I’ve never really had to come out before. Until I met Onyx I was heavily involved in queer activism, which isn’t to say there aren’t straight queer activists because there are, but people assumed I was queer instead of the other way around. I had to come out as in a relationship with a man on many occasions after Onyx and I got together, which was weird in and of itself, but I got used to it. I’ve come out as queer a few times while living with Onyx, but usually it was to queers or queer allies and involved musing about the circumstance of being queer while in a heterosexual (though not straight) relationship.
Now that Marla and I are together, however, I am realizing coming out in a way I’ve never really had to before.
I recently started a new job (hooray!) and I haven’t officially come out to my co-workers. While I do sport my newest rendition of a super short awesome fauxhawky hairdo I also wear skirts and generally have fun bluring gender lines as much as possible. I don’t really make it a habit to talk about my personal life with coworkers, but the one time I referred to Marla in a conversation I called her my roommate. It was odd, and I’m not sure why I did it.
For the record, I’m not upset that I said “roommate,” and Marla isn’t mad about it or anything as that is what she called me for the first few weeks at her job, more than anything I’m curious as to why I said it and why I didn’t just say “girlfriend” or “partner” or something like that, and I’m interested at this new position I’m in to actually come out to co-workers in a fairly uncomplicated way.
I know the store I work at is queer friendly, as there are plenty of other queers that work there, and I think part of it has to do with my position of having not just a girlfriend but also a boyfriend and not wanting to get into the whole poly business with people I barely know and may or may not get to know much better in the future.
I have a feeling part of it is because of the temporary position of my job. While I’ve worked with many of the people multiple times I haven’t yet been offered a permanent position despite applying for various different ones. I think in some ways I don’t see the need to be open and honest about it with people I don’t know if I’ll ever truly be seeing again. Then again, I can’t tell if that’s even a reasonable reason, or if any of this really matters that much.
From the way I look and the way I dress now I think I’m much more visibly queer than I used to be. I also have a rainbow bracelet that I wear which Marla made for me and am sure that is a tip off for those who actually care.
Maybe that’s part of it too, though, those who actually care. If they care they would probe and it’s not as big of a deal to me as it used to be, it’s part of life but not something I feel the need to shout to everyone like I used to when I was in high school and would wear my shirt that says “I kiss girls” in rainbow letters. Maybe it’s not as big of a deal anymore because it is how it is and these aren’t people who would really care if I have a girlfriend or a boyfriend or both, as the case may be.
April
What I have learned over the years is not to divulge too much personal information to people you work with unless you become friends with them or intend to become friends with them. I’ve found that there’s a good bit of people in the work place who are quick to stab you in the back or talk about you behind your back. Now, you may not care about either, but those conversations get twisted as the gossip wheel turns and then ends up falling on important ears. Those ears hear the wrong thing and then you’re getting called into the CFO’s office and being asked if you’re cheating on your husband and doing drugs. (I know you don’t have a husband but I was using my TRUE STORY as an example)
Anyway, I wouldn’t tell anyone anything you don’t feel like telling them. No one needs to know your business. You’re there to work, not make friends.
Did this whole comment sound bitchy? I just reread it and it sounded all bossy and mean and shit. I didn’t mean for it to. So if it did, please know that wasn’t my intention and I’m sorry.
.-= April´s last blog ..Grass on the field =-.
Scarlet Lotus St. Syr
I think you’re absolutely right, that makes a lot of sense. I think I was kind of trying to get to that in a roundabout way in my post, which was really me processing my thoughts out loud, though part of it was maybe that was the reason why I didn’t “come out” but then the question was if it’s really that intimate of a thing to divulge. I’m not sure if my post said that, but I think that was part of my idea behind it. Should it be more of a “that’s the way things are” that I have a girlfriend rather than a personal detail especially because I know the environment is extremely queer friendly? Maybe? Maybe not? I’m not sure. I wouldn’t be nearly as quick to come out as poly, probably because it’s less understood and seems more of a private matter. Hmm. Food for thought for me.
And no, it didn’t sound bitchy at all. =)