Onyx and I have had many conversations since Marla came into the mix, understandably so. Sometimes things like these happen at the times you least expect them to, but they usually come at the right times for your life. The universe decided that now was the time for us to get a third or someone who may resemble a possible third or something similar, however it all works out.
These conversations have consisted quite a bit about our own relationship in addition to how Marla might fit in to that relationship. Basically we’re very open to whatever happens as far as her joining both of us or she and I foraging out our own relationship while she and Onyx getting to know each other and be friends as well. We kind of think the former is more likely than the latter, but it all depends on what happens and we aren’t going to put caveats on possibilities. She seems to be thinking along the same lines as us as well.
We’ve had many talks about how strange this all seems, how suddenly it has happened, how we weren’t looking for it to happen but it suddenly did. We’ve talked about how scary it is that it seems to all be working out so well and we all seem to be fitting in together. It’s not often that something comes along that feels so right.
Really the only thing that’s “wrong” with her is that she is also a Top/bottom switch (and I use “wrong” very lightly here). She and I had a conversation about that a bit tonight in which I don’t think she fully understood my meaning for a while. I’m not sure if she still understands what I meant by that, actually.
I went back and read through a few of my entries regarding switching, including the first one I wrote last summer, and I am amused at the changes that have happened since then. I wrote that I wouldn’t want to Top Onyx because I wouldn’t want to switch with one person but rather I would want to have set roles but be able to explore different set roles with different people.
This is still true to an extent, but not the extent that I don’t want to Top Onyx ’cause, well, that happens often. We’ve moved comfortably into a space where we switch freely. What is still true is that I do want to have set roles with different people, but those set roles can include switch. Maybe that seems counter-intuitive in a way, because how can switch be a set role, right? Basically what I mean is having a set role of a switch with someone means that you don’t have set roles, so it’s a bit of an oxymoron, but that’s the way I see it or at least the way I choose to label it, and I’m not sure if I made that clear.
I enjoy switching with one person. I enjoy switching with Onyx and I imagine I’ll enjoy switching with Marla, though our relationship hasn’t progressed to the physical just yet.
I think (and I could be wrong for everyone but at least for me) that switching with one person is mostly done on a Top/bottom level as opposed to a Dominant/submissive level or an Owner/slave level. This is opposed to switching with multiple people which would mean having different roles with different people–being submissive with A, an Owner with B, and a bottom with C for example.
Personally, I want to both be able to switch with one person and multiple people. Have set non-switch roles with some and switch with others. I’m pretty much up for whatever it is that works best with any given person I desire to have a relationship with.
The reason why Marla being a Top/bottom switch is something “wrong” with her (again, not really “wrong” just not ideal is more accurate) is because I already am with a Top/bottom switch and I have no outlet for other levels of power play. It’s not a bad thing or a negative in any way on her or on our potential for a relationship, but it’s a hindrance to something I’m desperately needing: power play.
This is not to say that Top/bottom play isn’t great, because it is, and I enjoy it immensely, but I also desire something more… permanent is maybe the best word? It’s difficult to use terms like this without sounding like I think that there is some inherent betterness to other forms of power play, but I don’t think that way. Power play is just one way to play and regardless of the permanence of the power (Top/bottom to Owner/slave) none is better except what works best for you.
That said, I do have the desire to work on different levels of power play, but I am also over trying to make my relationships to conform to something I want them to be, instead I just want them to be what they are. This may seem like a “duh” kind of attitude, but that’s what Onyx and I tried to do for so long: operate on a level that we didn’t work on. I didn’t really realize what I was doing at the time with trying to make us squeeze into that box, but now that I am aware of it I can try to make sure it doesn’t happen again.
I guess it comes down to the fact that I’m open to whatever happens. I want to grow and explore with her and figure out what works right for us without putting limitations on it, and I think that’s what’s going to happen.
At the same time I also really want someone or someones I can play on a different power level with too. Basically: I just want it all.
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Seriously..who DOESN’T want it all! I used to proclaim that I was a bottom bottom bottom all the way but with C in my life, I seem to be switching fairly often. Sometimes I’ll tie her up and engage in power/sensation play and then sometimes she will tie me up. The result has been some of the best sex I have ever had.
Hope everything works out for you, it seems like this could be a hot and heavy thing! :D
Marla Singer
While you and I don’t have any set roles with each other (yet), I think that it’s because we haven’t taken things to the physical level. I think once things are taken to a physical level, you and I will find our roles with each other and settle into them quite nicely. Who knows what those roles will be, and who’s to say that those roles don’t constantly change while we find what fits right for us.
I’m not opposed to power play, I just don’t know if it’s something I could be set in. I’m more than willing to find out, to explore and test those boundaries with you, to find out what suits us. And as far as wanting it all, who doesn’t?
Marla Singer’s last blog post: Fat HNT
Scarlet Lotus St. Syr
I agree, and that was kind of the point of my second to last paragraph, but maybe you were agreeing. I don’t know what lies ahead for us and that’s part of the excitement. It’s all new and since we haven’t moved into that exploration I don’t expect us to have set roles, but the point of this was that our set role could include switching and that it’s not a negative, despite me saying that the only thing “wrong” with you is that you’re a switch. It’s not bad or negative or even wrong that’s just the easiest way I have to express it, I guess. It’s just not ideal for what I want to be working with.
I’m all about testing and exploring boundaries, but I’m also not going to push anything on you or us that isn’t a good fit. Or at least I’ll try not to.