Pleasure is my business, my life, my joy, my purpose.

Category: Sex Blogging Page 3 of 8

Peg-ass-us by Pack of Others

I’ve known John Leo for the better part of the last decade (eight years? More? Less?) though it’s been a good five or so years since I’ve seen him. We’ve been in touch recently via Facebook and I am super excited at the chance to see him and meet his partner Sophie and see them perform! They are going on tour with their show Peg-Ass-Us, a musical romantic comedy about pegging looking at “queer sex for straight folks.” How fantastic is that?!

They’re coming up here to Juneau and also to Seattle and Portland, so if you’re in either of those wonderful cities (and I know some of you are) you definitely need to check them out. They’re also based out of Brooklyn, and have performed in major cities all over, so even if you’re not in Seattle or Portland you should get them on your radar and see if you can see them next time they’re in your town!

There is more information on their website.

They’re also on Facebook, Twitter, and have their show listed as an event on FetLife for the Seattle show and the Portland show so you can get all social networky with them especially if you are able to go or even if you’re not!

The show information:

John Leo and Sophie Nimmannit, a real-life couple, have crafted perhaps the silliest, most heartfelt romantic comedy about strap-on anal sex ever. Their beginner’s guide to “pegging” (as coined by Savage Love readers) – complete with sing-a-longs, how-to’s, puppets and soul-baring striptease – offers a hilariously penetrating look at queer sex for straight folks. But as the lesson probes deeper, it devolves into a lover’s quarrel that tickles qualms, exposes scruples, liberates desire and comes to a climax where everyone gets off.

After a month-long run as Artists-in-Residence at Dixon Place in New York City, Pack of Others takes their sex-ed kink comedy Peg-ass-us on the road, spending February 2010 – “Creative Romance Month” and “Safer Sex Awareness Month” – on tour in the Pacific Northwest. Join us!

“a real audience pleaser; it’s frank, illuminating and theatrical, no matter how you like your bacon”
–“Stage Notes” by Tom Murrin, PAPERMAG

“Sex-Ed at its Best!”
-Drs. Carol Queen & Robert Lawrence
(featured educators, Bend Over Boyfriend video series)

“This little theatrical workshop on sex, relationships and intimacy was informative, amusing, clever, touching and sexy all in an hour.”
~Ty Stover, Indy.com

Tour Dates

Feb. 5th-6th – Juneau, Alaska
The Hangar (in the Wharf) Ballroom
Egan Drive, Merchants Wharf
Shows at 9pm
(includes Special Performances of Juneau’s
Off the Hook Honeys (Burlesque),
Snaptastic! (Buffoon) in “Your B*tch is Next”
and more!)

Feb. 14th (Valentine’s!)- 17th – Seattle, WA
Annex Theater
11th Ave at E. Pike St
Seattle, WA 98122
Shows at 8pm
Tickets $15 (general admission), $10 (students/seniors)
(Monday 15th, Pay What You Can)
Advance tickets: www.annextheatre.org

Feb. 19th-21st – Portland, OR
Someday Lounge
125 Northwest 5th Avenue
Portland, OR 97209
Shows at 8pm
Tickets $10 advance, $12 at the door
Advance tickets: www.somedaylounge.com

In case you need more convincing, here’s their youtube video too!

Holiday Wishlist

giftboxes

This little meme has been circulating around and I thought I would give it a go too! The madness was started by Essin’ Em who also did it last year as I recall. Though I didn’t participate last year I did do something similar, my XXXmas Wishlist which was more outrageously fantastical stuff which I desired (and got one of) and this stuff is a mix of that and a little more attainable stuff.

Please do comment here if you create a list, or if you have one already and I don’t have it listed below and I will be sure to read it and attempt to help you out as much as I can. I’m broke, though, so I’m going to do as much as I can without spending monies. If you help me with anything from my list, I will do my best to reciprocate.

Just to clarify, I’m not expecting anything from this list, especially the things that cost money. The free stuff I would love to receive but the rest of it are closer to pipe dreams.

Steps (truncated)

  • Make a post listing your wishes. If you wish for real possible things, make sure you include some sort of contact info.
  • Visit the lists of others. If you see a wish you can grant, and it’s in your heart to do so, make someone’s wish come true.
  • You needn’t spend money on these wishes unless you want to. The point isn’t to put people out, it’s to provide everyone a chance to spread the joy. You can make your gift or give away something you have that someone wants. Gifts can be made anonymously given or not — it’s your call.

My Wishlist (in no particular order)

  1. Comments, Links, Advice, etc. – Pretty simple and money-free! Comments on any of my posts, new and old, especially on reviews over at Wanton Lotus, my reviews don’t get much love. Links on your sidebar/links page/twitter/whathaveyou, again especially to Wanton Lotus would be lovely because this blog seems to be linked more often than that one and they are separate blogs. Advice on things you would like to see more of or things you would like me to include that I don’t or etc., either here or on WL. I have some ideas about things I want to do, unfortunately I’ve been a bit side-tracked by this thing called life for quite a while and haven’t yet gotten around to them, but I’m working on them now that I have more time!
  2. Hook ups to or leads on awesome (sex positive) jobs – Especially those I could do remotely from where I am now. I need a job, and I would especially love to work in sexuality or with a sex toy company or any other wonderful thing. The trick may be my current location, but I know there are plenty of jobs that could be done remotely. If you know of someone looking or know of where I could look please pass on that information.
  3. Parisian Style Floor Length Skirt from Hips ‘n’ Curves – I fell in love with this the moment I laid eyes on it. I must have it.
  4. Corset Magic Boots from Pennangalan just like last year, I have wanted these boots for years and have never gotten around to actually getting them (could be because I’m broke). I love them, and I think they would be comfy too!
  5. Anything on my BodyArtForms Wishlist, especially these Scarlet Lotus plugs (00g), how can I not want them when they have the same name as me?! Or these gorgeous Bone Hanging Lotuses (0g) they’re expensive but absolutely gorgeous! I’m stretching to 00g right now, but I would still be able to wear these even at 00g and would because they’re so absolutely lovely.
  6. Courtney Trouble’s films which I do not own, the newest ones really. I need to get to reviewing the ones I have. Other than Nostalgia I have Speakeasy, 7 Minutes in Heaven, and Roulette which I haven’t reviewed yet, so I’m missing Roulette Dirty South, Roulette Berlin, and 7 Minutes in Heaven 2: Tender Hearted from the ones that are currently out.
  7. While we’re on the subject of porn, also anything by Pink & White (except Champion), anything by/with Madison Young, anything wonderfully queer and good quality, anything by Tristan Taormino, anything with April Flores (except Glamazons and above) basically anything wonderful. Would be willing to do reviews in exchange for these, of course, and probably would do reviews regardless.
  8. LELO Mona (in red) and Ina (in purple) – The two newest LELO products and the two ((besides the Luxe line and Billy)) I do not own. I lust after everything LELO and desperately want to try their newest creations!
  9. Njoy Eleven, Pure Wand, Pure Plug (any size), or Pure Plug 2.0 – I have a couple Njoy toys, but not these, and I especially would love an Eleven!
  10. Buy something through my Affiliate Links – Good for you, since you’re getting something fabulous, and good for me because I get a bit of whatever you spend. There’s lots of wonderful things you can get from sex toys to porn to books to kink gear, lingerie, etc.

I may add more as I think of them, but this is it for now.

Other Wonderful People with Lists!

Size & Sexuality Study – N.N.*

adipositivity124Number 124 from The Adipositivity Project

This is the twelfth of many posts with answers to my Size & Sexuality Study questions within them. The responses have not been edited in any way. I hope you find them as interesting and informative as I have. I have gotten a huge number of responses already and I still want more! If you would like to answer these questions you can find more information on The Size & Sexuality Study here including links to the other responses.

This set of responses comes anonymously from a 28 year old “femme (sometimes ultra-femme) female” lesbian who is “As married as I can be in Virginia.”

What size is your body?

I am a size 20 – currently 235 pounds – so definitely large

How comfortable are you with your body both in general and your body size specifically?

Not so comfortable now, since I just gained 40 pounds in a year, after losing those same 40 pounds the year before.

How has your relation with and attitude toward your body and the size of your body changed over time?

I’ve been large my entire life. Two years ago, I actually managed to start losing weight and dropped 40 pounds, and 2 dress sizes – I was actually buying clothes in the regular sections, not the plus size. I felt pretty okay with my body before the weight loss, but then really felt great afterwards. I was wearing much more form fitting clothes and went out a lot more. Thats when I met my wife, and was pretty confidant the whole time, which is partly why she was attracted. Then, I had to start some new medicine, and all the weight came back. Since then, I’ve been very negative towards my body – I know I’ve been driving my wife nuts with the negative talk – and I’m trying to get back into losing the weight again, and stop the negative back talk.

How important is sexuality to your life?

Very – I love sex. Our bedroom is a shrine to our combined nymphomaniac sex and sex toy addictions. Well, not quite addictions, but I’m not saying no anytime soon. I know the best way to cure a headache is sex :)

How has your relation with and attitude toward your sexuality changed over time?

I love sex – and since I’ve come out, its been a much more positive relationship. When I was younger, and still trying to fit into the heterosexist norms, I was very promiscuous, because I craved sex and the closeness with another human being, but on the other hand, hated being that close to a man. I would actually get physically ill afterwards sometimes, and of course, I was the most stereotypical commitment-phobe – no one came to my place, and I never had breakfast. But after accepting myself for who I am, and getting over the ingrained homophobia, I’ve never loved it more! Unfortunately, with the weight gain, I’ve found myself more reluctant, but my wife always makes me feel so sexy when we’re getting to it!

How comfortable are you with expressing yourself and your body sexually?

Not so much now that I’m larger – if I can lose the weight again, I think I would be much more comfortable. Definitely will not be going to fetish ball in my leather corset this year.

How comfortable is society with the idea of viewing your body as sexual?

Rather uncomfortable – at least it seems that the younger folks are. Even when I was under 200, the people attracted to me were usually older – thirties, forties and even fifties. Younger girls (and guys when at a hetero bar) would sometimes even make nasty comments. But when I was confidant about my body, it seemed that most of the mature people were very positive about my overtly sexual attire – but now, with the extra weight and lowered confidence, I’m not sure it would go over as well.

Through answering these questions and/or thinking about your relation to your body and your sexuality, have you noticed any links or similarities between the two? If so, what?

I think since I actually lost weight for the first time in my life (as opposed to just gaining), when I did gain it back again, I was much more negatively affected than ever before. It was almost like a I got a glimpse of life on the thin(ner) side, and now can’t accept the change. This might be okay if it could be a positive influence, but I’ve never lost weight when I’m trying to lose weight – I lost weight by giving up on losing weight and just trying to get more healthy. My sex drive, while still healthy, has also dropped off some since the weight gain, and I think its because of how self-conscious I am about my body now. Plus, with the new weight gain, I’m not as proportioned as I used to be – used to, I didn’t like my size and I was hourglass – now I’m an apple, and look like bigger than my size, so its been a difficult adjustment.

Anything else you would like to add?

I’d love to hear what others have said! Especially the skinny women who always stand in front of us big women and complain how fat they are – I’ve always wondered if they really think that, or if they are just fishing for compliments (which, by the way, I never give – Instead I suggest weight watchers ;)

*N.N. stands for “nomen nescio”, Latin for “I don’t know the name.”

Size and Sexuality Study – Jane Doe

adipositivity278Image from The Adipositivity Project

This is the eleventh of many posts with answers to my Size & Sexuality Study questions within them. The responses have not been edited in any way. I hope you find them as interesting and informative as I have. I have gotten a huge number of responses already and I still want more! If you would like to answer these questions you can find more information on The Size & Sexuality Study here including links to the other responses.

This set of responses comes anonymously from a 34 year old “woman? not butch, not femme” lesbian who is “in an (open) relationship (i say open in brackets since neither of us have actually acted upon the opening up of it yet, and we haven’t quite worked out how this will take place exactly).”

What size is your body?
quite big all round, especially my thighs, I am a US size 18 for pants (UK size 20) – if they’re cut right… tops are easily 1-2 sizes less. (I don’t live in either of the countries I mention, and where I live I am way above average). if this helps, medically I am obese (and no longer just overweight).

How comfortable are you with your body both in general and your body size specifically?
I have always been overweight, ever since I can remember. I tend to oscillate between not paying any attention to it (as long as I don’t put on any more weight), and dieting strictly. I get very frustrated when I make a big effort to diet and it doesn’t work. I don’t recognise the image I get from mirrors – my inner image of myself hasn’t kept up with my weight increase.

Having said that, I do like my body in itself. I do wish it were smaller; but I also wish all that social pressure and absurd anorexic role models didn’t exist.

So, when I’m on my own and away from society I love my body- I feel self-conscious with people I don’t know, but I am happy to walk about naked on my own (I rather enjoy this), and also when my girlfriend is there. I probably don’t look at it much though…

How has your relation with and attitude toward your body and the size of your body changed over time?
Though I am bigger now, I am more comfortable with my body size now than as a teenager, when I would hide it more deliberately. I look at photos from the time and can only laugh at what I thought about it then -didn’t like it!-, and I’d love to come even close to the size I then was!

I have recently (3 yrs or so) done some sporadic yoga practice, and partly through this I have stopped thinking of myself and my body as two separate things. I hadn’t realised how I was doing this! I am trying to treat my body better.

How important is sexuality to your life?
Sexuality is very important right now. I have since my teenage years been very aware of my sensuality (my body’s!) and enjoyed that aspect very much, although not consistently, rather on and off (I have also gone through very, very nerdy, ultra-intellectual phases).

How has your relation with and attitude toward your sexuality changed over time?
This has also changed, it used to be that if I didn’t have a sexual partner I would try not to think about sex (but would seize any occasion to express this!). Nowadays I fell a lot more sexual and am exploring this intensely.

How comfortable are you with expressing yourself and your body sexually?
I am extremely comfortable – in the privacy of my home or my partner’s, on my own or with her. But not outside. I can be very self-conscious. I often don’t wear prettier, more striking clothes for feeling that dressing up a lot looks ridiculous on my body. I go for neutral, trying not to stand out. I am also shy by nature but my size has never helped… If I am considering approaching a girl I find attractive, it never occurs to me that she might not reject me because of my body, since that is the reaction I expect from everyone; I assume only after they get to know me there might be a chance that they decide to overlook the fact that I am fat… and so, unless I am already desperately in love, or maybe if I’m very very drunk, I never approach anyone.

How comfortable is society with the idea of viewing your body as sexual?
I am very aware of the anorexic role-models in today’s society and all the pressure put on women through them. I always comment on -and am comforted by- how famous paintings depict women with nice round bellies and hips as sexual, eg in famous artistic nudes. Look at the first bikinis and the girls who modelled them – they all had a belly and a nice round bottom! So I am aware that the extreme rejection of body fat is a circumstantial, prejudiced view of our times, and cannot be accepted as objective. I rebel against it; however, I still feel the enormous pressure out there and I hate it. – I also realise I am much bigger than the female figures I mentioned, but it is in this society where I will be furthest from the touted ideal. I also feel it is unfair that men are not rejected immediately for their size, at least if they are intelligent or succesful, and women don’t have that luxury. This I find particularly harrowing: I am successful on an intellectual level, but will stay a social pariah.

Through answering these questions and/or thinking about your relation to your body and your sexuality, have you noticed any links or similarities between the two? If so, what?
Of course! I have slowly come to terms with my body, but the outside obstacles to expressing my sexuality remain. This excludes my girlfriend, but they would reappear if I were single again, or when I consider whether or how to actively seek fuckingbuddies withing my open relationship. It’s not just a stupid hang-up: first impressions are extremely important, and I can’t help my body size (or stupid social obsessions) from playing a big part in them.

Anything else you would like to add?
I do feel very lucky to be lesbian, though, because the pressure on straight women is so much greater. Until I fell madly in love with a girl and realised I was a lesbian, I used to date men, and I felt even more inadequate. Either growing old or lesbian relationships or both have helped immensely in the positive changes I described in earlier answers.

Size & Sexuality Study – Lori

adipositivity268Image from The Adipositivity Project

This is the tenth of many posts with answers to my Size & Sexuality Study questions within them. The responses have not been edited in any way. I hope you find them as interesting and informative as I have. I have gotten a huge number of responses already and I still want more! If you would like to answer these questions you can find more information on The Size & Sexuality Study here including links to the other responses.

Lori is a 38 year old female who is “straight, with long held and so far unfulfilled bi curiosity (straight with a slight curve, perhaps?)” and married.

What size is your body?
Last weight put me around 300, but the number means little to me. Carry my weight in my hips, thighs and ass, mostly. Although, I have never considered myself to seem out of proportion or necessarily pear shaped.

How comfortable are you with your body both in general and your body size specifically?
I am quite comfortable within myself. I have days where I want to stay in the bed and do nothing but hide from the world, but I have never considered those ‘fat’ days. I wish it were easier to find stylish clothes, but have never blamed this on my body as much as the fashion industry who doesn’t recognize me, or on a society which refuses to accept that I have as much right to great clothes in a size 30 as someone who is a 0. My body size isn’t something I think about a whole lot. I like my body size, and feel very comfortable in my own skin. I’m lucky that way, as many of my girlfriends – thin or fat – don’t seem to share that.

How has your relation with and attitude toward your body and the size of your body changed over time?
I was very lucky to have had influences in my life that propelled me toward healthy self-esteem. I certainly went through a phase of self hatred, which I commonly refer to as high school. Post high school though, I realized that I could really care less how other people judged me. I came to the conclusion that I had no reason not to love myself and haven’t really looked back on that. I have had successful relationships, both long term and…shall we say rather shorter term? I never felt that my size should be an issue, and I’ve tried not to make it one in my head, either. I have gained weight over the years, but in those years my attitude toward my body has actually become more accepting, rather than less as might be expected.

How important is sexuality to your life?
Extremely important. I love my sexuality, and I love expressing it. As much as possible.

How has your relation with and attitude toward your sexuality changed over time?
I started having sex when I was 18. Not good sex. Just sex. It filled a need, but barely. I was having sex back then, but I don’t think I can say that I saw myself as a particularly sexual being. Over the years, I have realized that I am extremely sexual, and with this epiphany have also opened myself up to new experiences. In the past I think there was always a part of me that I declined to face; the part that said that I wasn’t allowed to be exactly who I was. It is possible that my weight played into this, but I’m not sure that is where the roots were truly planted. I believe that it is more likely that I recognized in myself needs and behaviours that seemed to clash with what I thought to be ‘normal’ for me. I had a far harder time accepting my sexuality than I ever did my weight. I have come to realize that the state of normal exists only in what we are contented with. It’s really only been in the last few years that I have not only found what satisfies me, but also have come to embrace it as another facet of myself that I am perfectly content with. I realize that there are any number of people out there who will equate my weight with some form of self-protection to “keep me from facing” my sexuality. I understand that thinking. However, in my case, it was at my heaviest that I truly realized how sensual and sexual a being I am.

How comfortable are you with expressing yourself and your body sexually?
Very comfortable. No wilting flower am I. I have no trouble expressing myself and my sexuality.

How comfortable is society with the idea of viewing your body as sexual?
Not comfortable at all. Society is not comfortable in accepting my body, so how is it possible for it to accept my body as sexual? There are a lot of facets of society that seem to hold very unshakable opinions as to what fat women are supposed to be. And a confident, sexy, sexual woman is not often equated with a fat one.

Through answering these questions and/or thinking about your relation to your body and your sexuality, have you noticed any links or similarities between the two? If so, what?
I have noticed a link, actually. But it’s probably not one that would come to the mind of someone looking at me from the outside. As my sexuality has blossomed, I have come to love my body even more. It’s a very simple equation. How could that which gives me so much pleasure, and is capable of providing others so much pleasure, be anything but a gift? I cherish my body, because it is capable of so much. The fact that my body isn’t a size two doesn’t equal sexless, or loveless. The more I’ve let my body experience, the more I stand in wonder at what a marvelous thing it is.

The (Un)conference: Getting to D.C. & Sex 2.0

Part of my trip to NYC and Washington D.C., continued from The Beginning: New York City. There will be more posts after this as well.

Somehow (after going the wrong way) I made it to the Bolt Bus with my stuff with about 15 minutes to spare before the bus was supposed to be there. I got a little to eat before heading out to the bus only to discover it was the wrong bus. That didn’t matter so much as I met up with Mollena, Essin’ Em, and MayMay before heading onto the bus. Not long after we were met by AvatarKoo and Sascha and the six of us headed on what was affectionately called the Sex Bus!

While there was a lot of chatting there was also a lot of quiet on the five hours that it took for us to go from NYC to D.C. and I got a bit of sleep (I had been kept up late the night before talking with Onyx and Marla). Bolt Bus has power plugs and wifi, which is why we all wanted to take it, but both stopped working halfway through the ride, which was highly annoying. I used that time to sleep, though, and it was no big deal.

Once we got to D.C., Mollena, Essin’ Em, and I took a cab to the hotel and got settled in. We had learned while on the bus that the pool and drinks activity scheduled was canceled as the pool was not open! This was highly disappointing to me as I had been dreaming about swimming for a good while, luckily I was able to that weekend but that’s for later.

The wonderful Domina Doll was gracious enough to let me share her room, and we ended up meeting up in the hotel restaurant before heading up to our room and settling in. We chatted for quite some time while I was tweeting with Carnivalesq and texting with Onyx and Marla.

After getting to know each other offline a little bit Domina and I headed to Carnivalesq’s room to meet her and her boyfriend Ripley both of whom I already knew I was going to like but I immediately loved them! I felt like we all got along very well and was super excited to meet them. The four of us went out to get thai food at a nearby restaurant, then headed to a liquor store and bought wine for the evening/weekend.

We headed back to our respective hotel rooms and Domina and I broke out the wine while chatting some more. I really enjoyed talking with her, and there was a little drama going on with Marla, mostly me feeling bad and worrying, so we talked about that among many other things. I was so glad to have met her and I felt like we hit it off as well, though I knew that was going to happen.

We headed up to the Brownies and Porn event happening in Match’s room and there met lots of other people, I can’t even say who all was there, but that was the first time I met Jay and Ellie and so many other people were there. At the time I was busy worrying about meeting Marla, I had not yet bought our hotel room for the next two nights either, and I was just in anxiety-mode, which made being in a room full of people I didn’t know too well who were also being loud something that I didn’t want to do.

I headed back down to my room, made hotel reservations for the next two nights at a hotel in Alexandria, VA on the other side of D.C. (technically we were in Silver Springs, MD) and called the hotel to make sure their pool was open. It was. Score! Carnivalesq and Ripley came along not too soon after, there was chatting for a bit until they were tired and decided to head back to their room. It was a strange night all around, really.

I ended up staying up super late (read: 5am) talking on the phone with Onyx about my own fears and insecurities regarding meeting Marla, and so I also ended up sleeping until the keynote had already started. Quickly I woke Domina up, showered, got dressed, and headed down to the main floor where the conference was being held. I opted for breakfast instead of the first session but then opted for talking with Marla on the phone instead of breakfast. She was already on her way up to D.C.

The first session I went to (which was actually the second session) was Mollena’s “Flying Your Freak Flag” session, I came in late with Carnivalesq, then Ripley followed not long behind. It was a wonderful session, Mollena is absolutely wonderful and I really was glad that I had chosen to go to hers. There were several wonderful quotes which i couldn’t help but tweet and just generally enjoyed the session immensely. It was basically about the decision to be “out” about being part of a community, how being out can help others around you not just yourself. Every session I participated in seemed to come back to person vs. personae in one way or another, something I definitely want to write about at a later time.

After that session I talked with Marla and Onyx briefly before settling down to actually eat something since I had neglected to do so before. Carnivalesq and Ripley kept me company and Carnivalesq discovered the sugar packets were njoy brand (njoy being also the name of a sex toy company we all lust for). It was highly amusing. Can you tell I clung to them a bit the entire conference?

This entire time, also, Marla was getting closer and closer to D.C. and my excitement for that was building and distracting as I was also enjoying everything else.

I stuck with Carnivalesq and Ripley and updated briefly during Jack Stratton’s session “History of Written Erotica on the Internet” which was highly awesome and included a snippit from a tentacle porn story which was pretty awesome. I tweeted a few choice quotes from that session as well. It talked heavily on the difference between person vs. personae and the ability of having anonymity on the internet but that also evolving into a personae of it’s own. Quite interesting, and for another post.

She was even closer by the time the session started.

We stayed in the same room to participate in Jack Murnighan’s session “Sex Writing Beyond Erotica,” which discussed various types of sex writing and also ended up touching on person vs. personae as well as various other things, such as comfortability in sex writing (“If I’m really comfortable writing this, it probably isn’t going to be interesting” tweet), the ever-evasive (for me) showing vs. telling, and all sorts of other usual suspects when it comes to issues with sex writing/how to write sex/etc. Again, there were many quotable tweets.

That session was also especially amusing because, as I tweeted, I was sitting next to Carnivalesq, one row behind AvatarKoo, two rows behind Ellie Lumpesse, and also across the room from Minx, all of us with our laptops, all of us tweeting. After the session I stepped away from my computer for less than 20 minutes, when I came back there were 60+ tweets under the #Sex20 hashtag on twitter. We were also trending on twitter, meaning so many people were using the hashtag it officially became a trend. Crazy.

The final session I attended was “Revisiting Naked on the Internet” with Audacia Ray, FurryGirl, Melissa Gira and Amber Rhea. It dealt a lot with the person vs. personae idea again, as well as feminism or not, sex work, and living your life on the internet (kinda similar to person vs. personae also).

After the session I went to the vendor room with Carnivalesq, where Ripley had already bought a necklace from Vera for me! I didn’t know they were going to, and it was so sweet of them! I am currently wearing it, and haven’t actually taken it off since it was given to me, it’s a simple chain held together with a heart-shaped lock kinda like the one on my wrist. I had mentioned liking it earlier in the day. It was so super sweet of them, I’m still kinda floored by it!

Marla was so close I could almost taste her, so I said my goodbyes to Domina Doll (who I barely saw all day), Carnivalesq and Ripley, headed up to the hotel room, packed up my stuff, went downstairs and impatiently waited for her to get to the hotel.

Part of me is sad I didn’t stick around for that night and the next morning, but I had something more important to do. Heaven forbid having sex actually interfere with a conference about sexuality! I really enjoyed all the sessions, and I have a lot more I want to write about each of them but specifically under the topic they raised in me: person vs. personae. In Jack’s Sex 2.0 post he mentions the point of the conference, which I will gratefully steal quote:

“One thing Sex 2.0 seemed to say to me is that we (feminists, sex workers, BDSM, poly community, LGBT, creators of explicit art and media, anyone ostracized, marginalized, disadvantaged or persecuted because of their sexual identity, choice or profession) may be part of different movements, but we have a lot of similar goals and we should come together and learn how to be better allies. We are all fighting first and foremost to have our voices heard, thus it makes sense for us to create forums where all voices can be heard.”

I couldn’t have said it better. It was a wonderful experience and I’m excited for the next Sex 2.0 to be held here in Seattle and further participation in it next year.

Meeting Marla, heading to the hotel, and the rest of the weekend? That will have to come in the next post…

The Beginning: New York City


Image by visionlightgallery.com

Even though I don’t know where to start, I have to start somewhere so I figure I will start at the beginning. The entire week was tainted (in a good way) by the fact that I would be able to spend Saturday night, Sunday, and Monday morning with Marla.

I left Seattle a drizzly Tuesday night, cinco de Mayo to be exact, though I hadn’t done anything to celebrate the holiday. I didn’t arrive into New York City until Wednesday morning around 7am even on a nonstop flight (do note the time change as well). Furry Girl was on the same plane as I was, which we had figured out a couple weeks beforehand, and so we ended up chatting and taking the subway partway with each other, which was very nice as I had no idea where I was going.

My sister, Bee, was going to meet me at a subway stop because we were hesitant about me taking the subway alone (though I think meeting her was more confusing than the actual subway trips and switching would have been). I’m happy to say I only got on the wrong train once while in NYC, and I realized such after just one stop. I was pretty proud of myself. Anyway.

After meeting up with Bee we got me to the right place and I promptly took a nap, as I hadn’t really slept much on that overnight direct flight and I had gotten in to NYC at 4am Pacific Time which was not as fun as it sounds. I hope I wasn’t too out of it when meeting Furry Girl for the first time, I felt kind of bad about that actually. Post-nap I went to dinner with Bee and her boyfriend, then headed to The Pleasure Salon to meet up with other NYC bloggers, out-of-towners who had come in pre-Sex 2.0, and Sinclair who I was staying with.

I was so nervous, and I felt very much like the outsider. I really am rather socially awkward and I don’t really know how to insert myself in a conversation, I’m worried at coming off as rude by being unwanted but inserting myself anyway or just taken as rude (though that was accomplished the next night… but we’ll get there).

I met a lot of people that I’ve wanted to meet for a long time, and I know I won’t be able to list them all but I’ll mention as many as possible! The first person who recognized me was Viviane, who came in not long after I did while I was still getting my name tag. Selena Fire made a name tag for me, complete with a lotus which was sweet and I continued once at Sex 2.0.

Mina Meow came in after we had been chatting a little and Viviane introduced us, which was really exciting because, even though we didn’t really talk that much, Mina is someone I’ve wanted to get to know better and meet for a while now, the same with Wendy Blackheart who I met not long after.

A lot of the night, and a lot of the trip for that matter, is a blur of meeting wonderful people! I was very excited to meet Natt Nightly as well, although we have not interacted much (I can say that about most people, really, because I fail at being social most of the time–even on social networks), I’ve always loved his writing, beyond loved, and I felt like he was excited to meet me as well which I was a little surprised at, maybe a lot of that was the shock of not realizing I was coming to NYC until I tweeted about being in NYC. I felt like we hit it off, even though I was awkward and a poor conversationalist at times (most of the time).

It was a pleasure to meet both Diva and Tess who I had a nice conversation with, Essin’ Em though we didn’t really chat much directly, as well as Jack Stratton and Mariella who I got a great impression of and I was slightly surprised that they knew who I was, also because we haven’t really interacted. I think I see them as superior stylistically, writing, and wit-wise so I kind of assume they wouldn’t know me or anything, which is silly because we all follow each other on twitter.

Twitter was definitely a recurring theme of the weekend, especially at Sex 2.0, though any of you who follow me there pretty much know that already. Tangent aside, there were so many people at The Pleasure Salon and I’m sure I’ve not listed them all, the people I listed are mostly people who I interacted the most with. A few hours in Sinclair showed up and after a short amount of socializing we headed home and after Sinclair attempted to make brownies we crashed pretty quickly.

The next day I was determined to take it easy, socializing takes a lot out of me like the introvert I am and I mostly slept and did very little except head to Re/dress a wonderful plus-size vintage and second-hand clothing shop in Brooklyn. I made it there on the subway all by myself, which was pretty great, without even taking a wrong train or getting off at the wrong stop! I bought two gorgeous dresses: a long red halter-top dress that is shorter in the front than in the back which is a little big on me at the top and I need to get let in, and a short black one with bell-sleeves that looks kinda 60s hippy-goth Fleetwood Mac style.

Once back at Sinclair’s apartment for a brief period I changed into my new black dress and we headed out to Audacia Ray’s apartment for dinner with Audacia (obviously), Natt, V, Essin’ Em, Augustin, and Melissa Gira. Although I was my usual taciturn self I managed to make quite an impression and break not one but two things in Audacia’s house, which I am deeply sorry for and ashamed about and will probably continue to be shamed about forever. I do not know how these things occurred, they were definitely accidents but I still feel horrible about them. Ah, first impressions.

Aside from my horrible blunders there was much delicious food, much good conversation (I’m all about listening), and I enjoyed myself even if I was a bit quiet, though that is also a theme of this weekend, along with twitter and most of it being a blur. Although I wasn’t so quiet come Saturday night… but that’s another post.

After the party there was much sleep before having to get up for the Sex Bus (Bolt Bus to D.C.) the next morning! There will be another post on heading to Washington D.C. and Sex 2.0 before getting to the wonderful and sexy things I did with Marla.

Sex 2.0 Update

sex20

Currently updating from “History of Written Erotica on the Internet” (third session) by Jack Stratton. I woke up later than planned after a long night last night, but that’s something else to talk about entirely. Basically I woke up when the keynote was happening and was going to get food during the first session although I just ended up missing it.

I went to Mollena‘s “Flying Your Freak Flag” session (second session) which was pretty amazing and hilarious (she wrote about it and Sex 2.0 here), and I have been tweeting massively regarding what has been going on this weekend.

There are two more sessions, and I’ll be live-tweeting throughout, but I wanted to post on here with a little update. Sex 2.0 has simply been wonderful and amazing thus far. I’ve met some brilliant and wonderful people and connected offline with people I’ve already connected to online, such as Carnivalesq, it’s pretty fantastic.

This session has focused on anonymity in addition to erotica itself, but specifically writing erotica and sex blogging and such. It’s something I definitely want to write about, my sort-of anonymity, as I go by Scarlet offline as well as on.

Also, while I am loving Sex 2.0 what I’m really excited about is that Marla is currently on her way driving up here to D.C. We have a hotel room for the next two nights, and are going to be fucking our brains out meeting, connecting, and… well… okay, fucking our brains out!

There will be so much more for me to write about, the last few days in NYC, the sex bus, Sex 2.0, meeting and fucking Marla, then back to NYC… I’m going to be a very busy blogger in the next week!

I *heart* Sexy Bloggers

The wonderful luna from BDSM is Love has given me a Sexy Blogger Award (award image below) and had this to say about me:

She makes me proud to be a woman of size. Her thoughts and passions have me transfixed.

I can’t explain how happy reading just that little blurb made me, especially the first sentence. I was both touched and flattered by her sentiment.

Her reasoning behind choosing me is definitely worth more to me than the “award” given in the meme. I’m not huge on awards in general, but I think they can be fun and a great way to give kudos to others and generally highlight others and bring more attention to them, which is great. This meme seems to be going around the blog circles I fit in, and it’s always wonderful to be included.

sexy-blogger

According to luna there are two rules to receiving this:
“You are to list 5 sexy things about yourself and pass it on to 4 other people.”

I’m not going to deny the opportunity to pass on some nice sentiment to others, and it’s always fun to receive something like this from someone unexpected so here we go. I’m having a very difficult time with the five sexy things, I’m really not that into bragging about myself and that’s what this feels like, but, here we go…

Five sexy things

  1. Despite the fact that society tells me I shouldn’t be sexy as a woman of considerable girth, I don’t let that stop me from expressing and enjoying my sexuality. This is what made me so elated when part of luna’s reason for choosing me for this was because: “She makes me proud to be a woman of size.” I’ll admit it’s not always easy to be sexually confident in general let alone when society says that you’re not supposed to for various reasons (not just limited to large women, of course), and to know that I make someone, anyone, feel a little better about themselves is incredible.
  2. I’m open and honest about who I am for the most part. Despite the amount I spill my soul on here I am somewhat guarded about sharing deep feelings or ideas I have to others I don’t know very well, however, I don’t let that guardedness keep me from being as authentically me as I possibly can: a sexual deviant who is open about and comfortable with what she does, and doesn’t try to pretend to be something or someone else. I think that’s sexy, anyway.
  3. While body mods are all the rage these days I really do think that my eight tattoos and thirty-some-odd piercings really do enhance my body, not only by calling attention to some of the sexiest parts of myself but also because the tattoos and piercings themselves are sexy (or so I like to think). I put a lot of thought and detail to every one of them, and think they also show my comfortability with my body which is also sexy.
  4. My brain is the sexiest part of me, or so it likes to think (har har). I may overanalyze most times, but I also think that people are more attracted to my intellect than anything else about me (not to say people aren’t attracted to other parts of me too, but I think the brain is the best part of the package).
  5. My partners: they are both so sexy that I must be sexy too, right? They inspire me and encourage me to be confident in my sexuality, and they fill my heart with such joy it radiates from me which I think is sexy.

My four sexy bloggers

There are SO many sexy bloggers out there it’s not even right to only choose four, but the ones below are the first ones that popped into my head, and a few of the other ones I’d choose have already been awarded this from others. If I had my way I would give one to everyone in the “friends & lovers” section of my links, and probably others that I’ve forgotten to include there as well. The problem with picking just four is there are so many other people left out, but, I’m sticking to the rules of the meme, otherwise it would take me forever to list everyone!

Gabe and Elizabeth – They blog over on Pornocracy and put an extremely sexy video out recently. I feel that may of our values and ideas are very similar, which endears me to them automatically, and in addition to that they are highly sexy individuals and overwhelmingly sexy as a pair!
Not sure if I should count them as one or two, but since it’s a sexy blogger award vs. sexy blog award I think they count as two.

Amber – of Divergent Dance. Another person I feel I have similar ideas with, she is a tomboy femme among other similarities, and I have come to think of her friendship quite fondly. I think she and her writing are both super sexy and am always excited when she has a new post for me to read to get another slice of her life, gender, love, or sexuality.

Marla – Last but certainly not least there’s no way I could leave my long-distance love out of this, for she is incredibly sexy and blogs over at Confessions of Promiscuity. There is no question that I find her extremely sexy, she fits in with Onyx and I so perfectly and just everything about her makes me want to ravage her and make her come over and over until she begs for me to stop… but I digress. She just posted her first piece of erotica inspired by yours truly, so you can read how amazingly sexy she and her ideas are!

Last Friday

So many things have been happening in the last week, and I don’t think I will have the time to write about them all individually even though I want to. Since I’ve been bogging you down with worrysome and insecure poly-related posts I’m going to start with an experience outside of the triad: last Friday, when Kyle and Coy Pink came to visit (though this is mostly about Kyle).

Back at the beginning of March Kyle drove up not too far to Seattle to meet us for the first time. He wrote about it here, I failed to write about it even though I had the intention to. I don’t remember why I didn’t write about it, I think I may have been experiencing mad writers block at the time or something, who knows, though his re-counting of the evening is pretty flawless so you should go over and read that first.

Then, Kyle decided to head up here last Friday. When we got together in March CoyPink was unable to make it as she had prior plans and I, like a dolt, had forgotten to ask her to come until a few hours before Kyle was supposed to show up. I’m good like that. Anyway, this time CoyPink was able to come, though not until a little after Kyle was going to arrive. No big deal, we were excited she could join us, though she ended up missing most of the night’s excitement! Not that what happened after she arrived wasn’t exciting, but there was no beating involved… but I’m getting ahead of myself.

Kyle has written about this visit as well, with far more detail to leading up to occurrences than I will probably give, so you should go over and read his post on last Friday, it’s pretty long, but I’ll be here when you get back. Go on. I’ll wait. Honest.

Did you read it? No? What are you waiting for? Seriously.

Well, if you read it you read it, if not you’re missing out. Anyway. Roxy (who, for those of you who don’t know is Kyle’s long-distance love) contacted me on twitter before he arrived and asked if I would be willing to give his package a squeeze and tell him it was from her. I responded that I would not mind doing so in the least, while trying to appear willing but not overly eager. Kyle is a great guy, but I don’t know him that well, so I was a little awkward and kept trying to think of ways to do it in a somewhat subtle manner, of course Roxy didn’t need it to be subtle.

She also informed me that he may be instructed to kneel at our door when first arriving, but didn’t know how evil she was going to be yet. I knew from that it would be a very interesting evening, but I figured Kyle would have to do a few somewhat embarrassing things at her request to begin with, and then we would all just do our thing. I didn’t expect any play or really anything to go beyond a few simple instructions to get a little redness in his cheeks. I was a little wrong.

Kyle ended up arriving late. He let me know he was going to be late beforehand, and I wasn’t surprised (from his tweets I thought he left later than ideal to be right on time, not to mention parking around our apartment is a bitch), though Roxy decided to use that as a reason for his first instruction. He was to ask to kiss our feet to make up for the offense of being late.

I wouldn’t deny him his ability to perform for his Love, so I offered him my bare feet to kiss, and took a couple pictures while he was doing so for him to send to Roxy. He did the same for Onyx, though he donned his boots for Kyle to kiss. When Kyle was done I walked over, slipped my arm around him, and squeezed his packy through his jeans informing him that he wasn’t the only one who Roxy had requested something from and that the squeeze was from Roxy. He seemed a little flustered, which was lovely, and I thought that would be the end of that.

I was putting the last touches on dinner and we all were chatting when she included further instruction, for him to ask us how to further make up being late. Onyx was far more comfortable requesting things at this point than I, as I could put myself more easily in Kyle’s shoes and was trying to figure out the balance between good embarrassing this very new friend of ours and what might be crossing the line. I overanalyze, we all know this by now.

Kyle offered to help serve dinner, Onyx agreed, and so Kyle went about fixing a plate for him and presenting it to him, which Onyx made him do over again with enthusiasm and excitement. I felt badly, as I’ve had to do the same in the past and it’s always really annoying.

We ate, and chatted, and again I thought that was going to be the end of it. Both Onyx and I had remarked to Roxy that Kyle was being very good and fulfilling his duties. I admit I was a bit hesitant, and still am, about commenting too much/too little and I think I ended up on the too little side. In addition to all this, I was also texting with Marla and I knew she was feeling excluded and alone, so I was trying to manage everything all at once which ended up in me being a little more distant perhaps in everything than I meant.

We were having seconds when the next instruction came, “please do offer your ass and beg for a spanking.” I was somewhat surprised, as was Kyle I think, though apparently Onyx wasn’t. Onyx informed Roxy of Kyle’s reaction to the instruction: groaning and tossing his phone on the floor!

Onyx decided that since I rarely get to get out my beating desires, as he is not into pain or me beating him at all, I should be the one to fulfill this instruction. I decided to finish my seconds and send a text to Marla regarding what was going to happen (which I found out later didn’t send) and so Kyle was instructed to kneel on the floor until he was needed.

I was thinking about the best way to do everything, and decided getting out my Liberator Ramp would be a great idea to position Kyle on. It pretty much doesn’t enable the bottom to drop their ass, and means I can get at all the good spots all the time, so I figured it would be a good idea. Onyx got the ramp, Kyle got positioned, and I pulled out most of my impact play toys.

From Kyle’s post: “At first it was kind of weird, I mean, we’ve only hung out once before and now my ass was in the air waiting to be beat. But Scarlet is very good and we got into our rhythm pretty quickly.” I agree, it was a little strange, but once we got into it I think we both had a really good time, as evidenced by the pictures that we took and the happy post-beating stupor that Kyle ended up being in. Kyle and Roxy have praised me multiple times on my beating technique, apparently Kyle has raved about it to her and promised to show it to her when next they meet, so I must not be too bad, right!?

I used just about all of my impact play toys, with the exception of the rose crop and the black rubber whip, you can see the implements below:

toys
From L to R: Black Suede Flogger, Black Rubber Whip, Rose Crop, Cheetah Fur-Lined Paddle, Rabbit Fur and Leather Flogger, Bark and Bite Paddle, Small Red Acrylic Cane, Large Red Acrylic Cane, Wide-Tipped Riding Bat.

There are a lot of great pictures of the beating, but I think this one is my favorite of the ones Kyle posted:

ohdamn

I had a lot of fun, and I know Kyle, Roxy, and Onyx did too. It was a great experience that I’ll also be happy to repeat should the opportunity present itself. I didn’t really see it as sexual, but I put play with friends in a separate category than play with lovers, and separate out the sex from bdsm, because they’re not completely entwined just mostly. I do feel like I’ve seemed distant with both Kyle and Roxy when they’ve tried to engage me and I blame it on my general social awkwardness rather than anything else.

Not long after the beating was over CoyPink arrived with brownies. We all settled down, chatted for a while about various things including me whipping out a bunch of my sex toys because I do quite love talking about them and I really don’t get that much opportunity too, hopefully it didn’t seem like I was bragging or showing off too much, haha.

After not too long we all headed out to the bars, we went to one which was just too loud and a little too crowded. We decided it would be best to go to one where we could actually hear each other and engage in conversation. We all talked about our relationships and poly and all sorts of other things, and we all drank and generally had a great time.

Kyle and CoyPink are rapidly becoming good friends, especially CoyPink who I have been able to see more often (as makes sense, more time together = more familiarity/comfortability/etc.). We should be seeing them both again this Saturday, too, for the Seattle Erotic Art Festival, though I doubt any beatings will occur this time.

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