taiWelcome! I’m Tai Fenix Kulystin (previously known as Scarlet Lotus), I am a queer fat genderqueer polyamorous switch and my pronouns are they/them. This blog is my personal exploration of gender, sexuality, spirituality, kink, and the joys and pitfalls of an overanalytical nature.

Outside of this blog I am currently finishing up a Master's degree to help me launch into my career as a Gender & Intimacy Coach and Somatic Sexuality Educator. I am passionate about working with people of all bodies, genders, sexualities, and relationship styles to help them move toward experiencing the (sex) life of their dreams.


10.19

2010

30 Days of Kink: Music

This is the ninth of my 30 Days of Kink in which I will be answering each of the thirty questions in different posts. I thought these would be interesting to answer and (hopefully) interesting for you to read. These will be posted in order, but not always back-to-back.

Day 9: Post a kink related song or music video you enjoy.

No great insight into these, just enjoy them.

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10.14

2010

30 Days of Kink: Images

This is the eighth of my 30 Days of Kink (sick of it yet?) in which I will be answering each of the thirty questions in different posts. I thought these would be interesting to answer and (hopefully) interesting for you to read. These will be posted in order, but not always back-to-back.

Day 8: Post a kinky image you find erotic.

Oh, geez. Anyone who knows me knows how difficult of a task just choosing one image to post is. I never want to choose just one if I can have the option of more than one. Now many of my identities make sense, right? Most of my Tumblr is dedicated to this task: posting images I find erotic or interesting. I haven’t really been updating it lately, but there’s a lot there. Similarly Pleasurists is full of images I pulled from various places and ones that I find erotic or stimulating in some way.

Unfortunately I don’t know who this image is by. If you do please let me know!

I definitely have a ballet heel fetish, and ballet shoes for that matter. I just love the look of them. It’s not physical per se. I don’t get wet at the sight of them or want to hump them or things like that. I have a pair of ballet heel mary jane-style shoes that I love and love to wear, but even that isn’t exactly something that gets me off in and of itself. Perhaps it’s the associations I have with them: uncomfortability, difficulty walking/having to crawl, helplessness, that sort of thing. Adding the rope to it makes it just that much hotter. I especially love the way it is wound around the heels.

For your Eyes Only by AnimeSexBomb

I know I’ve mentioned before that I love gags. And I do. I love the helplessness (see a pattern here?) of gags, and I love the look in her eyes in this image and that you can see her handcuffs and collar on as well.

Marks by laurisiren

Again, I’ve mentioned many times before about my love of canes (Cane A Slut Day anyone?). I know which started first, though, my love of canes came after my love of the welts that canes make. I have always loved the look of cane marks! I was tempted to show off my favorite cane mark picture but I use that for the Cane A Slut Day logo and have posted it before. I love the V-shape of the welts in this one, though, and the rope marks around the ankles.

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10.13

2010

Cleavage Decoration (WW)

This week Wanton Wednesday has a theme: cleavage. I figure in order to show my cleavage I also have to show the things I decorate them with daily.

I love necklaces, all types of jewelry really. I am nearly always wearing three necklaces these days. The two that are pictured are spiritual ones: the lower one is a tree of life, the upper one is two pendants on one chain (an Om symbol and a Star of Babalon). The third is a celtic heart with a garnet in the middle which Onyx gave to me quite some time ago and is, essentially, my collar.

On September 23rd I got two new piercings to decorate my cleavage. They are microdermals, basically an L-shaped bar that sits under the skin.

I love this shot too much not to include it, pardon the blurryness

Click to see who else is playing this week…

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10.13

2010

30 Days of Kink: Fantasy

This is the sixth of my 30 Days of Kink in which I will be answering each of the thirty questions in different posts. I thought these would be interesting to answer and (hopefully) interesting for you to read. These will be posted in order, but not always back-to-back. Technically I published seven before six but… oh well.

Day 6: Describe your weirdest/most interesting sexual fantasy.

I’m in a fortunate position where just about all of my fantasies are able to come true relatively quickly. I don’t have to wait too long between a fantasy striking me and being able to play it out, assuming it does not require multiple partners or some implement or another which we don’t have. Most of my fantasies, however, revolve around things that we do on a regular basis, because those are what really get me hot, pretty much everything on my kinks list. Onyx and I are remarkably well matched and seem to just be getting more and more so as time goes on. This pleases me.

There are quite a few things I want to try that I haven’t, but for the most part I don’t really fantasize about them I just want to do them. I used to fantasize about being in the type of situation that I’m in now: pretty solid power roles with the ability for switchyness and bratting within it when desired. I can honestly say this time around with Onyx is pretty damn perfect.

To not cop out of the question, though, there are some fantasies that Onyx and I often dirty talk about while fucking. Mostly they revolve around the inclusion of others of any sex/gender. Probably the most common that we talk about is the idea of orchestrating a gang bang for me. We both love the idea of me being used constantly to utter exhaustion by numerous others.

I always have the idea of a single mattress on a concrete floor, chairs set around it in a circle in case the participants get tired, that sort of thing. It’s a bit of a clichéd setting for a gang bang scenario and probably in my mind because when I first read about them they were usually gang rape scenarios (as I’ve mentioned I started reading non-consent erotica before reading bdsm-themed erotica).

Onyx would be there to participate, watch, and direct as needed, making sure my safety was always taken into consideration and that I was alright. I would be used over and over and made to come until I reached a point of exhaustion. I would be slapped and pinched and teased and all manner else that was desired to be done to me and I would love every minute of it.

I can say we are taking steps toward making this happen, but in a slow way, we don’t want to rush into anything with people we don’t know very well, but someday it will happen.

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10.12

2010

National Coming Out Day

Yesterday (October 11th) was National Coming Out Day. If I had been on top of things this post would have come out then, but I’m a little bit behind on just about everything at this moment. I used this day to reflect on my identities. Here are some of my thoughts.

I’ve been out for quite a while. Unless this is your first time here and/or you haven’t read the about page yet you should already know that I have a long string of labels I like to use in order to describe my identities. I am a genderqueer fat femme drag queen fagette and pomo queer intellisexual polyamorous switch. I am also an occultist, sacred whore, astrologer, and all manner of other things. Specifically NCOD refers to coming out of the proverbial closet, or LGBT(QQIA) people coming out, so I focused on my identity string.

I’ve talked about this before, but the main reason why I use so many identity words strung together like I do is so that it is nearly impossible to pigeonhole me into one identity or another. Instead, it forces people to acknowledge the way the identities blend and interchange between them, and how my identities are fluid. At least, that’s my theory.

I don’t really have a story of coming out to my parents. I remember being a teenager telling my mother I was bisexual. Her response? “Oh. I thought you were a lesbian.” And that was it. During the triad with Marla I told both of my parents about her and our relationship configuration and they both responded without judgment, just asked practical questions about the situation.

Coming out, ultimately, is an ongoing process both for me and, really, for everyone. While there are people who fit into the stereotypical way that a certain identity or another looks there are just as many if not more people who are not so easy to categorize with a look. For those of us who are not blatantly obvious we have to come out over and over again, to just about everyone we choose. This is compounded by the fact that I present femme most of the time and have a cisgendered male partner so we are often mistaken for a straight couple even though neither of us is straight.

This isn’t to say I walk up to new people and give them the string of identity words I used above, but it does mean that there are times I have to come out, sometimes coming out multiple times to the same person.

It can be exhausting, but I appreciate the ability to live stealth as well, so I can be privy to those possibly bigoted conversations and attempt to put in my own two cents, and as a result maybe change some minds.

One thing that continues to amaze me is the ability someone has to be an inspiration for others simply by being themselves. By doing what is right and good for you others can be inspired to do the same for themselves, and I love this. Every time you come out is an act of courage. Feel free to come out in the comments.

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10.06

2010

Baking is Science (WW)

If you read Questionable Content then you will already be well aware of the awesome “Baking is science for hungry people” shirts and aprons they produce. It’s in reference to this comic strip and is similar to something I’ve been saying for years. Needless to say I wanted it.

Onyx has often remarked about needing to get me an apron since I have a tendency to cook in the nude. Well, I have the tendency to do everything in the nude and only put clothes on if I need to leave the house. So, voilà, the apron arrived yesterday.

I was making eggs for breakfast today and decided to put it on, though I was the only one home. Since it is Wednesday I thought a perfect way to commemorate the event of the first use of my new apron was to make it into a geeky WW.

In case you’re wondering that’s the Periodic Table of Wine behind me on the wall and the Periodic Table of Mixology is right above it.

Click here to see the pictures…

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10.03

2010

30 Days of Kink: Toys

This is the seventh of my 30 Days of Kink in which I will be answering each of the thirty questions in different posts. I thought these would be interesting to answer and (hopefully) interesting for you to read. These will be posted in order, but not always back-to-back.

Day 7: What’s your favorite toy?

That’s a bit of a loaded question for a sex toy reviewer! Aside from mentoning that my Eroscillator is my absolute favorite clitoral stimulator (though I have other favorite toys in other categories) I’ll stick to kinky toys, otherwise it might just be a list of many toys of various different types, and that wouldn’t fit in as well to this 30 Days of Kink.

I really love multi-tasker toys and using household products for impact play or pinching, or something else. Normal everyday objects that can be re-purposed in devious kinky ways.

I also have a soft spot for canes. I would say that canes are my favorite impact play toy, though floggers come in a close second. I also love paddles and crops, but canes reign supreme. I suppose that shouldn’t be too surprising considering I started Cane A Slut Day. I haven’t really tried a metal one yet, but they look wicked and I would love to, but I have tried rattan, bamboo, and acrylic.

I adore gags, also, specifically open mouth gags. I mentioned this in Q2 – list your kinks because gags really do turn me on. There’s just something about being unable to speak but having the mouth open for use in any way I/my Top sees fit. I love it. Currently my whitehead gag and mini gag (Insex-style spider gag) are my favorites.

I’ve always had a fondness for clothes pins and nipple clamps, anything pinchy, and recently rediscovered that fondness after watching a scene in Rough Sex 2 that included clothes pins and Onyx deciding he needed to try that technique out. Using a cane to hit clothes pins off was an experience my inner masochist loved.

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09.30

2010

30 Days of Kink: The First Time

This is the fifth of my 30 Days of Kink in which I will be answering each of the thirty questions in different posts. I thought these would be interesting to answer and (hopefully) interesting for you to read. These will be posted in order, but not always back-to-back.

Day 5: What was your first kinky sexual experience? If you haven’t had one yet, talk about what you hope to have happen.

My question to this is what defines my first kinky sexual experience? The first time I had kinky cyber sex? Kinky phone sex? Kinky physical sex? Since it’s a sexual experience I think that could even be the first time I read kinky erotica, or the romance novel that included bondage and rough sex in it. Aside from solo kinky sexual experiences I’m sure my first kinky sexual experience was having cyber sex.

I started exploring BDSM in chat rooms long before I had any physical experience with another partner, which was probably good since I was very underage (read: 12 or so) although I always lied about my age and was never suspected of being underage that I know about. I can’t think of the very first time I had kinky cyber sex since it was quite a long time ago, but I do know that I did it a lot. All the time. Every chance that I got. I remember having an online Master and eventually having cybersex turn into phone sex.

The first time I had sex was somewhat kinky, I was 16 (the legal age of consent in Alaska) and it was with someone I met on alt.com. He blindfolded me and I think he tied my hands together, but I’m not sure if that’s true. He made me watch in the mirror as he undressed me. He fucked me (wearing a condom, of course, though I was also on birth control) both in my cunt and ass. It was quite the experience.

The first time I really had good kinky physical sex, though, was with Gil, a boy I had met online who came to visit me while I was living in Ashland. We had known each other online for a while and had been fucking and phonefucking for a little less than that. He bussed down from Canada to Southern Oregon to stay with me in my tiny dorm room for about a week. I had all sorts of toys and he brought a few too and we fucked each other silly that week.

One time in particular stands out, I tied him up and spent nearly an hour just licking and stroking and teasing his cock. He eventually got so frustrated that he actually broke the restraints I had him in so he could actually come. We also did a play rape scenario which was excellent. After him was Onyx, and the rest is already well documented.

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09.28

2010

30 Days of Kink: Early Hints

This is the fourth of my 30 Days of Kink in which I will be answering each of the thirty questions in different posts. I thought these would be interesting to answer and (hopefully) interesting for you to read. These will be posted in order, but not always back-to-back.

Question 4: Any early experiences that, in retrospect, hint at your kinks?

As I mentioned in Question 3 I discovered kink at a very young age. I would say that even before the events I told in Q3 I had already had kinky fantasies, somewhat obviously because I started reading non-consent erotica. I remember playing things like captor and slave and things like that in elementary school and all sorts of games that might have hinted at my enjoyment and desire of power play.

I’ve always had a bit of an outsider complex and thus always felt like I didn’t fit in, I think stemming from being naturally fat and never looking “right” therefore I never tried very hard to fit in and ended up reveling in my difference. While I don’t think this is the reason why I’m kinky or queer or any of the other “out of the norm” identities that I embrace I do think that because of that outsider feeling I found these outsider identities at a relatively young age.

I started exploring my sexuality at a very young age as well, and not because I was molested or abused as a child, in fact my childhood was relatively normal. Maybe because of my exposure to the internet at a relatively young age I discovered sexuality, or maybe just because I had been watching R rated movies since I was fairly young as well, who knows. But my exploring of my sexuality online in chat rooms and such was definitely what ultimately lead me to kink.

So I wouldn’t say I have many “hints” per se, but who knows, maybe there are things I’m forgetting.

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09.22

2010

Spiral Stair Corset 3 (WW)

My last of three Wanton Wednesday posts from a shoot I did two weeks ago now. You can also view the first or the second in case you missed either. I took these myself using my tripod and camera remote. Finally you can see more of the entire ensemble! These more than any of the previous ones highlight the difference between this batch of corset pictures and when I wore the corset before.

Finally, also, you get to see the bottom of the stairs. Well, the railing at least.

P.S. I know the first and third images are similar, but I love them both and I couldn’t decide!

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