taiWelcome! I’m Tai Scarlet Kulystin, the creatrix of Purveyor of Pleasure. I am a somatic sexuality educator, occultist, professional harlot, and gender & relationships coach. This blog is my personal exploration of gender, sexuality, spirituality, kink, and the pitfalls of an overanalytical nature.

I identify as a queer fat genderqueer polyamorous switch and prefer the pronouns ne/nem/nir or they/them. I spend a lot of my time thinking about sacred sexuality, sacred kink, relationships, the body, queer theory, depth psychology, erotic psychology, sexological bodywork, and so much more. I'm in a long-term live-in relationship with my partner Onyx, and I also have a few other relationships and lovers.
Read more about this site & me→


02.12

2009

Contribute to The Femme's Guide's New Layout

I just put up a new site layout on The Femme’s Guide today, which I’m actually pretty excited about! It’s similar to the previous layout while also being different enough to be a change.

The image on the left on The Femme’s Guide changes when the page is refreshed. Currently there are six different images rotating, and I want more. These images are ones that I’ve found which in some way embody femme to me. Since femme is such a varied and personal identity I’m asking for your help in adding further images.

The only restrictions on the images is that they either have to be your own or under a Creative Commons License or otherwise legal to be used in the layout.

Under each image I have included the link to the photographer as well as Creative Commons information. If your image does not include information about where you got it I will not be able to use it.

The images also must be relatively safe for work. While we do talk about sex and sexuality on the site and occasionally (though rarely) have NSFW images I’d like to keep the layout images as close to safe for work as possible, though that idea differs for different people. Basically I don’t want to see nipples, genitals, etc. clothed is acceptable.

Other than that, anything that represents femme to you is acceptable!

Send your image to femmesguide AT gmail DOT com with the following information:

Who is the photographer/owner of this image?
Is there a URL I can credit the image to (your blog/portfolio/etc. if yours, the page on flickr or elsewhere where the image can be found, etc.)?
Is this image available under a Creative Commons License?

I will email you when your image is live on the site!

02.09

2009

Pleasurists #15


Impatient by deltaguy used under a Creative Commons License

Pleasurists is a round-up of the adult product and sex toy reviews that came out in the last seven days from bloggers all around the sex blogosphere. Did you miss Pleasurists #14? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #16? Submit it here before Sunday February 15th at 11:59pm PST. Please re-post this list on your own blog if listed.

Want to win some free swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.

On to the reviews…

Editor’s Pick

  • Mia by LELO by Carnivalesq
  • Are you looking for a good quality clit vibe that you can charge with your laptop, even while out in public? Do you like 1-year manufacturer warranties on your sex toys? Are you desperately looking for something to give your girlfriend for Valentine’s Day? Get the Mia. Do it now.

Madame Editrix
Scarlet Lotus St. Syr

lanjut →

02.08

2009

Review: Axovus Wrist Cuffs

Find these Axovus Wrist Cuffs and matching Ankle Cuffs (my review of the ankle cuffs) along with other BDSM and Fetish Toys and sex toys of every flavor on SexToy.Com.

Much thanks to SexToy.Com for letting me review the Axovus Wrist Cuffs!

02.06

2009

Protected: Indiscriminate Niceness is Overrated*

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02.05

2009

Sex Nerd (HNT)

sexnerds
Me in my “Sex nerds KNOW how to do it” shirt by Audacia Ray

I have wanted this shirt forever and a half, and I finally ordered it for myself not too long ago (though a while ago, but getting it was delayed due to holidays and moving and such) and I just got it today! I thought it would make a perfect HNT picture, so here it is.

Since my other posts recently have been super long, I’m keeping this one short. Enjoy!

02.05

2009

Protected: My Gender and Language Limitations, Or: A Big Miscommunication

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02.05

2009

Sex Toys and Sex Blogs

Obviously sex toys have become a big part of my life. I think about them at least weekly when I round-up reviews for Pleasurists though usually more because I do my own reviews too, and just recently Domina Doll and I compiled the Best Sex Toy Reviewers 2008 list. This has sparked a bit of conversation, which I am eager to engage in and have already been asked my opinion of. First, go and read these three posts by Sinclair Sexsmith, AAG, and Debauched Domestic Diva if you haven’t already. I’ll be here when you get back, promise.

Good, now, here’s my take on this: I actually couldn’t agree more. They aren’t saying that we shouldn’t be doing reviews, just that we should be more conscious of who we’re reviewing for, what we’re reviewing, and how often we’re reviewing them (at least that’s my take on it).

While I enjoy reading reviews and I do review a lot of toys I have always done it one of two ways. First, I started reviewing one toy a week. Easy, simple, one toy a week, with posts in between. Then, when I started to get more companies I was reviewing for, I moved that to two reviews a week (rarely, but sometimes three), but I had to have at least four posts between them. Why four posts? Well… I don’t really know. But that’s what I set for myself. I thought it was a good number, and I’ve had a lot to write about lately. Sometimes that number didn’t happen, sometimes it was two, sometimes it was six, etc. but, that was the goal. I’ve always made sure to have other content along side my reviews.

There are reviewers out there that just review sex toys and don’t give much personal information or have personal posts, and that is a whole different can o’ worms I think. For my reviews and reviewing I agree with what Kyle said in the comments of Diva’s post “sex toy reviews are icing, but not the cake.” However, this is different for toy review blogs.

When the blog is dedicated to toy reviews then I don’t expect anything but toy reviews (makes sense, right?). I don’t think this is a bad blog or anything of that sort, because if the stats of Pleasurists and my own review blog Wanton Lotus are any indication, people are reading reviews and many enjoy reading reviews, I know I do. I even enjoy reading multiple reviews on the same product, because I think that gives me a better idea about the toy.

I try to pick the sites I review for carefully, I too have turned down requests (though not many, I’ll admit) and I no longer review for EdenFantasys. I’ve turned into somewhat of a toy snob and do not review just any toy, primarily I review toys I already think I’m going to enjoy, but occasionally I get one that just doesn’t work for me. While I’ve picked up some new review programs that I haven’t “vetted” completely I do feel for the most part that I’ve made good choices. I think what AAG said about questions to ask before reviewing for a company is fantastic, and I’m going to take that list, apply it to the sites I review for, and see what happens.

For those of you who didn’t read her post I’ll quote her:

  • Does the site contain representations of people from a variety of genders and orientations?
  • Are women shown as equal partners in sexual play and decision-making?
  • Is educational and safety information included?
  • Will the site accept returns or otherwise make it right if a customer is dissatisfied with a purchase?
  • Are there good ways to contact the company (not just an online feedback form) if things go awry?
  • Is the company responsive to contact and concerns from reviewers?
  • Does the site treat its reviewers well? Its employees? Does it have a reputation for good business practices from other bloggers?
  • Is the site free from dangerous products such as “shrink” creams and anal numbing lubes?

If you can’t answer “yes” to those questions, it’s time for us as a group to start speaking out both in the reviews we write and in the reviews we refuse to write.

We as a community need to use our collective powers in editorializing about not only the buzzy plastic but also the business ethics of the companies from whom we accept toys.

Very smart, seriously. I can already answer yes to most of the questions for all of the companies I review for, but not all questions as further research is needed.

Now, I won’t say I’m not greedy because I am. I’m Veruca Salt. I want it all. I want toys. I don’t want every toy, but I do want a lot of them. I think toy review blogs are valid blogs, and I know people enjoy reading them, including myself, but there is a difference between a toy review blog and a sex blog (well, duh, and I’m not saying one is better than the other), and like the lovely ladies and gentleman I am referencing in this post I don’t want my personal content swallowed up by reviews.

On a slightly different but related topic I’m interested in this gem in Diva’s post from the other side of things (the marketing side):

I personally think this year we will see an end to this over saturation of sex toys being handed out. Some bloggers may have high traffic numbers and sales through their affiliate links but overall these companies are not seeing the returns in sales for what they are giving out. They are going to start looking for different ways to market their products than all these reviews that many people seem to be skipping over reading half of the time.

It’ll definitely be interesting to see how toy reviewing evolves in the next year or so.

02.04

2009

Review: Pink and Black Beaded Nipple Clamps

Cute, femme, and flirty, the Pink & Black Beaded Nipple Clamps bring a bit of class to standard tweezer-clamp style nipple clamps. Ranging in sensation from soft and pleasurable to wicked and painful, clamps are fun and easy to use. A definite necessity!

Thank you very much to Tabu Toys for allowing me to review these Pink & Black Beaded Nipple Clamps!

02.03

2009

Best Sex Toy Reviewers 2008

Just out today! Featured on Pleasurists Best Sex Toy Reviewers is an annual list compiled by Domina Doll and Scarlet Lotus Sexgeek. Only reviewers who reviewed during the year of 2008 were considered, there will be a list for 2009 next year.

Each reviewer was rated separately by two people (Domina Doll and Scarlet Lotus did not rate themselves, their second rating came from a third party). The ratings were on a scale of one to five in four areas: Content, Organization, Originality, and Regularity. Each reviewer got a score out of 20 by each person and then the scores were put together to make a final score out of 40. Those final scores were ranked from high to low to get the list below

There were many ties. In cases where reviewers had nominations the number of nominations were the deciding factor for the ties. In cases where reviewers had the same number of nominations Domina Doll and Scarlet Lotus decided the order.

We recognize that this list is highly subjective. This is in no way a definitive list of reviewers, it is simply our list, and you can do with it as you will. We did use finite measurements, as discussed above, to create this list, but ultimately it is our own list. However, lists are fun to have and be able to point to.

  1. Essin’ Em
  2. Domina Doll
  3. Beautiful Dreamer
  4. Scarlet Lotus Sexgeek
  5. Epiphora
  6. Gabe and Elizabeth
  7. Sinclair Sexsmith
  8. Catalina Loves
  9. Agent Ansley
  10. Betty Rocket
  11. Carnivalesq
  12. J.D. Bauchery
  13. Toygirl
  14. Thursday’s Child
  15. Dame Demi
  16. Shay
  17. Shasta Gibson
  18. AlwaysArousedGirl
  19. Freddy and Eddy
  20. Dangerous Lilly
  21. Jack
  22. Erin Leone
  23. Sleeping Dreamer
  24. Ellie Lumpesse
  25. Wendy Blackheart
  26. Ducky Doolittle
  27. Curvaceous Dee
  28. The Porn Librarian
  29. Lux Alptraum
  30. Kyle
  31. Naughty Secretary
  32. Monkey
  33. Nadia West
  34. Alpine Subdreams
  35. Bulma
  36. Radical Vixen
  37. The Beautiful Kind
  38. Toys for Tarts
  39. Sienna
  40. Audacia Ray
  41. Mariella
  42. Ang
  43. Lucy Vonne
  44. Holden
  45. Coy Pink
  46. Backseat Boohoo
  47. Bad Bad Girl
  48. Jimbo Jones
  49. Tess
  50. BOX: Les Petites Morts
  51. Zephyrine
  52. N
  53. Phaedra Fallen
  54. Jiz Lee
  55. Alisa
  56. Syntax
  57. Panthera Pardus
  58. Red
  59. Sommer Marsden
  60. Mollena
  61. The Countess
  62. Adriana
  63. Madeline Glass
  64. Hussy Red
  65. Trouble
  66. Roxy
  67. Sexorcism
  68. Roxanne Rhoads
  69. Amber
  70. Rori
  71. Kinkerbelle
  72. Dark Lady
  73. Sex Is Fun
  74. Adrie Santos

We scoured the internet for reviewers. Pleasurists was a great source of reviewers, but it was not the only source, as many of the reviewers above have never participated in a Pleasurists. If you are not on the list and you reviewed in 2008 the chances are we simply did not know about you and couldn’t find you in our many searches.

Honorable mention goes to sites who weren’t included due to multiple reviewers such as Xcritic, Best Sex Toy Review, Sex Herald, and the many reviewers on EdenFantasys.

02.03

2009

Size & Sexuality Study – E


Body & Soul by zkukkuiz used under a Creative Commons license.

This is the fifth of many posts with answers to my Size & Sexuality Study questions within them. The responses have not been edited in any way. I hope you find them as interesting and informative as I have. I have gotten a huge number of responses already and I still want more! If you would like to answer these questions you can find more information on The Size & Sexuality Study here.

Read the first: luna[KM]
Read the second: icecoldbath
Read the third: Nadia West
Read the fourth: Dee

E is a 21 year old lady/girl who is “Pansexual with a preference for girl/lady/woman-identified people.” She is currently involved (non-monogamously) with a boy.

What size is your body?
It is small-to-average. I think it’s average, but most people think it’s small. My pants size is juniors 3-5-7, dress size 2-4, general size S or M. I am 5’4″ and around 110lbs with more thigh than I’d like, but generally rectangular in shape.

How comfortable are you with your body both in general and your body size specifically?
Not particularly. I’ve had body image problems for most of my life, if not all of it, but I am slowly growing to love it for what it is. I am not necessarily uncomfortable with the size of my body, I am mostly uncomfortable with the actual dimensions of it and the relationships of various body parts to one another.

How has your relation with and attitude toward your body and the size of your body changed over time?
It has always been bad, but I’ve been putting a conscious effort into improving it over the last 6 years or so. I absolutely haven’t gotten to the point where I’m happy with my body, but I don’t detest it as much as I used to.

How important is sexuality to your life?
Extremely.

How has your relation with and attitude toward your sexuality changed over time?
I have always been extremely sexual. At first, I was uncomfortable with my sexuality because everything in the world tells girls they should not feel sexual or sexy or aroused Ever, and I definitely did, so there must have been something TERRIBLY wrong with me (I thought). By age 16, I was comfortable with my sexuality and comfortable in my skin, and I have been ever since.

How comfortable are you with expressing yourself and your body sexually?
Extremely. Sexual situations are some of the few in which I feel comfortable as a physical entity.

How comfortable is society with the idea of viewing your body as sexual?
I mean, I’m a woman. Society’s favorite pastime is viewing female bodies as sexual. I have a a white, generally small-ish female body, which mainstream media seems to be into.

Through answering these questions and/or thinking about your relation to your body and your sexuality, have you noticed any links or similarities between the two? If so, what?
Absolute opposites. I don’t like my body as an aesthetic object because of the way that society has influenced my self-perception (I think), but I am completely comfortable with my sexuality and with my body as a sexual object/entity/being/thing. I’m not sure how this arose, but I’m happy to at least be able to be comfortable with some aspect of having a body.

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