Purveyor of Pleasure

Pleasure is my business, my life, my joy, my purpose.

Category: Introspection Page 19 of 25

Toy Intimidation and How Couples Toys Changed Our Sex

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On April 2, 2009

In a Love: Onyx, Introspection, Sex Blogging

I’ve been reviewing sex toys for a fair amount of time now. Most of the toys I get aren’t as couples-centric as they sometimes need to be, and some of the ones that require a partner aren’t always used as much as others.

Since we moved out of our D/s dynamic and into whatever it is we do now (still figuring that out on some levels) Onyx has had more and more of a difficult time expressing his needs and wants. Being out of work and unable to find a job didn’t help, neither did my poor behavior as his “submissive.” That, along with the birth control mess-ups I talked about yesterday really impacted our sex life since we moved especially.

I took a little break from reviewing when I moved, mostly for sanity’s sake, but I returned to it with fervor once I got back in the swing of things. We’ve never really talked about sex toys, which is remarkable considering the amount of toys I’ve gotten over the last many months, and the other week we had a discussion about how they have affected our sex life.

In some ways, they’re enhanced it, but in others they’ve taken away. It always takes me longer to come from Onyx’s fingers than it does from a vibrator or my own fingers (though the vibrator usually wins) and we tend to have sex rather late at night when we’re both already tired so there’s limited time. Because we end up wanting it over with somewhat quickly I often finish myself off, usually with his fingers inside me because that’s what I love.

He had been feeling distant from my getting off, like he wasn’t necessary to the process, so he unconsciously started lessening his initiation of getting me off. Because he was getting me off less I was giving him head less, and so we were both denying the other something because of a sense of rejection. We both have big issues with rejection, so this isn’t something new but something we do work on and have been forever.

Part of this also had to do with the amount of toys I have been getting. It’s difficult for most people to view toys as a supplement to sex or a sex enhancer rather than a replacement for, and Onyx was having issues with this as is completely understandable. Problem is we weren’t talking about any of this.

Communication is key, and I know that, I preach that whenever possible, but it’s also extremely difficult which I also get. Neither of us is prone to communication, rather we tend to retreat into ourselves to try to fix problems and often don’t even realize when problems are happening due to our abundance of self-delusion when it comes to issues. It often takes us a few days to even figure out what’s wrong and then a few more days to start talking about it.

Our conversation started with me complaining that he never gets me off any more (though that’s changed since the conversation). We ended up talking about sex toys and the issues mentioned above, and came to the solution that I would show him how to use the toys on me better instead of me doing it. This may seem like a no-brainer, and he had used toys on me before, especially dildos but only sometimes vibrators.

This conversation happened only a few days after we had gotten the Liberator Ramp (click to read my review) and LELO Bo (click to read my review), two toys that are very couples-centric rather than solo-centric. They were part of the catalyst for the conversation, I believe, as I noticed his enjoyment of those two products and wished that he would enjoy other products as much.

This is not to say I don’t use other products on him like lube, dildos, harnesses and such, or we don’t use products together like crops and other BDSM toys, but it’s not the same. He’s never as excited about even the BDSM-centric toys I get in the mail, but he was pretty excited about the Ramp and Bo.

Point is, we talked. We communicated, after a long time of not doing so. Every time we talk about these things it brings us that much closer together, and I like that. Every time we have issues we always talk about them eventually and I think we’re talking about them more and more often rather then bottling them up and stuffing them back inside or ignoring them all together. This is very good.

Our sex since our talk has been better, as well. I feel more connected with him, more intimate, more engaged, all of which is wonderful. I’m sure we’ll continue to change and grow and become more open with each other, but we both have to undo decades of defense system self-training, and Onyx has ten years on me so he’s often a harder nut to crack and all that.

When Is Birth Control Exciting?

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On April 1, 2009

In a Love: Onyx, Introspection, Sex Blogging

I’m a little too excited about birth control at the moment.

Let me explain.

I’ve been using the Nuva Ring for almost two years now. I’ve tried various methods of birth control over the years since I first got on it including the depo shot which made me even crazier than I already was (depression, mood swings, etc.), a couple different pills, the patch just for a month until I realized I didn’t like it and was worried because I was too fat for it (if you’re over a certain weight the likelihood of getting pregnant on the patch increases), and finally the nuva ring.

I rather love the nuva ring. It’s easy an extremely easy to use and extremely effective type of birth control. Onyx and I are fluid-bonded, so we don’t use condoms or other barriers when we fuck. We went through the let’s get tested and make sure we don’t have to use condoms thing at the very beginning of our relationship and neither of us has had sex outside of the relationship since we got together. Especially since we don’t use condoms birth control is extremely important to both of us. We don’t want no babies.

Right after we moved here I had a lapse in my ring usage. I hadn’t gotten a new ring, I hadn’t gone to get a new prescription here, and we didn’t have the money for me to go get one anyway. This was no good. We had a lull in our sex life while waiting for me to get up on it again. We used condoms during that time the few times we couldn’t stand it and decided to have penetrative sex and we did oral, mutual masturbation, and various other non-penis-in-vagina-or-anus sex (since anal sex can get you pregnant I didn’t want to risk that).

Once we had money again I got back on the ring, we waited the week requisite post-insertion, and started going at it like bunnies yet again sans-protection. Last week came the time I had to remove my ring and today I needed to insert a new one.

Problem is, we’re out of money again and the clinic I went to last time charges quite a bit for a new nuva ring, three times what I was paying in Salt Lake City! I decided that I would go to the Planned Parenthood here instead, which I should have really just done in the first place, and try to get my information from SLC transferred to the PP here hoping that it would be cheaper.

As it turns out, and why I’m telling you all of this, I’m eligible for free contraception with Planned Parenthood! I should have remembered I’m back in a place that values reproductive health rather than avoiding the subject all together, but it’s difficult after living for two plus years in a place so backwards as Utah.

I went in on Tuesday, had a consultation today for contraceptives, specifically the nuva ring and also IUCs (IntraUterine Contraceptives–also known as IntraUterine Devices). I’ve been thinking about getting an IUC for quite some time, and have researched them and talked with another clinician about it not too long ago, but at the time it was way too expensive. I actually got kudos for having done my homework on IUCs from one of the women I talked to today, which made me happy.

Luckily, the free contraception extends to IUCs as well! I actually made an appointment for tomorrow to get Mirena implanted! Mirena is one of the two types of IUCs which has progesterone in her, but no more than the nuva ring, and lasts for five years. I’m thrilled at the idea of not having to think about birth control for five years!

Of course, with any new partners I will still insist on condoms and barriers to prevent against STIs, but since I don’t plan on having children in the next five years (if ever) Mirena seems like the perfect option!

I’m really probably more excited than I should be at the concept of getting this Mirena put in. But the idea of not really having to worry about the possibility of getting pregnant is just absolutely wonderful to me. While the ring isn’t really that difficult to remember to put in or take out on time for the most part having it go from a once-a-month issue to a once-every-five-years issue is pretty awesome.

Mirena also has the possibility of not just regulating my periods like most birth control methods but also of stopping them all together. So, no worrying about pregnancy for five years and (possibly) no periods? Maybe you see why I’m rather excited about this.

So, tomorrow I should be able to get it inserted. It’s a simple (but somewhat painful) procedure of slipping the device through the cervix into the uterus. It shouldn’t take too long, or so I’m told. The only downside is that I’m not supposed to have vaginal sex for a week or so after getting it inserted, though there’s other things we can do to pass the time.

I’ll definitely give some post-insertion information and experiences in the next week or so as well.

Finding the Next Step

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On March 24, 2009

In a Love: Marla, Identity: Queer Intellisexual, Introspection

I’m afraid she’s losing interest, and I’m afraid it’s all my fault.

This may be my paranoid insecurities talking, ’cause, hey, I have lots of those, but Onyx and I were talking the other night about Marla, specifically Marla and me and our lack of long-distance physical sexual anything which is rather important to where we are at if we actually want to progress to anything further. We talk about sex and sex toys and the probability of sex while she’s here, but I’m horrible at flirting and I’m almost frightened to take things to another level because I’m afraid of it being… well, wrong.

My post the other day about when I said that the only thing “wrong” with her is that she’s a Top/bottom switch was supposed to be more telling about her (often scary) near perfection than it was about my actual feelings about switching and set roles or any of the other things I analyzed. I was basically trying to say that she seems to fit almost too well, and the only real flaw I have yet to find is that she does not live up exactly to the ideal I’ve been searching for, but, um, I’m not expecting anyone to because that’s a desire or fantasy rather than a reality.

I keep everyone at a distance. It’s difficult for me to let anyone in, but it’s much easier for me to write about things, so that’s what I’m doing. If something’s going too well my automatic reaction is to push away from it, examine it, try to figure out where it might go wrong so that I can buffer myself against the eventual perceived fall out. Of course, my perception often creates reality because then I’ve pulled back or detached which is a catalyst for what I was afraid of.

Everything’s so new with her, and everything feels so right I’m just waiting for the (in my head) inevitable proverbial other shoe, while also hoping that shoe never actually drops.

None of my pulling away has been conscious, really, either. I’ve forgotten to take my phone off of silent and missed some of her calls. Sunday I was in a really odd mood and wasn’t very communicative with her at all most of that day, which I feel bad about, but I had retreated into my shell, and I wasn’t even that communicative with Onyx who was only a few feet from me at most times.

When Onyx and I talked about this he kept reminding me that it’s my move, that I need to do something to show her that I’m interested, since she’s the lunger in this situation and I’m the lungee, which is a situation I don’t think I’ve really been in before. I’ve always been the lunger, and I’ve more often than not been squashed.

I know what I’d want in her situation, but as the lungee I don’t know how to initiate another level of contact, and I’m also not sure if I’m ready to move to that level for fear of failure. Either failure of me not doing the right thing or failure of our compatibility, because I want this blossoming relationship to be as wonderful as I imagine it will. However, I’ll never know how wonderful it actually is until we start interacting on more of a relationship-level than a friendship-level, if that makes sense. The problem is I don’t know how to initiate that.

I think the thing with us I’m most afraid of is not performing well sexually, not meeting her expectations of me and therefore ruin this entire budding relationship, or just generally messing up and being incompatible in that area. It seems silly, maybe, for someone who is actually relatively in tune with their sexuality, but before Onyx I really didn’t have that much experience aside from one-night stands and autoerotic interactions.

Logically, I should simply initiate a conversation into some sort of sexual area (and not a sexual area that is, essentially, “shop talk” to us sex toy reviewers), or at very least initiate some light flirting to let her know that I’m actually interested, as opposed to what I’ve been doing which has been small amounts of very reserved flirting and not answering her phone calls (though unintentionally!).

However, that’s always easier said than done, especially to someone who has a rather large fear of rejection (I know we all do, but mine is, well, large as it often is the reason behind me choosing not to go to a social event, but that’s a whole other thing… let’s say I don’t socialize much because of it). I try to put fear aside, and I think about saying these things while I’m on the phone with her, but the words don’t come out.

Onyx says that she’s waiting on me to show her I’m interested in more, because she’s given me all the signs that she is, but my reaction to her pulling back (which is probably actually a reaction to me pulling back) is to automatically assume that now that she knows me better she doesn’t actually like me as much, which may not make that much sense unless you’re in my paranoid, insecure, and overanalytical head. Sometimes I think my degree in Psychology is a hindrance rather than a help, though in this case it’s telling me that I’m the one fucking up here.

If only I could convince myself that taking that next step is the right thing to do. Of course, what would really help is if I could actually bring any of this up to her directly. I never claimed to be great at communicating, just that it’s important and I want to be great at it, but I often fail miserably. Then again, my blog basically is my way of communicating, so maybe this post will help.

My Perfect Bedroom

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On March 19, 2009

In Introspection, Sex Toy Love

Inspired by AAG in her post Two Images where she actually quotes an older post from 2005 titled “The Perfect Bedroom” in which she describes all that would make up her perfect bedroom. I thought I would give it a try.

The walls would be a dark royal blue, though part of me wants the bedroom to be scarlet the rest of me says I could paint the living room scarlet so the bedroom would be blue. In one astrology class I took ages ago we did a guided imagery which was an image of our bedroom, basically our ideal bedroom, and mine was a gorgeous dark royal blue. That has been in my head ever since.

The carpet would be “silver” basically a medium dark gray with silver sparkles. The ceiling would be a matching medium dark gray as well, with glow in the dark stars across it in the constellations of the night sky in June (my birthday month). The stars would be fairly visible with the light on, but in the dark they would light up beautifully.

The bed would be a king at least with a black four-postered frame and sheer black curtains but an open top so the night sky could easily be seen. Royal blue satin sheets to match the walls, much like the ones we have now only a different color, silver pillow cases, and a big fluffy black split comforter to wrap up in.

Split comforter meaning, well, exactly what it sounds: the comforter is split down the middle so that each person has a their own blanket, which reduces on stealing in the night. Basically there would be two twin comforters for a king bed (or more depending on how many people were staying there). It works remarkably well, and doesn’t reduce on snuggle/cuddle ability either as stacking of the comforters is easy. This is something common in Norway we found out while we were there last May, both in Onyx’s mother’s house where we stayed a couple nights and in the furnished house his father let us stay in had split comforters on the bed, and I think it’s fabulous.

A mirror would take up quite a bit of the wall to the left of the bed, large enough that I could look over from any point on the bed or just off of the bed and see my (and others’) reflection. On the wall to the right of the bed there would be a small bedside table with a decorative lamp, all black and silver (notice a theme?).

On the wall to the right of the bed, there would be a black vanity table, complete with an oval mirror of course and two gorgeous side mirrors with pretty designs in the black metal. It would have plenty of counter space with all sorts of products on it like make-up and perfume where I could sit and femme up, contemplate my navel, or use my laptop.

To the right of the bed, between the bed and vanity, would be the walk-in closet. Also the same color of blue, with plenty of space for fabulous clothes and dresses, a great shoe rack, and a dresser, all of it sorted and organized impeccably. Yes, my closet is one of the places my mild OCD focuses: all my clothes are sorted by type, length/sleeve, then color.

Against the wall directly across from the foot of the bed would be a large black wardrobe. Not for clothes, obviously, as I have my walk-in closet, but for toys! The top 2/3 of it would have double doors that would open up to show shelves with also impeccably organized lube, dildos, vibrators, and bdsm equipment (from left to right). Mirrors on the inside of the doors. Floggers and cuffs hanging down the right side. Almost anything one could think of. Below the double doors would be a few drawers, including harnesses, larger bdsm equipment like spreader bars, lingerie, etc.

To the left of the wardrobe, across from the walk-in closet, would be the door to the hallway and rest of the house. To the right of the wardrobe would be the door to the bathroom… though that is a whole other post.

There would be a few places to sit, mostly Liberator furniture, all in black: an Esse and Stage combo to the lower left of the bed, Equus and Equus Rest at the foot of the bed, Buckaroo to the lower right of the bed, and an Escape between the mirror and the bed. Of course I’d have all the Liberator Shapes as well, though not out as furniture. I may need some sort of shelving or wardrobe just for them.

Above the vanity would be a poster of Marlene Dietrich (maybe two for some juxtaposition). To either side of the wardrobe there would be posters as well, and one at the head of the bed.

My laptop would be kept on the nightstand for the most part, and could provide music to fit any mood or entertainment while snuggled up in bed. There may or may not be a mini fridge with fruit, water, and ice so that one wouldn’t have to go far for quick nourishment, though the kitchen in this fantasy house would be amazing as well, probably black and silver themed.

And the rest of the house… that’s a different story. I do know that the living room would be all red, black, and leopard print, though, and there would be a play room for our cats with things to climb and chase and pounce on. There would also be a separate dungeon area with large equipment where we could also host parties. Oh, the list goes on…

This also hinges on the idea that in this poly household everyone in the house would have separate bedrooms so they could decorate each of them as they wish and we would all have our own space that we could retreat to when necessary but also have communal spaces like the living rooms, dungeon, temple, library, and probably a communal bedroom with beds taking up an entire wall (probably adjacent to the dungeon). And there’s oh so much more.

Of course, this is all fantasy, a fabulous decadent fantasy but fantasy nonetheless. But some day… who knows what may happen down the line.

Do you have any fantasy ideas about your perfect bedroom?

Black Burlesque (HNT)

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On March 18, 2009

In Introspection

I received the Regard Indiscret Set from Babeland and since I reviewed it on Tuesday I thought the images from using it would be perfect for Half-Nekkid Thursday.

The contents of the set: black round hat tin containing black leather tasseled pasties, black feather boa, pearl belt/necklace, and three small round candles.

You can watch my video review of the Regard Indiscret Set here on Wanton Lotus. I’m also giving a set away to one lucky commenter on my review. Go over there to enter.

I conveniently had a black mesh skirt with a black boa-like trim on the bottom which worked perfectly with the rest of the set. Under the skirt is my black ruffled panties. You can also see most of my tattoos in these pictures as well.

I love all of them, but I think I love the first one most. It may be my favorite picture of myself at the moment. What do you think?

hnt23a

hnt23b

hnt23c

hnt23d

hnt23e

Structures and Differences

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On March 12, 2009

In a Love: Marla, a Love: Onyx, Identity: Submissive, Identity: Top, Introspection, Polyamory

Onyx and I have had many conversations since Marla came into the mix, understandably so. Sometimes things like these happen at the times you least expect them to, but they usually come at the right times for your life. The universe decided that now was the time for us to get a third or someone who may resemble a possible third or something similar, however it all works out.

These conversations have consisted quite a bit about our own relationship in addition to how Marla might fit in to that relationship. Basically we’re very open to whatever happens as far as her joining both of us or she and I foraging out our own relationship while she and Onyx getting to know each other and be friends as well. We kind of think the former is more likely than the latter, but it all depends on what happens and we aren’t going to put caveats on possibilities. She seems to be thinking along the same lines as us as well.

We’ve had many talks about how strange this all seems, how suddenly it has happened, how we weren’t looking for it to happen but it suddenly did. We’ve talked about how scary it is that it seems to all be working out so well and we all seem to be fitting in together. It’s not often that something comes along that feels so right.

Really the only thing that’s “wrong” with her is that she is also a Top/bottom switch (and I use “wrong” very lightly here). She and I had a conversation about that a bit tonight in which I don’t think she fully understood my meaning for a while. I’m not sure if she still understands what I meant by that, actually.

I went back and read through a few of my entries regarding switching, including the first one I wrote last summer, and I am amused at the changes that have happened since then. I wrote that I wouldn’t want to Top Onyx because I wouldn’t want to switch with one person but rather I would want to have set roles but be able to explore different set roles with different people.

This is still true to an extent, but not the extent that I don’t want to Top Onyx ’cause, well, that happens often. We’ve moved comfortably into a space where we switch freely. What is still true is that I do want to have set roles with different people, but those set roles can include switch. Maybe that seems counter-intuitive in a way, because how can switch be a set role, right? Basically what I mean is having a set role of a switch with someone means that you don’t have set roles, so it’s a bit of an oxymoron, but that’s the way I see it or at least the way I choose to label it, and I’m not sure if I made that clear.

I enjoy switching with one person. I enjoy switching with Onyx and I imagine I’ll enjoy switching with Marla, though our relationship hasn’t progressed to the physical just yet.

I think (and I could be wrong for everyone but at least for me) that switching with one person is mostly done on a Top/bottom level as opposed to a Dominant/submissive level or an Owner/slave level. This is opposed to switching with multiple people which would mean having different roles with different people–being submissive with A, an Owner with B, and a bottom with C for example.

Personally, I want to both be able to switch with one person and multiple people. Have set non-switch roles with some and switch with others. I’m pretty much up for whatever it is that works best with any given person I desire to have a relationship with.

The reason why Marla being a Top/bottom switch is something “wrong” with her (again, not really “wrong” just not ideal is more accurate) is because I already am with a Top/bottom switch and I have no outlet for other levels of power play. It’s not a bad thing or a negative in any way on her or on our potential for a relationship, but it’s a hindrance to something I’m desperately needing: power play.

This is not to say that Top/bottom play isn’t great, because it is, and I enjoy it immensely, but I also desire something more… permanent is maybe the best word? It’s difficult to use terms like this without sounding like I think that there is some inherent betterness to other forms of power play, but I don’t think that way. Power play is just one way to play and regardless of the permanence of the power (Top/bottom to Owner/slave) none is better except what works best for you.

That said, I do have the desire to work on different levels of power play, but I am also over trying to make my relationships to conform to something I want them to be, instead I just want them to be what they are. This may seem like a “duh” kind of attitude, but that’s what Onyx and I tried to do for so long: operate on a level that we didn’t work on. I didn’t really realize what I was doing at the time with trying to make us squeeze into that box, but now that I am aware of it I can try to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

I guess it comes down to the fact that I’m open to whatever happens. I want to grow and explore with her and figure out what works right for us without putting limitations on it, and I think that’s what’s going to happen.

At the same time I also really want someone or someones I can play on a different power level with too. Basically: I just want it all.

Interaction

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On March 3, 2009

In Introspection, Sex Blogging


From someecards.

I tend to live in my head more than anywhere else, which can make it difficult to meet new people. I obsess over making good impressions so I often don’t say much when meeting someone for the first time and end up coming off either as shy or disinterested (and I think the latter more than the former). I generally prefer to observe others before engaging in conversation with them, as well, which doesn’t help.

The point being, I’m kind of terrible at meeting new people, and I’m kind of terrible at communication in general, I think. Writing is the way I communicate best, and I believe in communication with friends and lovers. I believe that it’s important, but sometimes it’s so damn difficult for me to get anything out.

This post was originally going to be about flirting, or my inability to flirt, but instead it’s evolved into interaction and communication in general, though also about flirting.

I think both my lack of flirting and communication abilities both stem from the same place: I’m afraid of my words being taken the wrong way, and sometimes I’m afraid of my words being taken the right way and my advances or assertions being unwanted or incorrect.

Everyone has these fears to an extent, but some have them more than others. I always admire the people who can speak their mind and who seem to have little disregard for what others think of them. I’m not that person, although I often wish I was. I care too much about what people think of me, and it pains me when someone dislikes me for whatever reason.

I came out as queer at a young age. I was the founder and president of my high school’s GSA and very out. I watched straight or even bi female friends of mine flirt with other girls, snuggle with them, kiss them, all the while wishing I could experience that but holding myself at arms length in fear of what they would think of me. I desired closeness in a friendly way, without any sexual overtones, just snuggling and exploration, but I was afraid if I attempted to join in they would think I was hitting on them.

It made me guarded, careful of what I said, worried at every turn that someone would take something I said the wrong way. I collapsed into myself and didn’t share that connection with anyone around me. I didn’t know many queer girls, and the ones I did had boyfriends or just generally weren’t interested, so that wasn’t something I could explore with them either.

The point of all this is I don’t think I know how to interact with others in a good way, and more and more I choose not to interact and to crawl deeper and deeper into my own fears and frustrations. The problem really is that I don’t know how to get out of it, and further that I’m afraid to try to get out of it because that could mean ruin.

Often, too, if I get close to someone I sabotage it by overanalyzing and becoming anxious about the interactions. I cherish some of the friendships I’ve made online, but they all seem temporary, and I know that’s mostly my fault.

I love Onyx but we are not enough for each other, we both need other friends and lovers to be in our lives. We’ve gone out and met people here, but nowhere near as much as we should have by now. Every time we go somewhere it’s a struggle because I push against it, even though I know that once we go out I will enjoy myself. I can’t seem to help my automatic aversion to the outside world.

It’s ironic, maybe, that the things I want the most–simple interaction, closeness, friends–are maybe the most difficult things for me to allow myself to get.

Relationship Questions

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On February 20, 2009

In a Love: Onyx, Introspection

kiss
Of us, taken by me, late 2006

Found these questions answered by Thursday’s Child and thought they were kind of cute and may be a good way to jump-start my writing. I have so many posts swimming in my head, but am having a difficult time articulating them. Plus, doesn’t everyone want to read about my thoughts on this stuff?

1. Who eats more?
It goes back and forth, actually. Most days I do, I think, but some days he does, it just depends on what we have that day and the times. Usually we eat together or at least near the same time, but some days if we don’t one of us ends up eating more. Or I just eat more in general ’cause I tend to snack.

2. Who said “I love you” first?
He did. It was before we actually physically met, by a little more than a month. We had been planning on meeting in March of 2005 but put it off until July because of school and I was moving out of the dorms into an apartment in June and then heading to Juneau for a couple weeks, so we set the meeting date to be after my Juneau trip. We were chatting online as usual one night in June and he was somewhat drunk and told me he loved me. I was shocked but also intensely happy, we had this “friends with benefits” idea before that, but his drunken admission kind of changed everything.

3. Who is the morning person?
He is more than I am, but neither of us are really morning people at all. He tends to wake up before I do and get tired before I do, but mostly because his body has been trained into that schedule. If given the chance we would both stay up most the night and sleep during the day I think.

4. Who sings better?
I do, though he rarely sings, and when he does I love it, but he often is off key, which is just more endearing. I have the benefit of having taken lessons when I was younger, and also being in a choir or two.

5. Who is older?
He is, by ten and a half years, so we will never be in the same decade, which amuses me, though I like to pretend I’m older (and people generally assume I’m older), so it kind of works out.

6. Who is smarter?
He says I am, I used to say he is, but I think after so many years we’ve kind of established that I am. Well, that’s not exactly true, but it’s true in some ways. Our intellect is very comparable, really, but we’re just smart in different ways. We’re both brilliant in some things and stupid in others.

7. Whose temper is worse?
This one’s difficult because we both have difficulty expressing anger. I’m going to say mine is, or I get slighted easier than he does and I am generally more upset when I do express things, though we express things in very different manners.

8. Who does the laundry?
We both do, for the most part. Laundry is usually done on a whim, and so whoever feels like doing it does it. It’s about even, I think.

9. Who does the dishes?
Again, we both do. I think he does them more often since I usually cook and often we do the dishes at the same time as cooking, which means it’s difficult for me to do them.

10. Who sleeps on the right side of the bed?
Depends on if the right side is from the sleeper’s or viewer’s perspective. I’d assume sleeper’s, but who knows. He does, in that case, though before we moved I used to. We switched because of where the outlets/power strips are and therefore where my laptop is (now on the left side). Probably once we get a real bed and our bedroom set up we will switch back to me on the right.

11. Whose feet are bigger?
His, but only by a size. He has average feet, I have big feet.

12. Whose hair is longer?
Mine, but only by about an inch since I cut it. The back and sides of his hair are much shorter than mine, but the top is about an inch shorter I think. Either way both of our hair is short.

13. Who’s better with the computer?
He’s better at most things, though I’m generally faster on it.

14. Do you have pets?
We currently have four cats: Erebus Aleister Sebastian, Eros Agape Cesario, Aether Ganymede Newton, and Morpheus Andreas Orion. We used to have two others: Nyx Astarte Viola, and Nemesis Ararita Olivia. Nyx is the mother of Aether, Morpheus, and Nemesis, though Nem was from a previous litter and Aether and Morph are litter brothers.
We also have two snakes currently, a Honduran milk snake named Scarlet Medea Astarte and a Columbian Boa named Gandhi Odin… though he has a third name and I can’t think of it.

15. Who pays the bills?
Technically it’s his money 99% of the time, though not always, but we have a joint account and we both pay the bills from that account. It transforms into both of our money, even though he’s the one making it.

16. Who cooks dinner?
I do, pretty much always, though sometimes he does. He’s a great cook, but prior to our relationship he had never really cooked vegetarian, and since I am vegetarian that meant the cooking generally fell to me. Plus, I love cooking, so I usually want to cook anyway.

17. Who drives when you are together?
Neither of us! We don’t have a car, and we don’t have drivers licenses. Crazy, right? He had one in Norway but let it lapse since there are hoops to jump through to get a license in Utah. I’ve never had one, though I’ve meant to get one I’ve just never had a car.

18. Who pays when you go out to dinner?
Usually he does, because he’s faster with his card, but sometimes I do, though it all comes from the same bank account anyway. I just like to pretend like I pay sometimes.

19. Who’s the most stubborn?
We’re both pretty damn stubborn, though I think I am slightly moreso than he is, but it’s definitely a tough thing to compare. I just asked him and he said “yeah… I think you’re more stubborn” in a definitely more stubborn sort of way. I can be pretty bad sometimes

20. Who is the first one to admit when they’re wrong?
Hah, um… I’m not sure. We’re both pretty bad about that, but he probably is the first to admit it, though it depends on what the circumstances are and who is at fault more. I think it fluctuates.

21. Who’s family do you see more?
Mine, definitely, we’re actually going to a big party for my Aunt this weekend and so we’re going to see even more of them. Moving to Seattle kind of made my family an even more frequent occurrence since both my parents come here frequently, and most of my extended family is about three hours away. His family is in Norway, so we did see them last May when we went over there, but that’s nowhere nearly as frequent as my family.

22. Who named your pets?
We both did, though I was the primary namer. I have naming rules, such as they must have three names and must somewhat go together, such as all of our kitties have primordial Greek Gods for first names.

23. Who kissed who first?
We pretty much devoured each others mouths the first time we saw each other, about a second in to it, but we had known each other online for quite some time already and we had been doing things online and on the phone prior to meeting face-to-face. I think he initiated the kiss that first time, but we were both going for it.

24. Who asked who out?
That never really happened.

26. Who is more sensitive?
Me, definitely. Much more sensitive. I don’t like it, but I am.

27. Who is taller?
I think I am, but only by about a half inch, maybe less, we’re very close to the same height unless I’m wearing heels.

28. Who has more friends?
That’s a tough one… I’m honestly not sure. We’re such a couple (in a way I never imagined myself to be) that most of our friends are mutual ones, though I still am in contact with more of my pre-relationship friends than he is, so maybe that counts.

29. Who has more siblings?
I do, I have two sisters and he has one half sister.

Settling In

By

On February 18, 2009

In Introspection

I have many drafts in the works, but I can’t seem to publish them for one reason or another. Either I can’t bring myself to work on them to completion, or I just don’t think they’re okay enough to be posted, well, those are kind of the same thing. I’ve had many opportunities to write lately, but I’ve been choosing not to. Mostly I think I’m scared of saying the wrong thing. I haven’t really posed anything worthwhile since everything on TFG happened.

So, what? I don’t know.

Part of settling in to a new city and getting used to it is going out in it. This is a city I actually enjoy going out in, with or without money, unlike the previous one. It’s been nice to actually be somewhere there is somewhat of a nightlife.

Though we’ve been staying in a lot too, doing the usual things like applying for jobs and being generally addicted to ForumWarz. We’ve stayed in to the point of feeling cooped up, and we’ve spent almost entire days out of the house, just balances out.

I’m a bit of a mess right now, so I apologize.

Anyone know an awesome place to work in Seattle that’s hiring? I applied at The Love Zone which was much nicer than their website, and I’m hoping to get it.

My father and his girlfriend will be coming down and over this weekend, then we will be heading to a family gathering of sorts, so I’m hoping to write some things early that will post this weekend.

I have so much in the works, and I’ll get it out soon. I have quite a few reviews I need to get done, so I’m hoping that will motivate me to write other things, like this smut story I’ve been working on for weeks now…

Bound (HNT)

By

On February 12, 2009

In Introspection

hnt22a
Clickity click (see another). Full-sized image.

Onyx and I haven’t explored rope as much as either of us would like. We always opt for cuffs or the Under the Bed Restraints instead of rope bondage, mostly because we don’t have much experience with it.

A couple weeks ago we went to a class taught by Midori which was sponsored by Babeland. We went there expecting rope, and ended up getting scarf bondage instead, which was a blast in and of itself, and we came home with four rods of bamboo which I’m also dying to do a photoshoot with, but we need to get more rope before that can happen.

Even though the class itself didn’t contain rope bondage it’s been on my mind ever since (and before that, too).

Usually HNT ideas just come to me, but this week I had no inspiration even though Valentine’s Day is around the corner I’m not a big fan of the ol’ VD so that wasn’t a help. I picked Marla’s brain for help. She suggested using something from the kinky stocking I recently received, and I did get a gorgeous piece of custom-dyed rope in it. That was too short for what I wanted to do, though, so I went to the longer piece I had and voila!

Be sure to click the image above to see the second image.

Have you noticed I also have a new header? I needed something a little raunchier, and this fit the bill! The image isn’t actually me, it’s Adipositivity 83 by Substantia Jones found via The Adipositivity Project. That info is permanently in the footer of my blog too, in case you’re wondering.

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