Tag: control

Spider Gag

On February 12, 2008

Read in Episode #5 of The Sacred and Shameless Sexcast.

I lick my lips once more before the ability to do so is taken away, opening my mouth as he takes the spider gag I bought specifically for this and hooks it behind my teeth, effectively keeping my mouth open a whole wide two inches, easy access for whatever he would like to do to me, and, if we’re lucky, drool dribbling down my chin, emphasizing the baseness of my position. I moan oddly, sort of muffled but also loudly, due to the steel ring between my teeth. The four metal feet of it rubbing softly against my cheeks as my mouth is held open, as he buckles the strap behind my head.

Next, my arms are taken from my sides and brought to the back of me, soft rope twining around them, black rope, if I know the tool he is using, he captures my wrists together and then works on binding my arms, winding the rope around, one bit at a time, inching up my forearms. I try to lick my lips again, my attention focused on the rope, and I remember the gag, the drool already pooling in my mouth, able to lick at my bottom lip and barely at my top as I try, testing my mobility.

Somehow he’s seen this, and slides his finger into my mouth stroking my tongue as I wiggle it to meet his finger, chuckling softly at my inability to suckle it as he knows I would like to. I whimper, again muffled yet loud, wiggling my hips and then my shoulders, shifting my arms to test the strength of the rope. He tsks, “not yet, pet, I haven’t tied it off.”

I grunt a sound which is supposed to convey a pout, since I am unable to physically pout, and I can sense his smile from behind me. His hands both go back to the task at hand. The rope stops in the middle of my forearms, keeping them together, making me strain a bit to keep them that way, my shoulder blades pulled back, my chest thrust out. He comes around to the front of me, still standing before him, and he grins. I am already naked for him, but he is still fully clothed. Looking at him, this difference becomes even more emphasized in my mind, and I glance down at my nakedness and at his slacks and button-up shirt.

I squirm a little, uncomfortable, but knowing that in my uncomfortableness, my being exposed and vulnerable to him, my cunt is already getting wet. He watches me for a few moments before saying, simply, “display.” It is said softly, but with a steely sternness, it is a command and I squirm a little, striving to press my breasts out a little farther than they are, displaying them to him first, my legs together, still, with my head level and my eyes down. His hands move to my large breasts, feeling the weight of them, moving his fingers over the pierced nipples, flicking them softly, watching me whimper as he plays with them, a bit of drool already dribbling down my chin. I feel my cheeks warm with the heat of my blush.

He nods, his hands moving down to his sides, a signal for me to move to the next item on display, I shift, awkwardly spreading my legs, stepping out so that my thighs are nice and widely parted so his fingers can seek out the already damp folds of me, playing with my piercings, tugging at them softly, flicking at the bar running through my clit hood, a smile playing across his face as i whimper and try not to squirm, growing damper at his touch.

He slides his hand from my sex and moves his fingers to my mouth. I want to suck the juices off of them, but settle for trying to wrap my tongue around them instead, making my mouth water, and more drool dribbling down my chin. He removes his fingers and slides one down the trail of saliva dripping down my chin, laughing and catching my eyes with his own. “Dirty slut, can’t help but drool all over your chin…” he slides his hand back to my cunt, moving his finger against my thigh where some of my juices have dripped “and your thighs.”

I feel my cheeks burning at his words, sure that they must be a deep shade of pink at his comment, and yet feeling my cunt grow wetter still, my hips instantly moving toward his hand even at his cruel but teasing words. He just takes his hand away with a chuckle and nods, growling “show me that ass, whore.”

I whimper and turn around, struggling with bound arms to bend over. With the bed behind me I rest one shoulder against it, trying not to look back at him. Normally I would spread my cheeks for him, but that was impossible in my current situation, instead I strained my fingers as if I was trying to, so he knew that I was at least trying. The air was cool against the heat and wetness of my cunt as it was exposed, all of me exposed and even more vulnerable, my chin against our black sheets.

“Try not to drool all over my sheets, slut.” I attempt to shift my head, but can’t, and at that moment I feel his wet finger press against my tight backdoor and then plunge inside. He starts to fuck my little asshole with his finger, laughing at my muffled moans of pleasure and as I press back toward the invading digit, my hips grind back, sweet juices dripping down my thighs. Just as suddenly as his finger had entered my ass, I feel three slipping into my drooling cunt, filling both holes at once as he began rhythmically filling and unfilling each hole at opposite moments. I am going crazy with lust. Though as soon as it had started, it stopped.

“Next.” I whimper loudly, pressing my ass back toward him, trying to seek out the fingers which had been taken away from me, and, unable to find them, I just humped the air. The sound of a slap permeates the air and I feel a smart sting on my left cheek, even without looking I can tell it was the strap, and I’m going to get more if I don’t do as instructed. The last hole to be examined of his property was the mouth. The already drooling mouth, still aching to be used as it had from the moment the gag was placed within it. The mouth which was completely in his control, doing as he wished, taking all ability from me to swallow my saliva unconsciously, as we all do, and rather exposing my helpless position before him. I struggled to regain my composure as quickly as I could, but still got another smart smack to my right cheek, I was not moving fast enough.

I mumble something unintelligible and attempt to stand from my position. Finding that extremely difficult, I slide to my knees and turn around from there, meaning to stand after I doing so, in order to present my mouth properly. Instead of being able to stand instead his hand griped my hair and pulled my mouth to his very hard cock, not knowing when exactly he had unzipped his pants to let it out. I gag as he easily presses every inch of his cock past my lips, as I’m unable to keep it from pressing into my throat. I squeeze my thighs together and start to grind my hips against myself as he begins fucking my very accessible mouth, using it easily as drool begins to dribble down my chin.

A low moan escapes his thraot as he uses his grip on my head to guide my mouth up and down his shaft, now coated and shiny with my spit. He is already so close to cumming after playing with and teasing my body, his property. He uses my mouth easily, making me gag as he does, making my eyes water, making my cunt ache and my clit throb. I whimper again as he pulls my mouth away from his cock, I try to move forward reaching for his cock with my held-open mouth, but his hand stops me again, hand still in my hair, as his other began stroking his cock.

I stick out my tongue and wait for just a few long moments, looking up at him, pleading sounds coming from my mouth just before he groans and his cock starts spurting his cum across my face, coating me with it. Once his orgasm subsides he moves his cockhead against my tongue so that I can lap at the tip, tasting the last drops of cum.

His hand moves from my hair and rubs his cum against my face, mixing it with the drool, grinning down at me. “Such a good whore pet” he says, his other hand still stroking his cock, still slightly hard and getting harder again. “Now you get your reward…”

I Don't Want to Win

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On February 5, 2008

In a Love: Onyx

So, over the weekend, a few things happened. Master and I had a long talk about issues, like the last post about us. I’ve been extremely resistant lately, more than I would like to admit to. We are finally moving forward in our M/s relationship, we have guidelines, we have structure, and still I resist, and even more strongly, even though I was the one to encourage the changes. I can’t help but wonder about myself in these regards. I was the one desiring it, and yet still I’m the one resisting. How much sense does that make? And, yet, knowing what I do about psychology and about myself, it makes a lot of sense.

As mentioned previously, I’m a control freak. I love being in control, and yet I have the desire to be broken, but not permanently broken but… a temporary breaking. It’s hard to explain. I have such a tight rein on myself most of the time that makes it very difficult for me to give that over to another, while at the same time longing to be able to. I think that a lot of it, too, is I need to know that he is worthy of it, not only that he is worthy but that he can best me. I said this, and it confused him.

We talk a lot about equality, and he said that me wanting him to best me was counter to that, and I agreed. The funny thing is, I want equality except for when we’re not equal. Better to say, really, is I want equity. I want us to be unequal but of equal worth, sort of, while still being able to be called a dirty whore and lovely things like that. I want to be below him while both of us honoring both of our positions, not just his, both of us knowing that we are both to be cherished, that we are both of equal value and worth while at the same time he having power over me. I want us to be inherently equal, but unequal by choice. Perhaps this makes sense.

I recalled to him a story I once read, which was a morning-after story, basically, after a weekend of strict M/s. The high protocol was over from the night before, but the submissive was still acting as if she was in high protocol, just automatically. She did a few things and then took a step back and went “wait a minute, I don’t need to do this” and so she stopped. The story went on from there, but this is the important part.

I want to be able to do that. I want to get to a place where I am essentially broken though broken in a way that still retains my core self) and then be able to have that realization moment and move back into the “me” space, slip back into low protocol, and have high protocol my automatic motion. Currently it is the opposite, and currently it is almost painfully difficult to move into high protocol. Hopefully this will change with what I talked about last time, but we shall see.

This may sound harsher than I mean it, or it may sound wholly unrealistic, but I don’t think it is, not in the way I mean it anyway. It’s difficult to explain, perhaps, and I’m not even sure I’m getting the meaning across, but I’m trying to.

Basically, I need to know that he is better than me, that he can best me at any time, that he is above me, that he can master me with all the implications that term can have). I need to know this in my being before I can be completely his, completely owned by him, and I’m not sure I know this.

I know he is human, I know he has insecurities, but these aren’t the things which make him fall short of this, it’s the other things, the little things. I’m extremely sensitive to little things. I obsess. I nitpick. I endlessly play scenes and past scenarios in my head and pick them apart. I know that if I wait long enough, he will give up. If I am stubborn enough, I won’t have to do whatever it is he asks, because I will win out, I will be the stronger one, I will be victorious. I don’t want to win.

I’m working on this. I’m working on letting go, on giving myself over, but I’m not sure I will be able to allow myself this until I know that he can master me, not just that he can Dominate or Own me, though in a way that he is worthy of Owning me, and that may sound conceited, but it’s true of anyone. To be a Dominant, to be an Owner of someone else you ~~must~~ should be able to prove to them that you are worthy of owning another human being.

This is not to say that I don’t think he is wonderful. This is not to say that intellectually I think he isn’t worthy of owning me, but none of this is coming from a place of intellect, and this is where the problem lies. I have a great trouble controlling my automatic emotional reactions, and these are them. It has taken me a long time to get to this, years, really. I have been trying to write all this for about a week and have been mulling it over in my head for longer. I love him desperately, and I desire to be owned by him, and I desire to be submissive to him, and I desire to be the perfect little slavepet, but I have all this blockage inside that I have to work on and remove first.

Realizing this is the first step to breaking it down. I am amazing at keeping things from myself when I want to. I know that the brain will do this automatically, keep things from your conscious mind so that you can cope with them, deal with them, usually if they are traumatic or somehow shocking. This is a natural thing for the brain to do, but I feel like mine does it more than most.

Perhaps I am just so sensitive, that having the answer shoved at me instead of getting to it gradually and having to actually work at getting the answer would cause me shock. And this is probably true. It’s a water sign thing, really, and I know people who do this more than I do no names mentioned, of course, I could definitely not be talking about my old roommate Chris–yes I’m still bitter), so I’m somewhere on the end, but not quite at the extreme. At least I am trying to dig down and figure these things out.

This realization will do good for us, as all internal realizations have and will. We are wonderfully devoted to each other’s growth and discovery of self, and without that encouragement and the pushing that we each put on the other I don’t think we would have come nearly as far on our own as we have together. This is basically what our composite chart says, over and over, now that I think about it, lol. I’ll have to post that sometime.

Not On My Terms, Please

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On February 4, 2008

In a Love: Onyx

I had a dream two nights ago that I was being punished. My subconcious apparently needed me to feel worse about things, or maybe it was something which was meant to snap me out of my resistance, I’m not sure. It did make me realize a few things.

One thing I’ve been wanting to write on is something which illustratedtart said “I don’t think it should be up to me when I decide I want to be submissive and when I don’t want to be. ” Now, this is something I’ve been strugging with for a while. I have difficulty (as I’m sure everyone does to an extent) with giving up control. I love being in control, in fact, I am a control freak. I mentioned this to Master while we were talking about things like this and he said “you are? really?” all sarcastic-like. We know this, we know I have an overwhelming need to be in control in all situations. This makes M/s difficult for us.

Neither of us are yet concrete in our roles, we are both insecure for many reasons, and while we do try to “fake it until we make it” as it were (with tons of communication, of course) it is often difficult. I have been resisting his leadership lately, for various reasons, mainly because of the reason above, that he pulls me out of something I’m doing in order to do something he’s wanting me to. This should not be as big of an issue as it is. I think this is one of the issues with being 24/7 and living together, and eventually this will flow more easily, but for now we are still choppy. If we didn’t live together we could have time to mentally prepare before going into high protocol.

We are (basically) in low protocol all the time. High protocol, however, is difficult for me to slip into on a (his) whim, and so our solution is that we are going to have set times which we are in high protocol, rather than just having it happen whenever. I mean, we would still be able to have it happen whenever as well, but Master and I have decided that it would be best to give me a warning sort of thing, like “In 5 minutes we will be going into high protocol, slave” and then I will be able to finish whatever I’m doing and be ready when I am expected to.

Eventually, this will not be needed, but for now I am needing this in order to get to a space where I can be comfortable. It will still not be on my terms, and I will still not have control over it, but I will have the ability to be mentally prepaired for it, and that will give the illusion of control (sort of, mentally, if that makes sense), and that will help greatly with my resistance (in theory).

Master decided that for approximately 30 minutes after he gets home (or I get home, whoever gets home last) we will be in high protocol, and he will let me know his ETA and such. Our other set time is going to be Sundays, but he has not decided on a time. I think that weekend nights which we are alone for should be included in that as well, but we shall see. It will depend on other factors too.

I’ll update later about how this works. We have not done this yet. There will be more about the weekend later and what has lead up to this.

Birthday Fuck

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On December 17, 2007

In Smut

It was Master’s birthday weekend this past one, plus the end of finals week for me, and he got his MCSE last week as well, so we did a minor amount of partying on Saturday night. Sunday was his actual birthday, though, and that was fun. We fucked on Saturday night/Sunday morning, but I was a mixture of tired and fucked up and I don’t remember much of it, except that it felt wonderful, but it always does.

Last night, however, I remember.

Even though he had to get up for work early this morning we stayed up later than we should have watching Alias (middle of Season 3), we finished and got settled, and he told me to turn off the light. Instead I turned around and we began kissing. Luckily we had gotten quite a bit of sleep the night before. We focused on kissing, one of my arms trapped between us against the bed, the other sliding across his chest, to his side, back up to his neck, grinning happily against his mouth.

Eventually he took my hand and tugged it down toward his cock as I playfully resisted the movement. I started stroking, one of our favorite activities, both of us glancing down every once in a while to watch my hand as it moved up and down his hard length. I don’t remember who encouraged the next part, if I was so hungry to feel and taste his cockhead in my mouth that I moved down to capture it with my lips or if he pressed my head down toward his cock with his hand while I stroked it with mine. Perhaps it was a mixture of both. Either way we ended up with his cock between my lips.

I was slow at first, languidly lapping at his cockhead, sliding my tongue along the head, letting the ball of my tongue ring flick against the spot on the underside where the head meets the length, the little space that is almost like an arrow, leading up in a crease to the cum slit, letting my tongue play with the soft spongy flesh I found there, purring with delight, having missed the taste and texture of his cock, realizing we had been so preoccupied with fucking my cunt lately that my mouth hadn’t been fucked for a while.

Once my teasing and slow worshiping had gotten to be enough for him, his hand moved around the back of my neck and he began encouraging me to bob my head up and down his shaft, working it with my mouth. I complied, my hands moving to his balls, playing with them softly as he groaned, my mouth and hands working happily to bring him pleasure. My speed alternated, slow, then fast, then slow, every once in a while pulling back to just suckle the cockhead or lap at the tip while I was still in control.

As he got closer, his grip on my head tightened until he was moving my head up and down, no longer letting me have control of my movements just fucking my face with his cock, using it as a hole for his pleasure, fucking it like any other hole. I moaned and gagged softly a few times as he pushed me down until his cockhead popped softly into my throat, and then pulled back, I could hear him groan at the sensation as I gagged, my hand still stroking his balls softly, now tight and ready to explode at any moment as he fucked my face up and down his shaft. My spit was drooling out the sides of my mouth as I had no control over my movements or the ability to stop and swallow as my mouth was used.

Our pattern alternated a bit, every once in a while I would be given control again, but usually just for a few moments before he started fucking my mouth, his hips would fuck his cock up into my mouth at times, and others the only movement would be my lips on his shaft. He groaned loudly, moving my face faster, harder, fucking it like he was getting close, I could feel his body tensing right before his cock began spurting into my mouth, his hand holding me steady as his cum flooded into me, swallowing it down quickly I moaned and relished the taste of it and the pleasure I had brought to him. I was squirming on the bed, my cunt on fire, wanting to be fucked, so I kept my mouth on his cock, I made sure to lick up every drop of cum before focusing again on teasing and coaxing his cock.

I patiently licked every inch of it, sucking the cockhead in my mouth, sliding my lips up and down his shaft again, moving down to take every inch in my mouth, gagging but holding my mouth down, deepthroating him for as long as I could before pulling up, and then repeating. I slid my mouth down to his balls, lapping and sucking at them as my hand stroked his cock. He never quite got soft, though he was softer after cumming, but quickly began hardening again as I worked my mouth on him. Soon he was fucking my face again, and I was squirming and squeezing my cunt and moaning loudly, trying to indicate my desire to be fucked without taking his cock out of my mouth. It was all I could think of, having his cock inside of me, pounding into me and making me moan.

After he was more than sufficiently hard he asked me if I wanted to be fucked, asked me if I wanted his hard cock inside of me, if I wanted him slamming into me, and to each question I gave a muffled “yes” or “yes, please,” my mouth unwilling to leave his cock until he told me to. I looked up at him, and there was an agreement. I moved to kiss him and whimper, and we moved, shifted positions, I got on my hands and knees and the moment he got behind me I backed up onto him, his cock sliding easily into my wet cunt, our usual position, fucking me like a whore.

He was fast and hard from the first stroke, pounding into me perfectly as I moaned loudly into the pillow beneath my face, pressing back against him as he fucked me, his hands on my hips again, stroking himself into me, using my cunt now as he had used my face not too long before, getting close in minutes as I begged him to cum inside of me, to fill me with cum, to fuck me, pound my cunt, fuck me harder, cum in me… and he did, I could feel the spasms of his cock as he erupted inside of me.

We stayed there for a few moments, his cock still hard within me, both of us catching our breath, though I had not cum yet but had been moaning and panting and begging. He tried pulling out a couple times, and both times I greedily pushed my cunt back so that he did not escape, keeping him inside of me, loving the feeling of his cock stretching my cunt open slightly, squeezing the walls around his shaft, and just enjoying the feeling of his cum inside.

His third attempt to pull back worked, but his cock was quickly replaced by his fingers, making me moan and fuck back yet again. I knew what to do, and slid my hand down to my cunt, rubbing my clit as he fingered me. It did not take long for me to reach my first orgasm, asking permission before cumming hard around his fingers, the walls spasming, knowing he could feel it. He barely paused after I came, starting to fuck me again, my finger starting to work my clit as I came to another, and then another, both with permission. My fourth and final orgasm of the night was closer to two or maybe three strung together, my body overcoming with pleasure, lasting for longer than the others, spasming and shaking and moaning before collapsing in a puddle of pleasure, gasping for air and unable to move.

The Paradox of Femme-ininity As Transgender Identity

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On November 11, 2007

In Gender Galaxy

The paper I wrote for my Gender and Sexual Orientation class. It is rather long and somewhat academic.

The Paradox of Femme-ininity As Transgender Identity

Simone de Beauvoir (1949) states in The Second Sex “one is not born a woman, but, rather, becomes one.” Judith Butler (1990) asserts in her analysis of gender in Gender Trouble that woman is to copy as copy is to copy, therefore there is no original when speaking of traditional gender roles or gender in and of itself, it is all a reproduction of something else. If these two statements are taken to be true, than anyone could become a woman, a man, or any other gender role which they desire. If women are not born then no other gendered identity is born either. Is gender, then, whatever we make of it?

Traditionally in our society gender roles are supposed to follow the sex which the gendered body is representing. Male bodies grow up to be men/masculine and female bodies grow up to be women/feminine. This isn’t always the case. Transgendered people throw off these two neatly defined gender categories which are socialized into us from day one. While multiple definitions can be applied to the term ‘transgender,’ it is generally and broadly defined as any gender deviance from the (two) traditional socially accepted genders (OutProud, 2007).

The term femme can have multiple meanings and interpretations as well: “[m]any femmes are lesbians, but femmes are also drag queens, straight sex workers, nelly fags, all strong women and sassy men” (Camilleri & Rose, 2002). Some have gone so far as to say “[t]rying to define femme is like trying to capture the essence of mystery” (Drinkwater, 2006) because it is an extremely subjectively defined identity, as all identities are. Specifically in this paper, however, the use of the gender femme in relation to genetic females who identify as femme will be examined.

Breakfast

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On October 25, 2007

In Smut

Read in Episode #3 of The Sacred and Shameless Sexcast.

You come up behind me as I’m working in the kitchen, making us breakfast after our long night of play, my body still tingling from waking each other up this morning, and my ass still sore from the beating I received the night before. Not because I was bad, much to the contrary, you just know what I like, and you made me ask for it this time.

I can feel you approaching behind me, but I do nothing, I just wait for you to slip your arms around me, and you do. I feel your lips slide against my naked shoulder, move to kiss my neck softly, and I melt back against you, the knife I was chopping garlic with falling softly to the cutting board. I slide a hand back to slip into your hair as you kiss my soft flesh. I love the way you make me feel, even just with a kiss.

You lift your head and I feel one of your hands move from my waist. my own hand moves to pick up the knife, to resume making breakfast, but halts, hovering before it as your hand slips in my hair and tugs my head back, exposing more of my throat to you, exposing me to you, making me vulnerable. I’m glad that I hadn’t started cooking yet and was still chopping things as you came down the stairs.

I let out a soft sound of surprise and you tug me around, making me turn and face you. My head still slightly back, trying to look at you. I see a smile on your face as you lower your lips back to my neck and kiss it again softly, for a moment, before letting your teeth sink in to the soft tender flesh. I inhale sharply and exhale on a moan, pressing my body against yours as your teeth dig into my flesh. My hands reach behind me to find the counter, my eyes close, feeling the pain flood my body with pleasure.

You release my neck and my hair, moving to kiss me hungrily, our passion rising again, not long since the last time. The garlic and vegetables forgotten on the counter, you move me backwards out of the kitchen and to the side of the table, moving me so my back is against the wall and pressing your body against mine, trapping me there, your lips finding mine again, our tongues twirling, swirling, mingling together in a familiar dance. My hands moving, in the meantime, between our bodies, already aching for you, finding your cock with my hands and stroking it softly.

Slowly, you break the kiss, and press down against my shoulders, silently ordering me to my knees. I brace myself back against the wall and slide down against it, looking up at you as I do, one hand still stroking your shaft as I fall to my knees in front of you. I slip my tongue from between my lips and slide it against the tip, swirling around it, tonguing it softly before taking the head in my mouth. I look up at you as I do, hearing your groan of pleasure, letting out a moan myself as I taste you, fresh from the shower we took together, but still tasting like you.

I relish the flavor, the texture of you in my mouth, sliding so easily between my lips, and I instantly want more. I slip my lips down, slowly, then back up, starting to move my head back and forth, my hand still holding the base of your cock for a few strokes before I slide my lips all the way down. Taking the entirety of your hardening cock between my lips I feel it press against the entrance to my throat and make me gag softly, but I hold there for a moment before sliding back, my hand moving to your balls and playing with them softly as I begin to repeat the process of taking you in my mouth. I can hear your noises of approval, and feel the ultimate approval now hard between my lips.

Your hand slides to my hair, but I continue what I’m doing, every so often stopping with just the cock head in my mouth and suckling on that, letting my tongue slip around it, playing with the spongy texture. I look up at you when I can, to see your face as I work you in my mouth, slowly, deliberately, both wanting to keep up the exquisite torture and to slam my lips down on your length and fuck your cock with my face.

Instead, you tug me back, off your shaft, my mouth still moving forward, wanting you back between my lips, but you have other plans. You urge me up and I look at you, curiously, before you guide me to the edge of the dining table. I smile, and have an idea of what is coming as you bend me over it at my waist, and I’m suddenly very glad that I cleared it off yesterday.

I wiggle my ass as it’s perched on the side of the table, just the perfect height for this, moving my hands beside myself, groaning as i feel you press against my slick hole, slipping easily inside of me, filling me up, full and perfectly. I lick my lips and grind back against you, feeling you slide your hands to my arms, tugging them behind my back and trapping them loosely together with a hand. I could move my hands away, but I don’t want to, the feeling of being helpless courses through me even though I’m not and it makes me want you even more, if that’s at all possible.

I feel you move within me, taking me, hard and fast, as you know I love to be taken. You slide your free hand forward, up my back and around to my throat, holding the back softly for a moment as you slide in and out of me, even as i grind myself back. I moan, cry out, loudly with each thrust. Your fingers slip around to the front of my throat, holding there for a moment, cutting off just a slight amount of air before sliding to my lips. I open my mouth to take them inside, but instead you move your palm over the open lips and move to pinch my nose with your fingers, I take in as much air as I can just before you pinch my nose, then hold it, because I’m unable to do anything else.

I can feel my hot cunt contract around your shaft as you continue to move within me. I hold my breath as long as possible without fighting and the moment I start to shudder and squirm away from it you let go, for a few moments, allowing me to pant and gasp for air before doing the same again. You hold a little longer this time, making my body shudder and fight against the hold on me, but your grip on my wrists tightens, and you don’t move your hand from my mouth and nose.

My body elates, but struggles back against the lack of breath, both loving and hating when you do this to me. Feeling you press into me so deliciously, aching for you to find that edge. I let a muffled groan escape against your mouth from the air I’m holding in as I feel your pace increase, driving me wild, but unable to make those sounds of pleasure which come so easily to me. You finally let go, and I gasp, pant, make a few groans of pleasure and annoyance as I’m able to, grinding back against you as I hear you chuckle softly at my eagerness, not curbed by the asphyxiation. If anything it heightened my arousal, you know this as well as I do.

You continue to move within me, faster and faster, every so often moving your hand over my mouth, taking your pleasure out on my body, and I love every second of it. Your movements designed to bring us both so much pleasure. I feel you getting frantic, close, and just before you do, you pull out and turn me around, surprised, I move easily for you.

Your hands move to my hair and you slam your cock into my waiting mouth, letting me taste my juices on your shaft as you start fucking my face as vigorously as you were fucking my cunt. Your grunts of closeness turn me on even more as I gag and choke on your cock, my throat letting out gurgles and grunts. I close my eyes tightly as you use my face so easily, waiting for that moment when you flood me with your essence.

I hear you groan, feel you shudder and slam into my throat, as I shudder as well, feeling you start to cum in me, your seed flowing down my throat, making me swallow it. You slowly pull out, but my lips wrap around your shaft and milk it for every drop, swirling my tongue around the tip and moaning softly against your flesh. I finally let go and grin up at you, your hand sliding to pet my hair softly.

“There’s your breakfast, my pet. Now,” you help me up, and turn me toward the kitchen, patting my ass softly, “let’s finish mine.”

I laugh and turn to kiss you deeply, wrapping my arms around you and pressing our naked bodies against each other for another moment, my release not forgotten, but postponed for the moment, as I know you will return in kind after we eat.

Tease Me

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On October 11, 2007

In Smut

Read in Episode #2 of The Sacred and Shameless Sexcast.

i perk up as you walk in the room, moving to sitting position, slightly awkwardly coming to rest sitting up on my knees, my head less than an inch away from the dark steel top of the cage.

You left me here, waiting, aching, after you came by and knelt by my cage, pressed your cock through the bars, knowing i would quickly wrap my lips around it, that i would try to slowly tease you as you have been teasing me all day. As i slowly slid my lips up and down your shaft, i could feel it grow in my mouth, and i felt your fingers slip into my hair, tugging it into a mass behind my head, gripping it tightly, but still letting me control the movements.

i was continually anticipating you slamming my lips down on your length, waiting for you to start using my mouth to get off with, aching for you to take control, even as i was helpless and locked up for you. My head was down by your crotch, my ass high up behind me in the cage as i rested on my forearms and knees, wiggling my ass in the air in excitement, hearing my jewelry tinkle slightly in the room, mixing with the moans escaping my lips. We both know how wet i get just from the pleasure of having your cock between my lips.

When it finally happened i gasped anyway, despite having anticipated it. i felt you slam into my throat, and then start fucking my face with heated vigor. i moaned, squeezed my thighs together, and dug my fingernails against the unrelenting steel floor. i tried to look up at your face as you used mine, but unable to see up that high as you move me to meet your pace, feeling it increase as you got closer to cumming.

i heard you growl only moments before feeling you spurt into my mouth, moaning as you did, tasting you, whimpering as you pulled from my lips, even as i felt you soften between them. I darted my tongue out to lick the tip, pressing my face against the bars as you pulled back, hearing your chuckle at my eagerness, i looked up at you and blushed softly before pulling back from the bars.

You slipped your hand through the bars and stroked my hair softly, down my cheek, smiling and saying “good girl.” My heart elated, my body tingled, and a smile curled my lips, you’re the only one i like hearing that phrase from.

“I try.” Came my cheeky reply, then a sweet smile and an addition, “thank you, Master.”

You moved around the cage quickly then, as i was on my hands and knees and slipped two fingers easily into my wet folds, making me groan and move back down onto my forearms, grinding myself back against you. Your thumb found my clit, making me gasp, whimper, grind back against you even harder, before you cruelly took your hand away as quickly as you had placed it. I whimpered and you just shook your head, bringing one of the fingers to your lips, i lick mine as i watch you suck it softly. My lips opened, i slid my tongue out to rest on my bottom lip, patiently waiting for your other finger to be brought to my lips. You let me taste my lust, as i could feel how soaked i am for you. Looking up into your eyes as i sucked your finger, teasing my tongue against it, suckling as if it was something else.

Then you left again, went into another room, where i don’t know, making me wonder, making me wait, locked up, not allowed to touch myself, squirming, alone in my cage. i shifted, lay down, and waited.

Although i am allowed to speak i don’t. i don’t want to be the first to do so, i watch you instead. the time away has hardened me slightly towards you, my mind taking me all sorts of places while i wait for you. though i look up at you and the fight that had built in me while you were gone dissipates, and only the need remains.

despite my silence, i know that my need for you is evident, in the way i sit up as you enter the room, the way my eyes follow you as you advance towards me, the way i scoot closer to the steel of the cage, my eyes darting between your face and between your legs. trying to hide the lust in my eyes, but knowing i’m unable to, knowing you can see it, see right through me.

The simple presence of you makes me hyperaware of the need building inside me. I have allowed you control over me, and now I surrender that control, after silently fighting against it while you were away. You make me want to give in to you, you make me want to give over my control to you, just by seeing you, simply by your presence before me, towering over me.

You kneel by the cage yet again, watching me, sliding your hand through to me and petting me again. i smile, looking at you, pressing my face towards your hand, parting my lips as you bring a finger to them, letting me suck it again, sliding my tongue against it before pulling it into my mouth, watching you all the while, as you watch me.

You grin and take your hand away, and i whimper, waiting. Your hand moves to the lock on the cage, undoing it and then sliding a couple fingers into my collar, tugging me out by it, making me crawl out of the cage. You lead me around, walk me to the middle of the room, then move behind me. i hear your zipper just before you press my shoulders down, i rest myself again on my forearms, wiggling my ass back at you, pressing it back towards you, as i look over my shoulder, not able to see your face, but looking back anyway.

i press my cheek to the cool concrete beneath me as i feel the head of your cock pressing against my opening. i whimper yet again, wanting you, aching for you after a long day of teasing, of almost orgasms, and near fullness. Wanting you inside me so badly, i press back and you just chuckle and rub the head against my greedy hole, teasing me still, one of your hands moving to between my shoulders, pressing me down against the floor, pinning me there as you continue to tease.

i shudder and moan loudly as i finally feel you press against me, though slowly, still teasing, making me want even more. i grind back against you and you just pull away again. my head turns back, trying to see you, your hand pressing me down against the cold rough floor. “Please…” i plead. “Please, Master.”

“Please what?”

i groan, bite my lip, not wanting to say more, but aching so delightfully, all of my body alive with want. i struggle within myself, your hand moving from my back to my face, sliding your finger against my lips, starting to press again, slowly, within me, before backing away again, making me whimper again.

“What do you want, my pet?” You pause, and i say nothing. “Please what?” You prompt again.

i take in a deep breath, the words on my tongue, we both know i don’t beg easily. As much as i love to give myself to you, it’s hard for me to get the words out, it’s hard for me to actually give up my pride that much in order to beg for what i want, to plead, even though i desperately want to. i want to get myself to so base a level where i actually can just beg easily, to be able to give all of myself to you that easily, and not that which i keep for myself. i wanted you to make me beg, i wanted you to make me want you so badly my lust overpowered my overanalyzing brain and i could just scream my lust into the air, beg openly, freely, easily. And i’m damn close to that point.

i dart my tongue out at your finger, trying to distract you, or distract myself from what you’re trying to get me to do. You let me suck on it for a few moments, then trail the spit-covered finger across my cheek. i can feel the line of it cooling against my hot skin. You prompt me again, ask me, try to get me to beg. i press back as an answer, but that’s not good enough.

You pull away, again, completely, and just slide that same finger which was in my mouth back to my cunt, sliding it to my clit and rubbing at it so perfectly, making me moan and grind back against you, press my cheek harder to the floor. i moan with every exhale, start to get close to the edge, and just then you pull your hand away.

i gasp and whimper, grind back in need, my mind clouded, but knowing that was the final straw, the final push i needed to get me to say what we both want to hear.

“Please, Master, please, fuck me, fuck me hard, please.”

You pause for a moment, continue to tease my aching hole, then slip your cock inside me quickly, making me cry out, slamming me down against the floor. i feel a finger pressing against my tender backdoor, sliding into my ass and making me tremble, i grind back against your thrusts.

“What else do you want my sweet whore?”

i shudder again, loving to hear you call me names which some would find offensive, and i find complimentary. i bite my lip again, despite my admission, suddenly shy again, but only for a moment.

“Fuck my ass… please?” It comes out in a loud whisper, loud enough for both of us to hear it.

i can feel the grin on your face, even though you don’t say anything, and i can’t see you. You pull out and swiftly bury yourself in my aching ass. i gasp and moan and whimper and cry, each moment making me want a little more, each moment sending me farther towards climbing over that pinnacle. i slide one of my hands beneath me, balancing myself on that shoulder, move to rub at my clit as you pump yourself in and out of my greedy ass.

Your hands move to my hips, gripping me as you use me so wonderfully, my finger on my clit not taking long to get me close, get me there, get me over the edge, cumming hard for you as you fuck my ass so deliciously. You continue to move in me, filling me, as i bring myself to another point, making myself cum again, all thought stalled, unable to think of anything but the sensations you elicit from me. i hear your familiar groan as you get close, as you start cumming in me, as i, at nearly the same time, bring myself to that point as well, our moans mixing in the air, then gasping for breath.

The weather today is squirmy with a 75% chance of constant distraction

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On September 11, 2007

In a Love: Onyx

Two nights ago and last night our roommates were around, we didn’t have as much strict M/s activity, though there was a little. I was subtly presenting things to him which I got for him, though without kneeling as our roommate was around, and I was trying to upkeep his drink, and do what he said immediately, without hesitancy, and all that other small stuff. It’s the small stuff that makes it right. He had me make sure dinner was ready when he got home last night, as well, and little things like that.

We talked, two nights ago after I wrote my last entry, about the naturalness of our positions now that we’ve broken through the walls. Both of us are feeling very natural in it. It’s wonderful. We talked about a few things we want to incorporate, such as specific verbal commands for general things and verbal commands for positions and things like that. I mentioned me not being able to touch myself without permission, and orgasm control, having to ask in order to be able to cum.

We had sex both nights, once we went down to bed and our roommates went up. I won’t go into details, but it was good, it was better in a way, and our M/s was incorporated into it and I felt very much His. He fucked my ass and it hurt, most of the times it won’t, and usually I love it, but every once in a while it does and it did last night. He usually stops when that happens, but he didn’t, he kept going, made me take it for him, reminded me I’m his, and I did, I complained, but I loved it. I’m a little sore today, now, and it’s a reminder and I love it.

Apparently he took my mention of orgasm control a little more than I wanted him to, he didn’t let me cum two nights ago or last night, which was extremely horrid as I get soooo needy after he does what he did. We talked about it last night and he said that might be the way it is for a while, and reminded me that I was the one who brought up orgasm control, and I said that THIS wasn’t my intention, heh. Oh well. He was all stern and I melted like butter and I love him a little more for doing this, even though I hate it at the same time. I said that he just wants me out of my mind horny, and he said that it’s a nice perk.

I was whimpering, wanting to cum, and he told me to stop whimpering. He threatened that the night before as well, and mentioned me sleeping at the foot of the bed, mentioned last night me sleeping on the floor if I kept it up. He knows what would get me, I think that might everyone, but I would hate to not sleep next to him. He would too, I know, so it would be taking something away from him as well as from me.

The hardest part of this is that knowing that he is controlling me makes me hot, I love it, it turns me on, but what he is controlling is my release of that buildup, so it ends up a repeating cycle, and kind of evil, but also wonderful. I have a love/hate relationship with it, to be sure.

So, yeah, glen, now we’re in the same boat, apparently, lol. That’s what Kat said when I mentioned it too.

Let’s see how long this lasts… hopefully not too long…

24/7 M/s

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On September 7, 2007

In Identity: Submissive, Power Play

“We would like to point out that living full-time in role is not the “gold standard” of BDSM. We see far too many players who feel that is they’re not “24/7,” they’re somehow wrong, or not “real” dominants. If this doesn’t sound like the way you want to live, if BDSM is a more comfortable fit in your life when you keep it in scene and drop roles the rest of the time, don’t let anybody tell you that you’re inferior. However, if full-time BDSM does feel like a good fit for you, we encourage you to try it”
…
Fluidity
“We’ve been friends with many people in full-time dominant/submissive relationships. Our observation is that when we spend time with such people as friends, we rarely see them behaving in ways much different than any other couple: the day-to-day demands of running a life remain the same, and must be addressed by someone or other. And almost nobody can be in full control of everything at every waking moment–or would like to be. While the dominants in novels (and sometimes chatrooms) express their dominance nonstop, in reality this approach doesn’t often work out very well.
“However, what we do see in successful D/S couples is a very strong ability to read each other’s signals and a very fluid approach to moving in and out of their dominant and submissive mindsets–so the couple who at one moment is discussing someone’s problems at work may at the next moment be in full dominant/submissive mode, with the dominance in complete control and the submissive completely pliable to hir will.
“What kinds of signals do these people give each other to make such extraordinary transitions possible? Some might be consciously chosen, like using a particular name (“boy” or “girl,” for example) or a particular behavior (a submissive kneeling, a dominant placing hir hand on the back of the submissive’s neck). Others are less conscious,more intuitive–a tone of voice, a shift in body language. Longtime D/S couples grow extremely skilled in reading such signals and responding to each other’s shifting needs and desires as the moment dictates.”
From The New Topping Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy