taiWelcome! I’m Tai Scarlet Kulystin, the creatrix of Purveyor of Pleasure. I am a somatic sexuality educator, occultist, professional harlot, and gender & relationships coach. This blog is my personal exploration of gender, sexuality, spirituality, kink, and the pitfalls of an overanalytical nature.

I identify as a queer fat genderqueer polyamorous switch and prefer the pronouns ne/nem/nir or they/them. I spend a lot of my time thinking about sacred sexuality, sacred kink, relationships, the body, queer theory, depth psychology, erotic psychology, sexological bodywork, and so much more. I'm in a long-term live-in relationship with my partner Onyx, and I also have a few other relationships and lovers.
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Archive for the ‘Queerness’


11.11

2008

Keith Olbermann on Prop 8

Though I did write about the election, I have been meaning to talk about Proposition 8 in California. I attended the rally to protest the LDS church’s involvement in Prop 8 here in Salt Lake City last Friday, we met up by the LDS Temple and marched around it. I do believe that this has been a great catalyst for the queer rights movement lately, and I also think that marriage is just one small aspect of what we need to be focusing on, but having one goal to rally around does help organize a movement.

I saw this last night, as I have become an avid watcher of Keith Olbermann and Rachel Maddow (conveniently on right after another) in the last few months, originally because of the election but now I seem to have become a bit of a liberal political media junkie (not hugely, but a little). This has been popping up all over today, and it’s something that touched me strongly enough that I would like to share with you. He makes some of the best, strongest, and most organized points against Prop 8 that I’ve seen on TV, because it is a personal rights issue and a love issue not a religious issue.

Transcript of his thoughts below found here.

Finally tonight as promised, a Special Comment on the passage, last week, of Proposition Eight in California, which rescinded the right of same-sex couples to marry, and tilted the balance on this issue, from coast to coast.

Some parameters, as preface. This isn’t about yelling, and this isn’t about politics, and this isn’t really just about Prop-8. And I don’t have a personal investment in this: I’m not gay, I had to strain to think of one member of even my very extended family who is, I have no personal stories of close friends or colleagues fighting the prejudice that still pervades their lives.

And yet to me this vote is horrible. Horrible. Because this isn’t about yelling, and this isn’t about politics. This is about the human heart, and if that sounds corny, so be it.

If you voted for this Proposition or support those who did or the sentiment they expressed, I have some questions, because, truly, I do not understand. Why does this matter to you? What is it to you? In a time of impermanence and fly-by-night relationships, these people over here want the same chance at permanence and happiness that is your option. They don’t want to deny you yours. They don’t want to take anything away from you. They want what you want—a chance to be a little less alone in the world.

Only now you are saying to them—no. You can’t have it on these terms. Maybe something similar. If they behave. If they don’t cause too much trouble. You’ll even give them all the same legal rights—even as you’re taking away the legal right, which they already had. A world around them, still anchored in love and marriage, and you are saying, no, you can’t marry. What if somebody passed a law that said you couldn’t marry?

I keep hearing this term “re-defining” marriage. If this country hadn’t re-defined marriage, black people still couldn’t marry white people. Sixteen states had laws on the books which made that illegal in 1967. 1967.

The parents of the President-Elect of the United States couldn’t have married in nearly one third of the states of the country their son grew up to lead. But it’s worse than that. If this country had not “re-defined” marriage, some black people still couldn’t marry black people. It is one of the most overlooked and cruelest parts of our sad story of slavery. Marriages were not legally recognized, if the people were slaves. Since slaves were property, they could not legally be husband and wife, or mother and child. Their marriage vows were different: not “Until Death, Do You Part,” but “Until Death or Distance, Do You Part.” Marriages among slaves were not legally recognized.

You know, just like marriages today in California are not legally recognized, if the people are gay.

And uncountable in our history are the number of men and women, forced by society into marrying the opposite sex, in sham marriages, or marriages of convenience, or just marriages of not knowing, centuries of men and women who have lived their lives in shame and unhappiness, and who have, through a lie to themselves or others, broken countless other lives, of spouses and children, all because we said a man couldn’t marry another man, or a woman couldn’t marry another woman. The sanctity of marriage.

How many marriages like that have there been and how on earth do they increase the “sanctity” of marriage rather than render the term, meaningless?

What is this, to you? Nobody is asking you to embrace their expression of love. But don’t you, as human beings, have to embrace… that love? The world is barren enough.

It is stacked against love, and against hope, and against those very few and precious emotions that enable us to go forward. Your marriage only stands a 50-50 chance of lasting, no matter how much you feel and how hard you work.

And here are people overjoyed at the prospect of just that chance, and that work, just for the hope of having that feeling. With so much hate in the world, with so much meaningless division, and people pitted against people for no good reason, this is what your religion tells you to do? With your experience of life and this world and all its sadnesses, this is what your conscience tells you to do?

With your knowledge that life, with endless vigor, seems to tilt the playing field on which we all live, in favor of unhappiness and hate… this is what your heart tells you to do? You want to sanctify marriage? You want to honor your God and the universal love you believe he represents? Then Spread happiness—this tiny, symbolic, semantical grain of happiness—share it with all those who seek it. Quote me anything from your religious leader or book of choice telling you to stand against this. And then tell me how you can believe both that statement and another statement, another one which reads only “do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

You are asked now, by your country, and perhaps by your creator, to stand on one side or another. You are asked now to stand, not on a question of politics, not on a question of religion, not on a question of gay or straight. You are asked now to stand, on a question of love. All you need do is stand, and let the tiny ember of love meet its own fate.

You don’t have to help it, you don’t have it applaud it, you don’t have to fight for it. Just don’t put it out. Just don’t extinguish it. Because while it may at first look like that love is between two people you don’t know and you don’t understand and maybe you don’t even want to know. It is, in fact, the ember of your love, for your fellow person just because this is the only world we have. And the other guy counts, too.

This is the second time in ten days I find myself concluding by turning to, of all things, the closing plea for mercy by Clarence Darrow in a murder trial.

But what he said, fits what is really at the heart of this:

“I was reading last night of the aspiration of the old Persian poet, Omar-Khayyam,” he told the judge. It appealed to me as the highest that I can vision. I wish it was in my heart, and I wish it was in the hearts of all: So I be written in the Book of Love; I do not care about that Book above. Erase my name, or write it as you will, So I be written in the Book of Love.

09.04

2008

Queer Psychotherapy Conference

Found via Sinclair. When I read this my inner Psychologist was purring at the thought of it. I knew there must be conferences like this, but I had not heard of them definitively until now. Needless to say, I desperately desire to attend, and I’m trying to figure out how I’m going to do that.

QUEER BODIES IN PSYCHOTHERAPY CONFERENCE
www.ciis.edu/publicprograms for more information.

Queer Bodies in Psychotherapy calls attention to queer sexualities, identities, and practices that are inadequately addressed in both psychodynamic and somatic psychologies.

The Queer Bodies in Psychotherapy Conference is an opportunity for LGBTQI and straight therapists, queer theorists, somatic therapists and practitioners, members of various queer communities, scholars, activists, and educators to surface questions, develop theories, share case examples, and explore best practices in this emerging field. The Somatic Psychology Department at CIIS and The Center for the Study of the Body in Psychotherapy are organizing this conference as part of our ongoing commitment to exploring issues of embodied difference, marginalization, and the sociocultural understandings of somatic formation.

DETAILS

October 17 – 19, 2008
Hotel Whitcomb
1231 Market Street, San Francisco, CA

$225 for full weekend
$25 for Tim Miller Event (if not attending conference)

FEATURING

Tim Miller
Jewelle Gomez

Alzak Amlani, PhD
Matthew Bronson, PhD
Richard Buggs, PhD
Randy Connor, PhD
William F. Cornell, MA, TSTA
Dossie Easton, MFT
Karen Erlichman, MSS, LCSW
Zachariah Finley, MA, MFTI
Connie Hills, PhD
SJ Kahn, MFT
Kristin Kali, LM, CPM
Betsy Kassoff, PhD
Keiko Lane, MA, MFT
Janet Linder, LCSW
Connors McConville, MDiv, MA, MFTI
Elena Moser, LCSW
Rev. Trinity A. Ordona, PhD
Vernon A. Rosario, PhD, MD
Shoshana Simons, PhD
Steven Tierney, MA, EdD
Dylan Vade, PhD, JD
Center For Nonviolent Education and Parenting

COSPONSORS

Community United Against Violence
Jewish Mosaic: The National Center for
Gender and Sexual Diversity
Maia Midwifery and Preconception Services
New Leaf: Services For Our Community
Pacific Center
The Psychotherapy Institute
Visual Aid
Women’s Therapy Center

Visit us on the Web!
Go to www.ciis.edu/publicprograms or call (415) 575-6175 to register

08.30

2008

Library Request Activism

Found here at Queers United

Inspired by a right-wing blog I read that was advocating for their readers to request “ex-gay” books for their local libraries I decided to post a reverse entry.

Your local library is about serving the community, they want to carry books and videos that their residents want.

They have a suggestion box or email form, why not go ahead and list some good queer political books, coming out resource guides, and queer history books to be added to the shelves?

In addition to requesting new books, make sure to take out the existing books on queer culture so that the libraries do not discontinue these books.

Many libraries have been forced to place LGBTQ books on high shelves due to community outcry, making it harder or virtually impossible for people to have access to them. Speak to the head librarian and demand that the books are visible and available for those who want them.

It seems like a wonderful idea to me, and I’ve checked the Salt Lake City Library for some authors and titles, and was pleasantly surprised at some of the things they have there, though not too surprised as SLC itself is pretty liberal and queer friendly. Best would be going to the library in one of the surrounding extremely conservative cities and doing this, and I’m placing it on my to do list.

I’ve had a somewhat sexless weekend despite it being our anniversary weekend, we just keep doing things other until we’re too tired to fuck. We did buy a fur flogger last night, which is “impact caressing” as Dominus dubbed it. I love it so much, plus it means I’ll get to flog him! I’m a fan. More later.

08.27

2008

The Undead are Cumming

“Braaaaaaaaains… I mean, peeeeniiiissssssssssss…”

How could I resist posting the clip from a gay zombie movie as found here on Queerty. When someone combines two of my favorite things and makes them just this hilarious, there’s no way I’m passing up posting about it.

This spoof trailer could easily be viewed in one of two ways: as social commentary on the idiocy of being scared of homosexuals as if we carry the plague or some other sort of disease (like zombie disease), poking fun at the stupidity of people who think that way; or it could be a reproduction of that fear. There is no real indication on their website that I can see, or on the YouTube info, but given that it’s comedy and obviously supposed to be a parody or spoof of a real zombie movie, which have been theorized to all be cautionary tales of becoming the “other” in society, I’d say it’s either meant to be a social commentary, or simply a happy accident.

I think it’s hilarious, and brilliant.

07.31

2008

Queer Love, Het Love, Whatevah

By Athens Boys Choir, “a gender-deviant, multi-media, spoken word/hip-hop extravaganza.” Found via Ellie Lumpesse and Feministing. I absolutely love it, and so even though many of you will have seen this already, I’m still reposting it for those of you who may not be reading Ellie (though you should be).

Pansexual is one of the identities I embrace, usually pan or omnisexual when I don’t want to get into my definition of intellisexual or my use of the word queer. I’m all about multiple identities that mean the same thing with slight differences.

It also features Team Gina who I’ve posted a video by before, AND who I am going to go see tonight! I’m so super excited about that. Go watch ButchFemme and Rock The Like by Team Gina on YouTube, or go to their myspace page and listen to some of their other songs. I love them. So excited!

06.29

2008

Obama vs. McCain On Queers

I’ve been trying to keep relatively out of election politics thus far, but I feel these deserve repeating. Obama’s and McCain’s positions on queerness.

First, McCain. Found here via Queers United. “A video by Stonewall Democrats showcasing John McCain’s anti-LGBT voting record.” Are you really surprised?

Second, Obama. Found here via Queerty. “Some excited voter – or crazed fan – has collected Obama’s greatest same-sex hits into a meaty nine-minute video.” It made me tear up. This is a change we can believe in.

06.18

2008

Jon Stewart on Gay Marriage

Simply fabulous, and my last post on gay marriage for the time being.

06.17

2008

In Case You're Hiding Under a Rock Somewhere

You all are, no doubt, tired of hearing about same-sex marriage passing in the California supreme court by now (though who would be tired of hearing about something as wonderful of this, you say? Good question!). However, I will make this short and sweet and just want to send out happiness of all types to all those who have and will participate in the California legalization of gay marriage

Also, the country newly near and dear to my heart (remember: Master’s from there and we just went there in May for a few weeks), Norway legalized same-sex marriages. Previously, Norway had civil partnerships, but did not have the right to church weddings or to be considered as adoptive parents. There are wonderful things going on for marriage equality everywhere!

Now, personally, I think these examples of marriage equality are wonderful, and I believe that marriage is a wonderful declaration of love between two people. I always tear up at weddings, I can’t deny that. I think that any commitment ceremony is beautiful, and I think that it is wonderful that people of the same sex can now marry each other 100% legally with all the same rights and privileges as other sex marriages.

That said, I do have some problems with marriage. It is by and large a religious institution of a religion I am not associated with. I’m not against the idea of a legal contract between two (or more) consenting adults for child and/or tax purposes and things like that. However, calling it marriage (a religious term) and making it basically mandatory for other sex couples who live together for a certain amount of time (as it varies between states) is just ridiculous.

Personally, I don’t intend to get married, possibly ever, though I may be forced into one of those common law marriages at some point, or I would get married to Master if/when we move to Europe (thereby making me a citizen of Norway and making it much easier for me to move over there). Or, if we were to have children I would probably marry him, though I’m not sure that will ever happen. I just don’t believe in the institution of marriage, nor do I think it is necessary for me, except in the above mentioned circumstances.

I used to say I wouldn’t have an other sex marriage before same sex marriages were legal, and, well, that’s not completely true yet, but it’s definitely getting closer. I still wouldn’t do so until it’s legal all over the states, except for the moving to Europe scenario. My other problem with marriage is that it is confined to two people. Although I do not want marriage for myself, I would like consensual adult polyamorous marriage to be a reality, and I think it will someday, just not for quite some time.

However, legalization of same sex marriage in California is also reason number one billion six hundred fifty eight thousand and one to move to San Francisco. Just counting down until 2009, now.

06.01

2008

Spilling Over: A Fat, Queer Anthology

Something I’m thinking about writing a piece for, I’ll have to come up with a suitable idea first, but it would be something I could do. I don’t talk a lot about size issues in this blog, though I have been thinking about them more and more lately, and reading more fat/size-oriented blogs like Femme FATale (among others). The call for submissions was found on her blog:

Call for Submissions

Working Title: Spilling Over: A Fat, Queer Anthology
Contact: spillingover@gmail.com
Submission Deadline: December 1, 2008

Despite the attention given by queer studies to the materiality of bodies and the cultural and social inscriptions that designate them, still a dearth of both scholarship and literature exists around intersections of gender, sexuality, and fatness. As fat studies begins to emerge as a viable academic location of inquiry, questions surface as to how fat bodies, deemed “excessive” in their trespasses of size and space, create even more complex subject positions when compounded by queer desires. This proposed anthology seeks contributions addressing junctions of “fat” and “queer” in pieces that consider the representations and resistances of non-normative corporeality and also writings considering the theoretical conceptions of these intricate subjectivities. Spilling Over will reflect the notions of excess, boundaries, and containment implied by the labels “fat” and “queer” both singularly and collectively. In the form of scholarly writing and creative non-fiction pieces, essay submissions might consider (but are not limited to):

* theorizing the concept of “excess” as it pertains to fatness and queerness
* fat and queer identities; personal narratives; reclaiming “fat” and “queer”
* notions of (in)visibility, hypervisibility, and passing and/or privilege
* intersections of race, class, gender, sexuality, ethnicity, (dis)ability, age, and religion
* the economics of the obesity “epidemic” and the diet industry
* fat, queer art and performance; performativity
* pleasure, sex-positivity, eroticizing non-normative bodies
* acceptance movements, political activism, resistance
* the engagement of feminism with fatness
* global, transnational, transcultural constructions of fat, queer bodies and lives
* critical reflections of fatness and queerness in media, literature, film, music, and visual arts
* the rhetoric of fat oppression, fatphobia, homophobia, transphobia, bigotry, responding to and/or addressing hate speech

By December 1, 2008, please send your 2,000 – 6,000 word submission, along with your complete contact information and a 50-100 word biography, to spillingover@gmail.com with the subject line of “Spilling Over – Submission.” Submissions must be received in 12 point Times New Roman font and sent in via Word documents (PDFs will not be accepted). Pieces will be reviewed and decisions made by April 2009. Please note that accepted submissions will be approved on a tentative basis, pending editorial board approval once the anthology has secured a publisher.

Questions can be directed to me at spillingover@gmail.com or visit the MySpace page at www.myspace.com/spillingoveranthology

04.14

2008

Topics

Some days I have very little to say D/s wise, and on these days I’m quiet.

I’m working on a paper for my Queer Theory class exploring BDSM, which should be interesting. I’m having a very hard time narrowing down a concept. I’m thinking of exploring gender, using Venus in Furs and Secretary, or possibly Venus in Furs and a scene which I will describe. Another option is marriage and BDSM, I know quite a few Dommes and male subs who won’t participate in it due to the misogyny associated with it, and since it pretty much goes the opposite of their roles, similarly, in ViF Wanda asserts that she could never marry someone who was subordinate to her, if she was to marry it would be to a Dominant man. I also know many female subs who want to get married to their Dom. And then there’s me…

Other than that… marriage would be easy to do, but I’m not sure if I could write twelve pages on it, though… possibly. I may add marriage into a paper on gender, and I could add something on gender supremacy within BDSM and also some things I’ve already talked about in here.

My Prof. agreed that basically at this point the hardest part for me will be narrowing down a topic. I think I just need to choose one and run with it, but there is so much that I would like to explore. Whatever I do I’ll end up posting it here, to be sure. It’s two weeks from the end of the semester, so I may be quite absent these next two weeks.