This blog is about my exploration of relationships, gender, sexuality, power play, the pitfalls of an overanalytical nature, and my work as a sexuality educator.
I started this blog in early 2008 originally as a way of chronicling my thoughts, feelings, and experiences as Onyx and I attempted a 24/7 M/s relationship. It soon morphed into an exploration of life and sexuality in general and has had many reinventions although the general content has been the same.
The current title: Purveyor of Pleasure, was chosen because I believe pleasure and joy to be of central importance in life. My life and livelihood are based around somatic-based sexuality education and gender and relationship coaching. I am a purveyor of pleasure.
Previous titles and URLs: Femme Fagette (http://femmefagette.com/), Femmeinist Fucktoy (http://femmeinistfucktoy.com/), Feminist Fucktoy (http://feministfucktoy.com/), and Cuntpet (http://cuntpet.com/).
What I Do
I study and teach about sexuality, gender, and kink. I have a passion for learning and for teaching and sharing knowledge. I am working to become a somatic sex educator and gender and relationships coach. I have Bachelors degrees in Gender Studies with an emphasis on queer theory and Psychology with an emphasis on human sexuality as well as certifications in Transpersonal Hypnotherapy and Sexological Bodywork.
Currently I am working toward a Masters in Integrative Studies in Psychology. The purpose of my degree and the focus of my thesis is to utilizing concepts from depth and spiritual psychologies, somatic psychology, erotic neurobiology, and sacred sexuality to craft a praxis of what I am calling Erotic Sacred Somatic Psychology. The goal of ESSP is to work toward healing the mind/body/genitals split perpetuated by society and encourage the experience of embodied sexual sovereignty.
I currently identify as a fat genderqueer, polyamorous intellisexual queer switch, vegetarian, and occultist.
My gender expression usually comes out within a femme drag framework, but my gender is not defined by the clothes I wear. I do not identify with the terms girl, woman, or female though I often present as femme. My femmeininity is a distinctly queer and conscious choice. I also frequently present as a boy, but my masculinity is also tinged with femininity. I feel most like “me” without any clothes, and I feel most in drag when wearing anything at all.
I greatly prefer gender neutral pronouns. My favorites are ne/nem/nir/nirs, but any will do (they/theirs, ze/hir, etc.). Ultimately I won’t get insulted or upset no matter what pronouns you use but using gender neutral terms to refer to me makes my heart and soul sing.
I’m attracted to minds rather than bodies. Intelligence and wit win me over faster than anything else possible. I tend to be drawn to queers regardless of their sex or gender expression, so I often call myself queersexual. I am an equal opportunity lover.
For the past nine years I have been dedicated to Babalon and working within a Western Sacred Sex Magick framework for the purposes of: my personal spiritual and psychological growth, helping to foster the expansion of human consciousness, and the healing of the earth. All that I do is in the service of these goals.
I am an Adept of the Golden Dawn, a practicing Thelemite, Ceremonial Magickian, and Witch. I work mostly within a Golden Dawn framework that acknowledges Thelema and incorporates Paganism and Buddhism within its workings.
I like a little kink in my spirituality and a little spirituality in my kink. Or, really, a lot. I find the interconnection of spirituality and kink to be endlessly fascinating and am continually evolving and changing how I work with both of those elements separately and together.
I have been in and explored a number of relationships since the beginning of this blog, though through it all I have been with Onyx.
Onyx and I have known each other since the end of 2004 and have been together since July of 2005. He collared me November 19th, 2005 and I moved in with him August 26th, 2006. We were in a Male-Dominus/femme-submissive relationship until October of 2008, when we first switched. We then lived together mainly as switches until November of 2009.
In March of 2009 Marla and I begun exploring our relationship long-distance and quickly became friends and lovers. We met face-to-face for the first time May 9th, 2009 and on July 5th, 2009 she moved across country to be with Onyx and myself. We three worked on becoming a polyfidelitous triad until November 2009 when everything imploded and within the next month we all called it quits.
In January of 2010 Onyx and I spent New Year’s together and we reconnected. I moved back to Seattle in March 2010 and we have been living together ever since. We have rediscovered each other not just as people and partners but also in the power roles we once worked so hard to set in place. We are both queer poly switches and our relationship dynamic has been a combination of Owner/Brat, Owner/Property, Owner/Fucktoy, and Owner/Pet that I like to call Owner/Cuntpet.
In September of 2012 I met two new lovers, Rose and Titan, who I have only talked about briefly. Titan and I broke up in May 2013. Rose and I are still together (as of June 2014 when I am writing this).