Many years ago I bought a terra firma harness (with extender strap) and Leo (in black). I have used it many times (though not as many as I would like), on a few different partners, both male and female.

However, most of those partners and occurrences were few and far between. Recently, while Master and I were in England, I used it on him. We had talked about it for quite some time, but we never really got around to me fucking him in the ass. It was very fun, and may have been one of the catalysts to me discovering my Top/Domina side. Not that one has to be a Top if one has a cock, oh no. I know that is not true, and that is not what I’m trying to imply. However, for me, there was a bit of power that I was wielding due to being the penetrator and I not only got back in touch with my cock, but I also got back in touch with that side of me that enjoys wielding that power.

Honestly, when I bought my Leo he was a butch cock. I was much more butch in high school before figuring out my femme side and embracing it. I really did and do love butch genders, and I really enjoyed playing with a butch gender on my own body, something that I still play with on occasion, I do own a black pinstripe suit and a few ties, I do enjoy going to the drag king side of my personality, as opposed to the drag queen which is my primary gender expression.

So, while I still love my butch cock, he is not quite me anymore. I have also used him quite enough on myself, which seems a little strange for my cock to have been used inside me. Perhaps this is a small point, and I think it is in some ways, but it is what I feel. It’s not that I don’t think that I could use my cock within myself, I just have used it maybe too many times. I love Leo for me, and for packing, and for fucking, but it’s not my cock anymore, it’s a dildo.

My cock needs to be femme. And my new femme cock needs to be scarlet. My scarlet femme cock is going to be gorgeous, and will make my lovers salivate at the thought of it, and it will be my femme cock. My femme cock will have a femme expression as well. She will be fabulous and perfect. And I’m not limiting myself to just one femme cock, but I need a primary one.

I found a fabulous red glitter cock at Cahoots, a sex toy/novelty store not too far from my house. However, I’m not sure how I feel about having the balls attached. It could be interesting, but, may not be quite right. But I LOVE the red glitter. It kind of makes me think of The Wizard of Oz, which makes me want it even more. It is definitely a femme cock. The problem with it, too is it is jel-lee (which I would have to use a condom with, which isn’t horrible, but could be annoying) and I would much prefer a silicone cock.

The other I’ve been eyeing is General. The common problem of both of them is that they’re both rather thick (not to mention General is expensive!). That’s not always bad, and apparently I’m just drawn to having a big cock, which makes sense as it would fit the rest of me. However, I’m sure I would want to use it for anal play quite often, so that could be an issue. I would almost have to have a female partner before I could justify a cock which did not go well with anal play. Both dildos would be lovely for cock sucking, but I’m not sure how much Master is down with sucking my cock. My primary femme cock would need to be not as thick as the other two, but I would want to get the glitter one for style as well as function.

I’m enamored with Tiger as well as the P-Spot and Luxury. Perhaps getting P-Spot or Luxury and the Wizard of Oz (WoO) cock might be a perfect combination. The P-Spot is (as you could guess) made for the prostate, but I would guess that it would be nice for getting the g-spot during anal sex as well. The WoO cock may be best for receiving blow jobs and a nice vaginal cock (with condom). This may mean I need to invest in more condoms.

Any suggestions for other fabulous femme cocks for me to look at? I would like to refrain from the jelly if possible, but I have yet to find a cock as fabulous as the WoO cock.

You all are, no doubt, tired of hearing about same-sex marriage passing in the California supreme court by now (though who would be tired of hearing about something as wonderful of this, you say? Good question!). However, I will make this short and sweet and just want to send out happiness of all types to all those who have and will participate in the California legalization of gay marriage

Also, the country newly near and dear to my heart (remember: Master’s from there and we just went there in May for a few weeks), Norway legalized same-sex marriages. Previously, Norway had civil partnerships, but did not have the right to church weddings or to be considered as adoptive parents. There are wonderful things going on for marriage equality everywhere!

Now, personally, I think these examples of marriage equality are wonderful, and I believe that marriage is a wonderful declaration of love between two people. I always tear up at weddings, I can’t deny that. I think that any commitment ceremony is beautiful, and I think that it is wonderful that people of the same sex can now marry each other 100% legally with all the same rights and privileges as other sex marriages.

That said, I do have some problems with marriage. It is by and large a religious institution of a religion I am not associated with. I’m not against the idea of a legal contract between two (or more) consenting adults for child and/or tax purposes and things like that. However, calling it marriage (a religious term) and making it basically mandatory for other sex couples who live together for a certain amount of time (as it varies between states) is just ridiculous.

Personally, I don’t intend to get married, possibly ever, though I may be forced into one of those common law marriages at some point, or I would get married to Master if/when we move to Europe (thereby making me a citizen of Norway and making it much easier for me to move over there). Or, if we were to have children I would probably marry him, though I’m not sure that will ever happen. I just don’t believe in the institution of marriage, nor do I think it is necessary for me, except in the above mentioned circumstances.

I used to say I wouldn’t have an other sex marriage before same sex marriages were legal, and, well, that’s not completely true yet, but it’s definitely getting closer. I still wouldn’t do so until it’s legal all over the states, except for the moving to Europe scenario. My other problem with marriage is that it is confined to two people. Although I do not want marriage for myself, I would like consensual adult polyamorous marriage to be a reality, and I think it will someday, just not for quite some time.

However, legalization of same sex marriage in California is also reason number one billion six hundred fifty eight thousand and one to move to San Francisco. Just counting down until 2009, now.

Do you enjoy being spanked?
I definitely do, especially long ones that start with a warming up with the hand, then move to the flogger, then to the strap, then to the cane, or some combination of such. I love being spanked by hand, and by the flogger, the strap… not so much, but when it’s in sequence and I’ve been adequately worked up, then that’s okay, but that’s the instrument which Master usually uses as punishment, too, since he knows that I hate it. Funnily enough, I love the cane. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I hate the thing sometimes, and it is also used as punishment sometimes, but I love the feeling of it versus the strap, even though it’s painful and not pleasant all the time, but often it is.
I’ve always had a thing for spanking, as well, I love the just plain dominance of it, the acquiescing, the submitting that has to occur on my part. Being taken and punished, even, although not fun, is a wonderful feeling of being owned and loved. But also just being taken and played with in the sense of knowing that he could do what he wanted to me with the aim of pain and pleasure.

Have you ever given a spanking?
I’ve spanked many times, but I wouldn’t say I’ve given a spanking. That is, I’ve done a lot of playful butt slapping with friends, and some hard playful butt slapping, but I’ve never been in the position of taking someone and spanking them in the manner I’ve described above.

Do you have tattoos?
I do. I currently have eight, and have many more planned.
Currently I have (in chronological order, from oldest to newest):
a stylized heart on my left breast, a small cancer (zodiac) symbol on my right breast with purple around it, on my right thigh bettie page by olivia “don’t tread on me” or what I call “licking the whip” she’s all in red with fishnets and heeled boots with a red crop in her hand lifted to her mouth and licking it, what I call “lovers entwined” between my breasts, a small aries (zodiac) symbol behind my left ear with red around it, elvgrin’s pinup witch on my right calf, a heart-shaped padlock on my right wrist which looks like it goes into my skin, and a key with heart-shaped handle on my left wrist (which Master has an identical tattoo of on his wrist).
Ones I have planned:
a virgo (zodiac) symbol surrounded by “silver” aka gray on my right hip-ish area; an om symbol (with purple accents) inside a red star of babalon on my left wrist (I have an icon of this in ); another rendering of bettie which is her in the middle with a leopard on one side and a snake on the other, it’s awesome, and I love it and it’s perfect! I was thinking of having it on my chest, but I’m not sure anymore, maybe my upper back; babalon riding the beast on my back or possibly thigh depending on the image I decide on; a submissive pinup (probably bound) on my left thigh mirroring my rather Domme-ish Bettie; a varga girl (not sure which) on my left calf mirroring my elvgren; backseams such as would be seen on old-type pantyhose which look like small corset lacing; a bdsm emblem somewhere perhaps made of tigerlilys (instead of roses, which is usually seen); possibly handcuffs (not sure where) with a rose peeking through them; possibly a gothic faerie; possibly many other things…

What is something you fear?
I have a few phobias, specifically bugs, I hate bugs. Currently we have bed bugs infesting our house and I have learned not to think about them as a way to survive, I had two panic attacks when we first realized we had them. It was horrible.
Another fear is pretty common, that of rejection. I think everyone has it to some extent, and some more than others. In me it’s pretty big, I don’t venture out of my social circle much, and I don’t really try to get to know new people but will generally but not specifically, if that makes sense. I also have deep wounds in that area, just in general, though I’m sure many many others do as well, but this one I’m working on as best I can.

Has your Sir changed/expanded any of your limits.. if so what? and how?
Hmm, that’s a good question. Not really, I’ve been pretty aware of what my limits are for quite some time, and we haven’t done much play with my limits, also I don’t really have many outside of general relationship ones and some of the usuals. There are many things I would do that I don’t particularly like, but I don’t consider them to be limits, and Master and I generally like a lot of the same things and dislike a lot of the same things, so it works out rather well for us. I’d like to do more play with things that could become limits, such as experimenting with different play which I never have, such as electricity, extreme humiliation and degradation (we’ve done a little, but not much), and such, but thus far we haven’t really changed or expanded any of my limits (though, I have become a little more lax on my tickling hard limit, but just for accidental tickling).

Describe your most intense, enjoyable sexual experience:
Hmm… I’ve had a few, though most intense and most enjoyable do vary in some ways, and I tend to get mush for brains during the really good ones. I’ll list a few (in chronological order):
With my previous partner we were having phone sex at one point while I was still living at home, though I was alone in the house at the time. I was playing with a toy and we were whispering and groaning naughty nothings to each other. He counted every time I came, and we got to about 48 in that one hour and a half or so. Earlier that day we had phone sex as well and I had come about 11 times, and then twice in between with him. All in all it was around 61 times, and I say around because this wasn’t necessarily exact, but I came somewhere around there. I was very sore the next day.
On Master’s birthday, the first one we were together for, he gave me his birthday spankings and then proceeded to fuck me senseless, including making me cum until I begged him to stop. We weren’t counting that time, but it was definitely in the double-digits and probably no less than 25 or 30.
One spring break (I think it was spring break) my friend Katie and I went up to Portland and Master and I were still in a LDR at that point. He said he could fly to Portland for the night, however, and so he did. We got a hotel room at the Days Inn I believe, which had a king sized bed and a jacuzzi. We did all manner of fucking, including in the jacuzzi which had mirrors around it. He fucked me from behind and we could watch both of us while we were fucking due to the mirrors, it was wonderful. He fucked my ass that night, as well, and then woke me up the next morning with an ass-fucking. I was so sore, but it was so wonderful.
Getting the Hitachi just the other day was pretty damn intense, and the most intense I’ve had recently. It’s a different kind of orgasm than I’m used to, I haven’t used a toy in quite some time, and it was kind of akin to that first instance mentioned above, within which I came 48 times in one sitting. There were some definite orgasm crests but for the most part I was just awash in constant near-orgasm pleasure, which was almost more intense than just a short burst. I’ll write more on this later.

Whats the biggest thing you’ve ever had in your ass?
I’m not honestly sure, actually. I don’t really go for size or stretching, I enjoy to be fucked rather than plugged and I’ve never been fisted anally. Possibly my silicone dildo, as it’s longer but about the same thickness as Master’s cock. My ex (mentioned above) had a damn thick cock near the base (it was kind of triangle-y, very interesting looking) but I’m not sure how much of that actually went in, I don’t think he actually fucked my ass, though we tried, but… it was a weird situation. I’ve had lots of odd small things up my ass, but like I said, I’m more about the sensation than stretching.

I suffer from heterosexual guilt. I am currently with a man (as most/all of you know), and I feel guilty for the privilege that affords me. I desire women more, have always desired women more, but I happen to have fallen in love with a man. Deeply, passionately in love. He’s heteroflexible, basically, but not interested in the queer community, though he loves my activist side he is not an activist himself.

I feel like I’m cheating on my lesbian desires and I’m cheating and gaining privilege from being with him. I almost forget what it’s like to be with a woman. We’re poly, so I have that chance afforded to me, and happily I would take it were I to meet someone who that situation would be acceptable for, and I have little doubt that Kat and I will do things, as that situation is acceptable to her, but I want more.

In an odd way, I feel like I should be marginalized, because I’m queer and I feel I should be, because I generally prefer women.

Back to writing my paper on femme as a trans identity. It rocks, and I am going to post it once I’m done.

The question of bisexuality comes back to the question of sexuality in general, and if queer sexualities are made or innate or a third option. In the study of male arousal the conclusion was that, by genital arousal alone, there is no such thing as bisexuality. This also brings up the question of what constitutes a sexual orientation. Are bisexuals people who are only physically aroused by one body type but who are mentally aroused or desirous or emotionally bonded to other body types, or who are indiscriminatory as to the type of body their lover has. If we can learn to be attracted to different body types for whatever reason, doesn’t that mean that everyone could be bisexual? Is it just mental blocks which keep people from being bisexual?

The issues around the term and existence of bisexuality as outlined in (Con)tested Identities are ones which I have muddled around in my brain for quite some time. I am currently with a male partner, though, over the last ten years or so (ever since I had a conscious thought about sexual orientation) I have identified as anywhere from lesbian to bisexual. At the same time, I wouldn’t ascribe to him strictly a masculine gender. A further question: how does gender play into sexual orientation? Is it all about bodies? What about a bisexual who only likes the masculine gender, regardless of body? Would ze be bisexual but monogendered? Do we really need to dig that far into it anyway?

How does bisexual sexual orientation change dependent on the relationship the person is in at the time? I happen to have a female (sort of) lover as well, does that mean that I am a “real” bisexual while others may not be because they practice monogamy? I noticed how this isn’t exactly addressed, though the ideas of promiscuity and fidelity are. Does it make a difference that my partner is also bisexual? Does it matter?

I too have felt distanced from the queer community when I mention I have a male partner, though I don’t openly admit to my polyamory. I use the term partner freely but have caught myself saying “boyfriend” at work instead and realize my aims at using the term, the ability I have to use heteronormative terms to quell the question that my using partner arises. Is this wrong of me? I am invoking heterosexual privilege because I can. I am acting like the bisexual threat to queerness perhaps.

From (Con)tested Identities: “dissatisfaction with existing labels results in the development and exploration of the utility of alternative labels, for example… “pansexual,” “polyamorous” and “polysexual.” A number of other participants also discuss variously using alternate terms like “hetero-flexible,” “gender freak” and “gender non-specific.” This made me think of a couple things, to be explored. The last town I lived in, alternate terms such as pansexual or multisexual were well known in the queer community, however, when I moved here I’ve been asked what I mean when I say pansexual or multisexual or (my personal favorite and invention) intellisexual (which I generally explain before I even have the chance to be asked—attracted to minds not bodies), I was also told “I’ve only heard one other person use that term.” This may just be because that was Southern Oregon (Ashland) and this is Utah, and I think that plays a large part in it, but even in the queer community it is unknown, and this makes me wonder.

Where and how do these ideas travel? Are they simply word of mouth, are they by academic literature such as we are reading? Are they through taking queer oriented classes and questioning? How does the queer community thrive? How are do discursive identities spread?

Also the quote: “And, the irony is that in a second I would bring my girlfriend to, you know, straight events and it’s like, you know, this is, this is my girlfriend, deal with it. Like I’m so ready to do that. But so not ready to like bring a man to a gay function and say this is my boyfriend, deal with it. (PI6)” From what I’ve revealed I would assume it’s obvious where this hits home for me. For the first time in my life, really, I am in a solid relationship with a male which is the longest of my life, and I am also feeling uncomfortable in queer situations. For the first year after I moved here I was rather avoidant of getting into queer situations (bad term), and still rather am. I was the president of the student union at my previous university and the founder of the GSA at my high school, and yet now I’m worried to attend queer events?

Is this simply something in me now? I think part of it is. I feel ashamed that I’m with a male, yet claim intellisexuality or multisexuality or queerness in general. My lesbian butch dyke sister calls herself queer, can I claim the same identity, or is that blasphemous? I really do feel that I am in the middle, unsure of what I can and cannot claim, though knowing that I don’t want to claim heterosexuality, though I jokingly will say that I’m “half heterosexual.”

This was brought up in my Gender and Sexual Orientation class today, I’ve heard of the grid before but not looked for it. I found a nifty little test. It’s much better than the kinsey scale, more inclusive of different aspects of sexuality and sexual orientation.

Klein Sexual Orientation Grid
I scored an average of 3.76

MeaningThis result can also be related to the Kinsey Scale:

0 = exclusively heterosexual
1 = predominantly heterosexual, incidentally homosexual
2 = predominantly heterosexual, but more
than incidentally homosexual
3 = equally heterosexual and homosexual
4 = predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally
heterosexual
5 = predominantly homosexual, incidentally heterosexual
6 = exclusively homosexual

Summary
The idea of this exercise is to understand exactly how dynamic a person’s sexual orientation can be, as well as how fluid it can be over a person’s lifespan. While a person’s number of actual homo/heterosexual encounters may be easy to categorize, their actual orientation may be completely different. Simple labels like “homosexual”, “heterosexual”, and “bisexual” need not be the only three options available to us.

Take the quiz