lotusWelcome! I’m Tai Quyn Kulystin, the creatrix of Purveyor of Pleasure. I am a educator, artist, occultist, harlot, and gentlefemme about town. This blog is my personal exploration of gender, sexuality, spirituality, kink, and the pitfalls of an overanalytical nature.

I currently identify as a queer fat genderqueer polyamorous switch and prefer the pronouns ne/nem/nir or they/them. I spend a lot of my time thinking about sacred sexuality, sacred kink, relationships, queer theory, depth psychology, sexological bodywork, and so much more. I'm in a long-term live-in relationship with my partner Onyx, and I also have a few other relationships and lovers.
Read more about this site & me→



02.08

2011

30 Days of Kink: It Can Be Funny

This is the twelfth of my 30 Days of Kink I will be answering each of the thirty questions in different posts. I thought these would be interesting to answer and (hopefully) interesting for you to read. These will be posted in order, but not back-to-back.

Day 12: Tell us about a humorous BDSM/kink experience you’ve had. If you haven’t had one, talk about aspects of kink/BDSM you find funny.

Oh, man. I hate these type of “tell us a story about a specific incident” questions. I suck at them during interviews and I suck at them here. Have there been many humorous kinky experiences in my life? Definitely! Can I think of one when being asked to directly relate one? Never! My brain just doesn’t work like that, I guess. This is why I also suck at interviews and am self-employed.

I love to have fun kink and playful kink and think that humor is essential in all sorts of sexuality, kink included. Part of the reason why I enjoy the term “play” for kinky or sexy activity is because I really do play during sex. Onyx and I both love to do funny things, crack puns, and make jokes in the middle of otherwise serious play sessions. I love doing impact play to some music that is going on in my head, often random hilarious things like the Mario Bros. Theme.

As for aspects of kink/BDSM I find funny, mostly it’s taking things too damn seriously, or any of that “one twue way” thinking that so many people seem to subscribe to, particularly online. Both of those things aren’t “funny” in the sense of they always make me laugh, though sometimes they do, but closer to being absurd. That’s not to say there isn’t room for seriousness in WIITWD, because there are times for being serious, but there’s a line there that becomes humorous once crossed. Of course, these things can also be just plain upsetting when confronted with them as well, but I try to keep them humorous.

30 Days of Kink: Ethics

This is the eleventh of my 30 Days of Kink, coming after quite a long hiatus. I will be answering each of the thirty questions in different posts. I thought these would be interesting to answer and (hopefully) interesting for you to read. These will be posted in order, but not always back-to-back (as I have shown).

Day 11: What are your views on the ethics of kink?

I’ve been stuck on this question for a while now, partially because I don’t know where to begin there is so much that could be covered with this question so I’m just going to start anywhere and see where this goes.

First, I have to define ethics. Ethics are a type of moral philosophy. In the realm of kink/BDSM/WIITWD1 it can apply to a variety of things but mostly I’m going to talk about the moral philosophy of kinky activity in general. That is how we make sure that the play we engage in is itself ethical.

I’m a firm believer in RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink) and SSC (Safe Sane and Consensual) which are both familiar terminology in the BDSM/kink world. They are slightly different but essentially mean the same thing. Some people say RACK is better because some activities–breath play, for example–are rarely if ever “safe” but they can be done in a “risk aware” manner or you can do things to make them “safer”2. Basically this means not engaging in anything without consent or thought. The more you know about what you are doing the less likely you are to make a mistake and actually cause damage.

Consent and intent are what separates bdsm & kink from abuse. Which is also why I have a difficult time playing with anyone who is angry or who has been drinking, as it is far more difficult for the intent to be acceptable to me when either of those have occurred. Mollena wrote an amazing post about intent: “The intention of the person in a Leather or BDSM interaction is mutual satisfaction, whatever form or means that takes. Sometimes it looks so much like an abusive interaction that our only signal is context.”

I agree with her assessment, also, that intent matters far more than consent since so many of us, myself included, love to play with consent and push that line between consent and non-consent. However, if mutual satisfaction is not the intent of the interaction then where is the line between play and abuse? When does it become taking advantage of the other person? It’s called power exchange for a reason. Just like everything there is an exchange: an exchange of enjoyment, energy, pleasure, pain, satisfaction, power, etc.

There are outsiders who think of kink as horrible, wrong, terrifying, and so on simply because they don’t understand this simple difference. They assume that all participants must either have been (sexually) abused when they were a child or victims of patriarchal socialization (especially for female submissives & male dominants), that in order to engage in such practices there must be something wrong with us. Little do they know, playing with power and pain can be a way to empower ourselves, to break away from the socialization, to make up our own minds about what we want, to use a “base” tool (sexuality/sexual interaction) for a “higher” type of liberation3. Of course, not everyone is engaged in kinky activity in search of personal enlightenment but I do think it’s a by-product of it, or at least it can be. This topic is getting away from me a little bit, though, so I will bring it back to ethics.

Part of the appeal of kinky activities is often walking that line between consent and non-consent, between acceptable and too much, testing our limits and finding out if we can handle as much or more than we thought we could. The thrill of it is just as fun as the taboo. In order to play with the edge without going over it requires skill, knowledge, and communication. If the intent is negative or one-sided that makes it far too easy to cross lines that shouldn’t be crossed or do negative damage.

  1. What It Is That We Do []
  2. just as it is now referred to as safer sex rather than safe sex []
  3. I put those both in quotes because I do not necessarily agree with all that connotes, but I do not have better language right now to express those ideas without writing many more paragraphs []
01.01

2011

In the Year 2010

someecards.com - Let's resolve to repeat last year's mistakes

At the end of 2008 and 2009 I made posts exactly like this one, a “best of” post, if you will. Basically a highlight of the important things that happened in the year previous, which will be followed by a post of the things I hope to happen in the year to come.

While I didn’t achieve all the goals I set for 20101 I did achieve quite a few of them. I didn’t get either of the licenses I mentioned last year, both of which I would still like to get, actually, but I did find a partner (albeit an ex at the time), write more, comment more, figure out my job situation, work on getting out of debt (not there yet), and I was definitely more active. Pretty good, if you ask me. So here are some of the highlights of the year.

In 2010 (kind-of sort-of in chronological order)…

More? Of course there’s more. That short bullet-point list doesn’t account for everything I did in 2010, but it’s definitely a start. I didn’t mention my sex toy review site Wanton Lotus Reviews or my sex toy review round-up project Pleasurists which celebrated 100 issues. I didn’t talk about all the times that Onyx and I had sex or exchanged words of love. My posts for this past year haven’t even captured everything I have written about, this year was more about going out and doing.

I’m excited for the next year to come. I think it will be amazing.

  1. I do not like to call these resolutions but rather goals, expectations, and hopes for the next year. Resolutions have too many connotations associated with them. []

30 Days of Kink: Hard Limits

This is the tenth of my 30 Days of Kink I will be answering each of the thirty questions in different posts. I thought these would be interesting to answer and (hopefully) interesting for you to read. These will be posted in order, but not always back-to-back.

Day 10: What are your hard limits?

Most of my hard limits are pretty boring, I think. I draw the line at children, animals, dead things (including dead animals), scat, vore, rainbow showers, permanent damage, non-consensual abuse, things like that. The biggest slightly unusual hard limit is tickling. I absolutely hate the sensation of being tickled and I’m extremely ticklish. It’s possible that toys that aren’t body safe are hard limits as well.

There are plenty of other things I’m just not that into but that I would probably go along with if I was with someone who got off on it. Of course, it’s impossible to really list everything that would be a limit, soft or hard, because who knows what things other people could come up with that I can’t, such as sucking a double headed dildo on a hovercraft.

I would say other hard limits include closed-mindedness, bigotry, and general lack of intelligence or purposeful/voluntary ignorance (not to be confused with unintentional ignorance or unknowing for lack of exposure). I generally eschew those who fit into any of those categories.

10.19

2010

30 Days of Kink: Music

This is the ninth of my 30 Days of Kink in which I will be answering each of the thirty questions in different posts. I thought these would be interesting to answer and (hopefully) interesting for you to read. These will be posted in order, but not always back-to-back.

Day 9: Post a kink related song or music video you enjoy.

No great insight into these, just enjoy them.

10.14

2010

30 Days of Kink: Images

This is the eighth of my 30 Days of Kink (sick of it yet?) in which I will be answering each of the thirty questions in different posts. I thought these would be interesting to answer and (hopefully) interesting for you to read. These will be posted in order, but not always back-to-back.

Day 8: Post a kinky image you find erotic.

Oh, geez. Anyone who knows me knows how difficult of a task just choosing one image to post is. I never want to choose just one if I can have the option of more than one. Now many of my identities make sense, right? Most of my Tumblr is dedicated to this task: posting images I find erotic or interesting. I haven’t really been updating it lately, but there’s a lot there. Similarly Pleasurists is full of images I pulled from various places and ones that I find erotic or stimulating in some way.

Unfortunately I don’t know who this image is by. If you do please let me know!

I definitely have a ballet heel fetish, and ballet shoes for that matter. I just love the look of them. It’s not physical per se. I don’t get wet at the sight of them or want to hump them or things like that. I have a pair of ballet heel mary jane-style shoes that I love and love to wear, but even that isn’t exactly something that gets me off in and of itself. Perhaps it’s the associations I have with them: uncomfortability, difficulty walking/having to crawl, helplessness, that sort of thing. Adding the rope to it makes it just that much hotter. I especially love the way it is wound around the heels.

For your Eyes Only by AnimeSexBomb

I know I’ve mentioned before that I love gags. And I do. I love the helplessness (see a pattern here?) of gags, and I love the look in her eyes in this image and that you can see her handcuffs and collar on as well.

Marks by laurisiren

Again, I’ve mentioned many times before about my love of canes (Cane A Slut Day anyone?). I know which started first, though, my love of canes came after my love of the welts that canes make. I have always loved the look of cane marks! I was tempted to show off my favorite cane mark picture but I use that for the Cane A Slut Day logo and have posted it before. I love the V-shape of the welts in this one, though, and the rope marks around the ankles.

30 Days of Kink: Fantasy

This is the sixth of my 30 Days of Kink in which I will be answering each of the thirty questions in different posts. I thought these would be interesting to answer and (hopefully) interesting for you to read. These will be posted in order, but not always back-to-back. Technically I published seven before six but… oh well.

Day 6: Describe your weirdest/most interesting sexual fantasy.

I’m in a fortunate position where just about all of my fantasies are able to come true relatively quickly. I don’t have to wait too long between a fantasy striking me and being able to play it out, assuming it does not require multiple partners or some implement or another which we don’t have. Most of my fantasies, however, revolve around things that we do on a regular basis, because those are what really get me hot, pretty much everything on my kinks list. Onyx and I are remarkably well matched and seem to just be getting more and more so as time goes on. This pleases me.

There are quite a few things I want to try that I haven’t, but for the most part I don’t really fantasize about them I just want to do them. I used to fantasize about being in the type of situation that I’m in now: pretty solid power roles with the ability for switchyness and bratting within it when desired. I can honestly say this time around with Onyx is pretty damn perfect.

To not cop out of the question, though, there are some fantasies that Onyx and I often dirty talk about while fucking. Mostly they revolve around the inclusion of others of any sex/gender. Probably the most common that we talk about is the idea of orchestrating a gang bang for me. We both love the idea of me being used constantly to utter exhaustion by numerous others.

I always have the idea of a single mattress on a concrete floor, chairs set around it in a circle in case the participants get tired, that sort of thing. It’s a bit of a clichéd setting for a gang bang scenario and probably in my mind because when I first read about them they were usually gang rape scenarios (as I’ve mentioned I started reading non-consent erotica before reading bdsm-themed erotica).

Onyx would be there to participate, watch, and direct as needed, making sure my safety was always taken into consideration and that I was alright. I would be used over and over and made to come until I reached a point of exhaustion. I would be slapped and pinched and teased and all manner else that was desired to be done to me and I would love every minute of it.

I can say we are taking steps toward making this happen, but in a slow way, we don’t want to rush into anything with people we don’t know very well, but someday it will happen.

10.03

2010

30 Days of Kink: Toys

This is the seventh of my 30 Days of Kink in which I will be answering each of the thirty questions in different posts. I thought these would be interesting to answer and (hopefully) interesting for you to read. These will be posted in order, but not always back-to-back.

Day 7: What’s your favorite toy?

That’s a bit of a loaded question for a sex toy reviewer! Aside from mentoning that my Eroscillator is my absolute favorite clitoral stimulator (though I have other favorite toys in other categories) I’ll stick to kinky toys, otherwise it might just be a list of many toys of various different types, and that wouldn’t fit in as well to this 30 Days of Kink.

I really love multi-tasker toys and using household products for impact play or pinching, or something else. Normal everyday objects that can be re-purposed in devious kinky ways.

I also have a soft spot for canes. I would say that canes are my favorite impact play toy, though floggers come in a close second. I also love paddles and crops, but canes reign supreme. I suppose that shouldn’t be too surprising considering I started Cane A Slut Day. I haven’t really tried a metal one yet, but they look wicked and I would love to, but I have tried rattan, bamboo, and acrylic.

I adore gags, also, specifically open mouth gags. I mentioned this in Q2 – list your kinks because gags really do turn me on. There’s just something about being unable to speak but having the mouth open for use in any way I/my Top sees fit. I love it. Currently my whitehead gag and mini gag (Insex-style spider gag) are my favorites.

I’ve always had a fondness for clothes pins and nipple clamps, anything pinchy, and recently rediscovered that fondness after watching a scene in Rough Sex 2 that included clothes pins and Onyx deciding he needed to try that technique out. Using a cane to hit clothes pins off was an experience my inner masochist loved.

30 Days of Kink: The First Time

This is the fifth of my 30 Days of Kink in which I will be answering each of the thirty questions in different posts. I thought these would be interesting to answer and (hopefully) interesting for you to read. These will be posted in order, but not always back-to-back.

Day 5: What was your first kinky sexual experience? If you haven’t had one yet, talk about what you hope to have happen.

My question to this is what defines my first kinky sexual experience? The first time I had kinky cyber sex? Kinky phone sex? Kinky physical sex? Since it’s a sexual experience I think that could even be the first time I read kinky erotica, or the romance novel that included bondage and rough sex in it. Aside from solo kinky sexual experiences I’m sure my first kinky sexual experience was having cyber sex.

I started exploring BDSM in chat rooms long before I had any physical experience with another partner, which was probably good since I was very underage (read: 12 or so) although I always lied about my age and was never suspected of being underage that I know about. I can’t think of the very first time I had kinky cyber sex since it was quite a long time ago, but I do know that I did it a lot. All the time. Every chance that I got. I remember having an online Master and eventually having cybersex turn into phone sex.

The first time I had sex was somewhat kinky, I was 16 (the legal age of consent in Alaska) and it was with someone I met on alt.com. He blindfolded me and I think he tied my hands together, but I’m not sure if that’s true. He made me watch in the mirror as he undressed me. He fucked me (wearing a condom, of course, though I was also on birth control) both in my cunt and ass. It was quite the experience.

The first time I really had good kinky physical sex, though, was with Gil, a boy I had met online who came to visit me while I was living in Ashland. We had known each other online for a while and had been fucking and phonefucking for a little less than that. He bussed down from Canada to Southern Oregon to stay with me in my tiny dorm room for about a week. I had all sorts of toys and he brought a few too and we fucked each other silly that week.

One time in particular stands out, I tied him up and spent nearly an hour just licking and stroking and teasing his cock. He eventually got so frustrated that he actually broke the restraints I had him in so he could actually come. We also did a play rape scenario which was excellent. After him was Onyx, and the rest is already well documented.

30 Days of Kink: Early Hints

This is the fourth of my 30 Days of Kink in which I will be answering each of the thirty questions in different posts. I thought these would be interesting to answer and (hopefully) interesting for you to read. These will be posted in order, but not always back-to-back.

Question 4: Any early experiences that, in retrospect, hint at your kinks?

As I mentioned in Question 3 I discovered kink at a very young age. I would say that even before the events I told in Q3 I had already had kinky fantasies, somewhat obviously because I started reading non-consent erotica. I remember playing things like captor and slave and things like that in elementary school and all sorts of games that might have hinted at my enjoyment and desire of power play.

I’ve always had a bit of an outsider complex and thus always felt like I didn’t fit in, I think stemming from being naturally fat and never looking “right” therefore I never tried very hard to fit in and ended up reveling in my difference. While I don’t think this is the reason why I’m kinky or queer or any of the other “out of the norm” identities that I embrace I do think that because of that outsider feeling I found these outsider identities at a relatively young age.

I started exploring my sexuality at a very young age as well, and not because I was molested or abused as a child, in fact my childhood was relatively normal. Maybe because of my exposure to the internet at a relatively young age I discovered sexuality, or maybe just because I had been watching R rated movies since I was fairly young as well, who knows. But my exploring of my sexuality online in chat rooms and such was definitely what ultimately lead me to kink.

So I wouldn’t say I have many “hints” per se, but who knows, maybe there are things I’m forgetting.