Tag: bdsm & kink Page 8 of 9

101 Ideas…

On March 30, 2008

I found this via a livejournal friend, and although I don’t agree with all of them exactly, I think they are all interesting and useful as ideas and not necessarily to be replicated word for word. I wouldn’t mind having a lot of these implemented within my own relationship, however, and I agree with the sentiment at the beginning of the piece, that to feel truly owned having a lot of little things which remind you of that constantly are very important.

This is obviously meant for a M/f relationship, but I think it mostly can be translated, though maybe not perfectly. From 101 ideas to make Your slave feel Owned (i.e. loved) (technically there are 107 listed)

“One of the main factors, for me in feeling truly Owned is to be constantly reminded throughout the day of Master’s control. These reminders can be subtle or really obtrusive. The more often a slave is reminded of her submission, the deeper it becomes….and the more fulfilling. So here are some ideas You might want to try… And no matter what rules You decide to make Your own, please….be consistent. If You are unwilling to take the time to enforce the rules You make, then there may as well be no rules at all. There is nothing in the world that will make a slave feel less loved than to have a Master/Mistress who ignores her transgressions and does not exert Their Dominance.

1. Have her wear slave bells. The constant soft jingling of the bells is soothing and a certain reminder of her submission.

2. When she has broken a rule, talk to her as You punish….and make her speak in detail about why what she did was wrong.

3. Make her take her shoes off every day as soon as she enters Your house.

4. A beautiful, special collar will make any slave joyous. Take the time to select the right one, and have her wear it as often as possible.

5. Have her call You each day at a specified time, no excuses.

6. Give her anklets and tell her she must wear one of them every day, no excuses.

7. Whenever possible (i.e. no curious young-uns about), have her kneel before You and ask to accompany You upon the furniture.

8. Choose her hairstyle and go with her to get it cut to Your specifications.

9. Whenever possible (i.e. no curious young-uns about), have her display herself whenever You come into the room…..legs spread, shirt unbuttoned. No matter what position You take, she is to be sure Your view is unobstructed

10. When around the kids or vanilla friends/family, make sure she has an alternative title for You besides Master…..such as “my Love” etc.

11. Use her sexually in a rough, selfish way when You feel like it….interrupting whatever she was doing.

12. Chose a food that she dislikes and have her eat a small portion every day for a week.

13. Have her crawl to bed each night.

14. Bring her a stuffed animal each time You go out of town. ~grin~

15. Choose her clothing each day.

16. Have her get Your daily wardrobe ready for You the night before….laid out, ironed etc.

17. After punishment, have her kiss Your boots and thank You for loving her enough to correct her.

18. Have her bring a warm towel and wash and massage Your feet each day after work.

19. Get her tattooed (Your choice of art and location).

20. Get her pierced (or preferably if You are trained, do it Yourself).

21. Get her branded.

22. Respect, but push her limits.

23. Ask her each night what she did that day that You would not have approved of. *grin* This gets her in the habit of being completely honest, and also makes her conscious of the things she could do better each day.

24. Teach her exactly how You want her to kneel, and demand perfection.

25. Reward her by allowing her to please You sexually.

26. Supervise her workout routine.

27. Each night she is to kneel next to the bed asking permission to sleep with her Master, and each night she does, she is to kneel by the bed in the morning and thank her Master for the privilege.

28. Have her polish Your boots weekly, on her knees at Your feet.

29. Negotiate until you are both comfortable with the terms and then sign a contract.

30. Giver her a writing assignment: “The definition of Pain – 1000 words”

31. Have her keep a diary of her journey into submission.

32. Instruct her that she may never get herself something to eat or drink in Your presence without first asking You if You want something.

33. Some evenings, keep her on a leash and take her with You no matter what You do….even if You do not speak to her or include her in Your activities.

34. When appropriate, she is to speak when spoken to.

35. Reward her by giving her delicious pleasure.

36. On occasion, share her.

37. When it suits You, instruct her not to make eye contact with You without Your command.

38. Have her keep her body clean shaven at all times.

39. Conduct random inspections of her body to make sure she keeps herself to Your specifications.

40. Make her wear a butt-plug under her clothes whenever she goes out alone.

41. For transgressions: have her write Your name on the bottom of her foot and tell her to remember she is walking on You with each step. (This is harder to do that You might think….)

42. Master the art of the meaningful piercing stare…..

43. Give her reading assignments.

44. Test her on the reading assignments, to make sure she learned the appropriate lessons from each.

45. Instruct her to keep her toenails painted perfectly everyday, and check to see that they are before bed

46. Make it her responsibility to put the toys away after play and punishment, and to keep them clean and neat.

47. Reward her by letting her name her favorite scene, toys, etc.

48. Call her Your slut, Your pet, etc.

49. Have her make a list of the 10 things that make her the most self-conscious, uncomfortable or embarrassed.

50. Work with her, having her do the things on the list (if possible), so that she conquers those fears and hesitations.

51. Sometimes, pamper her…..wash her body and hair, having her remain perfectly still as You turn her and move her about.

52. Hand feed her like a small child on occasion.

53. Have her eat from a dog bowl on occasion.

54. For transgressions: make her wear a sign to the next public function naming her crime. (ouch)

55. Praise her dedication when she has pleased You well.

56. Instruct her that she is never to touch Your body without permission.

57. Have her write a meditation about her submission, devotion and trust in You….to be said aloud each night before falling asleep.

58. Some days allow her no clothing whatsoever (when practical).

59. For transgressions: deny her play. No pain for you, bad girl….hehehe.

60. In the same ilk, For transgressions: deny her orgasm…..give her sex, but she can’t cum.

61. For transgressions: Command that she is to be silent for a week. She may not speak, and will take whatever pain or pleasure You give as silently as possible.

62. Treat her like a pet in front of friends, making her present herself, turn herself, etc.

63. Giver her a writing assignment: “The definition of Obedience – 1000 words”

64. Have her wear a toe ring.

65. Tell her one morning that she must cum for You 15 times that day, and then write about the day.

66. Have her wear nipple clamps under her clothing out to dinner.

67. On Your birthday, let her receive Your spankings.

68. Spend time training her how to move gracefully to please You.

69. For transgressions: stand her in the corner like a 3 year old.

70. Always flog her after completion of a task, even if it was satisfactory. A well flogged slave is a happy slave.

71. Speak about her as if she were not present.

72. For transgressions: deny her any D/s at all for a week…..letting her do just as she pleases, not allowing her to serve You in any way, no punishment, no instruction, no play, banning titles of respect, etc. This will shame her and certainly make her strive to please You when it is over and she is in her place again.

73. Defend her honor to those who would disrespect Your prized possession.

74. Pet her often.

75. Make her be webMistress for Your huge site, DallasBDSM. hehehehe

76. Whenever possible (i.e. no young-uns about), have her sleep in a cage.

77. Buy her sexy or slutty clothes to Your liking.

78. Teach her things….expand her knowledge…..in a patient Fatherly way.

79. When You are away, call her and have her masturbate for You.

80. If You choose to play with others, make sure Your slave knows who is first in Your heart…..and that some things are just for her.

81. Remember her birthday.

82. Le
ad her with a loving fist in her hair.

83. Wake her each morning with an assigned task for the day…..and make sure it is done by day’s end.

84. Teach her patience.

85. Videotape Your sessions and watch them together.

86. On long trips, have her wear double dildo latex underwear.

87. Hand feed her chocolate.

88. Have her place her regular wear shoes in a line by the front door. They should be in a straight line with the laces tucked inside, or the buckles buckled. Inspect them periodically.

89. Keep a list of her transgressions in a little book….let her slip for a while…thinking You are not noticing…..then one day, bring out the book and have a day of atonement.

90. Tickle her just because You can.

91. Have her be perfectly still and quiet while You bring her extreme pleasure…..when she moves or makes a sound punish her then return to the pleasure.

92. Keep her locked in her collar when You are home. You place it on her…..having her kneel. Wear the key to the lock around Your neck.

93. When possible, have her cook and serve Your dinner wearing nothing but an apron and collar.

94. Buy her a Polaroid camera and give her assignments to take pictures of herself for You in certain outfits or positions, etc.

95. Remember to kiss and caress away her tears.

96. Don’t be afraid to bring her to tears, for they are Yours as well.

97. Take her and the dog to the park, both on leashes.

98. Caress her, whisper into her ear that You love her, nibble on her belly, lick her thighs and make love to her until she cries.

99. Have her fall asleep with Your cock in her mouth and tell her You expect it to be there when You awake.

100. Occasionally, fulfill her fantasy.

101. Master’s word is the last word.

Addendum

102. Make sure that she is safe at all times….when with You and when You are apart (to the best of Your ability). Keep her vehicle in good working order, make sure she has emergency money and a cell phone to call for help if needed.

103. Be consistent.

104. Take the time to talk to her…..learn her fears, her dreams and fantasies. Use Your knowledge.

105. When You go out of town, forbid her to shave her sex. Shave her Yourself when You return.

106. Specify exactly how she will address You in private and in public.

107. If You are willing to correct her each time she forgets until it is a habit, have her refer to herself as “this slave” or “this girl” etc.

Comments? Critiques? What do y’all think of these ideas?

Too Much Love? Never!

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On March 27, 2008

In a Love: Onyx

From What’s love got to do with it? by cunt:

“What will happen is that I’ll end up with a case of the “wifies”. Girlfriend syndrome, I’ve heard it called. A time when expectations dip into romance and tenderness, when I begin to think I deserve to be treated more as an equal than a subordinate, when I assign more importance to my needs than to his, when I expect to be courted and wooed and romanced into sex and service. When I can sit on the couch, with my feet up, and ask HIM to fetch ME something.

“A time when his requests are met with an eyeroll instead of a pleasant nod, when he’s answered with grunts or heavy sighs instead of “Yes Master”, a time when I stomp away, scowling, and thinking to myself, “what about ME, you selfish prick? I’m tired and I’m stressed and my head aches and.. and.. and.. etc. etc.! What makes YOU so special?”

What makes this so hard for him to see is because he loves me as deeply and fiercely as I love him. He doesn’t immediately see it for what it is. Instead, he lets the love, and the natural urge to please the one you love, override what should be the response of a Master. He responds as my husband, with gentleness and concern. He babies me, pets me.”

I think this is our problem as well, and it’s not a bad problem to have in some ways, I mean, I love that he loves me and we have this connection and he understands when I have a lot of things to do, and he understands when I’m stressed, and he understands that school comes first, even before him. But, soon that will be over, and I won’t have school at all, and I will be able to devote most of my time to him, and the rest of my time to work. This is something I’m highly looking forward to, and I think it will change our dynamic.

Also we are going to have our house to ourselves and only ourselves, we are going to have a different bedroom and a different energy again, we will have a completely new and different situation, and we are going to go on vacation for three weeks which we can devote to each other.

We loved each other before we were O/cp, really. We came upon our love unexpectedly, both of us just looking for a friend with benefits, someone to fuck and pass the time with, someone who we were extremely sexually compatible with, and we found each other, and we are extremely sexually compatible. We were all about kinky sex more than the Owner/cuntpet relationship, though both of us wanted that, or I wanted that, and I’m not sure what he wanted, but he knew what I wanted, what I’ve craved, and he agreed with my descriptions of my desires, so that’s something. We weren’t really O/cp until long after I moved here.

I would get moody and irritated because we wouldn’t do anything, but it was nice, also, we were learning to get along with the vanilla aspects of each other, and I was learning to trust him again after what happened while we were apart. My trust in him was built and broken a few times during that period, but mostly broken due to my own insecurities and pushing away of him. We learned how to navigate each other, though not completely, but I don’t think that anyone can learn to 100% navigate someone else, because we’re constantly changing and so is the way to navigate us. However, it was a very useful time.

About a year ago I started really pushing for our work as Master and slave (or, now as I refer to it our Owner and cuntpet relationship), I wrote up our contract and we talked about it a lot. We’ve been struggling along ever since. This has been a slow process for us, juggling our love and our feminism and our O/cp and my school and his work and our roommates and our lives in general. Nothing is perfect, but we are working on it, and that’s what’s important. I need to learn how to initiate my submission, which is difficult for me, and he needs to learn how to initiate his Dominance, which is difficult for him. We end up stumbling through it every so often, but it doesn’t always work.

I desperately want to do more work on us, have us do more work on our O/cp relationship, have us work harder on it and on what we want. Once our roommates move out completely and I clean the house and we can keep it clean easier, and I graduate, and we move our bedroom, and we change things around, and we go to Europe, and I get a new job, THEN we can devote ourselves 100%. For now, I’m realizing, we really do not have the time to devote. And that’s fine, as long as we find it eventually. I’m realizing just how much we can actually do vs. how much I want us to do, and trying to realize the balance. I still expect to be fucked, and I still want to be dominated more frequently, but I won’t expect it to be perfect or to be closer to 100% until after we figure out other things.

D/s and Gender Musings

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On March 23, 2008

In Gender Galaxy, Identity: Submissive, Power Play

I’m currently reading Venus In Furs for my Queer Theory class. It’s the first time I’ve read it and it really remarks to me the differences between F/m and M/f (and F/f and M/m) more than I could go into, of course, but here are some tidbits which made me think and realize a few things about my own self.

I know that Venus in Furs is not exactly what every F/m couple is, of course, but it does provide interesting insight. I tried to put myself in the position of Severin/Gregor with Master or any man for that matter, and I was unable to imagine it exactly the same, though it could be similar, and I’m sure other people engage in it, but I couldn’t see myself being a servant in the same way. A servant, surely, but there are things such as walking 10 paces behind him while shopping, carrying all his things, or things such as that which I wouldn’t feel comfortable or desire doing. However, things like taking his coat and opening the door for him and such I would be willing to do, waiting on him, things like that, but only certain things are ones I wouldn’t want to do.

For a Mistress, on the other hand, I think I would delight in doing some of the things I don’t see me doing with a Master. Although, I could were I in drag. I could see myself as the boi servant of some high femme woman. That could be hot. I would probably end up being a femme-ish boi, but a boi nonetheless. Curious. I could see myself doing those things as a boi for a Master as well, but not as the femme that I am.

What accounts for this difference? It’s quite obviously gender and gender roles. It’s due to the hyperfemininity which would be expressed by the performing of such actions, which I would find difficulty with should my Master do something like that. This is making me think. I wonder if I shouldn’t have spoken so hastily and discarded activities for all men. I didn’t really see myself to a feminine female except for now I do, and I blame the book. Perhaps it would be different if I were reading a book about a feminine male and his (boi?) woman.

Thinking about it I do enjoy the idea of a feminine male and his boi, and that makes me think of Tipping the Velvet, I seem to recall one such couple, as well as the main couple being one I described above, ultrafeminine woman and boi. I couldn’t see my Master as a feminine male, as he is very much not one, though he does have feminine sides, but not an ultrafeminine male.

Anyway, there were some of my musings. More later, I think. I have work to do.

Owner/cunt

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On February 24, 2008

In Identity: Submissive

I’m intrigued by the notion described here by cunt at underhishand.com. I have long been searching for better terms than Master/Mistress and slave to describe what I engage in. I enjoy using the terms Owner and slave, but that still carries the ‘slave’ connotations, which are part of what I want to get out of. This is part of the idea behind slavehood vs. slavery as described by Miss Abernathy, but even this is not perfect, and still uses the term slave.

cunt’s idea is that of Owner/cunt, and some of her descriptions are close to what I want as well: “I get to have my “force fetish” scratched without it having hidden meanings of anything bad. I get to dance out of reach and sing “make me” and then run like hell, because he will make me and it will hurt.. and I love it. I get to say ‘no’ and ‘fuck you’ and ‘kiss my ass’ and I get to be stubborn and willful and difficult. I get to cry and I get to say how much I hate it and I get to ask for something more and I get to tell him that he is wrong sometimes.”

I’m not sure if this would really apply to me, though. I mean, I like those things, I also want to be taken and broken and made to submit, and be able to be a brat (we even have a brat clause in our contract), but I also want to have times where I am simply giving to him, when I am in that subspace that I love so dear and when I can just give to him instead of being forced. But, this hasn’t happened, this idea is more of a theoretical one as far as our relationship goes. I mean, there have been times when I’ve done that, but there are also times when I want to act like described above. I guess the trick is to find when one will mesh with what Master is wanting and when it won’t.

I do like the term of Owner/cunt better than Master/slave or Owner/slave at this point, and perhaps I will talk with Master about it (or he will simply read this) and so we can switch our terminology from slave to cunt as far as our protocols and such. My only negative about using it in general is that it is not generalizable to any gender, it is rather specific, as the word cunt is rather specific, and I’m not sure of a term that would work in the same context for other genders. I’m not sure if I would want to go this far so quickly, though, and, of course, it will depend on what he has to say about it and what he thinks about it.

Of course, I disagree with her comments about not getting the spirituality and bdsm connection, and the service part to an extent. Like I said, I have times where I want to serve, but there are also times where I just want to be broken and forced and dominated wholly. Sometimes these things don’t mesh with what Master wants. There are times when I want to be forced and told what to do when at the same time he is just wanting me to serve him and do without being told. This poses a problem. I sometimes am in a head space where I have to be forced in order to get out of said head space, and mostly these are due to emotional reactions to something, and when I am feeling like that and he wanting me to just serve without direction, this doesn’t work.

This is something we need to work on, obviously, and I’m not sure how to go about it. Part of me says that I should be the one to compromise, obviously, since I’m the submissive in our relationship. However, when I am in a space of emotional reaction logic like this does not come easily, or well, it comes and I see it as the right thing, but I cannot accept it no matter what I do, because I’m in an emotional headspace. I’m not sure how to get out of it without something to snap me out of it. So, perhaps he is the one who needs to command me to get out of it, thus snapping me out of it and telling me what to do, and perhaps getting me to another space where I can serve without being told what to do, effectively being sort of a double-compromise (maybe?).

I have these dual wants in me as mentioned, the desire to serve and please and be a good little girl who does everything right and the desire to be a brat and be difficult so that I may be forced and broken and made to submit. I’d like to be able to retain both of these, and I know that Master enjoys both of these at different times, but only the latter when he’s in the mood for it.

I have never really been throughly broken by him, the time that I can think of that came close was during an asphyxiation scene, it was very casual, and we were just watching Angel and he began to asphyxiate me. I got light headed and a little dizzy (in a good way) and slipped instantly into that service mode. I was floating, and felt amazing and wonderful. I would like to do this again, which I actually mentioned the other night in bed.

I have much more to say on this, but I will save more for a later post. Now: I must write a paper.

I Don't Want to Win

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On February 5, 2008

In a Love: Onyx

So, over the weekend, a few things happened. Master and I had a long talk about issues, like the last post about us. I’ve been extremely resistant lately, more than I would like to admit to. We are finally moving forward in our M/s relationship, we have guidelines, we have structure, and still I resist, and even more strongly, even though I was the one to encourage the changes. I can’t help but wonder about myself in these regards. I was the one desiring it, and yet still I’m the one resisting. How much sense does that make? And, yet, knowing what I do about psychology and about myself, it makes a lot of sense.

As mentioned previously, I’m a control freak. I love being in control, and yet I have the desire to be broken, but not permanently broken but… a temporary breaking. It’s hard to explain. I have such a tight rein on myself most of the time that makes it very difficult for me to give that over to another, while at the same time longing to be able to. I think that a lot of it, too, is I need to know that he is worthy of it, not only that he is worthy but that he can best me. I said this, and it confused him.

We talk a lot about equality, and he said that me wanting him to best me was counter to that, and I agreed. The funny thing is, I want equality except for when we’re not equal. Better to say, really, is I want equity. I want us to be unequal but of equal worth, sort of, while still being able to be called a dirty whore and lovely things like that. I want to be below him while both of us honoring both of our positions, not just his, both of us knowing that we are both to be cherished, that we are both of equal value and worth while at the same time he having power over me. I want us to be inherently equal, but unequal by choice. Perhaps this makes sense.

I recalled to him a story I once read, which was a morning-after story, basically, after a weekend of strict M/s. The high protocol was over from the night before, but the submissive was still acting as if she was in high protocol, just automatically. She did a few things and then took a step back and went “wait a minute, I don’t need to do this” and so she stopped. The story went on from there, but this is the important part.

I want to be able to do that. I want to get to a place where I am essentially broken though broken in a way that still retains my core self) and then be able to have that realization moment and move back into the “me” space, slip back into low protocol, and have high protocol my automatic motion. Currently it is the opposite, and currently it is almost painfully difficult to move into high protocol. Hopefully this will change with what I talked about last time, but we shall see.

This may sound harsher than I mean it, or it may sound wholly unrealistic, but I don’t think it is, not in the way I mean it anyway. It’s difficult to explain, perhaps, and I’m not even sure I’m getting the meaning across, but I’m trying to.

Basically, I need to know that he is better than me, that he can best me at any time, that he is above me, that he can master me with all the implications that term can have). I need to know this in my being before I can be completely his, completely owned by him, and I’m not sure I know this.

I know he is human, I know he has insecurities, but these aren’t the things which make him fall short of this, it’s the other things, the little things. I’m extremely sensitive to little things. I obsess. I nitpick. I endlessly play scenes and past scenarios in my head and pick them apart. I know that if I wait long enough, he will give up. If I am stubborn enough, I won’t have to do whatever it is he asks, because I will win out, I will be the stronger one, I will be victorious. I don’t want to win.

I’m working on this. I’m working on letting go, on giving myself over, but I’m not sure I will be able to allow myself this until I know that he can master me, not just that he can Dominate or Own me, though in a way that he is worthy of Owning me, and that may sound conceited, but it’s true of anyone. To be a Dominant, to be an Owner of someone else you ~~must~~ should be able to prove to them that you are worthy of owning another human being.

This is not to say that I don’t think he is wonderful. This is not to say that intellectually I think he isn’t worthy of owning me, but none of this is coming from a place of intellect, and this is where the problem lies. I have a great trouble controlling my automatic emotional reactions, and these are them. It has taken me a long time to get to this, years, really. I have been trying to write all this for about a week and have been mulling it over in my head for longer. I love him desperately, and I desire to be owned by him, and I desire to be submissive to him, and I desire to be the perfect little slavepet, but I have all this blockage inside that I have to work on and remove first.

Realizing this is the first step to breaking it down. I am amazing at keeping things from myself when I want to. I know that the brain will do this automatically, keep things from your conscious mind so that you can cope with them, deal with them, usually if they are traumatic or somehow shocking. This is a natural thing for the brain to do, but I feel like mine does it more than most.

Perhaps I am just so sensitive, that having the answer shoved at me instead of getting to it gradually and having to actually work at getting the answer would cause me shock. And this is probably true. It’s a water sign thing, really, and I know people who do this more than I do no names mentioned, of course, I could definitely not be talking about my old roommate Chris–yes I’m still bitter), so I’m somewhere on the end, but not quite at the extreme. At least I am trying to dig down and figure these things out.

This realization will do good for us, as all internal realizations have and will. We are wonderfully devoted to each other’s growth and discovery of self, and without that encouragement and the pushing that we each put on the other I don’t think we would have come nearly as far on our own as we have together. This is basically what our composite chart says, over and over, now that I think about it, lol. I’ll have to post that sometime.

Power Drag

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On November 29, 2007

In Discourse, Power Play

This is just a draft, I’m working on organizing my ideas of this, once I get it down perfectly I’m going to post it to communities and such.

This concept was actually the idea of Lisa Diamond, Ph.D, a professor of mine here at the University of Utah. We were talking about BDSM in my Gender and Sexual Orientation class yesterday, and this is a concept which she came up with.

What does it mean?
The term “power drag” is playing on the same idea as gender drag is, most notably Judith Butler’s idea of performativity, that all gender is drag, all gender is constructed “woman is to drag not as original is to copy, but as copy is to copy. all gender is drag” (paraphrased). This does this by showing that gender is simply a performance, and regardless of the body that masculinity or femininity is placed upon it is still masculinity and femininity.
What power within BDSM and specifically D/s or M/s relations does is emphasize the power dynamics between the two people, going to one extreme of power, with absolute power and absolute submission, it is showing that power is a performance, and without an exchange of power no power can be gained or lost. Power drag shows that there is no natural power dynamic between people just as there is no natural gender.
However, just as one cannot escape gender, one cannot escape power dynamics either, but power drag brings awareness to the power dynamics between all people, not just people within BDSM relationships. It shows the constructedness of “natural” power, such as white dominance or male dominance, even when it is a white male dominating a non-white female there is still a choice being made as opposed to blindly accepting the dominance of the white male. Most obviously this constructedness or non-naturalness is shown when a female dominates a male or when a non-white person dominates a white person, or any other inequalites (age, class, ability, etc.).

Why is it important?
By exposing the non-naturalness of power dynamics between people we can begin to play with power (though we in BDSM have been doing that for a long time now already) and we show how power is fluid, and power dynamics can change from moment to moment. The realization of power drag could help both with keeping roles within relationships strict or being able to relax the usually strict roles within our relationships.

Gender drag is to Gender as Power drag is to Power?

What else? I’m sure there’s more I can/should talk about. What kinds of questions do you all have about this? What else should be included in a conceptualization of power drag? What else do I need to discuss?
This is so huge and I’m so excited by it that I don’t quite know how to cover everything or what I’m missing.

Long and Winding Road

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On November 18, 2007

In a Love: Onyx

I suggested to Master today making a few manuals or perhaps just one manual with seperate sections, inspired by slave,kate’s last post. I think that would be a fabulous idea, and another way to get more definitions of what I am supposed to do and such. He seemed to like the idea. I also suggested we update our contract to add some of the new things we’re figuring out into it, as well as to review it and see what we put in there that we’re not doing/working on.

We don’t really have any set protocols yet, and that is something I would really like. In his expectations of me he said that he wants me to present to him every time he enters a room (a different way if we’re in the company of others, of course), and I haven’t asked for a specific on that, although I should, and this is a reminder to do so. I would also like for us to develop some verbal commands for different sitting positions and such, and define more some other body positions.

We have a long road ahead, but we’re trundling along. We’re making more progress than we have in the last two years (since he collared me). When we were apart there was a definite lack of M/s, then for a while after I moved here we were pretty much having kinky sex and that’s it, we did very little D/s let alone M/s, and now we’re working on both.

I feel happier in where we are than I have in a long time.

Those Little Things

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On October 23, 2007

In a Love: Onyx

I’ve been thinking for quite a while about my position. For the longest time, since I started my journey into BDSM really, I’ve identified as a slave. Now, though, living with my partner, I wonder if that’s true. I push him, I test him, I try to MAKE him Dominate me. I wonder if this is a problem with me or a problem with him, or both, or neither.

I don’t have a passive personality, but I don’t believe that slaves have to have a passive personality, I think slavehood is based on servitude rather than fragility. I’ve known that I have a Dominant personality for a long time. It doesn’t always show, I’m very shy with new people, and I like to observe rather than participate most of the time, but I am a large and definite personality when I have need to be. I find myself having increasing difficulty making decisions, especially personal ones, but that is not really anything new. I like to let others I trust make some decisions for me.

The other night (Saturday), our roommate was watching Drawn Together with us (fabulous show) and Master got up to go to the bathroom, he said something like “I’d appreciate it if someone would fill my wine glass while I was gone.” And I made a flippant teasing comment (with the intention of filling it) that he could “fill it on the way back.” At this point our roommate got up to fill it for him, even though she wasn’t getting up for any other reason. I was hurt, and I realize now a bit more that it was my own damn fault, but it WAS my intention to refill his glass, I was just teasing and being a little bratty, which he’s told me he likes.

Then when we got downstairs, after a bit of doing other things, and after I did or said something, I was being kind of difficult (I was very hurt at that point) but I was also trying to joke. He then said something about how he wished everything wasn’t a struggle all the time, and I practically shut down. That wasn’t exactly what he said, I don’t remember the wording, but I retorted with “I’m sorry I’m so difficult” in a very childish and hurt manner. His comment, essentially, was just icing on the cake.

We kind of ignored the topic until we went to sleep (we were watching House for a while), after which we ended up talking about it. I cried, I was blaming myself, essentially, I was thinking of how I’m apparently not as submissive even as my roommate, who explained to me that she did that because she likes to help people, make them happy. I used to be like that… didn’t I? I used to, I thought. Maybe I’ve just been fooling myself all these years.

We talked about how I push at him, how I push to see where the line is, how I push to get him to Dominate me, and how when I do that it makes him want to not Dominate me, how it makes him pull away. I think a lot of the problem is that he is very inconsistent. He will let me get away with things sometimes and not at others. I don’t know what he wants from me, and I asked him about two weeks ago to give me some rules, some guidelines to follow to be his slave, and I haven’t received a damn thing.

I need consistency. I need all or nothing. I need someone who will Dominate me. Yes, sometimes I want to be forced into it, and sometimes I want to do it willingly, and the times I want to do it willingly, it seems, are the times that he doesn’t do it at all. I don’t know how to get him to Dominate me, and I am living in this middle ground. I need to know what I’m supposed to do or I’ll just keep pushing and he’ll keep moving away, and I’ll keep being miserable.

Maybe I’m not meant to be a slave, but I don’t think I’ll find out until he starts acting like a Master. He started to, we were doing really well for a short while, it seemed to me at least. And then we went to the damn party and he was drunk and I was irritated and he tried to Dom me while he was drunk a little and I don’t like that at all, I can’t stand it when he does when I’m sober, and that’s when he feels most comfortable to. I stormed off, he followed me, we had a long conversation, I cried, I don’t remember if I wrote about any of this. It was horrible, and I felt horrible, and these same questions came up.

I’m not putting this all on him. I’m sure it would be easier for him to be a Master to someone who wasn’t such a fucking brat, who didn’t push him at the time, who acted socially like a slave (whatever that means). I’m sure I could do more to help him, though the times I feel like I have tried, nothing has happened. But that may just be him not having recognized it, or me not recognizing his reaction, or a million other things.

By the time he usually gets around to Dominating me, too, or trying to, I am so livid that I won’t let him.

I just need rules. I need strictness. I need him to let me know what the fuck he wants from me. But this doesn’t seem to happen, ever.

We seem to talk about the same things over and over, and nothing changes, and I feel there is little that I can do because HE needs to set the rules, not me. I’ve given him training ideas, I’ve told him there needs to be consistency in what he says and what he does… what else can I do?

Truthfully, I’m trying to turn a Dom into a Master, and maybe it’s not going to happen.

And maybe I’m a sub wanting to be a slave too, and that is also part of the problem.

I don’t know. I have to go to work.

Tease Me

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On October 11, 2007

In Smut

Read in Episode #2 of The Sacred and Shameless Sexcast.

i perk up as you walk in the room, moving to sitting position, slightly awkwardly coming to rest sitting up on my knees, my head less than an inch away from the dark steel top of the cage.

You left me here, waiting, aching, after you came by and knelt by my cage, pressed your cock through the bars, knowing i would quickly wrap my lips around it, that i would try to slowly tease you as you have been teasing me all day. As i slowly slid my lips up and down your shaft, i could feel it grow in my mouth, and i felt your fingers slip into my hair, tugging it into a mass behind my head, gripping it tightly, but still letting me control the movements.

i was continually anticipating you slamming my lips down on your length, waiting for you to start using my mouth to get off with, aching for you to take control, even as i was helpless and locked up for you. My head was down by your crotch, my ass high up behind me in the cage as i rested on my forearms and knees, wiggling my ass in the air in excitement, hearing my jewelry tinkle slightly in the room, mixing with the moans escaping my lips. We both know how wet i get just from the pleasure of having your cock between my lips.

When it finally happened i gasped anyway, despite having anticipated it. i felt you slam into my throat, and then start fucking my face with heated vigor. i moaned, squeezed my thighs together, and dug my fingernails against the unrelenting steel floor. i tried to look up at your face as you used mine, but unable to see up that high as you move me to meet your pace, feeling it increase as you got closer to cumming.

i heard you growl only moments before feeling you spurt into my mouth, moaning as you did, tasting you, whimpering as you pulled from my lips, even as i felt you soften between them. I darted my tongue out to lick the tip, pressing my face against the bars as you pulled back, hearing your chuckle at my eagerness, i looked up at you and blushed softly before pulling back from the bars.

You slipped your hand through the bars and stroked my hair softly, down my cheek, smiling and saying “good girl.” My heart elated, my body tingled, and a smile curled my lips, you’re the only one i like hearing that phrase from.

“I try.” Came my cheeky reply, then a sweet smile and an addition, “thank you, Master.”

You moved around the cage quickly then, as i was on my hands and knees and slipped two fingers easily into my wet folds, making me groan and move back down onto my forearms, grinding myself back against you. Your thumb found my clit, making me gasp, whimper, grind back against you even harder, before you cruelly took your hand away as quickly as you had placed it. I whimpered and you just shook your head, bringing one of the fingers to your lips, i lick mine as i watch you suck it softly. My lips opened, i slid my tongue out to rest on my bottom lip, patiently waiting for your other finger to be brought to my lips. You let me taste my lust, as i could feel how soaked i am for you. Looking up into your eyes as i sucked your finger, teasing my tongue against it, suckling as if it was something else.

Then you left again, went into another room, where i don’t know, making me wonder, making me wait, locked up, not allowed to touch myself, squirming, alone in my cage. i shifted, lay down, and waited.

Although i am allowed to speak i don’t. i don’t want to be the first to do so, i watch you instead. the time away has hardened me slightly towards you, my mind taking me all sorts of places while i wait for you. though i look up at you and the fight that had built in me while you were gone dissipates, and only the need remains.

despite my silence, i know that my need for you is evident, in the way i sit up as you enter the room, the way my eyes follow you as you advance towards me, the way i scoot closer to the steel of the cage, my eyes darting between your face and between your legs. trying to hide the lust in my eyes, but knowing i’m unable to, knowing you can see it, see right through me.

The simple presence of you makes me hyperaware of the need building inside me. I have allowed you control over me, and now I surrender that control, after silently fighting against it while you were away. You make me want to give in to you, you make me want to give over my control to you, just by seeing you, simply by your presence before me, towering over me.

You kneel by the cage yet again, watching me, sliding your hand through to me and petting me again. i smile, looking at you, pressing my face towards your hand, parting my lips as you bring a finger to them, letting me suck it again, sliding my tongue against it before pulling it into my mouth, watching you all the while, as you watch me.

You grin and take your hand away, and i whimper, waiting. Your hand moves to the lock on the cage, undoing it and then sliding a couple fingers into my collar, tugging me out by it, making me crawl out of the cage. You lead me around, walk me to the middle of the room, then move behind me. i hear your zipper just before you press my shoulders down, i rest myself again on my forearms, wiggling my ass back at you, pressing it back towards you, as i look over my shoulder, not able to see your face, but looking back anyway.

i press my cheek to the cool concrete beneath me as i feel the head of your cock pressing against my opening. i whimper yet again, wanting you, aching for you after a long day of teasing, of almost orgasms, and near fullness. Wanting you inside me so badly, i press back and you just chuckle and rub the head against my greedy hole, teasing me still, one of your hands moving to between my shoulders, pressing me down against the floor, pinning me there as you continue to tease.

i shudder and moan loudly as i finally feel you press against me, though slowly, still teasing, making me want even more. i grind back against you and you just pull away again. my head turns back, trying to see you, your hand pressing me down against the cold rough floor. “Please…” i plead. “Please, Master.”

“Please what?”

i groan, bite my lip, not wanting to say more, but aching so delightfully, all of my body alive with want. i struggle within myself, your hand moving from my back to my face, sliding your finger against my lips, starting to press again, slowly, within me, before backing away again, making me whimper again.

“What do you want, my pet?” You pause, and i say nothing. “Please what?” You prompt again.

i take in a deep breath, the words on my tongue, we both know i don’t beg easily. As much as i love to give myself to you, it’s hard for me to get the words out, it’s hard for me to actually give up my pride that much in order to beg for what i want, to plead, even though i desperately want to. i want to get myself to so base a level where i actually can just beg easily, to be able to give all of myself to you that easily, and not that which i keep for myself. i wanted you to make me beg, i wanted you to make me want you so badly my lust overpowered my overanalyzing brain and i could just scream my lust into the air, beg openly, freely, easily. And i’m damn close to that point.

i dart my tongue out at your finger, trying to distract you, or distract myself from what you’re trying to get me to do. You let me suck on it for a few moments, then trail the spit-covered finger across my cheek. i can feel the line of it cooling against my hot skin. You prompt me again, ask me, try to get me to beg. i press back as an answer, but that’s not good enough.

You pull away, again, completely, and just slide that same finger which was in my mouth back to my cunt, sliding it to my clit and rubbing at it so perfectly, making me moan and grind back against you, press my cheek harder to the floor. i moan with every exhale, start to get close to the edge, and just then you pull your hand away.

i gasp and whimper, grind back in need, my mind clouded, but knowing that was the final straw, the final push i needed to get me to say what we both want to hear.

“Please, Master, please, fuck me, fuck me hard, please.”

You pause for a moment, continue to tease my aching hole, then slip your cock inside me quickly, making me cry out, slamming me down against the floor. i feel a finger pressing against my tender backdoor, sliding into my ass and making me tremble, i grind back against your thrusts.

“What else do you want my sweet whore?”

i shudder again, loving to hear you call me names which some would find offensive, and i find complimentary. i bite my lip again, despite my admission, suddenly shy again, but only for a moment.

“Fuck my ass… please?” It comes out in a loud whisper, loud enough for both of us to hear it.

i can feel the grin on your face, even though you don’t say anything, and i can’t see you. You pull out and swiftly bury yourself in my aching ass. i gasp and moan and whimper and cry, each moment making me want a little more, each moment sending me farther towards climbing over that pinnacle. i slide one of my hands beneath me, balancing myself on that shoulder, move to rub at my clit as you pump yourself in and out of my greedy ass.

Your hands move to my hips, gripping me as you use me so wonderfully, my finger on my clit not taking long to get me close, get me there, get me over the edge, cumming hard for you as you fuck my ass so deliciously. You continue to move in me, filling me, as i bring myself to another point, making myself cum again, all thought stalled, unable to think of anything but the sensations you elicit from me. i hear your familiar groan as you get close, as you start cumming in me, as i, at nearly the same time, bring myself to that point as well, our moans mixing in the air, then gasping for breath.

The Slave Heart

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On October 2, 2007

In Power Play

“A slave is a man or woman who has a special heart — a heart that requires a connection with another person in order to find completeness in their life. A person is born with slave heart — he cannot be “made” into a slave nor can wishing to be one bring it about. It is a natural state. A slave may actualize their destiny by choosing to live in obedience to another person’s will and to serve that person — their Master or Mistress — in obedience. Most slaves are very bright and capable, and they may make many decisions every day affecting other people, large sums of money, important projects, and so on. But slaves generally do not make decisions easily or well that concern themselves, and that is one of the reasons they seek a Master — to form that point of centeredness from which to live their lives.

“Someone may have “heart of slave” and be on a journey toward actualizing their destiny without yet having found the Master their heart tells them to give their life to. And others may feel drawn toward slavery but not yet know their hearts…

“Once a slave truly understands that their existence is more complete and fulfilled in being obedient, everything else falls into place. A slave speaks in order to convey requested information or to request information about the Master’s intentions. A slave eats, sleeps, washes, exercises, takes medication, and so on in order to remain healthy and avaliable for service. Slaves labor at tasks assigned by their Master or hold an outside job so that they can contribute to the Master’s household and not be a financial burden. Anything a slave is allowed to do for personal gratification is a gift from their Master, not a right. When this aspect of slave heart is realized, slaves start to find peace in their lives.”

from from APEX ACADEMY/BUTCHMANNS Protocol for slaves quoted by Robert J Rubel in his book Protocols: Handbook for the female slave