This blog is about my exploration of relationships, gender, sexuality, power play, the pitfalls of an overanalytical nature, and my path to becoming a sex educator. I started this blog in early 2008 originally as a way of chronicling my thoughts, feelings, and experiences as Onyx and I attempted a 24/7 M/s relationship. It soon morphed into an exploration of life and sexuality in general and has had many reinventions although the general content has been the same.
The current title: Purveyor of Pleasure, was chosen for a few reasons. First, I believe pleasure and joy to be of central importance in life. Believing that makes being a purveyor of pleasure extremely important in my life as well. I hope to bring pleasure to everyone possible in one way or another, through teaching or personal relationship or any other means. I am a purveyor of pleasure.
Previous titles and URLs: Femme Fagette (http://femmefagette.com/), Femmeinist Fucktoy (http://femmeinistfucktoy.com/), Feminist Fucktoy (http://feministfucktoy.com/), and Cuntpet (http://cuntpet.com/).
What I Do
I study sexuality, gender, and kink. I have a passion for learning and for teaching and sharing knowledge. I am working to become a somatic sex educator and gender and relationships coach. I have BS degrees in Gender Studies with an emphasis on queer theory and Psychology with an emphasis on human sexuality as well as a certification in Transpersonal Hypnotherapy. Currently I am working toward a Masters in Sacred Erotic Somatic Psychology and a certification in Sexological Bodywork.
I also read a lot. I’m a bibliophile of epic proportions. I read books mostly in the realms of occultism, astrology, queer & gender theory, sexuality theory/guides/how-tos, smut, and comics. I’m always down for some well written and engaging fiction and have a soft spot for poetry.
I am a geek. I love gadgets and toys of all kinds. I am fascinated by intersections and the way things and people work. I love to make things; I crochet, sew, bead, make jewelry, and am learning how to knit.
I currently identify as a fat genderqueer polyamorous intellisexual queer switch, vegetarian, and occultist.
My gender expression usually comes out within a femme drag framework, but my gender is not defined by the clothes I wear. I do not identify with the terms girl, woman, or female though I often present as femme. My femmeininity is a distinctly queer and conscious choice. I also present as a boy sometimes but my masculinity is also tinged with femininity. I feel most like “me” without any clothes, and I feel most in drag when wearing anything at all.
I greatly prefer gender neutral pronouns. My favorites are ne/nem/nir/nirs, but any will do (they/theirs, ze/hir, etc.). Ultimately I won’t get insulted or upset no matter what pronouns you use but using gender neutral terms to refer to me makes my heart and soul sing.
I’m attracted to minds rather than bodies. Intelligence and wit win me over faster than anything else possible. I tend to be drawn to queers regardless of their sex or gender expression, so I often call myself queersexual. I tend to be drawn to female, genderqueer/fluid, and trans people of all/any gender expressions, but I do also have a gender fetish and I love consciously presented gender of all types. I am an equal opportunity lover.
I am an atheist-ish occultist with some thelemic, buddhist, and discordian elements thrown in who is also a devotee of Babalon.
I work mostly within a Golden Dawn framework with some Thelema and various other bits thrown in as already mentioned. I do a lot of astrological magick and sex magick. Recently I’ve been getting more into practical alchemy and tantra.
I like a little kink in my spirituality and a little spirituality in my kink. Or, really, a lot. I find the interconnection of spirituality and kink to be endlessly fascinating and am continually evolving and changing how I work with both of those elements separately and together.
As I mentioned, I am a devotee of Babalon, the name for a (post)modern version of the Ishtar/Inanna/Astarte/Aphrodite/etc. archetype and I am a Scarlet Whore and Professional Harlot. I do sexuality work in service to Babalon.
I have been in and explored a number of relationships since the beginning of this blog, though through it all I have been with Onyx.
Onyx and I have known each other since the end of 2004 and have been together since July of 2005. He collared me November 19th, 2005 and I moved in with him August 26th, 2006. We were in a Male-Dominus/femme-submissive relationship until October of 2008, when we first switched. We then lived together mainly as switches until November of 2009.
In March of 2009 Marla and I begun exploring our relationship long-distance and quickly became friends and lovers. We met face-to-face for the first time May 9th, 2009 and on July 5th, 2009 she moved across country to be with Onyx and myself. We three worked on becoming a polyfidelitous triad until November 2009 when everything imploded and within the next month we all called it quits.
In January of 2010 Onyx and I spent New Year’s together and we reconnected. I moved back to Seattle in March 2010 and we have been living together ever since. We have rediscovered each other not just as people and partners but also in the power roles we once worked so hard to set in place. We are both queer poly switches but currently our relationship dynamic is a combination of Owner/Brat, Owner/Property, Owner/Fucktoy, and Owner/Pet that I like to call Owner/Cuntpet.
In September of 2012 I met two new lovers and in October another relationship that had been on the verge of forming for about a year or so finally came together.