lotusWelcome! I’m Tai Quyn Kulystin, the creatrix of Purveyor of Pleasure. I am a educator, artist, occultist, harlot, and gentlefemme about town. This blog is my personal exploration of gender, sexuality, spirituality, kink, and the pitfalls of an overanalytical nature.

I currently identify as a queer fat genderqueer polyamorous switch and prefer the pronouns ne/nem/nir or they/them. I spend a lot of my time thinking about sacred sexuality, sacred kink, relationships, queer theory, depth psychology, sexological bodywork, and so much more. I'm in a long-term live-in relationship with my partner Onyx, and I also have a few other relationships and lovers.
Read more about this site & me→



Making Open Relationships Work

On Sunday after the rest of our weekend fun Onyx and I walked to Babeland here in Seattle for a workshop by Tristan Taormino. She called it Poly 201, basically the next level of information after her book Opening Up.

She talked about what does and does not make poly/non-monogamy work and started with a T-chart listing only what doesn’t make poly work on one side which included: New Relationship Energy, Time Management, Miscommunication, Agreement Violation, Jealousy, and Change. She then proceeded to address each factor individually and give the tools and skills to use to combat each of the potential issues. The following is her information both from my notes and as I remember it.

What doesn’t make poly work and the tools we can use to combat each of those issues:

  • New Relationship Energy: patience, compassion, communication
  • Time Management: organization, (google) calendars, negotiation skills
  • Miscommunication: honesty, full disclosure, self-awareness, communication
  • Agreement Violation: checklists, commitment
  • Jealousy: reality check, self-awareness, self-esteem, confidence, security, non-attachment, support/therapy

She stopped there to unpack jealousy a bit for us. Jealousy can be broken down into envy, competitiveness, possessiveness, excluded feelings, insecurity (fear of abandonment, not good enough, not valued, etc.), obsessiveness. Essentially “all roads lead to fear.” Jealousy isn’t about reason or using our intellect it’s about our reptilian brain overtaking us and it takes a fuckofalot to get us out of it. There is a lot of debate as to whether jealousy is innate or learned, but most likely it is some combination.

The following two situations can be both good or bad depending on the situation.

  • Change: the tools needed to cope depends on what kind of change is occuring
  • Love: compersion

Change can be welcome, or it can be difficult and unexpected. New love (and old love) can be a source of great happiness or something that catches us off guard. As Tristan said, there’s a reason why it is called “falling in love,” because most of the time you “fall on your face.” Or perhaps something came into your path that made you stumble and fall, not always in a good way.

When new love comes along specifically it can often trigger “old monogamous programming,” or the socialization that we all get in this culture to believe in monogamy. The best way to combat this is compersion. Compersion is finding joy and happiness in the happiness of your partner with another. It is the opposite of jealousy and a goal in most non-monogamous relationships.

Tristan offered “the selfish person’s guide to compersion” which essentially is for you (the selfish person) to remember that eventually the energy and excitement of the other relationship will come back and help to fuel your relationship. When a relationship is going well for someone they will feel good and that feeling good will bleed over into every relationship that person is in.

That’s the bare bones of what was covered. There was also a Q&A session at the end and after that we said hello to Tristan and got our copy of Opening Up signed. It was a wonderful workshop and was absolutely wonderful to see and meet Tristan Taormino. I highly encourage you to go to a workshop of hers if you ever have the chance!

07.17

2009

Birthday Contest Winner: Candy Apple Restraints

Here are some more winners from my Birthday Blowout Contest! The first winners are here, more winners here. I have a many more winners to announce so there will be more coming soon.

The winner of the Candy Apple Wrist Restraints from Babeland is Elizabeth aka blessed_harlot!

This is one of the gifts I’m jealous of, I don’t have these and want them! I’ve played with them in the Babeland Seattle store, so I know they’re quality, and I think they’re absolutely gorgeous.

Coming up next… five winners of Tantus products!

Happy Birthday to Me – Have Some Presents!

cake
from cakecentral

Today is my birthday, and since I love giving as much as I love receiving I decided to have a massive contest and give away tons of great products!!!

I asked just about every company I’ve worked with to be involved and got an overwhelming response! Pink Cherry, Babeland, Tabu Toys, Tantus, Ophoria, SexToy.com, and Lust Cosmetics all jumped at the chance to sponsor this huge birthday giveaway and I’m still waiting to hear from a few others so there may be even more prizes before the contest is over!

The Prizes


Bare As You Dare Harness AND Beautifully Bare Wet Naturals Lube from Tabu Toys! The BAYD Harness is one of my Top Toys, I absolutely love this small yet sturdy and versitile harness so I wanted to give one away. The Beautifully Bare lube is a great paraben- and glycerin-free lube You can read my BAYD Harness review here and my Beautifully Bare review here.


LELO Bob from PinkCherry Sex Toys! If you know me at all you know I’m a sucker for LELO products, Bob is also one of my Top Toys and a great cute little butt plug! You can read my review here.


Beyond No 3 from Ophoria! The Beyond No 3 has the esteemed place in my heart of being the first toy to give me a g-spot orgasm. It’s that good. It’s also one of my Top Toys and you can watch and read my review here.


Candy Apple Wrist Restraints from Babeland! (Note: Babeland only ships domestic). These are wonderful and gorgeous, I’m tempted to keep them all for myself but I would rather see a lucky winner get them!


Three mini-kits (three items each) from Lust Cosmetics who I haven’t actually worked with before but am going to have the ability to try the products I’m giving out as well. Ever since reading DominaDoll’s review I’ve been curious.


SIX products from Tantus! From left to right above:

  1. Alumina Motion – a gorgeous double-ended aluminum dildo. (Size: 1″ to 1 3/8″ diameter, 8.25″ long).
  2. Curve – Tantus’ newest dildo with a wider harness-compatable base and ridges along the g-spot curved toy. I own one and it’s wonderful though I’ve not yet reviewed it. (Size: 1 3/8″ diameter, 6″ long)
  3. Techno (Peacock color) – a gorgeous harness-compatable dildo/vibrator. The peacock color is possibly my favorite Tantus color. (Size: 1 3/8″ diameter, 7″ length)
  4. Acute (Pink Pearl color) – a g-spot curved hareness-compatable dildo (Size: 1.25″ diameter, 5″ long)
  5. Infinity Small (Pink Pearl color) – A cute little butt plug with a great tapered base (Size: 1.25″ diameter, 4″ long)
  6. Infinity Large (Pink Pearl color) – A slightly larger version of the Infinity (Size: 1.5″ diameter, 4.8″ long)


Wet Together Lube from SexToy.com! A lube designed for couples (there’s a “his” and “hers”), you can read Red’s review for a better idea of it.


ID Glide and ID Juicy Wild Cherry from PinkCherry Sex Toys! Both come in handy pump bottles which seems far superior to the squeeze bottles of old.

How To Enter

There are three ways for you to enter and the more you enter the more chance you have of winning!

Tweet about it
If you have a twitter account simply post:
RT @ScarletStSyr To celebrate my birthday I’m giving away some gifts to YOU! For rules & more info: http://twurl.nl/a8zwyu RT to enter!
Your tweet MUST include @ScarletStSyr otherwise I won’t see it. Feel free to change around the text a bit as long as it still includes “RT @ScarletStSyr” something about the contest and the “http://twurl.nl/a8zwyu” it will be counted. Only one RT per day (between 12am and 11:59pm Pacific Time) will be counted.

Comment
on this post, the contest info post on Wanton Lotus Reviews, or the info post on Pleasurists. Tell me about a sexy birthday experience you had or would like to have. You may comment up to three times total on one or more blogs but each comment must be a different experience/desire.

Give me a gift!
I’m not talking about buying me something, no no! Send me a virtual gift of some sort: a dirty limerick featuring me, send me a picture of the two of us photoshopped together or some other image-based entry, an erotic story featuring me, anything that you want to gift! Physical or monetary presents will not be accepted for the contest. Since I don’t want to be too greedy only one gift per person will be accepted. Email your gifts to lotus AT scarletstsyr.com or DM or @reply me with them on twitter.

Rules/guidelines

The greatest number of entries one person could have is twenty-five (25). Once an individual has won something they are ineligible to win further prizes.

Not all ways of entering are created equal. For each tweet you will be entered once (up to fourteen times), for each comment you will be entered twice (up to three times), and for each “gift” you will be entered five times (once). Think of it like your name being put in a hat each of those times so the more times you are entered the greater chance you have for your name being pulled!

The deadline to enter is Monday July 13th at noon Pacific Time however prizes will start being given out on Monday July 6th. Prizes will be given out once a day starting July 6th until all prizes are gone.

You must be willing to give me your address if you win (obviously).

Finally, a big huge thank you to the companies who are sponsoring this contest!

Reviews: Soft, Crop, Hard, Clean

My reviewing structure, as outlined in this post is that I post full reviews on my review site Wanton Lotus (RSS) and teaser reviews once a week here. I posting reviews on Wanton Lotus Tues-Weds-Thurs or some combination thereof depending on the amount of reviews I have each week. Here is the round-up of my reviews for the week!

softpack

Mini and Medium Soft Pack Review Teaser

Name: Soft Pack (also known as Mr. Limpy)

Manufacturer: Fleshlight

Material: SuperSkin (phthalate-free, latex-free) – said cyberskin in the video which isn’t accurate!

Length of the underside (balls to tip): 3-1/2″ (mini) 5 3/4″ (medium)
Length of the topside (base to tip): 4″ (mini) 8 1/2″ (medium) – when hanging with gravity
Girth: 4″ (mini) 4 1/2″ (medium)

Rating: 4 Lotus’ (out of 5) – Very Good & Highly Recommended

Watch and read the rest of my Soft Pack review here!


rosecrop

Single Rose Crop Review Teaser

Name: Single Rose Crop

Manufacturer: Ruff Doggie

Material: Leather

Length: 24 inches
Width: 1 1/4 inch rose

Sensation: Stingy – 2 (out of 3)

Rating: 4 Lotus’ (out of 5) – Very Good & Highly Recommended

Watch and read the rest of my Rose Crop Review here!


hardwood

Hardwood Dildo Teaser Review

Name: #467 Apple

Manufacturer: Hardwood Dildos

Material: Recycled Apple Wood

Varnish: “Each dildo is finished with at least five coats of Salad Bowl Finish, a food-quality varnish. The finish seals the wood, making them safe, waterproof, and natural-feeling. I never use any dyes or stains, and I’ve never heard of any allergic reactions.” – from the FAQ.

Length: 6 1/4 inches
Width: 1 3/5 inches

Rating: 4 Lotus’ (out of 5) – Very Good & Highly Recommended!

Watch the video review for the Hardwood Dildo here!


anti-bacterial toy cleaner

Anti-Bacterial Toy Cleaner Review Teaser

Name: Anti-Bacterial Toy Cleaner

Manufacturer: California Exotic Novelties

Paraben-free: Yes
Organic: No

Ingredients: Deionized Water, Sodium C 14-16 Olefin Sulfonate, Disodium Lauroamphodiacetate (and) Sodium Trideceth Sulfate, Cocamidopropyl Betaine, Propylene Glycol, Triclosan, Citric Acid, Methylchloroisothiazolinone (and) Methylisothiazolinone, Tetrasodium EDTA

Rating: 4 Lotus’ (out of 5) – Very Good & Highly Recommended

Read the rest of my Anti-Bacterial Toy Cleaner Review here!

04.26

2009

Reviews: Bar, X, Beyond, Heart

My reviewing structure, as outlined in this post is that I post full reviews on my review site Wanton Lotus (RSS) and teaser reviews once a week here. I posting reviews on Wanton Lotus Tues-Weds-Thurs or some combination thereof depending on the amount of reviews I have each week. Here is the round-up of my reviews for the week!

kinklabspreader

Kinklab Adjustable Spreader Bar Review Teaser

Name: Adjustable Spreader Bar

Manufacturer: Kinklab

Material: Steel

Length: Eight options between 25 and 37 inches (adjustable)

Rating: 4 Lotus’ (out of 5) – Very Good & Highly Recommended

Read and watch the rest of my Kinklab Adjustable Spreader Bar review here!


xerotic2

X: The Erotic Treasury Review Teaser

Title: X: The Erotic Treasury

Editor: Susie Bright

Publisher: Chronicle Books

Published: September 1, 2008 (Hardcover First Edition)

Page Count: 367

Story Count: 40

Rating: 4 Lotus’ (out of 5) – Very Good & Highly Recommended

Read the rest of my review of X: The Erotic Treasury here!


ophoriabeyond3

Ophoria Beyond No. 3 Review Teaser

Name: Beyond No. 3

Manufacturer: Ophoria

Material: 100% Medical-grade Premium Japanese Silicone

Length: 9 inches
Width: 1 3/4 inches (at thickest point), 1 1/4 inches (shaft)
Girth: 5 1/2 inches (at thickest point), 4 1/2 inches (shaft)

Rating: 5 Lotus’ (out of 5) – Exceptional & A Must Have

Read and watch the rest of my Ophoria Beyond No. 3 review here!


heartcrop

Sportsheets Heart Impressions Crop Review Teaser

Name: Heart Impressions Crop
crop
Manufacturer: Sportsheets

Material: Leather and (possibly) nylon for the red color between the crop loop

Length: 16.5 inches (without leather loop handle) 24.5 inches (including leather handle)
Width: 2 inches (striking tip) 1.5 inch (heart)

Sensation: Stingy – 1 (out of 3)

Rating: 3 Lotus’ (out of 5) – Good & Recommended

Read the rest of my Sportsheets Heart Impressions Crop here!

Reviews: Four S'

My reviewing structure, as outlined in this post is that I post full reviews on my review site Wanton Lotus (RSS) and teaser reviews once a week here. I posting reviews on Wanton Lotus Tues-Weds-Thurs or some combination thereof depending on the amount of reviews I have each week. Fridays are supposed to be my promotion day on here, so here is the round-up of my reviews for the week!

share

Share Strap-on Double Dildo Profile

Name: Share

Material: 100% Medical-grade Silicone

Manufacturer: Fun Factory

Length: 7″ (shaft) & 5″ (bulb)
Thickness: 1 1/2″ (shaft) & 1 3/4″ (bulb)

Rating: 4 Lotus’ (out of 5) – Very Good & Highly Recommended (but keep in mind anatomy differences)

Watch my Share video review here!


Sliquid Organics Lube Profile

Name: Sliquid Organics Natural Gel

Manufacturer: Sliquid

Type: Water-base

Glycerin-free: Yes
Paraben-free: Yes
Organic: Yes

Ingredients: Organics Natural Gel Ingredients: Purified Water, Plant Cellulose (from Cotton), Aloe Barbadensis*, Natural Tocopherols (Vitamin E), Cyamopsis (Guar Conditioners), Extracts of Hibiscus*, Flax*, Green Tea* & Sunflower Seed*, Citric Acid (Citrus Fruits), Phenoxyethanol (Rose Ether)
* Organic botanical extracts are independently certified by Quality Certification Services in compliance with the USDA National Organic Program.

Rating: 4 Lotus’ (out of 5) – Very Good & Highly Recommended

Read the entirety of my Sliquid Organic Natural Gel review!


silky

Silky Dildo Profile

Name: Silky

Material: Elastomer

Manufacturer: Vibratex

Length: 6 inches
Thickness: 2 1/2 inches

Rating: 4 Lotus’ (out of 5) – Very Good & Highly Recommended

Watch my Silky video review here!


Sex Clean Toy Cleaner Profile

Name: Sex Clean Toy Cleaner

Manufacturer: S.D. Variations

Paraben-free: No
Organic: No

Ingredients: Purified water, coco Glucoside, Methyl Salycilate, Citric Acid, Quaternium-52, Methylparaben, F, D & C Blue No 1.

Rating: 1 Lotus’ (out of 5) – Horrible & Not Recommended

Read the entirety of my Sex Clean Toy Cleaner review here!

Reviews: I love LELO and Massages!

My reviewing structure, as outlined in this post is that I post full reviews on my review site Wanton Lotus (RSS) and teaser reviews once a week here. I posting reviews on Wanton Lotus Tues-Weds-Thurs or some combination thereof depending on the amount of reviews I have each week. Fridays are supposed to be my promotion day on here, so here is the round-up of my reviews for the week!

liv

Liv Pleasure Object Profile

Name: Liv

Materials: Medical-grade Silicone (dark blue/pink) and ABS plastic (white).

Manufacturer: LELO (Luxury Erotic Lifestyle Objects)

Length: 4″ (insertable) 7″ (total including handle)
Thickness: 3/4″ (diameter)

What I love: Sleek and elegant look, curved for delicious g-spot stimulation, easy to use, comes with satin carrying bag and black storage box. Rechargeable, so no messing with batteries. Quality like no other.
What I don’t love: Controls are too easy to hit and accidentally change the vibration setting while in the moment.

Rating: 5/5

Watch the entirety of my Liv video review here!


elise

Elise Pleasure Object Profile

Name: Elise

Materials: Medical-grade Silicone and ABS plastic.

Manufacturer: LELO.

Length: 8 1/4″ (total) – 5 1/4″ (insertable)
Thickness: 1 1/4″ (diameter) – 4 1/2″ (around)

What I love: Two separate vibration centers, one at the tip and one at the base! Rechargeable, so no messing with batteries. Thick black satin carrying bag and black storage box. All-black vibrator (I’m a sucker for black toys). Curved for the g-spot, great for clitoral vibration as well but inserting Elise is what she is made for. Super quiet.
What I don’t love: What’s not to love?

Rating: 5/5

Watch the entirety my video review of the Elise here!


bo

Bo Cock Ring Profile

Name: Bo

Materials: Body-safe ABS (top vibrating part) and TPE (bottom stretchy ring)

Manufacturer: LELO.

Rating: 5/5

Onyx’s Experience

Being the partner of a sex blogger and sex toy reviewer has many benefits. One of the primary ones is that I get to play with a lot of really fun and exciting toys without even having to be the one writing the reviews. Granted while some of the toys she receives are primarily for her pleasure, almost all of them are great for partner play and I probably get at least as much pleasure from playing with them as she does.

Watch the video review and read both Onyx and my experience and impressions of the Bo here!


Intimate Organics Sensual Massage Oil Snippit

Who doesn’t love massages? Giving or receiving can be equally enjoyable, and massage oil just makes the whole process easier and, well, smoother.

This Cocoa Bean & Goji Berry Aromatherapy Massage Oil is made by Intimate Organics, the same makers of the Hydra Lubricant I reviewed last week. Like their lubricant, their massage oil is also paraben free, DEA free, pure vegan, and organic!

I wasn’t sure how much I would like the scent of it. Cocoa Bean & Goji Berry, while sounding odd and intriguing, also sounded possibly also unpleasant. Unfortunately too many times when lotions or other body products go for a chocolatey smell it comes out horrible…

Read the rest of the Massage Oil review here!

Black Burlesque (HNT)

I received the Regard Indiscret Set from Babeland and since I reviewed it on Tuesday I thought the images from using it would be perfect for Half-Nekkid Thursday.

The contents of the set: black round hat tin containing black leather tasseled pasties, black feather boa, pearl belt/necklace, and three small round candles.

You can watch my video review of the Regard Indiscret Set here on Wanton Lotus. I’m also giving a set away to one lucky commenter on my review. Go over there to enter.

I conveniently had a black mesh skirt with a black boa-like trim on the bottom which worked perfectly with the rest of the set. Under the skirt is my black ruffled panties. You can also see most of my tattoos in these pictures as well.

I love all of them, but I think I love the first one most. It may be my favorite picture of myself at the moment. What do you think?

hnt23a

hnt23b

hnt23c

hnt23d

hnt23e

03.17

2009

Regard Indiscret Set Giveaway on Wanton Lotus!

regardindiscret2
Image of the Regard Indiscret Set in action! More images to come on Thursday for Half-Nekkid Thursday.

I just posted my video review of the Regard Indiscret Set on my review site Wanton Lotus, and since Babeland was nice enough to let me give a set away I wanted to be sure to share it on here as well! I’m sure some of you who read this would love to get a Regard Indiscret Set of your very own! It’s super adorable, femme-y, sexy, and seductive. Information about the contest is below but you must go to the review to enter.

Contest Info

I love the Regard Indiscret Set so much that Babeland agreed I could give one away to one lucky reader!

All you have to do is comment here on the review on Wanton Lotus with your idea of a romantic and sexy night with your partner(s) (or desired or imagined or fantasy partner(s)).

You must have a valid email address on your comment and be within the U.S. because it’s sent directly from Babeland.

Contest ends March 27th at 11:59pm PST.

Go to the Wanton Lotus review to enter!

Much thanks to Babeland for letting me review and give away the Regard Indiscret Set!

banner_babeland Affiliates

02.28

2009

Review: Aneros Peridise

The Aneros Peridise and I have had a strange relationship. I was enamored with them the first time I laid eyes on them on Babeland’s website. Generally I love unusual toys, and Peridise is definitely unusual.

Aside from the uniqueness of the toy, my relationship to it actually has to do with the issues I’ve had regarding reviewing it. I received my Peridise at the same time I got the Bliss #12 and Entice lube, which was near the end of November. I reviewed those two in late December/early January, but Peridise was a little more elusive.

As you may or may not know in mid-January I moved to Seattle. Somehow, between packing up and actually getting here my Peridise went missing. How did this happen, you ask? I have no idea! I bought a couple cases from For Your Nymphomation to make the sex toy transportation easier, but somehow Peridise did not make it in to one. I keep expecting to find it laying around the house somewhere obvious that I’ve somehow overlooked, but it hasn’t happened by now so it probably isn’t going to happen.

After many searches through everything Onyx and I own I came to the conclusion that I was not going to find it. However, since I still needed to review it and I didn’t feel I had tried it out enough times to do a decent review (plus I wanted to play with it more) I went along to the Babeland store here and bought a replacement set. Since it was a toy I knew I would want to use multiple times I didn’t fret too much about that.

Now, back to the Peridise itself. I’ve explained my strange road to reviewing it, but what exactly is it, and why does it seem like they spelled paradise incorrectly?

Aneros is famous for their fantastic anal products, specifically prostate simulators, which are usually sleek and stylish made out of hard plastic and shaped to be a hands-free p-spot stimulator.

Peridise is actually a unisex anal PC (pubococcygeus) muscle exerciser. There are plenty of vaginal kegel exercisers out there which also focus on the PC muscles, but this is the first unisex exerciser and the first anal one that I know of.

PC muscle exercises are always talked about in relation to females, as they are most popular as vaginal kegel exercises as I already mentioned, but they can also be useful for men. In case you don’t know, the benefits of kegel exercises increase urinary or bowel control and can also increase control over ejaculation. Specifically for females they also increase tightness of the vagina, prevent pelvic prolapse, and can increase sexual arousal/desire. For males they can diminish premature ejaculation, encourage multiple orgasms (especially multiples without ejaculation), and result in a stronger erection. All good things, right?

The design of the Peridise is meant to stimulate the peristaltic reflex of the sphincter which is the reaction of the anus to contract when something is inserted in it. The idea behind that is that once the head of the Peridise is inserted the rest of it should be sucked up into the body automatically, and crazy enough that happens!

Peristaltic is also what Peridise gets it’s name from. Peristaltic + Paradise = Peridise. Kinda neat, right?

Peridise comes in two sets: beginner and advanced. Assumption would dictate that the advanced set would be larger than the beginner, but it’s actually the opposite. The theory being that the better control you has over the PC muscle the smaller the objects are that you would be able to successfully grasp. Makes, sense, right?

Both sets come with two plugs. The beginner set has two four inch plugs which are 22mm and 18mm thick (or 3/5″ and 4/5″). The advanced set has two 3 3/4″ plugs which are only slightly thinner at 20mm and 16mm (or 7/10″ and 9/10″). One thing I love about getting two in a set is that if you have a partner to share Peridise with (and you’re not having anal sex at the moment) both of you can be wearing a plug during sex, which would increase pleasure for both!

Taking Panthera Pardus’ advice I decided to insert both the LELO Luna Beads (kegel exercisers) and Peridise at the same time and delicious doesn’t begin to cover it!

Both exercisers are somewhat small, but them combined with the squeezing of muscles around them was absolutely heavenly! This could easily be done with Smart Balls or new Teneo Smart Balls as well, or any other vaginal balls assuming you have the required orifices.

But I digress. What you probably really want to know, aside from all this technical mumbo jumbo is if Peridise does all the things it claims to do, right? Well, I believe it does. I know it encourages stronger orgasm, as I’ve seen the difference in Onyx and I’ve felt the difference in myself. The PC muscle strengthening is slightly more difficult to assess, but I feel like it has assisted me there as well.