taiWelcome! I’m Tai Scarlet Kulystin, the creatrix of Purveyor of Pleasure. I am a somatic sexuality educator, occultist, professional harlot, and gender & relationships coach. This blog is my personal exploration of gender, sexuality, spirituality, kink, and the pitfalls of an overanalytical nature.

I identify as a queer fat genderqueer polyamorous switch and prefer the pronouns ne/nem/nir or they/them. I spend a lot of my time thinking about sacred sexuality, sacred kink, relationships, the body, queer theory, depth psychology, erotic psychology, sexological bodywork, and so much more. I'm in a long-term live-in relationship with my partner Onyx, and I also have a few other relationships and lovers.
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The Things I’ve Learned

I’ve taken a break from the internet in the last few months, specifically this break has been from the online persona I have been developing on this blog since 2007. I experienced a mental breakdown of sorts, a deep depression that was catalyzed by the death of my father but had begun long before he passed. I had to step back from life and to go inside of myself. I no longer had the strength to keep moving forward so I stagnated for a while. It was necessary.

Life has been on an upswing for the last few months. All the things happened at once: I was beginning to feel like myself again, Stian and I were getting closer, and I began a few new relationships. Since then school has been figured out, I have a lot of ideas for the future and plans in that regard, and all my relationships are developing positively. More and more lately, however, I’ve been realizing just how much writing on here has meant to me, and I want to get back into it.

I have other ways of expressing and processing my thoughts and emotions now than I did when I began this blog. It is easier for me to talk openly and honestly about those things that are close to my heart. While that was a big part of my development of this blog it was not the only purpose of it. In my time away I’ve realized just how important writing is to me. I’ve had to do a lot of it in school, but that is less flow-of-consciousness writing and more actually-having-to-plan-things-out-and-be-organized writing. While I enjoy both types, there has been a distinct lack of the former in my life as of late. For a while I was so internal, so closed off, that I was unable to write, I was barely able to breathe. Now, though, I feel the desire to share pouring out of me.

Dance has become an integral part of my life experience in the last few months as well. For a long time I forgot how necessary it was to move my body in that way. I did a lot of dance when I was younger and I have wanted to take a class for years, but just never got around to it. I began taking a couple swing dance classes in November and began another three weeks ago. I hope to continue as best I can in the upcoming months, but travel plans will get in the way somewhat. I have aspirations of taking bellydance and burlesque classes as well, and who knows what else. It has become as important as sex to me, as important as breathing. I need to remember to dance, preferably every day.

What else has changed and shifted in the last few months since I have been away? I’ve been on a femme swing as well. My gender presentation has embraced femmeininity to the nth degree. I’ll certainly be discussing this in an upcoming post. Onyx and I have moved from being non-monogamous and theoretically poly to having other partners, and there have been shifts between us and our relationship as well both because of this change and because of the natural progression of our relationship to each other. Again, there will be a separate post. Or probably many separate posts.

There’s so much more needing to pour out of me, but this is where I begin again. This isn’t complete (is it ever?), but it is a (re)start.

07.13

2011

Travel Thoughts

Onyx and I spent a last week or so in Juneau, Alaska with my family. We came back from that July 7th and today we are heading to Salt Lake City to attend Element 11, Utah’s regional burn festival (aka a small-scale Burning Man). Currently our flight is a little over two hours delayed, so otherwise you may or may not have actually gotten an update from me today.

Quite a few things have happened that I may or may not get around to writing about (in no particular order):

  • Cane-a-slut Day 2011, during which I got caned and Onyx and I co-caned a lovely friend of ours.
  • Numerous salons and workshops that I probably should post about, mostly ones that I have facilitated/lead/taught, but also a few I didn’t.
  • Thoughts from a week with family, which may end up being a password protected or private post.
  • I applied to Graduate School, which I’m exceptionally excited about. I’m also excited that this means I can included on Nadia’s Educated Sluts List once I am accepted.
  • Numerous encounters of a sexual nature with Onyx, little with anyone else.
  • A major initiation in the esoteric organization Onyx and I are part of, and nine months of being dead. I also really want to write more about spirituality in general, which I imagine will happen as a byproduct of going to school as well.
  • Poly and kink developments, my evolving thoughts on and experiences with each, and the evolution of my submission and service to Onyx.
  • Reading Sacred Kink by Lee Harrington in the Sacred Sexuality Book Club that Onyx and I are hosting.
  • The daily submission rituals Onyx and I have developed which serves as a reminder of our intentional power dynamic, which we were able to engage in while in Juneau with family.
  • Gender exploration and development, the large swing from occasional-femme boy to occasional-boy femme that I experienced recently, and my fluctuations from uncomfortable to comfortable and back again with my genders.

I also have a couple of smut stories in the works, though I haven’t worked on them in a while. I’m sure there’s more that I haven’t thought of as well. Feel free to request a post on something if it intrigues you beyond the rest.

Due to this travel and focusing on my grad school application, I’m way behind on just about everything. I was already behind on writing my sex toy reviews, writing posts on here, and responding to email but now I’m even more behind. I’ve also written on Femme Galaxy a few times, and I’m way behind on doing work on it, especailly responding to emails.

One of the things I have enjoyed quite a lot that happens when we travel is in order for me to go through security we have to take off and put back on my collar. The trip to AK was the first time the collar hasn’t been around my neck since it was given to me in December. It felt strange to have it off, but each time I’ve enjoyed Onyx placing it back around me. The small gestures and phrases that remind me that I am his make me extremely elated.