because it is an extremely subjectively defined identity, as all identities are. Specifically in this paper, however, the use of the gender femme in relation to genetic females who identify as femme will be examined.

Bender

Read in Episode #4 of The Sacred and Shameless Sexcast.

you had told me i was hot as a boy, and so i’ve decided to dress up for you this late saturday night. i grabbed clothing sneakily while you were in the bathroom and went downstairs to put it on. i put on my old bondage jeans which i hardly wear anymore, and a button-up shirt and tie. i wish i could find my find my fedora, but i think it’s probably on top of a box somewhere, waiting to be found, and not for tonight. instead i part my hair down the center, and slick it to the side to get rid of my girly bangs. though, i did put on a lacy bra, because i wanted enough of the boy to shine through as well as the woman underneath. i want to be neither one or the other but both at the same time, which was the same reason i stepped into my strap-on and adjusted it just before donning the jeans.

i smirk as i look in the mirror, reaching down to adjust my silicone-hard cock, the outline of which is visible against my denim-covered thigh. i lick my lips, try out looks at myself in the mirror, find one that is a suitable “i’m going to make you do me” look, a look that, even though it’s my reflection, makes me melt a little as i look at myself. all i can think of is “damn i’m hot” and “damn, -this- is going to be hot.”

i go, now impatient, upstairs, turn the corner, the other, see you sitting on our bed, reading a book. i paste on the look i practiced in the mirror and strut casually into the doorframe, leaning against it, waiting until you notice me. i see the look of shock and surprise, and that only causes me to lift my chin a little higher, cast a more hardened look at you, my lips threatening to curl into a smile. i can already feel my cunt getting wet between my legs, the feel of the cock already growing familiar instead of foreign.

instead of saying anything i move over towards you, standing next to the bed, and take your hand, with a tiny smile. i slide your fingers against the cock, and somehow the feeling is electric inside of me. i can feel the silicone attached to me, as if it were my own. i smirk at you, wiggle my eyebrows, just once, in an expectant silent command. i watch as your surprise turns into interest, and then excitement. I reach over and slide my fingers against your own cock through your jeans.

i move a leg up onto the bed, parting my thighs, the cock between my legs adjusts and i move my hands to my crotch, undoing my pyramid studded belt, unbuttoning and unzipping the pants slowly, and pulling out my hard black silicone cock. i bend over, my breasts pressing against the fabric of my shirt as i do, and i kiss you, hard, insistantly, tongue probing your mouth, almost reversing roles, though knowing they aren’t really changed. i break the kiss, look into your eyes and grin mischieviously, then tug your lips down, the book in your hands forgotten on the other side of the bed, your lips moving towards my hard cock, watching as your tongue slides against it. i can’t help but groan at the sight of it, and at the same moment your lips engulf the tip of my attached erection.

i lick my lips and watch as you play with my fake cock, wondering why i hadn’t done this sooner. you look so hot with my cock in your mouth. i slide my fingers into your hair and groan again, watching you as you start to slide your lips down the length, playing with it, teasing it as i often tease your cock. i can somehow feel your lips through the silicone, sending white hot shocks to my clit, feeling my cunt getting even wetter, and knowing that it’s delicious smell is seeping into the air.

you slide your fingers under my cock as you lick and suck at it, as i watch you. your fingers slip against the zipper of my jeans and find my hole even as you continue to lick at my length. i moan, loudly, as you slip a finger against my folds. the base of the cock and the leather of the harness rest against my mound, leaving my slit open, and my clit avaliable, and you realize this, sliding your finger up to find my aching clit, hot and burning with need. i buck my hips, causing the ever-hard shaft to jut into your mouth another inch, and i hear you groan.

your finger starts to rub, and i fight the urge to start fucking your face, jamming my cock down your throat, instead i just grip your head and buck against your mouth softly, shuddering as you easily bring me close to cumming, feeling the suction of your lips against the fake black cock. everything growing heightened, stiffened, aching, needy, and finally feeling the release i was craving, cumming hard against you.

you let me come down from my excitement, slipping your lips off my length, and i reach down to slide a finger against it, leaning down to kiss you sweetly, grinning against your lips, and knowing we’re not done yet.

Hermaphroditic Drag Queen?

From my reading response for my Gender and Sexual Orientation class today. Losing Sue is about MtF transsexuals.

“One thing in Losing Sue that was interesting to me was the introduction of Della/Del, and him saying “I prefer being called “he,” but I don’t really identify as a man. I identify more as a hermaphrodyke.” Why does being something in between man and woman end up looking masculine? Is it because masculine is the powered gender and therefore feminine is the queer gender, and to be something in between you have to be less feminine? Does that even make sense? It makes me think of Wilchins in Queer Theory, Gender Theory who talks about, well, a lot of things, but when she talks about her own sexual reassignment and how it’s valid to say “I feel like a woman trapped in a man’s body” but it’s not valid to say “I feel like a herm trapped in a man’s body.”

I know there is a debate regarding the gender binary perpetuation of transsexuals, and I think it comes out, partially, of what I’m talking about above. Regardless of what we try to accomplish, also, society ends up putting everyone in one of two categories: man and woman. If you don’t fit, we try to find out the “real” gender of the person, what they “really” must be, because people don’t get the facsimile of all gender, like we were talking about two class periods ago. I often feel like any gender outside the two binaries is a waste of time, and my gender specifically is because what am I challenging? Anything? I’m not sure if I could say that I feel “female” but, really, I don’t know what that means. I feel trans because even though I am genetically female I don’t think there is much that goes along with that, aside from my physical self, but that only goes so far. However, because I’m female and enjoy femininity it’s seen as more normal than most other things. Could I identify as a hermaphroditic drag queen? Sure. Would it do much to change the way society perceives me? Very little, unless I wore a button/shirt saying “I’m a hermaphroditic drag queen, ask me how!” But most likely people would just get confused.”

More about this later, perhaps.

My Gender Identity

I’m a gothic/gothabilly-looking femme drag queen.

Let me explain.

I add gothic/gothabilly-looking into my gender identity, because it dictates how my gender is expressed. If I was punk or lolita or more mainstream my gender would be expressed in a much different way. As it is, I’m beginning to adopt some things which are a little unusual for the gothic/gothabilly image, but I’m not a stickler to it either, and I’m not a stickler to my gender either.

I believe my gender is fluid. When I put a label on it, “femme drag queen,” I use that as at once slightly ambiguous as well as solid. I don’t believe it is really either. I can also identify as “trans” or “queer” as my gender, although I prefer “femme drag queen.”

It has taken me a long time to get to this identity. I was kind of oblivious for a long time, just kind of doing whatever, and rather feminine, but also not, and for many years I would only mostly play male characters in plays. I felt masculine, part of me feels more male than female, though I know and love the fact that I have a cunt, and this is partially where the drag queen identity comes in, though not only. I was rather femmish butch in high school, but mostly butch. I shaved my head, I was rather punkish, I felt rather masculine, though I also wore skirts. I had a friend’s father think I was a boy in a dress instead of a woman with a shaved head at one point, and I think it’s almost more accurate. I was kind of affronted at the time, but now I look back and I smile.

I recognize the fact that all gender is drag. “Woman is to copy as copy is to copy.” There is no “natural” or “innate” or “perfect” gender. All gender is a performance of gender, all gender expression is unnatural, all gender expression is fake, is a copy, is drag. And I love it. This is also partially where my gender identification of “drag queen” comes in.

Femininity as experienced by lesbians vs. bi/pan/omni-sexual females or males vs. straight females or males vs. gay males vs. any other sex (biological bodies) and sexual (who you sleep with) identities is extremely different for each group. The femininity which I can attain as an omnisexual female is not the same as the femninity which an omnisexual male or a gay male could attain. However, the femininity I identify with is that of omnisexual or gay males. The femininity I identify with is that of drag queens, both in subdued and extreme forms. The femininity I feel like I desire is a trans or queer femininity.

I am constantly performing my gender, and I love my gender, but it’s not something easily identified by those outside of myself. This isn’t a bad thing, I think, as on one hand it allows me to get closer to those who view me as typically feminine, and it allows me to shake up the ideas of it, though I don’t do that as often as I’d like, but I also do.

I’ve been told that I had a huge influence in my high school. My radical behavior influenced others to go do what they wanted and look the way they wanted and claim queer identities if they wanted. I’ve been told I’ve had a huge influence on my friends, one of which told me that she started wearing different clothing, clothing that she has always wanted to but never had the guts to, once we became friends and she watched me. She noticed me wearing whatever I wanted, wearing anything that I wanted, not caring about what others thought, and because of that she began to wear the clothing that she had previously been to self-conscious to wear. I know I have influence on people, and that simply by being me I can influence others (and I’m not meaning to sound pompous or pretentious or something, this is seriously what I’ve been told). It took me aback when I was told these things, but I’m glad I was told.

Not many people really get my gender at first mention of it, and a lot of people think that it’s something which is not challenging behaviors or thoughts, but the thing is it doesn’t matter as much to me what I’m challenging in others, though it does matter to an extent, but mostly I just want to be me.

ButchFemme by Team Gina

I found this through my sister a while ago, and I just love it so much. We’re reading about butch/femme this week in Gender & Sexual Orientation, which made me want to post this for everyone, ’cause everyone needs to see it.

It’s simply called ButchFemme and by a pair in Seattle with wonderful lines like:
“you don’t see as many of them anymore, not like back in the day, you know, when they had to wear three pieces of women’s clothing not to be arrested…”
“I like butch girls and I cannot lie. You other femmes can’t deny, when a butch walks in all the femmes wanna fuss ‘cause there’s one of them and thirty of us”
“sometimes I miss the butch/femme dynamic”
“I like a girl whose pants hang off her ass. I like a girl with a little bit of body mass. I like a girl who knows she makes me gawk at her star tattoos, sun glasses, and mohawk.”
“Write me letters, bring me flowers, screw me all night for hours and hours.”
A cute little flag to the hanky code (“Hey butch girl i’m kind of having a problem, I see from your hanky that you’re flagging a bottom. It’s not that I want to be a sterotype, a passive femme girl, receptive, polite. But come on, is your bark worse than your bite? are you really gonna make me Top you tonight? i’m not trying to be predictable, but you’re going to have to pin me against this wall.” “Oh, is that what that bandana meant? Oh, no, I must have had that in the wrong pocket or something. No… no, no… I’m a Top, I swear!”)
and so many more.

Team Gina’s myspace page

Bisexuality

The question of bisexuality comes back to the question of sexuality in general, and if queer sexualities are made or innate or a third option. In the study of male arousal the conclusion was that, by genital arousal alone, there is no such thing as bisexuality. This also brings up the question of what constitutes a sexual orientation. Are bisexuals people who are only physically aroused by one body type but who are mentally aroused or desirous or emotionally bonded to other body types, or who are indiscriminatory as to the type of body their lover has. If we can learn to be attracted to different body types for whatever reason, doesn’t that mean that everyone could be bisexual? Is it just mental blocks which keep people from being bisexual?

The issues around the term and existence of bisexuality as outlined in (Con)tested Identities are ones which I have muddled around in my brain for quite some time. I am currently with a male partner, though, over the last ten years or so (ever since I had a conscious thought about sexual orientation) I have identified as anywhere from lesbian to bisexual. At the same time, I wouldn’t ascribe to him strictly a masculine gender. A further question: how does gender play into sexual orientation? Is it all about bodies? What about a bisexual who only likes the masculine gender, regardless of body? Would ze be bisexual but monogendered? Do we really need to dig that far into it anyway?

How does bisexual sexual orientation change dependent on the relationship the person is in at the time? I happen to have a female (sort of) lover as well, does that mean that I am a “real” bisexual while others may not be because they practice monogamy? I noticed how this isn’t exactly addressed, though the ideas of promiscuity and fidelity are. Does it make a difference that my partner is also bisexual? Does it matter?

I too have felt distanced from the queer community when I mention I have a male partner, though I don’t openly admit to my polyamory. I use the term partner freely but have caught myself saying “boyfriend” at work instead and realize my aims at using the term, the ability I have to use heteronormative terms to quell the question that my using partner arises. Is this wrong of me? I am invoking heterosexual privilege because I can. I am acting like the bisexual threat to queerness perhaps.

From (Con)tested Identities: “dissatisfaction with existing labels results in the development and exploration of the utility of alternative labels, for example… “pansexual,” “polyamorous” and “polysexual.” A number of other participants also discuss variously using alternate terms like “hetero-flexible,” “gender freak” and “gender non-specific.” This made me think of a couple things, to be explored. The last town I lived in, alternate terms such as pansexual or multisexual were well known in the queer community, however, when I moved here I’ve been asked what I mean when I say pansexual or multisexual or (my personal favorite and invention) intellisexual (which I generally explain before I even have the chance to be asked—attracted to minds not bodies), I was also told “I’ve only heard one other person use that term.” This may just be because that was Southern Oregon (Ashland) and this is Utah, and I think that plays a large part in it, but even in the queer community it is unknown, and this makes me wonder.

Where and how do these ideas travel? Are they simply word of mouth, are they by academic literature such as we are reading? Are they through taking queer oriented classes and questioning? How does the queer community thrive? How are do discursive identities spread?

Also the quote: “And, the irony is that in a second I would bring my girlfriend to, you know, straight events and it’s like, you know, this is, this is my girlfriend, deal with it. Like I’m so ready to do that. But so not ready to like bring a man to a gay function and say this is my boyfriend, deal with it. (PI6)” From what I’ve revealed I would assume it’s obvious where this hits home for me. For the first time in my life, really, I am in a solid relationship with a male which is the longest of my life, and I am also feeling uncomfortable in queer situations. For the first year after I moved here I was rather avoidant of getting into queer situations (bad term), and still rather am. I was the president of the student union at my previous university and the founder of the GSA at my high school, and yet now I’m worried to attend queer events?

Is this simply something in me now? I think part of it is. I feel ashamed that I’m with a male, yet claim intellisexuality or multisexuality or queerness in general. My lesbian butch dyke sister calls herself queer, can I claim the same identity, or is that blasphemous? I really do feel that I am in the middle, unsure of what I can and cannot claim, though knowing that I don’t want to claim heterosexuality, though I jokingly will say that I’m “half heterosexual.”

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