Category: Introspection Page 24 of 25

Size vs. Health

On August 20, 2008

I came to a realization over this past weekend, in fact I came to many realizations, but this is the one I’m going to share with you today. I don’t usually talk about personal things that don’t relate directly to some aspect of my identity. Although this does relate to my fat identity, but in a different way than I would normally post about it (not sure if that makes sense). Basically, this is the kind of post I would usually reserve for LiveJournal and not for this blog, but it is something that I need to talk about, and something that I feel I should share on here.

I haven’t been taking care of my body well enough. I’m so focused on sex and sexuality but I have been ignoring the physical, which seems contradictory but somehow it still happened. I have been trying to live as a disembodied mind, seperate from my body while at the same time sexual and loving it… it hasn’t been working so well.

I’ve been signed up with a personal trainer since January and I’ve been going (though not going to the gym as often as I feel I should) but I haven’t lost that much weight or changed my body that much. I have been eating better (though not all that much better) and I haven’t been losing weight, and it’s time for me to change that. I have known this for a while, but there’s a difference between knowing something and realizing something.

This brings me to an interesting struggle. I love being fat, I love being a bbw, but I am currently unhealthy and that is a problem. There is a difference between being fat and being healthy, and I’m way past healthy. Four years ago I went from a size 24 to a size 14. I doubt I will ever be smaller than a size 14, and I’m more than okay with that. My body type doesn’t lend itself to being smaller, and a 14/16 is (I think) the most attractive and ideal body image for me. Currently I am back up to a size 26.

I am heavier than I have ever been in my life before this, I am uncomfortable and I teeter between being unhappy with my weight and being depressed. The strange thing is that while I can get depressed with being unhealthy I still love myself and my body, just not where it is right now. It seems like a paradox, and it kind of is, but it somehow works.

The main reason I am talking about this is because my health is something I’m dedicated to change, but I’m also talking about this because there is this crazy paradox within society. The emphasis should be on health rather than size, but it’s hard to seperate one from the other. Most people equate them when, in reality, they can be worlds apart. Skinny people can have just as many or more health issues than large people, but we don’t always think of that. However, in my current state I am unhealthy, and I realize this.

Dominus and I have talked about both of our health issues. Basically he is in the same situation as I am. If we could be disembodied consciousness’ (which could still have sex) we would, but then we’d also miss out on all the fun things that bodies can do. We have decided to start a new routine which includes not only bodily health but also spiritual health, something we have been putting off since we lost our temple. We are going to create a new temple for us to work within as well as incorporate yoga (vinyasa, pranayama, and kundalini), the five Tibetan rites, and Tai Chi into our normal routines. I am also thinking of taking up bellydancing again.

This will also change our sleeping and eating patterns (for the better, I’m hoping) and switch our usual meal-a-day together from dinner to breakfast, which I’m a big fan of. It is rather ambitious, but it’s necessary. I’ll sneak little updates into my posts.

Genderqueer Drag Quing HNT

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On August 14, 2008

In Gender Galaxy, Introspection

Click here for the larger version.

In honor of the Femme Conference which starts tomorrow (more info at the Femme Collective site or my post a while ago) I thought I would post something gender-related. It isn’t exactly naked skin, so half-nekkid might be a little bit of a stretch, but sometimes clothes can make me more naked than nakedness ever could.

The above images (yes, there is a second image if you click on the image above) are representations of me, really a mixture of my drag king and drag queen sides, hence the title, drag quing. All of the clothing I am wearing is mine, the shirt is actually the same shirt I wore to my Junior Prom, all those years ago, though I had a different black suit (not pinstriped) and a pink tie on (which matched my date’s dress–also pink hair and pink socks to match). I love suits, both on myself and on others.

Gender is something I’ve been thinking a lot about lately, specifically my gender but also gender in general. Sometimes I miss the butch side of me, the side which used to be most prominent, but has now taken a back seat to my femme-ininity. I sometimes wonder where that butch went, the baby butch I was in high school has morphed into this femme identity, and sometimes I want to bring my butch back.

Recently I shaved Master’s head, and ever since I have been missing my own short hair, my own shaved head. At the same time I love the long hair that I have now, it is the longest it’s been since 8th grade, approaching where it was then, even. I have these mixed emotions about it all. It’s not like I think I have to pick butch or femme, that I have to be one or the other. I know that I settle somewhere in the middle, and that I can decide what gender I feel like expressing at any given moment, on any given day. But it is still hard to reconcile the genders within me, as society makes it difficult to be in that middle-ground.

So, this is my blending of my identities. The long red hair, red lips, red fingernails, with the black pinstripe suit and tie. You can’t tell from the way I’ve cropped it, but I also had on a fedora, a short black skirt, fishnets, and my black doc martins. Perhaps someday, once I get my tripod and a remote for my camera, I’ll show you the whole package. This is my genderqueerness, and I thought you all might like to see it.

Caned and Bruised, Never Satisfied

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On August 7, 2008

In a Love: Onyx, Introspection

Click for the larger version

For my second HNT I wanted something, again, which is going along with another post of mine. I just yesterday published my recap of the weekend play party and my first public play experience, so I figured showing you all the pictures taken after that experience would fit right along nicely. The picture above was taken via Master’s camera phone, so it’s obviously not very good quality. Unfortunately we didn’t bring my camera with us to the party, so we didn’t get a good picture post-play aside from this one.

Obviously the coloring is a bit off, my skin is not actually that blue, but you can see the pretty cane marks on my butt and upper thighs, as well as some flogger marks mixed in for good measure. I think it’s pretty yummy, and hope you appreciate it as well! And, because I can’t just leave you with one poor quality picture…

Click for the larger version

Taken two days after the party by Master (with my Rebel XT), just so you get to see the pretty bruises it left as well! I love bruises, but, unfortunately I have a butt of steel (or leather, which works too) and it doesn’t bruise very easily. It was being spanked, flogged, and caned for a good 45 minutes or so, including quite a bit of caning, and all I get are two lousy bruises? Curses!

That’s not to say I don’t like the bruises or think they’re pretty, far from it! I just adore marks and want more! But, then, I’m rarely satisfied, am I? Alas, we’ll just have to try harder next time.

On Becoming a Phone Sex Operator

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On August 4, 2008

In Introspection

I recently have begun looking into phone sex operator (PSO) work, and with the guidance of the wonderful Ellie Lumpesse I have applied at a few places, and ended up getting a couple offers, one of which I have accepted. Master just faxed in my contract to them today, and so I’m hoping to start work tomorrow. I’m both excited and nervous for this new and very different opportunity! I have chosen to get into this type of sex work for a few reasons.

In looking for a new job, as I have been for the last few months, I have come to the realization that in order to make the kind of money I would like here (in Utah, as that is the tricky part) I would have to change my appearance and personality, basically I would have to hide myself. Now, that is not to say I wouldn’t have to do the same things doing PSO work, obviously there can be quite a bit of roleplay involved, but it is a much different type of roleplay.

I have worked and continue to work a lot on my appearance and personality. I am constantly learning about myself, my desires, my likes and dislikes, and all sorts of factors which go into what I consider to make up this entity which is me. I have done a lot of exploring via this blog, and other blogs, and just in my head. I have come into my own in a very distinct way, and I really to believe that I am constantly learning and changing.

However, I also believe that just about any place I would find acceptable to work here in Utah, with a few exceptions (though none which are hiring), would also not allow me to be me, I would have to pretend to be conservative, straight-laced, and professional, as well as dye my hair, cover my tattoos, and wear clothing I wouldn’t wear otherwise. This isn’t necessarily bad, and I’ve done this before for most jobs which I’ve had, but I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want to do with my life, what goals I have, what I see myself doing down the road, and basically I do not want to be schizophrenic. What I mean by that is, I don’t want to have to be a different person at work than I am at home.

With PSO work I may have to be a different person than I am, engage in some roleplay, something like that, but I would always be me, because the roleplay has a much different purpose. I will be able to help others explore their own (often hidden) fantasies, while exploring my own sexuality as well. In some ways it’s a lot like sex therapy for both myself and the client, both of us being able to act out a fantasy that might not be accessible otherwise. I imagine this will be a highly rewarding for someone who enjoys finding and exploring the sexuality of others as well as my own sexuality.

When I told a few friends of mine that I was getting into phone sex work, after asking about the money one of them said “well, if you’re going to degrade yourself, you might as well get paid well” or something similar. It was kind of glossed over in the conversation, as I think I was the only one who heard him say that, so the others went on to something else, but it made me think.

I really don’t view PSO work or any sex work as degrading when done for the right reasons. It can be degrading for some if done for various reasons or if forced into it, as some people are. However, I do believe that someone can actually choose to get into sex work and find joy, pleasure, and happiness in it. I also believe that it can be empowering, which is often thought of as the opposite of degrading. This is part of being sex-positive, in my mind.

I have yet to have my first day, as I said above, I have a briefing scheduled for tomorrow and hope to start shortly after that. I’ll no doubt report on how I feel about it post-first day, and if any of my feelings regarding PSO work or sex work change. I’m very interested to see how I grow from this experience, and I hope to find out new things about myself and about others due to this decision.

Scarlet Seductions

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On July 31, 2008

In Gender Galaxy, Identity: Submissive, Introspection, Sex Toy Love

Click here for the larger version

Popped my HNT Cherry! I wanted to do something very “me” for this my very first Half-Nekkid Thursday, so I put on my leather scarlet corset and scarlet and white polka dot skirt and grabbed my lovely scarlet and white Vicky Venus dildo and my terra-firma harness and took tons of pictures, though only a couple were really worthy of posting, as it goes.

I thought the whiteness of my thighs (I am a pasty white Alaskan, you know) along with the white and scarlet of the skirt and Vicky would look just lovely, and you can see some of my Bettie Page tattoo peeking out from under the skirt (the second “hidden” picture shows more of the tattoo and more of the corset). And just look at how cute the Vicky Venus dildo is! It is my favorite, I am so enamored with her. She’s even got a little belly button!

Taking these made me start to lust after the wireless remote control that Amazon has for my camera, and also a tripod. Neither of which I have, but both of which would be helpful for future HNT’s and photography in general.

One of the things I really want to do is take more pictures, but it’s difficult to take self-pictures (without a remote and tripod especially) and I have a lack of models. I much prefer models/portraits/people to landscapes and such. I suppose I could start advertising, but part of it is that I don’t feel ready to shoot models because I don’t think I’m “that” good yet. However, perhaps I just need to put that aside, because the more I shoot the better I will be.

To Sexcast, or Not to Sexcast

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On July 5, 2008

In Introspection

It seems to me that a lot of podcasts that started back in 2006 that I loved have mostly all fizzled out (like mine). Those that stuck with it are now, well, rather internet-famous, such as The RopeCast and Poly Weekly. Those that didn’t… well, we’ve faded to oblivion for the most part, though there are a few that are trying to make a comeback, such as Ellie Lumpesse’s Bedroom Radio and my own, Sacred and Shameless Sexcast (though she’s doing a bit better with hers than I am with mine).

Basically after a very long break I started up again a few months ago, but that has fizzled out as well. My last cast Anal, P.S. It’s Fabulous was about two months ago, and although I’ve thought about doing more casts they just haven’t happened.

So, the question I’ve been asking myself lately is what do I do about it?

One thing is that I’m going to lose the story part of the cast. I originally was trying to have three sections to the sexcast: an information section on whatever the topic was, a sex toy review on something that correlated with the information given, and an erotic story which may or may not correlate with the other two. Now, this worked out okay for the first few casts, when I was excited about it and had the time to make them frequently. However, lately this has been trouble. I find myself dissatisfied with all the erotica I write, and mostly because I’m not very confident in myself as a writer. So, I’m going to bag that part whatever I do.

The other options I’ve been toying with are to just retire the cast entirely and start something completely new, maybe a femmeinist fucktoy cast or something, or just revamp the cast entirely while keeping the original episodes attached to it, but not as much a part of it. I’m not sure what I’m going to do at this point. On the one hand, when I was making casts I really loved them, they’re as much for me as for anyone else, and they are really fun to do. On the other hand, I don’t seem to have the time to do them anymore, but I potentially could if I was to specifically put aside one night a week to do it, using the rest of the nights to work up my topic and all that.

I’m just not sure. If I keep it The Sacred and Shameless Sexcast as I originally dubbed it my next cast will need to be on sacred sexuality. I’m not against that, I just don’t feel like an authority on it yet. But, then, I’m not sure if I’ll ever feel like an authority, but I can always tell my ideas about it, and maybe that’s enough.

If I changed it, what would I change it to? I guess that’s the question that I can’t answer, and if I could I may have changed it already. I do love the alliteration in the name, and being able to call it SSS, but, then again, it doesn’t really emphasize where my head is right now. My head is on gender, feminism, equality, identities, bdsm, submission, cuntpet-hood, Topping, and all sorts of things, perhaps things that can be fit into both sacred and shameless but not necessarily things that automatically come to mind with the two. Or maybe they are? I’m just not sure.

I’m just so unsure of where I want to go with it. Perhaps that’s what I should figure out first? Do I want to keep it the way it is, change it completely, or do I just need to get rid of it? I think getting rid of it is less of an option than the others, I just need to dedicate myself and my time to it in a more structured manner. But which of the first two do I choose? Hmm…

Topics

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On April 14, 2008

In Discourse, Introspection, Power Play, Sexuality

Some days I have very little to say D/s wise, and on these days I’m quiet.

I’m working on a paper for my Queer Theory class exploring BDSM, which should be interesting. I’m having a very hard time narrowing down a concept. I’m thinking of exploring gender, using Venus in Furs and Secretary, or possibly Venus in Furs and a scene which I will describe. Another option is marriage and BDSM, I know quite a few Dommes and male subs who won’t participate in it due to the misogyny associated with it, and since it pretty much goes the opposite of their roles, similarly, in ViF Wanda asserts that she could never marry someone who was subordinate to her, if she was to marry it would be to a Dominant man. I also know many female subs who want to get married to their Dom. And then there’s me…

Other than that… marriage would be easy to do, but I’m not sure if I could write twelve pages on it, though… possibly. I may add marriage into a paper on gender, and I could add something on gender supremacy within BDSM and also some things I’ve already talked about in here.

My Prof. agreed that basically at this point the hardest part for me will be narrowing down a topic. I think I just need to choose one and run with it, but there is so much that I would like to explore. Whatever I do I’ll end up posting it here, to be sure. It’s two weeks from the end of the semester, so I may be quite absent these next two weeks.

Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On March 27, 2008

In Identity: Queer Intellisexual, Introspection, Sex Blogging

Do you enjoy being spanked?
I definitely do, especially long ones that start with a warming up with the hand, then move to the flogger, then to the strap, then to the cane, or some combination of such. I love being spanked by hand, and by the flogger, the strap… not so much, but when it’s in sequence and I’ve been adequately worked up, then that’s okay, but that’s the instrument which Master usually uses as punishment, too, since he knows that I hate it. Funnily enough, I love the cane. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I hate the thing sometimes, and it is also used as punishment sometimes, but I love the feeling of it versus the strap, even though it’s painful and not pleasant all the time, but often it is.
I’ve always had a thing for spanking, as well, I love the just plain dominance of it, the acquiescing, the submitting that has to occur on my part. Being taken and punished, even, although not fun, is a wonderful feeling of being owned and loved. But also just being taken and played with in the sense of knowing that he could do what he wanted to me with the aim of pain and pleasure.

Have you ever given a spanking?
I’ve spanked many times, but I wouldn’t say I’ve given a spanking. That is, I’ve done a lot of playful butt slapping with friends, and some hard playful butt slapping, but I’ve never been in the position of taking someone and spanking them in the manner I’ve described above.

Do you have tattoos?
I do. I currently have eight, and have many more planned.
Currently I have (in chronological order, from oldest to newest):
a stylized heart on my left breast, a small cancer (zodiac) symbol on my right breast with purple around it, on my right thigh bettie page by olivia “don’t tread on me” or what I call “licking the whip” she’s all in red with fishnets and heeled boots with a red crop in her hand lifted to her mouth and licking it, what I call “lovers entwined” between my breasts, a small aries (zodiac) symbol behind my left ear with red around it, elvgrin’s pinup witch on my right calf, a heart-shaped padlock on my right wrist which looks like it goes into my skin, and a key with heart-shaped handle on my left wrist (which Master has an identical tattoo of on his wrist).
Ones I have planned:
a virgo (zodiac) symbol surrounded by “silver” aka gray on my right hip-ish area; an om symbol (with purple accents) inside a red star of babalon on my left wrist (I have an icon of this in ); another rendering of bettie which is her in the middle with a leopard on one side and a snake on the other, it’s awesome, and I love it and it’s perfect! I was thinking of having it on my chest, but I’m not sure anymore, maybe my upper back; babalon riding the beast on my back or possibly thigh depending on the image I decide on; a submissive pinup (probably bound) on my left thigh mirroring my rather Domme-ish Bettie; a varga girl (not sure which) on my left calf mirroring my elvgren; backseams such as would be seen on old-type pantyhose which look like small corset lacing; a bdsm emblem somewhere perhaps made of tigerlilys (instead of roses, which is usually seen); possibly handcuffs (not sure where) with a rose peeking through them; possibly a gothic faerie; possibly many other things…

What is something you fear?
I have a few phobias, specifically bugs, I hate bugs. Currently we have bed bugs infesting our house and I have learned not to think about them as a way to survive, I had two panic attacks when we first realized we had them. It was horrible.
Another fear is pretty common, that of rejection. I think everyone has it to some extent, and some more than others. In me it’s pretty big, I don’t venture out of my social circle much, and I don’t really try to get to know new people but will generally but not specifically, if that makes sense. I also have deep wounds in that area, just in general, though I’m sure many many others do as well, but this one I’m working on as best I can.

Has your Sir changed/expanded any of your limits.. if so what? and how?
Hmm, that’s a good question. Not really, I’ve been pretty aware of what my limits are for quite some time, and we haven’t done much play with my limits, also I don’t really have many outside of general relationship ones and some of the usuals. There are many things I would do that I don’t particularly like, but I don’t consider them to be limits, and Master and I generally like a lot of the same things and dislike a lot of the same things, so it works out rather well for us. I’d like to do more play with things that could become limits, such as experimenting with different play which I never have, such as electricity, extreme humiliation and degradation (we’ve done a little, but not much), and such, but thus far we haven’t really changed or expanded any of my limits (though, I have become a little more lax on my tickling hard limit, but just for accidental tickling).

Describe your most intense, enjoyable sexual experience:
Hmm… I’ve had a few, though most intense and most enjoyable do vary in some ways, and I tend to get mush for brains during the really good ones. I’ll list a few (in chronological order):
With my previous partner we were having phone sex at one point while I was still living at home, though I was alone in the house at the time. I was playing with a toy and we were whispering and groaning naughty nothings to each other. He counted every time I came, and we got to about 48 in that one hour and a half or so. Earlier that day we had phone sex as well and I had come about 11 times, and then twice in between with him. All in all it was around 61 times, and I say around because this wasn’t necessarily exact, but I came somewhere around there. I was very sore the next day.
On Master’s birthday, the first one we were together for, he gave me his birthday spankings and then proceeded to fuck me senseless, including making me cum until I begged him to stop. We weren’t counting that time, but it was definitely in the double-digits and probably no less than 25 or 30.
One spring break (I think it was spring break) my friend Katie and I went up to Portland and Master and I were still in a LDR at that point. He said he could fly to Portland for the night, however, and so he did. We got a hotel room at the Days Inn I believe, which had a king sized bed and a jacuzzi. We did all manner of fucking, including in the jacuzzi which had mirrors around it. He fucked me from behind and we could watch both of us while we were fucking due to the mirrors, it was wonderful. He fucked my ass that night, as well, and then woke me up the next morning with an ass-fucking. I was so sore, but it was so wonderful.
Getting the Hitachi just the other day was pretty damn intense, and the most intense I’ve had recently. It’s a different kind of orgasm than I’m used to, I haven’t used a toy in quite some time, and it was kind of akin to that first instance mentioned above, within which I came 48 times in one sitting. There were some definite orgasm crests but for the most part I was just awash in constant near-orgasm pleasure, which was almost more intense than just a short burst. I’ll write more on this later.

Whats the biggest thing you’ve ever had in your ass?
I’m not honestly sure, actually. I don’t really go for size or stretching, I enjoy to be fucked rather than plugged and I’ve never been fisted anally. Possibly my silicone dildo, as it’s longer but about the same thickness as Master’s cock. My ex (mentioned above) had a damn thick cock near the base (it was kind of triangle-y, very interesting looking) but I’m not sure how much of that actually went in, I don’t think he actually fucked my ass, though we tried, but… it was a weird situation. I’ve had lots of odd small things up my ass, but like I said, I’m more about the sensation than stretching.

Anais Nin Quotes

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On January 13, 2008

In Introspection

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”

“If you do not breathe through writing, if you do not cry out in writing, or sing in writing, then don’t write, because our culture has no use for it.”

“Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death.”

“Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish it’s source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.”

“When we blindly adopt a religion, a political system, a literary dogma, we become automatons. We cease to grow.”

“We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.”

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman. ”

“I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live richly and darkly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don’t mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, god, as a woman i want to be dominated. I don’t mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling all that I am capable of doing but I am going to be pursued, fucked, and possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding.”

I love the last two, but have issue with it at the same time, probably because of its implied heterosexuality, but also because they hinge on womanhood and femaleness. I am trying to find a new quote to use, and none of them quite work, because they’re all about men and women and I want one more ambiguous. I suppose I could change some wording, but… I don’t know. I mean, granted, I’m with a man right now, and I love him very much, but we are also poly and I also love women and need a woman in my life, and I don’t consider it the natural place of women to be submissive to men, so here lies the problem. I will stick to what I had before, but I’m still wanting a new quote, dammit.

Seven, Sieben, Siete, Sju

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On January 10, 2008

In Introspection

Seven quirks/habits/facts about myself. Some of this information may be known by some and not by others, so…

g
1. Butch Despite my high femme appearance lately in high school I was extremely butch. I kept my hair anywhere from shaved to about 3″ long. For a long time I would only play men in plays. I shaved my head once and kept it shaved for a while. I went to my Junior prom in a black suit and fedora with pink tie, socks, and hair to match my date’s pink dress. I still don’t really feel female, I don’t feel male either, though I also wonder if someone can feel like their sex if they know that their sex and gender do not have to be correlated. I now identify as a femme drag queen, or high femme sometimes, but I still love putting on men’s suits and hiding my hair under a fedora every once in a while.

2. Hair Dye I am addicted to dying my hair. Although this has changed in the last few years as I have been growing my hair out and it is extremely damaged due to my hair dying for a while in high school I used to dye my hair about once a week. I have had nearly every color in my hair which you can think of: red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple, pink, blonde, brown, redhead, black, silver, teal, turquoise, light green, dark green, light purple, dark purple, reddish purple, blueish purple, fuscia, orangey red, pinkish red, blood red/scarlet, light red, light pink, hot pink, etc. Currently my hair is black and while I love it I also miss having other colors in it but can’t because I’m not allowed to at work. Instead of dying now I wear hair falls.

3. Astrology (while I do mention this in my profile and have the filter, this is slightly different) I’ve taken quite a few classes on astrology by a (certified, I believe) astrologist. I have learned quite a lot and know (barely) how to interprate a chart and the basics of most things. Although this is true, I have trouble with interpreting a number of things, mostly that which I do not have in my chart or that which I have retrograde or etc. I can intellectually explain and understand them, but I can’t feel them like I feel other signs/planets/etc.

4. IRC I am addicted to going on IRC. This ebbs and flows as addictions do, but I love going on there. Usually I go to irc.bondage.com or irc.sexnet.org or often both. You can find me in various channels on either network. Master and I even met on IRC, on sexnet in a channel called #group-sex (back in the golden age of g-s). The majority of our relationship was developed over bondage.com, however, but we originally met on sexnet. I have made many friends this way, and though many of you know this already many of you don’t.

5. Body Modifications Though I do say this in my profile, that I am “a body-mod addict (thirty-four piercings and eight tattoos)” I do not describe those. I love body modifications in general, and I would like to apprentace as a piercer one day soon. My piercings: 19 in my ears (6 in each lobe (12), three cartilage, a rook, a traigus, and an orbital (which I count as two as it’s two holes)), three in my nose (two on one side, one on the other), my tongue, +’s in my nipples (two barbells in each), a vertical clitoral hood (vch), and six in my inner labia (three in each). My tattoos: a stylized heart on my left breast, a small cancer (zodiac) symbol on my right breast (cancer rules the breasts and stomach), a small aries (zodiac) symbol behind my left ear (aries rules the head and neck), what I like to call “lovers entwined” between my breasts, bettie page by olivia (the photo does not do it justice) “don’t tread on me” (see icon) on my right thigh, elvgren’s pinup witch on my right calf (again, photos do not do it justice), a key with heart-shaped handle on my left wrist, and a heart-shaped padlock which looks like it goes under my skin on my right wrist.

6. Musicals I love musicals. Lately my addiction is Sweeney Todd, but before that has been The Producers, Rent, and tons of others including Marilyn Monroe and Audrey Hepburn musicals, among others.

7. Vintage and Retro I love vintage and retro clothing as well as many of my idols are from earlier eras such as Mae West and Bettie Page. Also, I was into this before it became the “big thing.” I cut my hair in image of Bettie’s freshman year of high school and then cut it short again, but once I started growing it out I have had it like hers since. I used to get asked “who is that?” when I would wear tshirts or have something with her on it, now I get “did you see the movie?” This is mildly annoying.