taiWelcome! I’m Tai Fenix Kulystin (previously known as Scarlet Lotus), I am a queer fat genderqueer polyamorous switch and my pronouns are they/them. This blog is my personal exploration of gender, sexuality, spirituality, kink, and the joys and pitfalls of an overanalytical nature.

Outside of this blog I am currently finishing up a Master's degree to help me launch into my career as a Gender & Intimacy Coach and Somatic Sexuality Educator. I am passionate about working with people of all bodies, genders, sexualities, and relationship styles to help them move toward experiencing the (sex) life of their dreams.




Onyx and I had a fight last night. We don’t have them often, but when we do they’re always about the same thing: I’m not getting what I need from him. He agrees, and isn’t getting what he needs either, but he ignores it and can ignore it for longer than I can. We talked, a lot. It wasn’t exactly a fight fight, it was just me being upset and then that leading to us talking. It wasn’t the greatest idea, we dropped molly and I got a negative reaction to it and he was rolling, so I secluded myself downstairs. I feel bad about it, it was K’s last night with us and I holed myself up, but I’ll explain and apologize next time I see him. Though, also, Becky is here visiting and I felt bad about not being around as well, but Onyx and the K’s were all hanging out with her and so they were all rolling and having a good time, so I don’t feel too bad about it. I’ll explain to her as well today.

It’s a lot of the same stuff as in other posts I’ve posted, and posts I haven’t posted. It’s the same needs as always, the same problems as always, and I don’t know how much more I can take. I am so tired of bringing these things up, I just want it to work, and it isn’t and doesn’t. I wonder if we are not meant for each other like I’ve always thought. We are so compatible, but we can’t seem to motivate each other. This is not just his fault, and I recognize this, and it’s easy to point fingers… meh. Now I’m hurt and still a little angry, and I don’t want to face my friends upstairs, I just want to cower down here and pretend nothing happened. But that’s not a good idea. I have to go to work for a few hours. I’ll tell Becky about it after I shower (maybe). I will talk with Onyx more tonight. This will all be figured out. Will it change? I’m not sure. But, then, I’ve changed my going to the gym, maybe I’m just a catalyst for change at the moment. Maybe this will work.




Heterosexual Guilt

I suffer from heterosexual guilt. I am currently with a man (as most/all of you know), and I feel guilty for the privilege that affords me. I desire women more, have always desired women more, but I happen to have fallen in love with a man. Deeply, passionately in love. He’s heteroflexible, basically, but not interested in the queer community, though he loves my activist side he is not an activist himself.

I feel like I’m cheating on my lesbian desires and I’m cheating and gaining privilege from being with him. I almost forget what it’s like to be with a woman. We’re poly, so I have that chance afforded to me, and happily I would take it were I to meet someone who that situation would be acceptable for, and I have little doubt that Kat and I will do things, as that situation is acceptable to her, but I want more.

In an odd way, I feel like I should be marginalized, because I’m queer and I feel I should be, because I generally prefer women.

Back to writing my paper on femme as a trans identity. It rocks, and I am going to post it once I’m done.

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Home for the Holidays

So, I’m up in Juneau, Alaska (where I grew up) visiting my family for the holidays. I haven’t been much near a computer, only briefly and hardly checked my email, and that’s why I have not posted in a while! I’ll be back home on Sunday, and will probably make a post or two.

I’ve been avoiding having sex while up here, I have never had sex in my parent’s house, and it seemed somewhat weird to do so, but Master and I got to the point today where being around each other was a little too much to bear without fucking… of course, it didn’t help that I was rubbing his cock through his jeans while we were lying on the bed. I had done a little bit of that the night before, but resisted the temptation… it was just too weird. But, after some intense rubbing we decided that there was no way we weren’t fucking.

We wanted to be quick, no one was at home, but one never knows, not to mention we were both highly impatient. He fucked me from behind (big surprise, right?) and just pounded me nice and hard until he was about to cum, at which time he ordered me to turn and get on my knees in front of him and he finished in my mouth, filling it with his cum as I greedily sucked it down. I made sure to milk every drop before asking for him to make me cum. Two fingers in my cunt and my finger on my clit got me off twice in very few minutes.




Birthday Fuck

It was Master’s birthday weekend this past one, plus the end of finals week for me, and he got his MCSE last week as well, so we did a minor amount of partying on Saturday night. Sunday was his actual birthday, though, and that was fun. We fucked on Saturday night/Sunday morning, but I was a mixture of tired and fucked up and I don’t remember much of it, except that it felt wonderful, but it always does.

Last night, however, I remember.

Even though he had to get up for work early this morning we stayed up later than we should have watching Alias (middle of Season 3), we finished and got settled, and he told me to turn off the light. Instead I turned around and we began kissing. Luckily we had gotten quite a bit of sleep the night before. We focused on kissing, one of my arms trapped between us against the bed, the other sliding across his chest, to his side, back up to his neck, grinning happily against his mouth.

Eventually he took my hand and tugged it down toward his cock as I playfully resisted the movement. I started stroking, one of our favorite activities, both of us glancing down every once in a while to watch my hand as it moved up and down his hard length. I don’t remember who encouraged the next part, if I was so hungry to feel and taste his cockhead in my mouth that I moved down to capture it with my lips or if he pressed my head down toward his cock with his hand while I stroked it with mine. Perhaps it was a mixture of both. Either way we ended up with his cock between my lips.

I was slow at first, languidly lapping at his cockhead, sliding my tongue along the head, letting the ball of my tongue ring flick against the spot on the underside where the head meets the length, the little space that is almost like an arrow, leading up in a crease to the cum slit, letting my tongue play with the soft spongy flesh I found there, purring with delight, having missed the taste and texture of his cock, realizing we had been so preoccupied with fucking my cunt lately that my mouth hadn’t been fucked for a while.

Once my teasing and slow worshiping had gotten to be enough for him, his hand moved around the back of my neck and he began encouraging me to bob my head up and down his shaft, working it with my mouth. I complied, my hands moving to his balls, playing with them softly as he groaned, my mouth and hands working happily to bring him pleasure. My speed alternated, slow, then fast, then slow, every once in a while pulling back to just suckle the cockhead or lap at the tip while I was still in control.

As he got closer, his grip on my head tightened until he was moving my head up and down, no longer letting me have control of my movements just fucking my face with his cock, using it as a hole for his pleasure, fucking it like any other hole. I moaned and gagged softly a few times as he pushed me down until his cockhead popped softly into my throat, and then pulled back, I could hear him groan at the sensation as I gagged, my hand still stroking his balls softly, now tight and ready to explode at any moment as he fucked my face up and down his shaft. My spit was drooling out the sides of my mouth as I had no control over my movements or the ability to stop and swallow as my mouth was used.

Our pattern alternated a bit, every once in a while I would be given control again, but usually just for a few moments before he started fucking my mouth, his hips would fuck his cock up into my mouth at times, and others the only movement would be my lips on his shaft. He groaned loudly, moving my face faster, harder, fucking it like he was getting close, I could feel his body tensing right before his cock began spurting into my mouth, his hand holding me steady as his cum flooded into me, swallowing it down quickly I moaned and relished the taste of it and the pleasure I had brought to him. I was squirming on the bed, my cunt on fire, wanting to be fucked, so I kept my mouth on his cock, I made sure to lick up every drop of cum before focusing again on teasing and coaxing his cock.

I patiently licked every inch of it, sucking the cockhead in my mouth, sliding my lips up and down his shaft again, moving down to take every inch in my mouth, gagging but holding my mouth down, deepthroating him for as long as I could before pulling up, and then repeating. I slid my mouth down to his balls, lapping and sucking at them as my hand stroked his cock. He never quite got soft, though he was softer after cumming, but quickly began hardening again as I worked my mouth on him. Soon he was fucking my face again, and I was squirming and squeezing my cunt and moaning loudly, trying to indicate my desire to be fucked without taking his cock out of my mouth. It was all I could think of, having his cock inside of me, pounding into me and making me moan.

After he was more than sufficiently hard he asked me if I wanted to be fucked, asked me if I wanted his hard cock inside of me, if I wanted him slamming into me, and to each question I gave a muffled “yes” or “yes, please,” my mouth unwilling to leave his cock until he told me to. I looked up at him, and there was an agreement. I moved to kiss him and whimper, and we moved, shifted positions, I got on my hands and knees and the moment he got behind me I backed up onto him, his cock sliding easily into my wet cunt, our usual position, fucking me like a whore.

He was fast and hard from the first stroke, pounding into me perfectly as I moaned loudly into the pillow beneath my face, pressing back against him as he fucked me, his hands on my hips again, stroking himself into me, using my cunt now as he had used my face not too long before, getting close in minutes as I begged him to cum inside of me, to fill me with cum, to fuck me, pound my cunt, fuck me harder, cum in me… and he did, I could feel the spasms of his cock as he erupted inside of me.

We stayed there for a few moments, his cock still hard within me, both of us catching our breath, though I had not cum yet but had been moaning and panting and begging. He tried pulling out a couple times, and both times I greedily pushed my cunt back so that he did not escape, keeping him inside of me, loving the feeling of his cock stretching my cunt open slightly, squeezing the walls around his shaft, and just enjoying the feeling of his cum inside.

His third attempt to pull back worked, but his cock was quickly replaced by his fingers, making me moan and fuck back yet again. I knew what to do, and slid my hand down to my cunt, rubbing my clit as he fingered me. It did not take long for me to reach my first orgasm, asking permission before cumming hard around his fingers, the walls spasming, knowing he could feel it. He barely paused after I came, starting to fuck me again, my finger starting to work my clit as I came to another, and then another, both with permission. My fourth and final orgasm of the night was closer to two or maybe three strung together, my body overcoming with pleasure, lasting for longer than the others, spasming and shaking and moaning before collapsing in a puddle of pleasure, gasping for air and unable to move.




A Typical Worknight Fucking

Not last night, but two nights ago.

It was rather vanilla in practice, but he was in charge of course, and it was delicious, as our sex always is.

It was a nice quickie before we went to sleep, which is our typical routine during the work/school week when our roommates are in the house (often in the living room above us as we tend to go to bed before them).

We were lying in bed, both of us slightly exhausted from the day, but I started stroking his cock because I wanted to be fucked. I love the feeling of a soft cock hardening against my fingers, knowing that I’m pleasing it, that I’m pleasing him, and knowing that if I manage to get it hard enough it will be inside me somewhere, inside one of my holes fucking me. This is usually incentive enough after an exhausting day to work at Master’s cock and try to get it hard.

He loves it when I initiate sex, when I show off how much I desire his cock by encouraging it to grow with my hands or lips and tongue. He loves for me to show off how much of an eager cock slut I am for him, to show off how much I love to be fucked, to suck, and to taste his cock.

I stroked and stroked and stroked, rubbing myself softly up against his thigh, waiting until he was hard. He told me to get on top, which we hadn’t done for a while, though both of us enjoys it when we do fuck that way. He had hurt his back that day and was trying to resist the urge to take me hard from behind like we both love him to do. I slid my cunt down on his hard cock and began grinding up and down, lifting my ass and settling it down.

After long enough he was unable to stand it, and I was definitely ready to feel his hard cock pounding into me from behind, using me like a whore as he likes to call it. He had me get on hands and knees, and I quickly complied, wiggling my ass back towards his cock as he positioned behind me, his cock slipping again easily into my now sopping wet cunt, grinding back against him as he took my hips in hand and began pumping his cock into me.

I love it when he fucks me this way, and he knows it too. He enjoys it as well, obviously, as his hurting back was not discouraging enough for him to not fuck me like a whore, taking me like an easy little fucktoy, just the way I love it. We whispered obscenities to each other, which just made it hotter, and he picked up pace until he was slamming into me, using my hole for his pleasure, and I was loving every second of it.

He came inside of me and it was amazing. There’s very little that can compare to the feeling of his cock erupting within me.

His back began hurting again, or else I would have probably cum as well, but I had the night before quite a few times, and I’m getting used to only cumming when he desires it as opposed to whenever I would like to.




The Importance of Identity Politics and How They Have Shaped the Queer Rights Movement

Ever since the academic appearance of the concept of homosexuality in 1869 homosexuals and others with non-normative sexual orientations and non-normative genders have been studied and attempted to be defined (Faderman, 41). Many different definitions and labels have been produced to appeal to different factions of non-normative sexual identities, some of which have been taken from slurs and taunts as a means to empower them that reclaim it. Identities and labels of those who claim non-normative sexual orientations help people fit in within society as well as within groups. It is nearly impossible to escape a label in this society.

Some claim, however, that labels based on gender and sexual orientation are imprisoning, and reduce people into one state of being instead of recognizing the complexities of individuals. Through exploration of labels of the past, and examining the current evolution of labels, I shall show the importance of labels within the queer rights movement. Labels, while potentially restrictive, are a necessary catalyst for the advancing of queer rights, because by defining and choosing our labels we are then able to deconstruct and, later, abolish those labels.

When the term “homosexual” was first defined it was labeled both as a gender deviance or a sexual partner preference deviance, depending on the sexologist doing the labeling. In 1897 the label of sexual inversion was given to homosexuals by Havlock Ellis, with which he categorized homosexuals into several different and distinct categories. Ellis was ahead of his time in several ways: he was the first to attempt to categorize homosexuals into distinct classifications, and the first to talk of homosexuality as a permanent identity, which was not widely accepted until the 1920s (Ellis, 122).

“Homosexual” is seen as a clinical term, first used by scientists and psychologists, and while it has been used widely since its inception, the term was put onto those who were deemed homosexuals, not chosen by homosexuals for themselves. Pejorative terms such as fairy, fag, queer, and dyke also have questionable beginnings and lineage. Though, often the people on whom those terms were being applied chose to turn around and embrace them, disempowering their impact by wearing them proudly like a badge.

Before 1973 homosexuality was considered a psychological disorder by the American Psychological Association (APA) and was included in their Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of mental disorders (DSM) (D’Emilio 13). In 1973 it was removed from the DSM but was replaced by ego-dystonic homosexuality in 1980. Ego-dystonic homosexuality was not simply characterized by having homosexual desires, but by having unwanted homosexual desires, which were interfering with the normal heterosexual desires you were “supposed” to be having. This newer disorder of ego-dystonic homosexuality was later taken out of the DSM in 1986, and no disorders regarding homosexuality remain in the DSM today (Herek). The terms gay and lesbian have more personal resonance within the queer movement than the term homosexual because they were not developed within an academic rhetoric and are not associated with the “pathological” disorder of homosexuality.

‘Gay’ and ‘lesbian’ have no specific date of origin, but did not come into common mainstream usage until around the 1970s and the beginning of the queer rights movement (then the gay rights movement), though they had been around for many years before that. The labels for deviant sexual orientations throughout the years since the beginning of the modern gay movement have changed significantly. Starting out simply gay and lesbian, becoming broader and more inclusive with lesbian, gay, and bisexual, then gender was added into the mix with lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender, and then come the micro labels which are in common usage today: lesbian, gay, bisexual, omnisexual, pansexual, sapiosexual, transgender, transsexual, transvestite, cross-dresser, cisgender, genderqueer, gender bender, asexual, ally, queer, intersexed, intergendered, questioning, unsure, same gender loving, men who have sex with men, women who have sex with women, two-spirited, etc. The semantics of the movement are slowly moving toward using a catch-all umbrella term—queer—to encompass all of these terms and more. This progression is extremely important, in relationship to the progression of the queer movement.

Micro-identities, for the purpose of this paper, are more defined and specific, and relate to a larger, more well-known or mainstream identity. Dyke, butch, and femme are all micro-identities of lesbian identity just as fag, queen, and macho are all micro-identities of gay identity. Micro-identities have been a part of queer identities since the early 20th century when identities regarding sexual orientation became commonplace. There have always been different terms (Ellis, 22; Faderman, 59). Today individuals within the queer movement are choosing and creating micro-identities which define their own distinctive selves. People are coming up with relatively new terms such as “sapiosexual” or simply stringing a number of micro-identities together to create one identity such as “bio-female omnisexual genderqueer femme drag queen,” instead of simply choosing broad identities such as gay, lesbian, or bisexual.

While identifying with a term can help to claim a part of the self, such terms can also become stifling and limiting in their definitions. The more defined and specific the label is the more restricting and imposing the label becomes. Once one claims an identity they are then often seen as only having that identity, and not given room to maneuver within or outside of it. Should someone claim a micro-identity which is slightly difficult to outwardly express, such as the example above, they are often put into categories by those who observe them which do not fit their own self-identity. By only being seen as one of potentially multiple identities a person is only seen as a fraction of themselves, or by not having their identity recognized by others, that person may be seen as someone they are not. In this society and many others there are very strict ideas of how a person is supposed to look or behave depending on their culturally perceived identity, which is extremely limiting both for people who do and do not fit into their perceived identity (Third World Gay Revolution and Gay Liberation Front 297).

The sexual orientation identities of gay and lesbian are often tangled with a gender stereotype, and there is no way to untangle them (Third World Gay Revolution and Gay Liberation Front 297). The gender identification which is stereotypically related to gays or lesbians is often that of the culturally “wrong” or “incorrect” gender, that is, masculine females for lesbians and feminine males for gay men. With the assumption of the socially correct gender comes the assumption of the socially correct sexual orientation, that is, a “real” masculine male must only be attracted to a “real” feminine female, and visa versa. When the sexual orientation is non-normative, the gender assumption is as well. However, “gender identity, being entirely artificial, has little to do with sexual orientation, this is another way gay oppression is used to keep people in line” (297). While gender deviance and non-normative sexual orientations can be linked in many people, there are also many people who have the socially correct gender presentation while still having a non-normative sexual orientation.

Foucault and other post-modernists claim that through the construction of these identities we are taught ways in which to not only police others to see if they fit into these categories, but also to police ourselves. We must consider, at every moment, what sort of presentation we are giving, if our body and mannerisms are aligning with our supposed gender or not. Because of this self-policing and the sense of permanent visibility of our selves to ourselves, to others, and to society, conformity, and specifically in this case gender conformity, is possible and also encouraged (Wilchins, 69).

Through this idea of self policing we are also able to see how gender roles and identities are socially constructed. Without the constant pressure of society to conform into these gender roles, we would all simply do as we chose. According to Foucault, there was a shift around the historical period of the Enlightenment which moved the ideas of purity and decency from simply decency of acts to decency of thoughts and desires as well, even if they were never acted upon. Since then this has permeated society, we are taught that even our thoughts must be controlled and proper, and this includes our ideas about hetero- and homosexuality as well as what gender we must express and when and where it is acceptable to act in certain ways. This idea of self-policing extends identities which are non-normative, any identity which has a stereotype associated with it, including gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, and so on, is subject to self-policing. This is another reason for the expansion into micro identities, especially those which are not widely known or not stereotyped. Without a stereotype that we must fall into we are free to act as we choose.

What the queer rights movement is expanding toward currently is back to a generalizing term that can encompass all gender deviance and sexual orientations while still encouraging individualistic micro identities. It is the youth within the movement who are embracing the term “queer” and working toward the very post-modern idea of abolishing labels. The ideas behind the queer rights movement are becoming more post-modern in theory and activist practice. Breaking down of all the micro-labels into one overarching label of “queer” or simply saying “don’t label me,” which is another strong movement within queer youth, are both ways which the youth of today are deconstructing the idea of labels, and getting to a point of potential abolishment.

When either sexual orientation or gender identity are non-normative, the expression of these non-normative identities works on breaking down the assumed gender roles and assumed heteronormativity of our society. This is accomplished through simply the ability to have a gender identity or sexual orientation which is out of the norm and thus subversive. This confronts other’s mainstream ideas about sexuality and sexual orientation. In this way, the production of micro-identities and labeling down to a fine very specific and individualistic detail allows for not only a wider array of people to consider themselves part of this deviant sexual culture but also for a broader idea of those within the queer culture and queer rights movement. Getting down to these almost nit picky identities and dividing the community into these micro-identities allows for the community to solidify across identities and to form a major movement in which everyone is represented.

Just as in order for someone to come up with the idea of post-modernism society first had to have modernism, in order to work toward abolishing labels in the context of gender and sexual orientation identities we have to define those labels within the queer community. “As Judy Grahn said, “If anyone were allowed to fall in love with anyone, the word ‘homosexual’ wouldn’t be needed”” (Third World Gay Revolution and Gay Liberation Front 289). And so, to work towards that ideal future where these labels and terms for “alternative” and “deviant” sexual orientations are not needed, we first had to go through the process of finding those labels and painstakingly dividing ourselves into neat little categories before we are able to tear down those ideas and live without inequalities. There is a long road to go before all deviant sexual orientations and gender identities find themselves accepted by the mainstream, but labeling and deconstruction are both working toward that, just as the queer rights movement is as a whole.

Works Cited
D’emilio, John. “After Stonewall.” Queer Cultures. Ed. Deborah Carlin and Jennifer Digrazia. Upper Saddle River, New Jersey: Prentice Hall, 2004. 3-37.
Ellis, Havelock. “A More or Less Distinct Trace of Masculinity.” Engendering America: a Documentary History, 1865 to the Present. Comp. Muncy Robin and Michel Sonya. McGraw-Hill College, 1999. 122-125.
Faderman, Lillian. Odd Girls and Twilight Lovers: a History of Lesbian Life in Twentieth-Century America. New York: Penguin, 1991.
Third World Gay Revolution and Gay Liberation Front. “The Imprisoning and Artificial Labels of Gay, Straight, and Bi.” Engendering America: a Documentary History, 1865 to the Present. Comp. Muncy Robin and Michel Sonya. McGraw-Hill College, 1999. 296-298.
Wilchins, Riki. Queer Theory, Gender Theory. Los Angeles: Alyson Books, 2004.

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Rhetorical Gymnastics

Postmodernism is “ultimately meaningless rhetorical gymnastics” according to some.

Yes, yes it is. And I love it.

This was posted on another site, apparently this is what it used to say before a rewrite?
“Postmodernism’s proponents are often criticised for a tendency to indulge in exhausting, verbose stretches of rhetorical gymnastics, which critics feel sound important but are ultimately meaningless. (Some postmodernists may argue that this is precisely the point). calum, from wikepedia, Feb 19,2005”


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Power Drag

This is just a draft, I’m working on organizing my ideas of this, once I get it down perfectly I’m going to post it to communities and such.

This concept was actually the idea of Lisa Diamond, Ph.D, a professor of mine here at the University of Utah. We were talking about BDSM in my Gender and Sexual Orientation class yesterday, and this is a concept which she came up with.

What does it mean?
The term “power drag” is playing on the same idea as gender drag is, most notably Judith Butler’s idea of performativity, that all gender is drag, all gender is constructed “woman is to drag not as original is to copy, but as copy is to copy. all gender is drag” (paraphrased). This does this by showing that gender is simply a performance, and regardless of the body that masculinity or femininity is placed upon it is still masculinity and femininity.
What power within BDSM and specifically D/s or M/s relations does is emphasize the power dynamics between the two people, going to one extreme of power, with absolute power and absolute submission, it is showing that power is a performance, and without an exchange of power no power can be gained or lost. Power drag shows that there is no natural power dynamic between people just as there is no natural gender.
However, just as one cannot escape gender, one cannot escape power dynamics either, but power drag brings awareness to the power dynamics between all people, not just people within BDSM relationships. It shows the constructedness of “natural” power, such as white dominance or male dominance, even when it is a white male dominating a non-white female there is still a choice being made as opposed to blindly accepting the dominance of the white male. Most obviously this constructedness or non-naturalness is shown when a female dominates a male or when a non-white person dominates a white person, or any other inequalites (age, class, ability, etc.).

Why is it important?
By exposing the non-naturalness of power dynamics between people we can begin to play with power (though we in BDSM have been doing that for a long time now already) and we show how power is fluid, and power dynamics can change from moment to moment. The realization of power drag could help both with keeping roles within relationships strict or being able to relax the usually strict roles within our relationships.

Gender drag is to Gender as Power drag is to Power?

What else? I’m sure there’s more I can/should talk about. What kinds of questions do you all have about this? What else should be included in a conceptualization of power drag? What else do I need to discuss?
This is so huge and I’m so excited by it that I don’t quite know how to cover everything or what I’m missing.

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The Sacred and Shameless Sexcast (Kinkcast?)

I’m going to re-start my sexcast, and possibly rename it as well. It has been over a year since I did an episode, and I miss it, and have decided it’s something I need to get going again. I bought both sacredkinkcast.org and sacredsexcast.org (the latter is just a pointer to the former) and I’m going to revamp the layout soon and do things like that as well as start making new ones.

A little information for those of you who don’t know, I described the cast as “a blunt and honest sexcast exploring kinky sex, queer sex, sacredsexuality, and much more with interesting information, sex toy review,and erotica.”
You can listen to the promo here (it’s an mp3, click to listen if you have a qucktime or other type of mp3 player plugin, or right click and save as to listen to it on another mp3 player)

The first five which are out are all very basic, but you have to start basic in order to go into any sorts of detailed things. I have the next two three cast topics planned, and may ask for imput as I work on them. The first five definitely do get rambly, and I realize that. It’s been said that it’s good but it would be better if I was more organized, and so I’m going to work on that in my next ones.

I am thinking of changing the name as well. I’m not sure what to, I do want to keep sacred in there, maybe I could just change it to The Sacred KinkCast, as that is the domain I registered, though having shameless in there is kinda nice. Maybe I don’t need to change it at all… I don’t know. I’m going to keep the same format, I think, though maybe I will cut the story part of it and just have it information and sex toy review… so many choices!

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Long and Winding Road

I suggested to Master today making a few manuals or perhaps just one manual with seperate sections, inspired by slave,kate’s last post. I think that would be a fabulous idea, and another way to get more definitions of what I am supposed to do and such. He seemed to like the idea. I also suggested we update our contract to add some of the new things we’re figuring out into it, as well as to review it and see what we put in there that we’re not doing/working on.

We don’t really have any set protocols yet, and that is something I would really like. In his expectations of me he said that he wants me to present to him every time he enters a room (a different way if we’re in the company of others, of course), and I haven’t asked for a specific on that, although I should, and this is a reminder to do so. I would also like for us to develop some verbal commands for different sitting positions and such, and define more some other body positions.

We have a long road ahead, but we’re trundling along. We’re making more progress than we have in the last two years (since he collared me). When we were apart there was a definite lack of M/s, then for a while after I moved here we were pretty much having kinky sex and that’s it, we did very little D/s let alone M/s, and now we’re working on both.

I feel happier in where we are than I have in a long time.

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