Purveyor of Pleasure

Pleasure is my business, my life, my joy, my purpose.

Category: Sex Blogging Page 6 of 8

Size & Sexuality Study – luna[KM]

By

On January 1, 2009

In Adipose, Sex Blogging, Size & Sexuality Survey

BBW Shibari by Hikari Kesho
From the Boundless Project by Hikari Kesho

This is the first of many posts with answers to my Size & Sexuality Study questions within them. The answers have not been edited in any way. I hope you find them as interesting and informative as I have. I have gotten a huge number of responses already, due in large part to groups on FetLife, and I still want more! If you would like to answer these questions you can find more information here.

luna[KM] is a 31 year old female who identifies as heterosexual with bi-kinky tendencies. She is owned and collared by KnyghtMare. Her personal blog is BDSM is Love, and she also maintains a number of other websites including The Iron Gate and Sensual Service.

What size is your body?
I weigh 340 lbs, am a pear shape with a large belly apron. My measurements are 54 60 64. I wear a 28/30 US.

How comfortable are you with your body both in general and your body size specifically?
I’m quite comfortable with my body around people I know, but am very sensitive to looks and whispers when out in public and with strangers or new acquaintances.Specifically I don’t like and am very embarrassed by squeezing into theater seats, having to move the tables of booths so that it can accommodate me, or skipping sitting altogether to avoid the embarrassment.

How has your relation with and attitude toward your body and the size of your body changed over time?
I remember as a child being humiliated at my size. I was constantly picked on, and while my friends did enjoy being around me, they always tried to pair me with the fat boys, as if I would only be acceptable around them if I dated within my own body size. As I grew up I realized that my size wasn’t so bad and began dressing as if I was average sized. This included short skirts, tight tops, sleeveless or halters and tried my best to be sexy.

Then I got married and gained over 100 lbs. I felt horrible about how I began to look, no clothing fit me right, I didn’t want to dress sexy any more. Sweats and jeans were common attire. Now that I’m not with him anymore and with my Master he has lifted my body image immensely. He cultured my love of sexy clothing, reminding me that when I wear make-up and do my hair I feel sexier. This has resulted in a new pride in my body size and I’m less uncomfortable going out with him beside me.

How important is sexuality to your life?
Sexuality is very important in my life. I feel the most free when I can express my sexuality openly.

How has your relation with and attitude toward your sexuality changed over time?
I grew up thinking that sex was something you only did with your spouse and it was very hush hush. I thought that the woman didn’t have to enjoy it every time and that as long as the man was happy, the sex was fine.

When my husband and I separated I was exploring sexual freedom. I tried to sleep with anyone who wanted me. It wasn’t a proud moment in my personal history but I learned a lot about myself during that time.

I’m far from that thought now. I love sex and love expressing my beauty to my owner. I’m a flirt and a tease and tend to engage in these tactics at the most frustrating times! He encourages my sexual identity and I thrive in knowing that I’m a sexy woman to him and can light his fire with just a look.

How comfortable are you with expressing yourself and your body sexually?
I’m pretty comfortable expressing myself, although I seem to lock up when put on the spot and asked to ‘show how bad I need it.’ It took me several months to be comfortable masturbating in front of my partner and it still causes a skipped beat when asked to do that.

How comfortable is society with the idea of viewing your body as sexual?
Society really isn’t comfortable with people my size having sex at all. Someone my size is more a fascination or fetish rather than an acceptable desire. If I dress sexy I tend to get unappreciative looks from people because in their eyes my body should be covered and hidden. Sexuality isn’t accepted in obese people. It’s like we are lepers or something.

Through answering these questions and/or thinking about your relation to your body and your sexuality, have you noticed any links or similarities between the two? If so, what?
The bigger my body has gotten, the higher sexuality plays a part in my happiness and fulfillment. Of course that could be attributed to my partner’s adoring gaze too.

If you would like to answer these questions you can find more information here.

Happy New Year!

By

On January 1, 2009

In Sex Blogging

ditahny

Hope your 2009 is filled with everything you need, loads of hot sex, kinky fun, keen personal insights, growth, and, most of all, partying! Good times and good sex is what 2009 is all about.

It’s pretty much official that 2009 for me is going to be my first year in Seattle, almost a full year at that. Onyx and I are about 95% sure we are moving the weekend of the 16th. We have multiple possibilities for both apartments and jobs in Seattle and know how we are going to move, now we just have to do it.

2009 will be the year of Seattle for me! What are you going to do in 2009?

Size & Sexuality

By

On December 24, 2008

In Adipose, Sex Blogging, Size & Sexuality Survey

The Full Body Project by Leonard Nimoy
From The Full Body Project by Leonard Nimoy

I’ve been thinking a lot about size in general, both big and small and everywhere in between. Chicory (who I met face-to-face yesterday and is fantastic!) and I have been conversing about it, via email, comments, and in our meeting yesterday, and inspired by Thursday’s Child’s Sex and Intimacy Project I want to pose some questions to all of you.

Size acceptance is coming to be an issue I am passionate about. I’ve forever had the same hangups as, well, just about everyone in this culture. The same negative feelings towards my size. Though it’s important to distinguish between health and size, even though our society does not really view it that way. We are told that thin equals healthy and fat equals unhealthy, though I know plenty of thin people who eat much much worse than I do, and yet. But I digress.

The questions I want to pose have to do with the intersection of size and sexuality in your life. They may have no intersection at all, or you may have never thought of the intersection, but either way I want to hear about it. This may seem obvious, but the most interesting aspect, I believe, will be to see how everyone differs and what similarities there are, as well as being able to get a glimpse of the person within their answers.

Weight and size are touchy subjects in our culture, as is sexuality. Both have to do with the body and have moral judgments thrust upon them. Both are aspects of the self that are extremely personal and also that have strong cultural expectations and meanings. Both affect the way we present ourselves and think about ourselves.

The Size & Sexuality Study is a series of interviews highlighting real people’s answers to the questionnaire below. At the end of the posting of interviews (end date not known) I will post my own reactions to the study as well as my own answers, and how reading the feelings and thoughts of all these interesting and informative people has affected me over the space of the study.

Want to answer the questions? Fill out the questions below and send them to me: scarletsexgeek AT gmail DOT com

In order for these interviews to be what I would consider successful I need you to be completely honest. This is about real people talking honestly about their bodies and their sexuality, recognizing what society tells us about our bodies and recognizing how that affects our own ideas about how we should or should not act. If you wish you thought one way but really think another I want to hear that, not just what you wish you thought.

The focus of these questions are not just on large/fat/plus-sized women, I’m interested in answers from everyone of all sizes, all genders, all sexes, and so on. If you want to answer them, please do!

Feel free to skip any of the general info questions you are not comfortable answering, but please do answer all of the others. The more in-depth the answers the better, but in-depth and lengthy are not always the same thing (though they can be).

General Info
Name (what you’d like to be called):
Age:
Gender identity and presentation:
Sexual identity:
Relationship status:
Blog/Website (if you have one):

Publishing
Can I publish your answers on my blog?
If so, can I use your name or would you prefer to be anonymous?

Size & Sexuality
What size is your body (you can use dress/pant sizes, a general description, anything you’re comfortable with, though remember that not all terms mean the same thing to the same people.)?
How comfortable are you with your body both in general and your body size specifically?
How has your relation with and attitude toward your body and the size of your body changed over time?
How important is sexuality to your life?
How has your relation with and attitude toward your sexuality changed over time?
How comfortable are you with expressing yourself and your body sexually?
How comfortable is society with the idea of viewing your body as sexual?
Through answering these questions and/or thinking about your relation to your body and your sexuality, have you noticed any links or similarities between the two? If so, what?
Anything else you would like to add?

Feel free to ask any questions you may have in the comments or via email, but please don’t answer the questionnaire in the comments. sizeandsexuality AT gmail DOT com

Looking for Some (Stocking) Stuffers?

By

On December 12, 2008

In Sex Blogging, Sex Toy Love

As you may recall from past posts, my sidebar, or the footers on each post, I am donating all of my affiliate proceeds from Babeland for the month of December to The Butterfly Temptress Cancer Fund. Yes, I’m promoting the fuck out of this, and no I’m not ashamed to do so because any money I “earn” is going right to a good cause!

So, to make your part in contributing easier I thought I’d give you a little mixed bag of fantastic gift ideas from Babeland. Also: if you use the code BUTTERFLY when checking out with Babeland you can get 10% off your entire order!

 Luna Beads by LELO ($47) – Luna Beads are wonderful kegel exercisers that come with two different weights that can be interchanged and are easy to use and definitely preduce results! (Read my review – but be sure to click through my Babeland affiliate link to buy)

Pinwheel and Sheath ($25) – For some light or hard sensation play, a pinwheel is pretty much a must for any toybox.

Babeland Silver Bullet ($15) – Simple and classic bullet vibe that just about everyone should have. Strong vibrations and simple toy to please just about everyone! (Read my review)

Babelight ($14) – A vibrator on a key-ring that looks like a flashlight, and lights up too! A perfect stocking stuffer if ever there was.

Opening Up by Tristan Taormino ($16.95) – The best polyamory and non-monogamy book out there! Okay, maybe that’s overselling it, but it’s damn good. I’m currently in the middle of it (review coming soon) and I absolutely love it. It’s such a wonderful frank look at the possibilities of non-monogamy, it goes over definitions and examples of multiple different “ways” to do non-monogamy while at the same time emphasizing that it’s all relative to the people involved and there’s no one or correct way to do any sort of non-monogamy except that which works for you. If you or anyone you know is interested in non-monogamy, polyamory, polyfidelity, or any of the other wide range of relationship styles then this book is mandatory!

Two Knotty Boys Showing You the Ropes ($16.95) – (Read my review)

The New Topping Book and The New Bottoming Book ($14.95 each) – Two very informative books for anyone interested in power exchange. It covers a wide variety of topics and is great for both advanced and novice players, giving an honest look at practices and the bdsm community.

Bo Cock Ring by LELO ($79) – Part of the newest line of boy toys from my favorite sex toy company, LELO, from every account I’ve heard of him Bo is a perfect cock ring, plus he’s rechargeable! (Read a review of Bo by Thursday’s Child)

For more expensive gifts there are also toys from my favorite sex toy company LELO that are worth every penny:

Liv ($109)
Gigi ($109)
Iris ($136) – (read my review)
Nea ($90) – (read my review)

Bettie Page, 22 April 1923-11 December 2008

By

On December 12, 2008

In Introspection, Sex Blogging

Bettie Page: Queen of Hearts

“With deep personal sadness I must announce that my dear friend and client Bettie Page passed away at 6:41pm PST this evening in a Los Angeles hospital. She died peacefully but had never regained consciousness after suffering a heart attack nine days ago.

“She captured the imagination of a generation of men and women with her free spirit and unabashed sensuality. She is the embodiment of beauty.”

Statement by Mark Roesler, business agent for Bettie Page from BettiePage.Com

What is it about Bettie Page that has captured so many? I’m not sure when my affinity with her began, only that it was some time in high school. I can’t pinpoint the first place I saw her or how I heard of her, I’m honestly not sure, but once I did I was hooked. There’s something about that sultry innocence, the light mischievousness, it just rubbed me the right way. Me and everyone else.

I own multiple tshirts with her on it (or renditions of her by Olivia), multiple posters, a few books, and dozens of pictures saved on my computer. I have been drawn to her for years. I even have a tattoo of her on my right thigh that I got three and a half years ago. I remember going to see The Notorious Bettie Page the next year with my then roommate and in some ways being annoyed that my cult-hit of a pin-up crush was now shared with everyone. I used to have people ask me “Who’s that?” when I would wear one of my many Bettie Page shirts, now I get “Have you seen the movie?”

Now, my own elitist ideals aside, what is it that has attracted us to her for so long? She definitely portrays something that others since her have not had, but what is that? I honestly can’t describe why I am so intrigued and attracted by and to her.

As the model who many have argued raised cheesecake to an art, Page combined exuberant, wide-eyed innocence with confident, sometimes aggressive sexuality. VANITY FAIR praised the playfully seductive Page as “our Uber-pin-up.” The NEW YORK TIMES has declared that today “her star shines more brightly than it did in her brief heyday from 1950 to 1957.” PLAYBOY immortalized Page as one of its inaugural centerfolds and recently named her “the model of the century, yet she remains one of its best kept secrets.” In a recent TVGuide.com poll, Bettie Page was voted the “ultimate sex goddess,” outscoring others such as Marilyn Monroe. BettiePage.Com [Emphasis mine].

Going back to my post on Mae West and Marlene Dietrich the first part of the quote had to do with Marilyn Monroe’s non-threatening sexuality, unlike the other two. I believe Page offered us a glimpse of a mixture of threatening and non-threatening sexual ideas, which appeals immensely to our sexually schizophrenic madonna/whore-addicted culture.

As above, she was a combination of “exuberant, wide-eyed innocence with confident, sometimes aggressive sexuality.” Essentially portraying the perfect madonna/whore. Someone sweet and innocent enough to bring home to mama, yet aggressive, confident, kinky, and sexually charged enough to want to keep in your bed. The epitome of US American sexual desires.

It’s amazing that someone who was modeling for such a short amount of time could have such a long-lasting effect on the world. She will be missed.

Call for Submissions: Sexual Ability Anthology

By

On December 2, 2008

In Sex Blogging, Sexuality

Working Title: Sexual Ability: Embracing the Intersection of Sexuality and (dis)Ability
Editor: Shanna Katz, M.Ed, Human Sexuality Education, Widener University
Contact: sexualability@gmail.com
Submission Deadline: March 31, 2009

Even as we approach the end of the first decade of the 21st century, there is still a large gap in people’s minds when they think about sexuality as it relates to people who are disabled, whether cognitively or physically. While some studies have been performed regarding the potential for differently-abled people to lead satisfying sexual lives, in which satisfying seems to center around the ability to orgasm, very little has been written about the experiences involving the sexualities and experiences of people who identify as handicapped/disabled/differently-abled, as well as their partners.

People of all ability levels are sexual beings. Sex is hard enough to navigate and negotiate when one fits in with society’s notions of what a sexual being is, but once you add in the concept of ability, it can become quite challenge. This anthology, Sexual Ability, seeks to bring forward the stories, challenges and experiences of differently-abled people and their partners, putting a face on the trials that so many valuable members of our society must face. By sharing the experiences of the disabled community in relation to sexuality, Sexual Ability hopes to challenge people’s viewpoints, foster discussion and conversation, and open doors towards a shift in the social constructions surrounding sexuality and disability.

Essay submissions should be well thought out, and written in a scholarly manner. Acceptable submissions can be in the form of short research papers, non-fictional accounts of personal experience(s), discussions on issues regarding sexuality and disability, etc. Fictional pieces/erotica will NOT be considered. Each author may submit a total of two (2) essays for consideration.

Some topics that authors might consider (but are certainly not limited to) include;

  • Coming out to a new partner and facilitating the “disability discussion”
  • Reclaiming words surrounding sexuality and disability, such as “crip,” “handicapped,” etc.
  • Issues within the medical community; talking with doctors about being sexually active when you’re differently-abled.
  • Having to create new sex techniques, positions, conversations, or having to re-define the traditional definitions of sex, etc.
  • Disabled and queer, disabled and of color, disabled and religious; reconciling multiple identities alongside sexuality.
  • Re-conceiving your sexuality after loss of previous abilities, either solo or with a partner.
  • Ability and kink; negotiating within the BDSM community when differently-abled.
  • Sexuality and ability through out different cultural experiences.
  • Portrayal of disabled people in the media (film, TV, art, advertisements, etc) and the connection to sexuality.
  • Disability rights; the fight for them, and how they affect sexuality amongst the disabled community.
  • Birth control/contraception; getting it, using it, adapting it, as well as pregnancy/adoption/abortion.
  • Creating your identity as a disabled person who is a sexual being; how did it evolve, and what was your journey.
  • Any other subjects you feel cover the topic of sexuality and (dis)ability.

By March 31, 2009, please send:

  • Your 2,000 – 6,000 word submission, as a word document attachment. It should be titled as such: SubmissionTitleAuthorName.doc (example: SexualAbility.ShannaKatz.Doc). Submissions must be received in 12 point Times New Roman font and sent in via Word documents (other files and cut/pasted text will not be accepted).
  • Your complete contact information, including legal name, pen name (if you have one), phone number, email, address, and website (if you have one).
  • A 50-100 word biography about yourself.

Please submit the above to: sexualability@gmail.com with the subject line of “Sexual Ability – Submission.” Submissions will be read and reviewed as received, but decisions will be made final by July 2009. Please note that accepted submissions will be approved on a tentative basis, pending editorial board approval once the anthology has secured a publisher.

Questions can be directed to Shanna Katz at sexualability@gmail.com or please visit the Sexual Ability MySpace page at www. myspace. com/sexualability.

Please distribute widely. Feel free to post on blogs, websites, social networking sites, listserves, etc.

A note: I would not dare to define what disabled/handicapped/differently-abled meant to anyone. Please do not ask me if your disability counts; if you or your partner identify as such, then I welcome your submission to this anthology.

Sex Toys and Videotape

By

On November 23, 2008

In Sex Blogging, Sex Toy Love

Note: there’s nothing really in here about videotape, I was just amused by myself at the title. I know, it’s kind of lame, but I’m often easily amused and also having a big can’t-think-of-a-better-title moment. That is all.

You may have noticed there have been a lot more reviews around here lately, or just a lot more things to do with sex toys in general. In part this started when I started Pleasurists, my weekly adult product round-up, but really it started before that when I started reviewing for Vibe Review, and right before them Eden Fantasys (though those were EF-on-site reviews not blog-based reviews, I was contacted by EF later about writing blog-based reviews for them). My love of sex toys was rekindled, I hadn’t really bought many in the few years prior, but I already had quite a few.

I love reviewing toys, I’ve come to realize, and I love being around toys and teaching others about them. I love helping others connect with their sexuality in general, but specifically sex toys are something I’ve been connected with for many years now. I’ve come to think that is what I will want to do with my life in some way or another. I mentioned this briefly before but I’ve been thinking about it ever since then.

I’m not sure if it would be a better idea to open my own store and site or to just try to work for one of the ones I love so much that are already established. I think it would depend on if I could get a job with one, as I know competition is rather high! It seems that a lot of getting a job with toy companies is who you know, so here’s to this blog helping me with that.

I’ve recently joined a few new reviewer programs, as you may have noticed from the new links and banners within them, Babeland and SexToy.Com as well as Vibrator.Com which I don’t have a review up for yet, but one will go up this Friday. You may be asking yourself: how many review programs does one femme need? To which my greedy reply would be, of course: as many as possible. However, there have been some other developments than just gaining programs.

I was recently suspended from Vibe Review‘s program because no one has bought toys from them through my affiliate link, even though I get quite a few hits on it, just no sales. I can understand this position since, after all, it is a business first and foremost and not just meant to give me toys, but I’m definitely disappointed because I really enjoyed working with VibeReview and would love to continue working with them.

I can continue reviewing once some purchases have been made through my affiliate link, so I’m asking you all, if you have a toy that you’re planning on buying from VibeReview, please click through my affiliate link with VibeReview before purchasing the product with them so that you may read more reviews on here from them and generally help me out! If you don’t know what product to get feel free to email me or comment with some ideas about what you are looking for and I can suggest one, or look through my past reviews for some ideas of what you might want to buy.

Also: the affiliate proceeds from any toys you buy through my affiliate link will be donated x2 to The Butterfly Temptress Cancer Fund, so in addition to helping me out by clicking through my affiliate link you would also end up basically donating part of your sex toy purchase to help her out as well!

Also, speaking of The Butterfly Temptress Cancer Fund, Babeland is allowing affiliates to donate their December affiliate proceeds as well, and so all of my affiliate proceeds from any toys you by in December through my Babeland affiliate link will go to The Butterfly Temptress and her battle with stage four cervical cancer. I’m rather poor at the moment, but I’d rather the money go to her so that she has a better chance of recovering!

Then there’s this mess with EdenFantasys which I’m really not sure how I feel about yet. I’m sure I’ll post about it once I have sorted everything out.

Queercents Economic Stimulus Plan: Buy Sex Toys

By

On November 14, 2008

In Sex Blogging

Queercents is a wonderful queer finances resource, and if you’re not reading them you really should, they even have a Femme Economics section which I highly recommend!

Although I don’t always take their advice on everything because I have horrible financial sense (cents?), I found the recently posted economic stimulus plan was too good to pass up. Their advice? Buy sex toys!

The economy sucks, the days are getting darker; but don’t get depressed, get randy! Here are four great reasons to “stimulate” the economy (and other things!)

1. It’s a relatively cheap way to spoil yourself and while improving your health. If you have more sex/get off more, you will fill the psychological contentment void which otherwise causes you to over-eat ($$) and spend more of your precious cash on bigger frivolous items.

2. If you stay home and have sex by yourself or with a sweetie, you are less likely to blow $100 or more per night on dinner and wine, night clubs, drinks, (prostitutes?). A really nice vibrator or dildo at $80 can provide hours and hours…and hours of enjoyment… Go read the rest!

In case you didn’t realize it, I’m a big fan of sex toys (okay, so that’s not much of a secret). Lately I’ve been thinking that what I really want to do is open a feminist women-friendly queer-friendly sex toy shop like Babeland or Good Vibrations, or just work in one, though competition for that is fierce. Possibly start off as an online store, and then once I settle into a city that’s not Salt Lake City (Portland perhaps?) have it evolve into a brick-and-mortar store. Now I just need a good name.

In the meantime, before my store is up and running, who you should buy from is VibeReview, as the affiliate proceeds from any toys you buy through my affiliate link will be donated x2 to The Butterfly Temptress Cancer Fund! If you need some inspiration for things to buy you can check out my reviews or Pleasurists, my weekly review round-up site.

Also! If you’re wanting a sex toy case for all the sex toys you already have For Your Nymphomation is offering 20% off with the coupon clearancesale20. So there’s no reason not to buy something!

The Butterfly Temptress Cancer Fund

By

On October 31, 2008

In Sex Blogging

I’ve put off posting about my lovely friend The Butterfly Temptress, not because I don’t want to help, but because every time I think about posting to talk about her battle with cancer and the lack of help she is receiving from the medical community I have a hard time actually writing it. In some ways, posting makes it more real, and I have to think about the possibility of losing this wonderful woman, something that I hope will not happen for many many decades.

The problem is that she falls between the cracks in our medical system, something that needs great reform, part of one candidate’s priorities, and yet another reason to vote on November 4th. She makes too much to get government aid, but is under-insured and doesn’t make enough so her medical bills are not covered. She has stage IV cervical cancer that has spread throughout her system, and without proper treatment it will continue ravaging her body.

Her series Life. Love. Cancer. is being posted on Best Sex Bloggers and the sex blogger commUNITY is coming together to support her. She’s not one to ask for help often, but with so much on the line and the potential of not being able to watch her children grow up or grow old with her Knight, we are all asking for help along side her.

The wonderful sex toy company VibeReview is allowing their affiliates to donate their November commissions to The Butterfly Temptress Cancer Fund. Not only will they donate the commissions, but they are also going to match any donations made by affiliates.

Some of the ways you can help:

PG Porn

By

On October 12, 2008

In Sex Blogging

For those of you who haven’t heard about it yet, James Gunn has created a masterpiece with PG Porn. Porn for people who love everything about porn, except the sex. Oh yes, and it’s awesome, not to mention interesting social commentary, but mostly just hilarious. From the website:

How many times have you been watching a great porn film – you’re really enjoying the story, the acting, the cinematography – when, all of the sudden, they ruin everything with PEOPLE HAVING SEX?

A bunch of times, right?

That’s why I, along with my brothers Brian and Sean, have created JAMES GUNN’S PG-PORN. It’s pornography everyone can enjoy, not just perverts. You and your grandmother, for instance, could sit down together and enjoy some nice clean smut. Or your kids could come home from school, and the whole family could gather around the computer and not-jerk-off to some porn deeply embedded with traditional values (like not fucking.)

Without much further ado, the first installment of PG Porn, starring who else but Nathan Fillian (who I absolutely love, and you might know from Firefly, Buffy (Season 7), or Dr. Horrible). From the website: “Watch Nathan Fillion inhabit the role of “CHRIS”, who doesn’t have any sex whatsoever with his boss’s wife, MRS. GRIMES.”


Nailing Your Wife

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