Purveyor of Pleasure

Delving into my humanity and the joys and pitfalls of an overanalytical nature.

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Pleasurists #19


Image by GuilleDes used under a Creative Commons License

Pleasurists is a round-up of the adult product and sex toy reviews that came out in the last seven days from bloggers all around the sex blogosphere. Did you miss Pleasurists #18? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #20? Submit it here before Sunday March 15th at 11:59pm PST. Please re-post this list on your own blog if listed.

Want to win some free swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.

On to the reviews…

Editor’s Pick

  • Pearl Cuffs by CarrieAnn
  • The second I saw them a fantasy bloomed, large and dark, in the recesses of my mind.

    I had images of formalwear and candlelight, gourmet meals and decadent desserts. A meal served silently, these dainty pearl cuffs binding my wrists. Images of kneeling at his feet, being hand fed bits of his meal and sips of his wine – the pearl cuffs wrapping my wrists, hands helplessly still in my lap.

Madame Editrix
Scarlet Lotus St. Syr

Read More

LELO Toy Giveaway on Pleasurists!


Image is a slightly modified version of the header on the LELO Vimeo Group

Cross-posted from Pleasurists

Everyone loves LELO toys. Usually I stay away from sweeping generalizations like that, but I really think this one is true. Especially since they expanded their line to include their homme line, now no one has a reason not to love them!

In this very exciting contest Pleasurists is teaming up with LELO to not only give away an elegant LELO pleasure object, but a LELO pleasure object of your choice!

How does this work, you might ask? Well, basically you would want to go look at the LELO line of products and choose one product to focus your submission on. You can choose any product as long as it’s not part of the Luxe line. Choose Bo or Bob from the Homme line or Elise, Ella, Gigi, Iris, Lily, Liv, Luna, Mia, or Nea from the Femme line. To see what others have thought of various LELO products to help you choose one you can visit the LELO section of our All Reviews page.

Once you’ve chosen your pleasure object (and only one, mind you) then the real fun begins. To win you must submit something featuring your pleasure object of choice. It could be an essay about what you long to do with Lily, a photoshopped image of 12 Bob’s hidden around an otherwise vanilla room, an erotic story featuring Elise as the star, basically the sky’s the limit! The only trick is that you must remain anonymous which makes things a little more difficult.

The entries are anonymous because once the contest ends the entries will be published on Pleasurists for everyone to read and judge. The submission with the most votes wins the featured toy! You cannot let anyone know which submission is your own, but you can encourage people to come and vote. If you make any reference to the contents or type of your submission before or after the voting request is published or hint at it in any way you will be disqualified.

Submission Requirements:

  • Email your submission to scarletsexgeek AT gmail.com by Friday April 10th at 11:59pm PST.
  • Remain anonymous in your submission. Nothing must be able to give away the fact that you are the creator.
  • Post a review of the product once you receive it, which would be featured on the next issue of Pleasurists.
  • You must be willing to give out your mailing address in order to win. The winning toy will be sent directly from LELO right to your door!

Official contest post on Pleasurists

Reviews: Black, Pink, and Silver

My new reviewing structure, as outlined in this post from two days ago is that I shall be posting full reviews on my review site Wanton Lotus (RSS) and teaser reviews once a week here. I will probably be posting reviews Tuesday and Thursday or Tues-Weds-Thurs if I have three reviews to do that week (though I wasn’t on that schedule this week since this is the first week I did it). I have decided Fridays will be my promotion day on here, so here is the first round-up of my reviews for the week!

Brando aka Realistic, Large Bent made by Vixen Creations

Dildo Profile

Name: Brando

Material: Silicone

Height: 7″
Thickness: 2″ or 6.5″ around

Pros: Thick, but not super thick. Perfect for amateur size queens. Wonderful vaginally. Also a secret suction cup dildo!
Cons: Might be too thick for some. Also is little daunting for anal play.

Get the full scoop: watch my Brando video review!


hotheart

Amazing Hot Heart Massager Review Snippit

Onyx and I both have back pain, which we often help each other with by massaging the other. His is generally located in his upper-back, while mine is in my lower-back, though sometimes we inadvertently swap symptoms through no design of our own. We sometimes even use the Hitachi as a back massager (unheard of, I know) to allieviate these symptoms. When I had the opportunity to receive the Amazing Hot Heart Massager I jumped at the chance. Anything that makes massaging easier for the massager or better for the massagee was something I definitely at least wanted to try.

Read the rest of my Amazing Hot Heart Massager review!


leatherhogtie

Leather Hogtie Review Snippit

When I found the Leather Hogtie with Scissor Snaps I imagined using them with my Axovus Wrist Cuffs and matching Ankle Cuffs. I imagined a great way to tie someone up and fuck them. I imagined that was what I would be doing with this hogtie strap, but I was wrong. It was completely my fault that I was wrong, but I was wrong.

First, a little of the hogtie device itself. It’s really a very basic restraint device. It’s an O-ring with four strips of leather attached that have scissor snaps attached to them, making it so you can attach the hogtie device to four other things. It’s intended to be attached to four cuffs: two wrist, two ankle, to produce the hogtie position.

Read the rest of my Leather Hogtie review!

The Best Laid Plans

smile if you like anal sex
Found at Romeo Tees (yes, it’s a shirt you can buy! I want one)

I love anal sex. I really don’t say that enough on here I think. I love giving it, receiving it, just about anything about it. Well, I don’t like when it’s messy, but I don’t get upset when it is because that’s part of it. Obviously when you’re playing with the backdoor there is always the possibility of shit, and while I’m not into that I just roll with it and always keep tissues handy. Wendy Blackheart actually has a wonderful post about shit and anal sex called shit happens on her awesome anal-sex oriented site Ask the Ass Bandit, but I digress.

Onyx feels much the same way as I do about anal sex. In a way it’s one of the things that brought us together, or at least was a big part of our relationship, as much of our online relationship was played out in an anal sex channel on irc.bondage.com. He’s actually quite an anal slut when the mood strikes, as I am. We both enjoy giving and receiving, which makes it that much more fun.

Despite both of us loving anal we don’t do it as often as we might want. It takes quite a bit of preparation and forethought, which we don’t usually have when we fuck. Usually it’s just an impulse when we do it and not planned out.

The last few nights we’ve been talking about me fucking his ass. Ever since I got Brando, really, we’ve been talking about it, though not talking about me fucking his ass with Brando because that prospect was a little too intimidating. Neither of us have the courage to take Brando anally yet, though I think it’ll happen sometime, but that’s another story.

Since we’d been talking about it for a while, last night while we were settling down to bed, Onyx brought it up again, and I told him to go get the required assistants, specifically one of my harnesses and whatever dildo he had a preference toward. He came back with Boy Butter, my Hardcore Harness, Bandito, Celestial Perfection, and Tantus G-Force Wand. The last one isn’t harness compatible, but is great for fucking with because of it’s extended handle.

I did a few things to clean up and then instructed him to get on the bed (futon). He knelt and then moved to all fours, moved a pillow under his chest to facilitate his position before letting his head fall to the bed, resting on his hands. As I watched I slipped the Celestial Perfection into my harness and then slipped the harness on. I wasn’t going to fuck his ass right away, I would first use my fingers to open him up, but I wanted to be ready to fuck when we got there.

My Rubber Whip was lying on the floor in front of him, so I instructed him to hand it to me. I lightly began slapping his ass with the whip, trailing the soft falls across his back, and lightly teasing his balls with the strands. He’s not big into pain, and though the whip can sting if used hard, I was being sure to be light, using the sensation play to heighten his excitement.

I lubed up his ass and my finger with the Boy Butter and began working it in and out, slowly and surely, as he moaned and writhed before me. I added a second finger, then a third, adding little bits of lube each time a new finger was inserted. I remarked on how much of an anal slut he was being, and occasionally stroked his cock or massaged his balls. Whenever he started to tense I made him squeeze his ass around my fingers and then release completely.

When I added a fourth finger he tensed and pulled forward so my fingers pulled out, letting me know that had hurt. I worked back up from one again and added more lube before adding the fourth finger, but was able to get all four in easily that time, and he liked it. He was pushing back against the fingers as I moved them in and out. I asked him how many fingers he thought I had in.

“Three?” He asked curiously.

“Nope. Four.”

“Wow.”

I grinned and moved them a little more intently in his ass, my other hand squirting a bit of the lube onto my cock as I did, getting ready to fuck him with the silicone that was now transformed into my pearly white cock.

I had already made sure the curve of the cock was going to be at the right angle to get at his prostate, so I started slowly inserting. He pulled forward suddenly, letting me know that it hurt for some reason. This also popped my cock out of my harness, which was annoying, the base is pretty thin and went right with him when he jerked his hips. I added more lube, tried again with the cock out of the harness, and again it hurt. We tried a third time, got farther in, but it just wasn’t working right.

We paused for a few moments and decided to try Bandito instead. I loosened the harness so I could slip Bandito in, during which time one of the straps came undone completely because I had pulled too hard (it has tighteners like the ones on backpacks to make the shoulder straps longer/shorter) and I had to take it off and lace it back the right way before putting it back on again.

While I was doing that, Onyx remarked that perhaps the position was the issue, and decided to move onto his back instead. I went and grabbed my sling which helps the bottom keep their legs in the air more easily so that he would be more comfortable in that position.

I again started with my fingers while stroking the lube into my Bandito with my other hand, getting him back to the point of being open for my cock before going to insert it. It hurt again. We decided that maybe he hadn’t cleared his backdoor completely, though he had gone before we started to try and avoid this problem, so he went into the bathroom to do this.

He came out a bit later, claiming something wasn’t quite right, and we should maybe wait for another time. I’ve had the same experience before, having anal be unexpectedly painful and just not feel right, so I understood. We cleaned up, snuggled a bit, and ended the night with me getting fucked doggy style instead, though not in the ass.

Even when you’re thoughtful and ready for anal, sometimes it just doesn’t work for whatever reason. We will try again, though, soon, and next time it’ll work. Or so we hope.

Toy Reviewing Changes

I heart sex toys
Made by me.

Taking a tip from Bad Bad Girl I’m actually going to be changing around the way I do toy reviews on this blog.

Not too long ago I acquired WantonLotus.com and cross-posted all my reviews there. In the last few Pleasurists I have been linking to reviews on Wanton Lotus as opposed to here, kind of slowly transitioning my reviews from here to there, in a way. Now I have decided to do more than that.

While I will post on here with reviewed toys once a week it will be a brief summary of the toys I have reviewed, no more than three a week and probably more like two. I will list some of the basic elements of the toy and a link to the toy site but leave it to you to decide if you would like to go over to Wanton Lotus and read the entire review. I know many people will, just as I do this with Bad Bad Girl on her BBG Toys site.

Basically doing this will enable me to post multiple reviews on that site, possibly scheduling them to come out Mon-Wed-Fri or Tues-Wed-Thurs or something like that and not worry about having this site taken over by toy reviews.

Though I have been thinking about doing this for quite a while, as I have had Wanton Lotus for quite some time and that was part of the idea for getting the site, the catalyst for this was my post on Sex Toys and Sex Blogs. Like I said on there:

While I enjoy reading reviews and I do review a lot of toys I have always done it one of two ways. First, I started reviewing one toy a week. Easy, simple, one toy a week, with posts in between. Then, when I started to get more companies I was reviewing for, I moved that to two reviews a week (rarely, but sometimes three), but I had to have at least four posts between them. Why four posts? Well… I don’t really know. But that’s what I set for myself. I thought it was a good number, and I’ve had a lot to write about lately. Sometimes that number didn’t happen, sometimes it was two, sometimes it was six, etc. but, that was the goal. I’ve always made sure to have other content along side my reviews.

But now this method isn’t working for me, mostly because I’ve had writers block lately and have been unable to sit down and write the way I want and need to. I’ve also been busy exploring a new city and looking for a job, so I haven’t been writing as much even when I can write.

I also have more and more products that I want to review. Not just toys that are sent to me, though those are definitely a big part of it, but also books I read and older toys that I have. I have this desire to have a somewhat comprehensive idea of what is in my toybox represented by my reviews. I want to re-write some of my older reviews to be better and more comprehensive.

In addition to toy-specific posts I also want to start writing some Toy Info 101 posts as well, such as Material Safety, How to Choose a Toy, Floggers 101, Harnesses 101, etc. I know there are other sites who have articles like this, but these would be mine. I also want to write non toy-oriented ones for this site, but that’s a whole different topic.

Why do I want to do all this? Because I think reviews are important. I enjoy reading reviews and think that others enjoy reading them too. I think that they’re helpful for people who buy toys to get a good idea of products. Sure, there are lots of toy reviews saturating the sex blogging world right now, but I have a passion for toys, and I’m happy to exploit the opportunity to test out more toys, learn about toys, and share that knowledge with others.

Interaction


From someecards.

I tend to live in my head more than anywhere else, which can make it difficult to meet new people. I obsess over making good impressions so I often don’t say much when meeting someone for the first time and end up coming off either as shy or disinterested (and I think the latter more than the former). I generally prefer to observe others before engaging in conversation with them, as well, which doesn’t help.

The point being, I’m kind of terrible at meeting new people, and I’m kind of terrible at communication in general, I think. Writing is the way I communicate best, and I believe in communication with friends and lovers. I believe that it’s important, but sometimes it’s so damn difficult for me to get anything out.

This post was originally going to be about flirting, or my inability to flirt, but instead it’s evolved into interaction and communication in general, though also about flirting.

I think both my lack of flirting and communication abilities both stem from the same place: I’m afraid of my words being taken the wrong way, and sometimes I’m afraid of my words being taken the right way and my advances or assertions being unwanted or incorrect.

Everyone has these fears to an extent, but some have them more than others. I always admire the people who can speak their mind and who seem to have little disregard for what others think of them. I’m not that person, although I often wish I was. I care too much about what people think of me, and it pains me when someone dislikes me for whatever reason.

I came out as queer at a young age. I was the founder and president of my high school’s GSA and very out. I watched straight or even bi female friends of mine flirt with other girls, snuggle with them, kiss them, all the while wishing I could experience that but holding myself at arms length in fear of what they would think of me. I desired closeness in a friendly way, without any sexual overtones, just snuggling and exploration, but I was afraid if I attempted to join in they would think I was hitting on them.

It made me guarded, careful of what I said, worried at every turn that someone would take something I said the wrong way. I collapsed into myself and didn’t share that connection with anyone around me. I didn’t know many queer girls, and the ones I did had boyfriends or just generally weren’t interested, so that wasn’t something I could explore with them either.

The point of all this is I don’t think I know how to interact with others in a good way, and more and more I choose not to interact and to crawl deeper and deeper into my own fears and frustrations. The problem really is that I don’t know how to get out of it, and further that I’m afraid to try to get out of it because that could mean ruin.

Often, too, if I get close to someone I sabotage it by overanalyzing and becoming anxious about the interactions. I cherish some of the friendships I’ve made online, but they all seem temporary, and I know that’s mostly my fault.

I love Onyx but we are not enough for each other, we both need other friends and lovers to be in our lives. We’ve gone out and met people here, but nowhere near as much as we should have by now. Every time we go somewhere it’s a struggle because I push against it, even though I know that once we go out I will enjoy myself. I can’t seem to help my automatic aversion to the outside world.

It’s ironic, maybe, that the things I want the most–simple interaction, closeness, friends–are maybe the most difficult things for me to allow myself to get.

Pleasurists #18


Image by Don Julian

Pleasurists is a round-up of the adult product and sex toy reviews that came out in the last seven days from bloggers all around the sex blogosphere. Did you miss Pleasurists #17? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #19? Submit it here before Sunday March 8th at 11:59pm PST. Please re-post this list on your own blog if listed.

Want to win some free swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.

On to the reviews…

Editor’s Pick

  • Bill and Desiree: Love Is Timeless by Domina Doll on Viviane’s Sex Carnival
  • Everything they do, they do with exhilaration and wild abandon. They explore their sexual love like children who are delighted and amazed by everything they see and touch. I had a perma-smile welded on my face as I watched them make love with such tenderness: their smiles, laughter and joy radiating out of the screen to affect me as well. It was so powerful and beautifully poignant to watch their sweet ecstatic moans and tearful orgasms as they convulsed with ecstasy.

Madame Editrix
Scarlet Lotus St. Syr

Read More

Review: Aneros Peridise

The Aneros Peridise and I have had a strange relationship. I was enamored with them the first time I laid eyes on them on Babeland’s website. Generally I love unusual toys, and Peridise is definitely unusual.

Aside from the uniqueness of the toy, my relationship to it actually has to do with the issues I’ve had regarding reviewing it. I received my Peridise at the same time I got the Bliss #12 and Entice lube, which was near the end of November. I reviewed those two in late December/early January, but Peridise was a little more elusive.

As you may or may not know in mid-January I moved to Seattle. Somehow, between packing up and actually getting here my Peridise went missing. How did this happen, you ask? I have no idea! I bought a couple cases from For Your Nymphomation to make the sex toy transportation easier, but somehow Peridise did not make it in to one. I keep expecting to find it laying around the house somewhere obvious that I’ve somehow overlooked, but it hasn’t happened by now so it probably isn’t going to happen.

After many searches through everything Onyx and I own I came to the conclusion that I was not going to find it. However, since I still needed to review it and I didn’t feel I had tried it out enough times to do a decent review (plus I wanted to play with it more) I went along to the Babeland store here and bought a replacement set. Since it was a toy I knew I would want to use multiple times I didn’t fret too much about that.

Now, back to the Peridise itself. I’ve explained my strange road to reviewing it, but what exactly is it, and why does it seem like they spelled paradise incorrectly?

Aneros is famous for their fantastic anal products, specifically prostate simulators, which are usually sleek and stylish made out of hard plastic and shaped to be a hands-free p-spot stimulator.

Peridise is actually a unisex anal PC (pubococcygeus) muscle exerciser. There are plenty of vaginal kegel exercisers out there which also focus on the PC muscles, but this is the first unisex exerciser and the first anal one that I know of.

PC muscle exercises are always talked about in relation to females, as they are most popular as vaginal kegel exercises as I already mentioned, but they can also be useful for men. In case you don’t know, the benefits of kegel exercises increase urinary or bowel control and can also increase control over ejaculation. Specifically for females they also increase tightness of the vagina, prevent pelvic prolapse, and can increase sexual arousal/desire. For males they can diminish premature ejaculation, encourage multiple orgasms (especially multiples without ejaculation), and result in a stronger erection. All good things, right?

The design of the Peridise is meant to stimulate the peristaltic reflex of the sphincter which is the reaction of the anus to contract when something is inserted in it. The idea behind that is that once the head of the Peridise is inserted the rest of it should be sucked up into the body automatically, and crazy enough that happens!

Peristaltic is also what Peridise gets it’s name from. Peristaltic + Paradise = Peridise. Kinda neat, right?

Peridise comes in two sets: beginner and advanced. Assumption would dictate that the advanced set would be larger than the beginner, but it’s actually the opposite. The theory being that the better control you has over the PC muscle the smaller the objects are that you would be able to successfully grasp. Makes, sense, right?

Both sets come with two plugs. The beginner set has two four inch plugs which are 22mm and 18mm thick (or 3/5″ and 4/5″). The advanced set has two 3 3/4″ plugs which are only slightly thinner at 20mm and 16mm (or 7/10″ and 9/10″). One thing I love about getting two in a set is that if you have a partner to share Peridise with (and you’re not having anal sex at the moment) both of you can be wearing a plug during sex, which would increase pleasure for both!

Taking Panthera Pardus’ advice I decided to insert both the LELO Luna Beads (kegel exercisers) and Peridise at the same time and delicious doesn’t begin to cover it!

Both exercisers are somewhat small, but them combined with the squeezing of muscles around them was absolutely heavenly! This could easily be done with Smart Balls or new Teneo Smart Balls as well, or any other vaginal balls assuming you have the required orifices.

But I digress. What you probably really want to know, aside from all this technical mumbo jumbo is if Peridise does all the things it claims to do, right? Well, I believe it does. I know it encourages stronger orgasm, as I’ve seen the difference in Onyx and I’ve felt the difference in myself. The PC muscle strengthening is slightly more difficult to assess, but I feel like it has assisted me there as well.

Silouette


Horizon and Windows by random letters used under a Creative Commons

The floor-to-ceiling windows allow the hues of sunset to cascade into the room, reds, pinks and oranges, enhancing the dim lighting. Her back is to me as she watches the horizon slowly change.

Her stance is wide, strong, and I desperately want to move toward her and separate the delicate folds of her with my tongue, find the right pressure and speed, pleasing her and tasting her. Instead I stay as I am, kneeling, watching her form shift against the hues of dusk sky. Her power radiates.

She turns, languidly, crossing her arms in front of her and tapping one black latex-covered finger against the opposite elbow. Though her face is still in shadow I can feel the grin that splits her mouth make me tingle.

She watches me watch her, my desire is written across my face for her to see. I keep no secrets. “All fours.” She says, and I quickly comply.

Before I can register her movement she’s behind me and her fingers are pushing inside of me, spreading me open, her other hand pressing my naked self forward, making me crawl with her fingers inside me toward the window.

She moves me forward until my cheek presses against the cool glass. A shiver runs up my spine either from the cold of the glass or the hot of my cunt, I’m not sure which, but I know she felt my reaction.

Her sharp teeth dig into the soft flesh of my ass as she adds another finger into my already dripping cunt, opening me up further around her, making me moan and squeal with pleasure as I thrust back against her fingers. She leans up and whispers in my ear, “Isn’t the sunset, beautiful, darling?”

I clear my throat to answer, but end up just feebly nodding against the glass, unable to find my voice.

She adds another finger and moves more insistently, each thrust going a little deeper trying to press as far into me as possible. I can feel her surrounding me with her dominance as her fingers penetrate my hot flesh. The sky before us darkens further, the red and orange hues fading to purple and blue.

Another lubed finger presses against my backdoor as the others still inside of me, opening me further for her, her toy to play with. She wiggles her fingers in my cunt as she adds a second finger easily into my ass, and I can’t help but grunt and thrust desperately back at her. My clit is on fire and I hope that she will let me come.

I hear her chuckle softly as she begins thrusting with both hands, alternating fullness and making me writhe, my torso would fall if I wasn’t pressed up so tightly against the glass. My cheek is wet with the moisture of my breathing.

She continues until I can’t stand it, I’m on the edge and unconsciously start rubbing my thighs together, rocking my pelvis, rubbing against my sensitive clit as I do.

Her knee knocks against my thighs, spreading them apart wider, keeping me open, not allowing me that release I need. She tsks and chuckles deeply before continuing her thrusting, my clit on fire with every movement.

“Please…”

“What is it, pet?”

“Please, let me come, please… my clit is aching for it… please…” My pleas turn desperate as her fingers move faster within me.

Her teeth dig into the flesh of my ass again, making me squeal with delight and pain. Just as quickly her fingers have left me and she slaps my ass.

“Turn over.” She says, and I quickly comply, too eager for my own good.

“Now, now, darling. The evening has just begun. I have much more in store for you.” She grins, standing and looking into my eyes as I lay on my back, open for her, missing her touch. I try to show her my need with my eyes, but nod as my mind races over the possibilities in her words.

She crosses back over to the window. The sky has cooled a bit, reds and oranges faded to dark pink and blue, but the outline of her is still visible contrasted to the light coming from the sky. I watch as she brings a glass filled with her favorite drink to her lips, her gloved fingers still moist with my juices.

Unsure of what to do, I watch her movements and then nearly jump out of my skin as the doorbell rings.

Size & Sexuality Study – Emily


Number 183 from The Adipositivity Project

This is the seventh of many posts with answers to my Size & Sexuality Study questions within them. The responses have not been edited in any way. I hope you find them as interesting and informative as I have. I have gotten a huge number of responses already and I still want more! If you would like to answer these questions you can find more information on The Size & Sexuality Study here.

Read the first: luna[KM]
Read the second: icecoldbath
Read the third: Nadia West
Read the fourth: Dee
Read the fifth: E
Read the sixth: Callaigh

Emily is a 28 year old heteroflexible submissive female who is married.

What size is your body?
20/22 dress/pants size; 46 D bra size (American sizes)

How comfortable are you with your body both in general and your body size specifically?
I would love to be smaller, but I’m not unhappy with my body. In fact, my Hubby thinks I’m a little too comfortable with it, as I love having my pic taken nude and would love to post them on the forums and profiles I’m a member of. He is more protective of my body and doesn’t allow me to post such pictures. He’s not ashamed of my body size, He just wants to keep it all for Himself.

How has your relation with and attitude toward your body and the size of your body changed over time?
I’ve become much more comfortable with my body even though I’ve gotten larger, oddly enough. Maybe it’s age and/or maturity that’s made me more comfortable, but I think it also has to do with a certain former lover who used to force me to present naked before him so he could look at me. Until then I was modest- now I am very comfortable with how I look.
How important is sexuality to your life? Very- I identify as a submissive to my Hubby and want to please Him in any way possible- including in the bedroom (or out of it- wherever He wants). He loves that I am “heteroflexible” because it has opened up doors to our sexual relationship that, in His previous relationships, were always closed. I like that I am able to provide this for Him.

How has your relation with and attitude toward your sexuality changed over time?
Not a lot- I’ve always been a little nympho- even as a teenager and pre-teen. I have always known that I was attracted to both men and women, but was not able to act on the attraction to women until I was older and more comfortable with it (ie, less worried about what other people would think if they found out). One thing that has changed, but only due to having done research and gaining knowledge in the subject, was my belief as to what my sexuality was- I had no idea until just a few years ago that there was such thing as “heteroflexible”. I thought you were either hetero, homo, or bi. Therefore, I identified as bi, with the homo part “in the closet” because, not only was I not comfortable with it, but I was raised that homosexuality and, therefore, bisexuality was wrong, immoral. Now I realize that, though I am attracted to women sexually, I have no desire to have a relationship with them. This is why I now identify as “heteroflexible”. I still have issues with the morality of it, but I really can’t control who I’m attracted to and have not yet gained the will-power to deprive myself of my desires.

How comfortable are you with expressing yourself and your body sexually?
I am very comfortable with expressing what I want, but sometimes am unable to get it because of my body size.

How comfortable is society with the idea of viewing your body as sexual?
hahaha…that depends on what website you go to. I have been told by many men that my husband is a “lucky man” to have someone so sensual and willing to do things I’m willing to do. However, these same men would never go to bed with me if given the chance. Though they love my attitude towards sex and sexuality, they do not find my body attractive. They can’t push past what I look like to get to the “I’ll do ANYTHING you desire”. (I know this because I’ve asked. They say “your husband is a lucky man” and I ask “would you sleep with me if given the chance?” Just a hypothetical, you know- not a come-on. It then becomes “your husband is lucky, but you’re not my type”.)

Also, you don’t see women my size being portrayed as “sexy” on TV or in books. The story line for characters my size often goes like this- persecuted all through high school/college because of size, have weight loss surgery or lose the weight through sheer determination and will-power, buy a skimpy little size 2 dress, go back and visit all the guys who have turned her down, rub it in their faces. Well honey, that’s just not reality. The rest of the world sees/reads that and thinks that it’s possible that I could someday be a size 2 and suddenly that have all this advice for me about how to get there. They don’t understand that this is NOT possible- because of my bone structure, I will NEVER be a size 2 (yes, I use the “I’m big boned” excuse). Also, they don’t realize that big can be sexy.

Through answering these questions and/or thinking about your relation to your body and your sexuality, have you noticed any links or similarities between the two? If so, what?
I’ve become more comfortable with both over the years.

Anything else you would like to add?
Body size should not have anything to do with sexuality or sensuality. No- I am not able to get in every position illustrated in Kama Sutra, but I tell you what- the positions I can get in, I’m gooooood at. Body size vs. sex appeal should not be an issue at all.

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