lotusWelcome! I’m Tai Quyn Kulystin, the creatrix of Purveyor of Pleasure. I am a educator, artist, occultist, harlot, and gentlefemme about town. This blog is my personal exploration of gender, sexuality, spirituality, kink, and the pitfalls of an overanalytical nature.

I currently identify as a queer fat genderqueer polyamorous switch and prefer the pronouns ne/nem/nir or they/them. I spend a lot of my time thinking about sacred sexuality, sacred kink, relationships, queer theory, depth psychology, sexological bodywork, and so much more. I'm in a long-term live-in relationship with my partner Onyx, and I also have a few other relationships and lovers.
Read more about this site & me→



Scarleteen Blog Carnival: My Experience of Sex Education

This post is part of the Scarleteen Sex Ed Blog Carnival. What’s that, you ask? Click to read more about it.

The sex education I received in school was more than what was legally allowed for the state I was in. Alaska was (and is, I believe) an “abstinence only” state and I distinctly remember my health teacher in High School giving us far more information than we were “supposed” to have and telling us to keep it hush hush. At the time I was a Junior, though most people took health their Freshman year. I don’t remember any sexual education at all before that except for when the girls and boys were separated in elementary school and we watched a video about menstruation. Not exactly the same thing.

Even though what my health teacher taught was more than was considered acceptable by the state, it was still far less than teens need to know. Her great rebellion was to talk about condoms and birth control in addition to the scare-tactic teaching of the abstinence only curriculum complete with pictures of STDs and emphasis on the values of waiting. The knowledge she shared, however, was nothing that I didn’t already know about.

Really, a lot of my early sex education came from my sister who is seven years older than me. Our mother is very much a second-wave feminist and wasn’t as big on sexual education or sexuality in general, so she stepped in to fill that gap. She gave me books about my body, sexuality, and feminism. I read Cunt when I was twelve, for instance. She took me into Babeland Seattle when I was fourteen and bought me a vibrator. Most of this was long after I had discovered the internet and had already begun exploring sexuality, but she definitely guided me from afar as I walked the path.

I was first pointed toward Scarleteen in 2002, I believe, though not by my sister. I remember the situation quite clearly, actually, but the date is a little fuzzy to me. I was in a queer & kinky novelty shop (stickers, buttons, shirts, etc.) in Anchorage, Alaska that also sold a small smattering of sex toys and bdsm equipment. I was underage and asked the clerk directly about my ability to purchase items of a sexual nature. He said a cuff and blindfold set (I still have the blindfold) would be acceptable to purchase in addition to the stickers I had chosen, though not a few of the other things I was interested in, and asked me if I knew of a site named Scarleteen.

At that point I had already been interested in sexuality and had been exploring it for quite some time, though I was still a virgin. In fact, the reason why I was visiting Anchorage (I lived in Juneau) was for a queer youth leadership retreat. I was going to the retreat because it was the same year I was going to start the Gay-Straight Alliance at my high school. This incident was before the retreat and the suggestion lay dormant in my subconscious for a little while after I got back, but I made my way to Scarleteen soon after.

I was never heavily active on the Scarleteen forums, though I have been looking around them recently and wish I had been. I was always busy and a bit of an isolationist, so the community I found there would probably have been a better one than the online community I actually frequented. I would like to lie and say that Scarleteen was something I utilized to its fullest potential, but in all honesty it wasn’t. That doesn’t mean I didn’t use it, though.

I remember looking around the site for information and my exploration of sexuality was definitely influenced heavily by the articles I read. Scarleteen came rather late in my exploration as I had already discovered the internet, sexuality, and kink before it was introduced to me but even so it definitely made an impact.

It is a source of an amazing wealth of honest and accurate sex information that is an amazing resource for everyone. While it’s geared toward teens I know it has a thing or two (or more) that anyone and everyone would benefit from reading, and lots of information that most “adults” don’t know. With the state of sex education in general Scarleteen is an amazing resource that needs all the support that we can give it. Just the fact that something like Scarleteen exists is a blessing.

Scarleteen was a part of my sexual education, and has affected and continues to effect people every single day since it was founded. I have no doubt that the world needs the information and education that Scarleteen provides. We need it, and right now Scarleteen needs us.

What Scarleteen Needs:

Last year, Scarleteen needed increased donations in order to get through the end of 2009 and into 2010, in large part because private donations for a few years previous had been so low and left us in a very financially precarious position. We increased our financial goals to reflect the need for a minimum annual operating budget of $70,000. Thanks to generous contributions from our supporters in response to that appeal, while we were not able to reach that level, we were able to raise what we needed to not only get through 2009, but were able to use the funds wisely to sustain the organization through 2010. Our goal now is to continue to work toward that annual operating budget. Ideally, we would like to see a minimum of $20,000 in individual donations each year to combine with funding from private grants. In order for that to happen, we need for current donors to keep giving, and we also also need to cultivate new donors.

We’re asking for your help in either giving a donation of your own or encouraging your readers, colleagues, friends and family to donate. Given our visibility, tenure and traffic, with your help, meeting our goal should not be particularly challenging. A $100 donation can pay half of our server bill for a month, or half the monthly cost of the text-in service, or can fund any kind of use of the site, including one-on-one counsel and care, for around 10,000 of our daily users. However, we very much appreciate donations at any level. Read more about the support Scarleteen needs.

If you’re interested click here to donate now. Every little bit helps!

So you know I’m not just asking you to do this without doing anything myself: in addition to this blog post I set up a monthly donation to Scarleteen and I am working on filling out the volunteer application and will dedicate my time to it, given the chance that they want me. I’m dedicated to helping Scarleteen remain an amazing online resource, and I hope you are interested in helping as well.

More about Scarleteen:

Scarleteen has been the premier online sexuality resource for young people worldwide since 1998, and has the longest tenure of any sex education resource for young people online. We have consistently provided free, inclusive, comprehensive and positive sex education, information and one-on-one support to millions, and have never shied away from discussing sexuality as more than merely posing potential risks, but as posing potential benefits, something rarely seen in young adult sex education. We built the online model for teen and young adult sex education and have never stopped working hard to sustain, refine and expand it.

What you might not know is that Scarleteen is the highest ranked online young adult sexuality resource but also the least funded and that the youth who need us most are also the least able to donate. You might not know that we have done all we have with a budget typically lower than the median annual household income in the U.S. You might not know we have provided the services we have to millions without any federal, state or local funding and that we are and have always been fully independent media which depends on public support to survive and grow.

You also might not know Scarleteen is primarily funded by people who care deeply about teens having this kind of vital and valuable service; individuals like you and your readers who want better for young people than what they get in schools, on the street or from initiatives whose aim is to intentionally use fearmongering, bias and misinformation about sexuality to try to scare or intimidate young people into serving their own personal, political or religious agendas. Read more about Scarleteen.

04.06

2010

e[lust] #11


HNT courtesy of Neptune Blue

Welcome to e[lust] - Your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #12? Start with the rules, check out the schedule in the site’s sidebar and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Week’s Top Three Posts ~

Sometimes poly IS hardThe difficulties one faces in managing healthy interpersonal relationships, and the skills one employs in overcoming those difficulties, are the same whether you are monogamous or poly or something in between.

Artist and Model – I’m drawing her furiously along with everyone else in the class. I know her name is Janice because a long time ago we’d been acquaintances, then lovers for a night, and then I didn’t see or hear from her again.

His Boots – He’s my fix. I’m his addiction. Maybe we’re just each other’s junkies? I can never tell when i’m close enough to breathe him in I cease to care about anything else.

~ e[lust] Editress ~

I need a new highway….

~ Featured Post (Lilly’s Pick) ~

Nerds are NOT this season’s must-have accessory - Being a nerd doesn’t mean you grew up unpopular and tormented, that you have a high-paying job, that you like Star Trek, that you’re socially awkward, that you never exercise, that you run Linux on your computer, that you’re highly educated, that you have low self esteem, or that you have trouble getting dates.

See also: Pleasurists #71 for all your sex toy review needs.

more →

03.24

2010

e[lust] #10


HNT Courtesy of Babe Lincoln

Welcome to e[lust] - The 10th edition! Your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #11? Start with the rules, check out the schedule in the site’s sidebar and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Week’s Top Three Posts ~

Negotiation – Not Nearly As Awkward As Having a Breakdown in PublicAll the worries about getting to know a new person (“Am I dressed ok? Are they gonna like my stories about my grandma?”) get exaggerated when you’re talking about sex and desire…

Dollar Store DommeHe definitely can’t elude the dollops of toothpaste I dab onto his nipples. It takes a delicious second before he feels the cool burn penetrate his flesh. By that time I’m already up and selecting a plastic spatula from the credenza.

The Best of Both Worlds or Lost in Limbo?Whether intentional or unthinking, bisexual denial is a frustrating thing for bisexual, pansexual or ‘fluid’ people to have to deal with.

~ e[lust] Editress ~

Navigating Genderqueer in SuburbiaBut pray tell how do the rest of us navigate it? How the hell am I supposed to know if you identify as male or just like dressing like one?

~ Featured Post (Lilly’s Pick) ~

The Daddy Issue: Sexualizing AbuseI needed to walk through this fear, and turn it into pleasure. I needed to prove to myself that he hadn’t broken me. That he hadn’t changed who I was to become. That I was not affected by what he did. That he didn’t abuse me.

See also: Pleasurists #69 and #70 for all your sex toy review needs.

more →

01.26

2010

e[lust] #6

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HNT Courtesy of Having My Cake And Eating It Too

Welcome to e[lust] - your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #7? Start with the rules, check out the schedule in the site’s sidebar and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Week’s Top Three Posts ~

Exposing My Self to Airport SecurityI stared right at her until she looked away and called for assistance for a pat-down search. I gaped, chin dropped: holy shit, they’re gonna give me a pat down cuz I’m packing a silicon cock.

Prefect’s PrerogativeWhen I neglect this duty, or don’t perform it to his satisfaction, he makes me light a fire in his room, and stand in front of it in just my school shirt and white socks.

Attention Women: There is Something Wrong With Your VaginaYes, that’s what your vagina needs: a breath mint. Because, just like vagina shouldn’t smell like vagina, it also shouldn’t taste like vagina.

~ e[lust] Editress ~

The Perfect Fat Why do clothes designers assume that if you’re plus-sized you’re 1. over 5?9? and 2. over the age of 45 or “matronly and modest”? At the age of 32 I am not yet ready to dress like my grandmother.

~ Featured Post (Lilly’s Pick) ~

Zipless- “I have some Scotch in my room—maybe you’d join me? You know, in the interest of not drinking alone…” She smiled. Perhaps she could yet salvage the day’s ending.

See also: Pleasurists #61 for all your sex toy review needs.
Also in recent sex news, check out the coverage of the Adult Entertainment Expo that happened in Las Vegas a couple weeks ago. You’ll see videos and articles from our fellow sex-bloggers on fun things like a rodeo penis and new sex toys not even on the market yet!

more →

04.16

2009

If I Had A Thousand Dollars

SexToys.com is having a wonderful contest/giveaway called Ginger Leigh’s Fabulous Shopping Spree which requests that entrants put together a wishlist of items which totals under $1000.

There are many amazing prizes, including the possibility of receiving “all of the toys on the winning entry’s wish list (up to $1,000) delivered free of charge to an eligible winner.”

Read all the info here and enter yourself!

My $1000 Wishlist

  1. Fun Factory Curve – I lust after this toy, pure and simple. It’s gorgeous, curved just right, and makes me desire to have it. I need to work on my squirting ability and I think this toy could help with that too.
  2. Feeldoe More – Now that I’ve experienced the Share I also want to try as many similar products as possible and be able to compare/contrast them. I really loved the Share as well, and hope the Feeldoe would be as good or better!
  3. Cheetah Corsette Harness – Because I love corsets and cheetah print, what’s not to love? I love the way the back of the harness looks, very feminine and sexy, and because of the print I just seriously need it.
  4. Heart Strap-on Harness – One can never have too many harnesses in my opinion, and this one is so adorable, I fell in love with it the first time I saw it. Cute and heart-shaped, red vinyl, what’s not to love?
  5. Goliath – If I’m getting some new harnesses I’d definitely have to get some new harness-compatible dildos to go along with them, right? Goliath is nice and large and looks simply delicious!
  6. Hank – Another harness-compatible dildo, though more realistic than Goliath, just in case I feel like strapping on something more realistic.
  7. Little Su Natural Dildo – I’d not seen this toy before, but if the positioning of it works the way it says it should I’m definitely interested in trying it out! Plus, it comes in red! Perfect.
  8. Smart Balls – In magenta and black. Because kegel exercisers are awesome, and I love Fun Factory. Plus, who wouldn’t want stronger orgasms and more control?
  9. We Vibe – Supposedly a great couples toy and I haven’t had the pleasure of trying it out yet! Definitely a must-have.
  10. LAYAspot – In silver and black. Again, I love Fun Factory, and I’ve had my eye on the Layaspot for quite some time. It looks like a wonderful vulva stimulator.
  11. Aneros Maximus – The large size of Aneros prostate stimulators, something my partner and I have been interested in trying out for quite some time. He enjoys prostate stimulation and Aneros is one of the best!
  12. Aneros Progasm – In black. Similar to above, looks very interesting, and is the largest Aneros toy to date, as says the site. The shape looks fabulous as well.
  13. Kama Sutra Lover’s Paint Box – Um, sexy chocolate? Yes, please! Sounds like a delicious and sexy way to spend an evening.
  14. Kama Sutra Oil of Love – In chocolate mint. Goes along with the previous, more chocolate to lick and nibble off of delicate flesh.
  15. Sweet Celebration Gift Box – On the flip-side, a kit of vanilla flavors to go with or against the chocolate, and I just love the idea of laying out rose petals before a romantic night of exploration and delicious flavors.
  16. Kama Sutra Honey Dust – Another set of delicious something to lick off of soft skin, this time in dust form that can be sprinkled across and licked up.
  17. Beginner Ball Gag – First, it’s silicone, no nasty rubber taste or smell, thank you! Also it’s gorgeous red and black, two of my favorite colors. Plus, gags are sexy.

Total = $998.53

I have just a small amount left over, though I don’t know what I would do with it. Maybe buy a bar of chocolate because chocolate and orgasms go hand-in-hand.

(Edit) In all honesty, I’m entering this more for fun than actually expecting to win. For one thing, I never win anything, but in reality I know I have lots of toys and will probably end up getting many of the toys on this wishlist before this contest is over. I really encourage all of you to apply, though, because not only is it fun to surf through a site and pick out toys and see how many you could get for $1000, but also because they have some great prizes.

04.14

2009

Sex 2.0 Conference – I'm Coming!

sex20

I’m so very excited! All the stars have aligned to send me to my very first sex-oriented conference Sex 2.0 which is all about “the intersection of social media, feminism, and sexuality.” I had enough mileage for a plane ticket to New York City where I will be staying with one of my sisters (both of whom live there).

Now I’m sure you’re going “wait, the image above says it’s in D.C. not NYC, what’s going on here?” or you’re not, but I’m going to address that question anyway: it was just way easier to get a flight to NYC than one to D.C. plus it means my trip can be longer than just a couple days so that I can hang out in NYC!

I’m flying over on the red-eye May 5th and arrive in NYC Wednesday May 6th around 7am. Then I have time in NYC until Friday at 10:30 when I’m bussing over with the amazing Mollena, the fabulous Essin’ Em and whoever else makes it onto the Friday NYC to D.C. sexbus! It’s going to be a blast!

Then, the conference, I’ll be staying in a hotel room with Domina Doll who I absolutely love and am very excited to be meeting for the first time! I’m meeting pretty much everyone going for the first time since this is my first conference, so I’m super excited. There will be lots of fun to be had on the 9th (Saturday) but also the night before, Saturday night, and Sunday morning. I’ll be tweeting while at the conference, no doubt, and posting about it once I return as well (or maybe on the bus back as it does have wifi), so look forward to that!

Once the conference stuff slows down I’ll be heading back to NYC on Sunday night to stay with my sister again, then I hope to make my way up to see my lovey Kat (also Kat of Kat and glen who Onyx and I went to England with last May) and Carnivalesq who live not too far away from each other. I’m not sure how or exactly when I’m going to do this yet, but I want to. I fly back home to Seattle on Wednesday.

It’ll be the first time that Onyx and I have really been apart since well before we moved, so it will be interesting in that respect as well. I’m going to have a lot to do so I’ll probably be able to stay busy enough to not think about it too much, but I’m sure we’ll miss each other terribly.

Who else is coming at to Sex 2.0? Any of you in NYC and want to meet up for coffee/drinks/whatnot while I’m there?

More About Sex 2.0

From the website:
Sex 2.0 will focus on the intersection of social media, feminism, and sexuality. How is social media enabling people to learn, grow, and connect sexually? How is sexual expression tied to social activism? Does the concept of transparency online offer new opportunities or present new roadblocks — or both? These questions, and many more, will be addressed within a safe, welcoming, sex-positive space.

You can still get a ticket at the discounted rate of $30 until April 16th, then it goes up to $40. They also may have some scholarships available for those poor folks like me.

For more information:
Sex 2.0 website
Google Group

The Sex 2.0 Google Group is where all the discussion and organizing of the event (and the events before and after) is happening.

For a great compilation of links regarding last year’s Sex 2.0 check out this post on Viviane’s Sex Carnival

04.03

2009

Vaginal Revolution!

This is from the seriously fantastic Wendy Blackheart who always seems to have wonderful ideas that I wish I had first (not that I need another project at the moment, but that’s beside the point). She’s starting a fantastic website which I’m planning on contributing to, and I’m re-posting this in hopes that you might want to contribute to it as well!

From her post:

Hello my wonderful friends!

Ok. I’m starting a new project, and I need your help. You being, uh, everyone I’ve sent an email to in the past year who might be interested in this project. If this isn’t welcome, I am sorry.

I’m creating a site called Vaginal Revolution, the location of which will soon be revealed. (Its not quite operational yet. There isn’t anything there) See, I just caught part of a documentary on the BBC about women having vaginal plastic surgery, particularly to reduce the size of their labia. It seems to grow out of a discomfort with what they think of as abnormal anatomy – because they don’t know what vaginas can look like.

Now, I’m not against body modification – I think the changes people willingly and with knowledge make to their bodies are wonderful, and this includes women who decide to modify their genitals in whatever way they choose. What makes me sad, however, is when people decide to modify something as fundamentally beautiful as their vulva because they think its ugly, because they have no one else to talk to.

While I know I’m not the first do try, I want to do my part to demystify our cunts – to share them with the world. We, as sex bloggers, activists and pervs are familiar with a wide variety of beautiful cunts and pussies, and with talking about them, but we’re a small percent of the women in this country who do. So, lets see what we can do to change that!

Back when I was a youngin’, I remember discovering Betty Dodson’s work and website, which I thank for helping me feel good about my genitals – her site had a genital gallery where people sent in photos of their bits to share with the world. I’m sure its still there, and it’s the inspiration for Vaginal Revolution as well – I figure there can’t be too much cunt positivity out in the world!

Basically, I want photos of your vulva. You don’t need to attach your names to them, though I encourage it. I’ll be putting a photo of mine up as well. (I plan to be my flagship cunt. Gotta start somewhere!) But any sort of photo you feel like sharing, please, please do. And while this isn’t geared towards being a wank off site, photos including toys are welcome. Hell, toys, flowers, jewelry, tattoos, piercings, tiny action figures…what ever you want to do! I’d love if you sent a blurb as well – tell me a story, tell me something fun, say whatever you want to say about your genitals, and I’ll put it up there.

Lets celebrate ourselves, our bits, and maybe we can make a little difference.

Please send all photos, comments, all that good stuff to VaginalRevolution@gmail.com. I’d like to keep my regular email from overflowing with vag and make sure I don’t miss anything! :)

Along with a photo, please include: The name, if any you would like to go by, a link to your site, if you have one and want to share, and any stories, anecdotes, comments, etc, that you’d like to share.

If you’re not into showing off your bits on the internet, (and even if you are) please please reblog my request for photos! Send it far and wide!

03.21

2009

Reviews: Lesbian, Glass, Burlesque

My reviewing structure, as outlined in this post is that I post full reviews on my review site Wanton Lotus (RSS) and teaser reviews once a week here. I posting reviews on Wanton Lotus Tues-Weds-Thurs or some combination thereof depending on the amount of reviews I have each week. Fridays are supposed to be my promotion day on here (though I’m a little late this week), so here is the round-up of my reviews for the week!

regardset

Regard Indiscret Set Profile

Name: Regard Indiscret Set

Manufacturer: Bijoux Indiscrets

Contents: Black round hat tin containing black leather tasseled pasties, black feather boa, pearl belt/necklace, and three small round candles.

Rating: 5/5

Watch my video review of the Regard Indiscret Set here!

This is also the set featured in my Black Burlesque HNT this week, so I know you’ve been told this already, but I am giving away a set to one lucky commenter! Find out how here. Comment to win!


meloncrank

Melon Crank Dildo Profile

Name: “Melon Crank” Glass Dildo

Material: Glass

Manufacturer: Don Wands

Height: 6 inches from handle to tip, about 4 1/2″ insertable.
Thickness: 1 inch shaft, 1 1/2 inch head

Rating: 5/5

Watch my video review of the Melon Crank Glass Dildo!


ble08

Best Lesbian Erotica 08 Excerpt

…One reason why I’ve loved the Best Lesbian Erotica series for years is because the stories are always fresh and unique, exposing me to something new in each one…

The theme of Best Lesbian Erotica 08 is transgression. Tristan Taormino describes it in her foreword as not just the transgression that occurs when one comes out as queer and tells their own story, but a transgression beyond what is “normal,” expected, and acceptable. Each story keeps you on your toes, delivering “erotic surprises” (according to the back of the book) and taking you to new heights of depravity and delicious transgression…

Read the entirety of my review of Best Lesbian Erotica 08

03.14

2009

Size & Sexuality Study – slf

2photoru
Photo via 2photo.ru

This is the eighth of many posts with answers to my Size & Sexuality Study questions within them. The responses have not been edited in any way. I hope you find them as interesting and informative as I have. I have gotten a huge number of responses already and I still want more! If you would like to answer these questions you can find more information on The Size & Sexuality Study here.

Read the first: luna[KM]
Read the second: icecoldbath
Read the third: Nadia West
Read the fourth: Dee
Read the fifth: E
Read the sixth: Callaigh
Read the seventh: Emily

slf is a 35 year old female who is bisexual and currently engaged. She blogs at Craving More and can be found on FetLife as slf

What size is your body?
I am currently a size ten to twelve depending on the manufacturer. Yikes, I don’t have a tape measure for inches, BUT i think i’m about 31 inches around the waist. (5’9, 155 lbs)

How comfortable are you with your body both in general and your body size specifically?
I’m fairly comfortable. But i’ve gained 25 lbs over the last year and a bit, so it’s taking some getting used to. My clothes don’t fit right (squeezing in all the wrong places giving me the most lovely muffin top LOL). I feel much better WITH clothes on than off though…

How has your relation with and attitude toward your body and the size of your body changed over time?
When i was younger, i was teased for being too skinny. I was about 117 lbs as a teen and people said i was “a carpenter’s dream. Flat as a board and easy to nail” (i was flat – but i wasn’t easy to nail LOL!) So i had a complex about not having curves. I didn’t feel ‘womanly’. Then, in an unhealthy relationship, i got to the weight i am at now, but because he was emotionally and physically vacant – i felt that my size must have something to do with it. I felt ‘fat’ (ridiculous, i know…). When that relationship ended, i dropped 25 lbs within 4 months (i was still eating, but i was MUCH more active). I felt amazing! But now and then a friend would ask, “Are you eating enough”… omg.. yes i am! I love food!! LOL BUT for the first time in my life, i was comfortable in my own skin. Then i met my current partner and we fell in love hard – and fast. Here we are almost two years later and i’m back to the weight i was before – when i thought i was ‘fat’ – but now i feel WOMANLY LOL It’s amazing how much your life circumstances can alter your perceptions of yourself, huh? lol. See, he loves me, wants me, needs me… and more importantly ~I~ love me!!

How important is sexuality to your life?
sexuality is incredibly important to my life. I am a VERY sexual person. I won’t just have sex with ANYONE to fulfill that need – but, i definitley feel like a plant without water when i am not having a sexy time in my life LOL

How has your relation with and attitude toward your sexuality changed over time?
When i was in my late teens (117 lbs) sex to me was an expression of love. I thought the two went hand in hand – so i was ‘looking for love in all the wrong places’ – i must have had a ~please fuck me over~ sign on my forehead….. (yikes, a string of losers there for a bit). Then i had a couple long term serious relationships. Keep in mind though, that i was an ugly duckling as a teen… men didn’t look at me twice. Apparently, as i progressed through my long term relationships, i blossomed (or so i hear) but i was unaware of the changes (and my partners certainly didn’t let me know they though i was ‘all that and a bag of chips’ lol. So, sure, we had sex – but, i was still equating it with love – so i didn’t know HOW to get ‘dirty’ with a partner. I WANTED to get dirty – but i didn’t know how. Didn’t know if i was ‘allowed’ to be this sweet loving woman and get dirty too LOL Then i was single after 9 years of a not-so-nice relationship. Suddenly POOF – i was sexual…. in a big big way. When i met my current partner, it wasn’t very long before both of us expressed how much we BOTH wanted to explore, but never felt safe doing that before. Well, we’re still exploring and loving every damn minute of it.

How comfortable are you with expressing yourself and your body sexually?
Very comfortable. I have no issues talking about sex (as long as the person i’m talking with is ok hearing it lol). My friends often come to me for advice and tips about sex beause they know i’m just going to give it to them straight – and i won’t judge them or laugh at them. I’ve also been involved in some very interesting sexual adventures in the past 3 years involving public nudity (well, public in terms of a party), sexual acts with others present (participating or not), and playing around with clothing and photographs to sort of document this change in my outward sexuality. I’ve been having the time of my LIFE! I’m still shy about certain parts of my body.. but i’m constantly amazed at how i’m able to push those feelings down for the sake of enjoying the moment. That’s it too – enjoying the moment. I let far too many moments slip me by in the past because of one worry or fear or another. Not any more ;)

How comfortable is society with the idea of viewing your body as sexual?
hmmm… honestly, i think society is ok with it. Well, with seeing my particular brand of body as sexual. The body i have NOW i mean. Not the 117 body i had before.

Through answering these questions and/or thinking about your relation to your body and your sexuality, have you noticed any links or similarities between the two? If so, what?

Yes, I have LOL My body shape had less to do with my sexuality than one might imagine. I think that life conditions and mind-set at any given moment had much more to do with my sexuality than my body. I just wish i knew then what i know now – because i would have started having fun much earlier. (and age… time on this earth has a major part to play because it provided me with the experiences necessary to see all of this and to adapt accordingly lol)

Anything else you would like to add?
Just one point. I would be MUCH more happy with the size i am now (or any size for that matter) had my stomach not bore the brunt of having three children. The stretchmarks and the strethched skin look so much worse as my weight goes up. I see these amazing women of ALL sizes and the ONE thing i covet the most in them is their smoooooth stomach skin. My stomach’s ‘condition’ has proven to be the most difficult thing to deal with for me (i’m still not ‘over it’) LOL

02.12

2009

Contribute to The Femme's Guide's New Layout

I just put up a new site layout on The Femme’s Guide today, which I’m actually pretty excited about! It’s similar to the previous layout while also being different enough to be a change.

The image on the left on The Femme’s Guide changes when the page is refreshed. Currently there are six different images rotating, and I want more. These images are ones that I’ve found which in some way embody femme to me. Since femme is such a varied and personal identity I’m asking for your help in adding further images.

The only restrictions on the images is that they either have to be your own or under a Creative Commons License or otherwise legal to be used in the layout.

Under each image I have included the link to the photographer as well as Creative Commons information. If your image does not include information about where you got it I will not be able to use it.

The images also must be relatively safe for work. While we do talk about sex and sexuality on the site and occasionally (though rarely) have NSFW images I’d like to keep the layout images as close to safe for work as possible, though that idea differs for different people. Basically I don’t want to see nipples, genitals, etc. clothed is acceptable.

Other than that, anything that represents femme to you is acceptable!

Send your image to femmesguide AT gmail DOT com with the following information:

Who is the photographer/owner of this image?
Is there a URL I can credit the image to (your blog/portfolio/etc. if yours, the page on flickr or elsewhere where the image can be found, etc.)?
Is this image available under a Creative Commons License?

I will email you when your image is live on the site!