taiWelcome! I’m Tai Scarlet Kulystin, the creatrix of Purveyor of Pleasure. I am a somatic sexuality educator, occultist, professional harlot, and gender & relationships coach. This blog is my personal exploration of gender, sexuality, spirituality, kink, and the pitfalls of an overanalytical nature.

I identify as a queer fat genderqueer polyamorous switch and prefer the pronouns ne/nem/nir or they/them. I spend a lot of my time thinking about sacred sexuality, sacred kink, relationships, the body, queer theory, depth psychology, erotic psychology, sexological bodywork, and so much more. I'm in a long-term live-in relationship with my partner Onyx, and I also have a few other relationships and lovers.
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KASB: A Cane in Hand

On Friday I was lucky enough to get to both wield and have my ass reddened by our newest toy addition: a super short and faily thick acrylic cane that Onyx and I picked up while we were in Portland last month. Aside from the love I would regularly have for a purple acrylic cane part of the reason I suggested to Onyx that we buy it was because I had recently watched the Stingy vs. Thuddy video.

I’ve loved canes for as long as I’ve loved impact play, especially the thicker ones. The thing I hear most about canes is this misguided notion that canes are all extremely painful, but in reality they can elicit a wide range of sensations. While I knew most of the information in the Stingy vs. Thuddy video it had never been laid out for me that same way, so it was extremely useful, and it’s information I’ve relayed to friends since watching. I started rating the canes we have: thuddy, thuddy with a stingy finish, and stingy with a thuddy finish (I love making kink toys sound similar to a fine wine and it works so well!). We used to have a wicked stingy thin one too, but one day it snapped at the handle while in mid-use! Somehow I didn’t mind.

I really like thud. That’s not to say I don’t like sting, because I do, but I generally can take a lot more thuddy than I can stingy. Really, though, I like it all. In fact, if that is not my motto I don’t know what is. When presented with multiple options I generally have a difficult time choosing because I want all of them. Go ahead and call me greedy, I don’t mind. [...]

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KASB: Thoughts on Fetishes

I’ve never really considered myself a fetishist, despite the long list I keep on FetLife. Although there are non-sexual objects that I find attractive and even sexy I have never been to the point of needing them in order to get off. I did understand that my magical tools were technically fetish objects but I wouldn’t call them such and I didn’t know how to stretch that definition into bdsm.

When I saw the title of a recent Kink Academy video: Making Unusual Fetishes Work For You – Part 1 I was intrigued and, being a psychology geek and aspiring sex educator I decided to watch it even though I wasn’t sure I would get anything personally relevant out of it. In it Wintersong just gives a teaser for the rest of the video series, just giving an outline of what he will cover in future clips. In addition to getting me excited to see the rest of the series it also got me thinking about my own fetishes.

Wanting to explore the subject further I found Lee Harrington‘s video Fetishism and devoured it eagerly. He talks about three different kinds of fetishism–desires, needs, and empowered objects–and points out ways to present a fetish to a current or potential lover in a positive way. I had heard the basic definitions that he uses before both through my own explorations and in obtaining my psychology degree but he re-framed them for me in a kink context. The re-framing actually made me start to identify with two of the three: desires and empowered objects. [...]

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Read all of my Student Blog Posts here

10.25

2010

Coming On Command

Ever since I got back from Alaska Onyx and I have been playing on a different level. The level we both always wanted to but could never quite get to after I moved. The level we both, I think, crave. We have been a little more set in our roles than before and have been playing more with power.

Control for me is hot, being controlled or controlling another. It’s something I crave. Power play, to me, is a necessary part of sexuality. For a long while Onyx and I have been working on getting me to come on command. Basically what I mean by this is coming when he tells me to, when he allows me to. This is different than simply not coming until/unless he allowed me to, which we have been playing with for quite a while.

We started a long while ago with me simply having to ask for permission to come. I still do ask occasionally, but mostly now he just tells me when to come. It’s been a slow Pavlovian process. He would often draw stimulation out even after I had asked (and still does sometimes), but I would be sure not to come until after he had expressed it, thus instilling in my body’s responses to come when he tells me to.

We’ve gotten to the point that I think I have just about mastered this task. Now I rarely ask, usually he just tells me when to come and I do. It’s not the same kind of orgasm that I have alone, it’s not quite as deep, for lack of a better term. It’s still definitely an orgasm and I find that they are getting more intense as my body gets used to the aural trigger rather than the physical one. Regardless it’s definitely different, but not bad in the least.

I’m actually quite proud of it.

I like that his command can make me come even when my body isn’t quite yet ready to. It creates a response in me that I don’t want to control, it’s too delicious to feel under the control of his commands.

It’s quite exciting, really, not just in a sexual sense, but because this is something we have both been interested in and wanted for quite some time. It’s a symbol of our renewed dedication to each other and the ease with which we are playing with power in our relationship again after the events of last year.

10.14

2010

30 Days of Kink: Images

This is the eighth of my 30 Days of Kink (sick of it yet?) in which I will be answering each of the thirty questions in different posts. I thought these would be interesting to answer and (hopefully) interesting for you to read. These will be posted in order, but not always back-to-back.

Day 8: Post a kinky image you find erotic.

Oh, geez. Anyone who knows me knows how difficult of a task just choosing one image to post is. I never want to choose just one if I can have the option of more than one. Now many of my identities make sense, right? Most of my Tumblr is dedicated to this task: posting images I find erotic or interesting. I haven’t really been updating it lately, but there’s a lot there. Similarly Pleasurists is full of images I pulled from various places and ones that I find erotic or stimulating in some way.

Unfortunately I don’t know who this image is by. If you do please let me know!

I definitely have a ballet heel fetish, and ballet shoes for that matter. I just love the look of them. It’s not physical per se. I don’t get wet at the sight of them or want to hump them or things like that. I have a pair of ballet heel mary jane-style shoes that I love and love to wear, but even that isn’t exactly something that gets me off in and of itself. Perhaps it’s the associations I have with them: uncomfortability, difficulty walking/having to crawl, helplessness, that sort of thing. Adding the rope to it makes it just that much hotter. I especially love the way it is wound around the heels.

For your Eyes Only by AnimeSexBomb

I know I’ve mentioned before that I love gags. And I do. I love the helplessness (see a pattern here?) of gags, and I love the look in her eyes in this image and that you can see her handcuffs and collar on as well.

Marks by laurisiren

Again, I’ve mentioned many times before about my love of canes (Cane A Slut Day anyone?). I know which started first, though, my love of canes came after my love of the welts that canes make. I have always loved the look of cane marks! I was tempted to show off my favorite cane mark picture but I use that for the Cane A Slut Day logo and have posted it before. I love the V-shape of the welts in this one, though, and the rope marks around the ankles.

30 Days of Kink: Fantasy

This is the sixth of my 30 Days of Kink in which I will be answering each of the thirty questions in different posts. I thought these would be interesting to answer and (hopefully) interesting for you to read. These will be posted in order, but not always back-to-back. Technically I published seven before six but… oh well.

Day 6: Describe your weirdest/most interesting sexual fantasy.

I’m in a fortunate position where just about all of my fantasies are able to come true relatively quickly. I don’t have to wait too long between a fantasy striking me and being able to play it out, assuming it does not require multiple partners or some implement or another which we don’t have. Most of my fantasies, however, revolve around things that we do on a regular basis, because those are what really get me hot, pretty much everything on my kinks list. Onyx and I are remarkably well matched and seem to just be getting more and more so as time goes on. This pleases me.

There are quite a few things I want to try that I haven’t, but for the most part I don’t really fantasize about them I just want to do them. I used to fantasize about being in the type of situation that I’m in now: pretty solid power roles with the ability for switchyness and bratting within it when desired. I can honestly say this time around with Onyx is pretty damn perfect.

To not cop out of the question, though, there are some fantasies that Onyx and I often dirty talk about while fucking. Mostly they revolve around the inclusion of others of any sex/gender. Probably the most common that we talk about is the idea of orchestrating a gang bang for me. We both love the idea of me being used constantly to utter exhaustion by numerous others.

I always have the idea of a single mattress on a concrete floor, chairs set around it in a circle in case the participants get tired, that sort of thing. It’s a bit of a clichéd setting for a gang bang scenario and probably in my mind because when I first read about them they were usually gang rape scenarios (as I’ve mentioned I started reading non-consent erotica before reading bdsm-themed erotica).

Onyx would be there to participate, watch, and direct as needed, making sure my safety was always taken into consideration and that I was alright. I would be used over and over and made to come until I reached a point of exhaustion. I would be slapped and pinched and teased and all manner else that was desired to be done to me and I would love every minute of it.

I can say we are taking steps toward making this happen, but in a slow way, we don’t want to rush into anything with people we don’t know very well, but someday it will happen.

09.11

2010

30 Days of Kink: Kinks

This is the second of my 30 Days of Kink in which I will be answering each of the thirty questions in different posts. I thought these would be interesting to answer and (hopefully) interesting for you to read. These will be posted in order, but not always back-to-back.

Day 2: List your kinks.

There are probably more than I can actually list, but that depends on what I’m actually being asked here. Do you want a list of things that turn me on? A list of things I enjoy doing? A list of things that I need more often than not? Some combination of the three or something else entirely? Well, here are a lot of the things I really enjoy that rarely fail to turn me on. Unless otherwise noted I love to both give and receive these things. In no particular order, only as they come to me.

Face slapping – a pretty constant yet relatively new addition to my rough sex. I absolutely love it and, when done correctly, it rarely will not make me more excited than I already am.

Breath play – my favorite method is a hand covering my mouth while my nose is pinched shut, allowing for absolutely no air in or out. I also really enjoy a hand around the throat.

Sharps play – mostly this comes in the form of needles, though I love the idea of knife play as well. I have a large play piercing kit and love to use it.

Deep throating/gagging/rough throat sex – I love the feeling of gagging around a cock or watching someone gag around mine, it’s ridiculously hot.

Begging – something I don’t do too often, but every time I have and every time I think about it I get turned on.

Dirty Talk – begging could be a sub-category of this, I suppose. I love being called names and being told “dirty” things. I’ve always been a very aural person and this definitely is a way to push my buttons quickly. I love saying “dirty” things as well, but often have a difficult time with it, just always have, but I also like being prompted to say things or told to say things.

Nipple play/breast torture – usually the rougher the better. Recently I had my breasts caned for the first time and I loved it. Any sort of pinching, flicking, pulling, twisting, etc. turns me on in an instant.

Hair pulling – especially being dragged around by my hair/dragging someone else around (carefully, of course, the neck is fragile) or generally using the hair to control the movement of the head or force it somewhere.

Anal sex – not sure if this is a kink per se, but I definitely love it.

Gags – more than any other type I love open mouth gags like the Whitehead gag or Mini gag. These I don’t get nearly enough of.

Saliva – this one is becoming more and more prevalent, mostly it’s the messy aspect of it, having saliva on my chin or face or being spit on (less so doing that to someone else, though).

Impact play – especially caning. I did start Cane A Slut Day after all. Really any sort of impact play is deliciously yummy to me, though I’m not a big fan of straps and have never tried a single tail.

Restraint – I love being held or pinned down, but also cuffs or rope or any other restraint implement can work just as well.

Bruises/marks – unfortunately I really don’t bruise easily so it’s not often I get to enjoy this kink. We try, oh do we try, but often even after long intense play I’ll barely bruise if at all.

Consensual non-consent – I’ve always been interested in this and have done a few rape play scenes as well as coercion/blackmail roleplays which I put in a similar category. I enjoy struggling and resisting, saying no, trying to get away, being forced and then laughed at for being wet from such rough treatment.

Pain – this one is kind of implied in many of the other ones above, but shouldn’t really be left out of a list of kinks. Of course, this doesn’t mean I get off on all pain of every kind, the intention makes it all different. Pain for enjoyment not pain for hurt, please and thank you.

I’m sure there are more. There are definitely more things that generally turn me on, and scenarios I particularly like and such, but I tried to limit it mostly to activities. It’s possible this post will be edited to include others I feel need to be in the list.