This is the tenth of my 30 Days of Kink I will be answering each of the thirty questions in different posts. I thought these would be interesting to answer and (hopefully) interesting for you to read. These will be posted in order, but not always back-to-back.

Day 10: What are your hard limits?

Most of my hard limits are pretty boring, I think. I draw the line at children, animals, dead things (including dead animals), scat, vore, rainbow showers, permanent damage, non-consensual abuse, things like that. The biggest slightly unusual hard limit is tickling. I absolutely hate the sensation of being tickled and I’m extremely ticklish. It’s possible that toys that aren’t body safe are hard limits as well.

There are plenty of other things I’m just not that into but that I would probably go along with if I was with someone who got off on it. Of course, it’s impossible to really list everything that would be a limit, soft or hard, because who knows what things other people could come up with that I can’t, such as sucking a double headed dildo on a hovercraft.

I would say other hard limits include closed-mindedness, bigotry, and general lack of intelligence or purposeful/voluntary ignorance (not to be confused with unintentional ignorance or unknowing for lack of exposure). I generally eschew those who fit into any of those categories.

This is the ninth of my 30 Days of Kink in which I will be answering each of the thirty questions in different posts. I thought these would be interesting to answer and (hopefully) interesting for you to read. These will be posted in order, but not always back-to-back.

Day 9: Post a kink related song or music video you enjoy.

No great insight into these, just enjoy them.

This is the eighth of my 30 Days of Kink (sick of it yet?) in which I will be answering each of the thirty questions in different posts. I thought these would be interesting to answer and (hopefully) interesting for you to read. These will be posted in order, but not always back-to-back.

Day 8: Post a kinky image you find erotic.

Oh, geez. Anyone who knows me knows how difficult of a task just choosing one image to post is. I never want to choose just one if I can have the option of more than one. Now many of my identities make sense, right? Most of my Tumblr is dedicated to this task: posting images I find erotic or interesting. I haven’t really been updating it lately, but there’s a lot there. Similarly Pleasurists is full of images I pulled from various places and ones that I find erotic or stimulating in some way.

Unfortunately I don’t know who this image is by. If you do please let me know!

I definitely have a ballet heel fetish, and ballet shoes for that matter. I just love the look of them. It’s not physical per se. I don’t get wet at the sight of them or want to hump them or things like that. I have a pair of ballet heel mary jane-style shoes that I love and love to wear, but even that isn’t exactly something that gets me off in and of itself. Perhaps it’s the associations I have with them: uncomfortability, difficulty walking/having to crawl, helplessness, that sort of thing. Adding the rope to it makes it just that much hotter. I especially love the way it is wound around the heels.

For your Eyes Only by AnimeSexBomb

I know I’ve mentioned before that I love gags. And I do. I love the helplessness (see a pattern here?) of gags, and I love the look in her eyes in this image and that you can see her handcuffs and collar on as well.

Marks by laurisiren

Again, I’ve mentioned many times before about my love of canes (Cane A Slut Day anyone?). I know which started first, though, my love of canes came after my love of the welts that canes make. I have always loved the look of cane marks! I was tempted to show off my favorite cane mark picture but I use that for the Cane A Slut Day logo and have posted it before. I love the V-shape of the welts in this one, though, and the rope marks around the ankles.

This is the fifth of my 30 Days of Kink in which I will be answering each of the thirty questions in different posts. I thought these would be interesting to answer and (hopefully) interesting for you to read. These will be posted in order, but not always back-to-back.

Day 5: What was your first kinky sexual experience? If you haven’t had one yet, talk about what you hope to have happen.

My question to this is what defines my first kinky sexual experience? The first time I had kinky cyber sex? Kinky phone sex? Kinky physical sex? Since it’s a sexual experience I think that could even be the first time I read kinky erotica, or the romance novel that included bondage and rough sex in it. Aside from solo kinky sexual experiences I’m sure my first kinky sexual experience was having cyber sex.

I started exploring BDSM in chat rooms long before I had any physical experience with another partner, which was probably good since I was very underage (read: 12 or so) although I always lied about my age and was never suspected of being underage that I know about. I can’t think of the very first time I had kinky cyber sex since it was quite a long time ago, but I do know that I did it a lot. All the time. Every chance that I got. I remember having an online Master and eventually having cybersex turn into phone sex.

The first time I had sex was somewhat kinky, I was 16 (the legal age of consent in Alaska) and it was with someone I met on alt.com. He blindfolded me and I think he tied my hands together, but I’m not sure if that’s true. He made me watch in the mirror as he undressed me. He fucked me (wearing a condom, of course, though I was also on birth control) both in my cunt and ass. It was quite the experience.

The first time I really had good kinky physical sex, though, was with Gil, a boy I had met online who came to visit me while I was living in Ashland. We had known each other online for a while and had been fucking and phonefucking for a little less than that. He bussed down from Canada to Southern Oregon to stay with me in my tiny dorm room for about a week. I had all sorts of toys and he brought a few too and we fucked each other silly that week.

One time in particular stands out, I tied him up and spent nearly an hour just licking and stroking and teasing his cock. He eventually got so frustrated that he actually broke the restraints I had him in so he could actually come. We also did a play rape scenario which was excellent. After him was Onyx, and the rest is already well documented.

This is the fourth of my 30 Days of Kink in which I will be answering each of the thirty questions in different posts. I thought these would be interesting to answer and (hopefully) interesting for you to read. These will be posted in order, but not always back-to-back.

Question 4: Any early experiences that, in retrospect, hint at your kinks?

As I mentioned in Question 3 I discovered kink at a very young age. I would say that even before the events I told in Q3 I had already had kinky fantasies, somewhat obviously because I started reading non-consent erotica. I remember playing things like captor and slave and things like that in elementary school and all sorts of games that might have hinted at my enjoyment and desire of power play.

I’ve always had a bit of an outsider complex and thus always felt like I didn’t fit in, I think stemming from being naturally fat and never looking “right” therefore I never tried very hard to fit in and ended up reveling in my difference. While I don’t think this is the reason why I’m kinky or queer or any of the other “out of the norm” identities that I embrace I do think that because of that outsider feeling I found these outsider identities at a relatively young age.

I started exploring my sexuality at a very young age as well, and not because I was molested or abused as a child, in fact my childhood was relatively normal. Maybe because of my exposure to the internet at a relatively young age I discovered sexuality, or maybe just because I had been watching R rated movies since I was fairly young as well, who knows. But my exploring of my sexuality online in chat rooms and such was definitely what ultimately lead me to kink.

So I wouldn’t say I have many “hints” per se, but who knows, maybe there are things I’m forgetting.

This is the second of my 30 Days of Kink in which I will be answering each of the thirty questions in different posts. I thought these would be interesting to answer and (hopefully) interesting for you to read. These will be posted in order, but not always back-to-back.

Day 2: List your kinks.

There are probably more than I can actually list, but that depends on what I’m actually being asked here. Do you want a list of things that turn me on? A list of things I enjoy doing? A list of things that I need more often than not? Some combination of the three or something else entirely? Well, here are a lot of the things I really enjoy that rarely fail to turn me on. Unless otherwise noted I love to both give and receive these things. In no particular order, only as they come to me.

Face slapping – a pretty constant yet relatively new addition to my rough sex. I absolutely love it and, when done correctly, it rarely will not make me more excited than I already am.

Breath play – my favorite method is a hand covering my mouth while my nose is pinched shut, allowing for absolutely no air in or out. I also really enjoy a hand around the throat.

Sharps play – mostly this comes in the form of needles, though I love the idea of knife play as well. I have a large play piercing kit and love to use it.

Deep throating/gagging/rough throat sex – I love the feeling of gagging around a cock or watching someone gag around mine, it’s ridiculously hot.

Begging – something I don’t do too often, but every time I have and every time I think about it I get turned on.

Dirty Talk – begging could be a sub-category of this, I suppose. I love being called names and being told “dirty” things. I’ve always been a very aural person and this definitely is a way to push my buttons quickly. I love saying “dirty” things as well, but often have a difficult time with it, just always have, but I also like being prompted to say things or told to say things.

Nipple play/breast torture – usually the rougher the better. Recently I had my breasts caned for the first time and I loved it. Any sort of pinching, flicking, pulling, twisting, etc. turns me on in an instant.

Hair pulling – especially being dragged around by my hair/dragging someone else around (carefully, of course, the neck is fragile) or generally using the hair to control the movement of the head or force it somewhere.

Anal sex – not sure if this is a kink per se, but I definitely love it.

Gags – more than any other type I love open mouth gags like the Whitehead gag or Mini gag. These I don’t get nearly enough of.

Saliva – this one is becoming more and more prevalent, mostly it’s the messy aspect of it, having saliva on my chin or face or being spit on (less so doing that to someone else, though).

Impact play – especially caning. I did start Cane A Slut Day after all. Really any sort of impact play is deliciously yummy to me, though I’m not a big fan of straps and have never tried a single tail.

Restraint – I love being held or pinned down, but also cuffs or rope or any other restraint implement can work just as well.

Bruises/marks – unfortunately I really don’t bruise easily so it’s not often I get to enjoy this kink. We try, oh do we try, but often even after long intense play I’ll barely bruise if at all.

Consensual non-consent – I’ve always been interested in this and have done a few rape play scenes as well as coercion/blackmail roleplays which I put in a similar category. I enjoy struggling and resisting, saying no, trying to get away, being forced and then laughed at for being wet from such rough treatment.

Pain – this one is kind of implied in many of the other ones above, but shouldn’t really be left out of a list of kinks. Of course, this doesn’t mean I get off on all pain of every kind, the intention makes it all different. Pain for enjoyment not pain for hurt, please and thank you.

I’m sure there are more. There are definitely more things that generally turn me on, and scenarios I particularly like and such, but I tried to limit it mostly to activities. It’s possible this post will be edited to include others I feel need to be in the list.

I discovered this via Rayne and thought it would be an excellent exercise. There’s a 30 Days of Letters prompt that a few people I read have been doing, but I wasn’t inspired to do that one. I’ve been thinking a lot about bdsm and kink lately but haven’t written a lot about it, so I think this will be good for me. Maybe I can get Onyx to do it on his blog too.

I’ll update this post as I go with the links. By the way, I’m still hoping people will submit a post for my What Brings You Pleasure feature!

The 30 Days/Questions

Day 1: Dom, sub, switch? What parts of BDSM interest you? Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you. Basically define your kinky self for us.

Day 2: List your kinks.

Day 3: How did you discover you were kinky?

Day 4: Any early experiences that, in retrospect, hint at your kinks?

Day 5: What was your first kinky sexual experience? If you haven’t had one yet, talk about what you hope to have happen.

Day 6: Describe your weirdest/most interesting sexual fantasy.

Day 7: What’s your favorite toy?

Day 8: Post a kinky image you find erotic.

Day 9: Post a kink related song or music video you enjoy.

Day 10: What are your hard limits?

Day 11: What are your views on the ethics of kink?

Day 12: Tell us about a humorous BDSM/kink experience you’ve had. If you haven’t had one, talk about aspects of kink/BDSM you find funny.

Day 13: Explain as best you can what the appeal of kink/BDSM is to you? Why are you drawn to what you’re drawn to?

Day 14: How would you say real life BDSM/kink varies from fantasy BDSM/kink? If you haven’t experienced real life BDSM/kink how do you think it might differ?

Day 15: Post a BDSM/kink activity you’re curious about and would like to try.

Day 16: What are the most difficult aspects of having a sexuality that involves kink or BDSM for you personally?

Day 17: What misconception about kinky people would you most like to clear up?

Day 18: Any kinky/BDSM pet peeves? If so, what are they?

Day 19: Any unexpected ways kink has improved your life? If so, what are they?

Day 20: Talk about something within kink/bdsm that you’re curious about/don’t understand.

Day 21: Favorite BDSM related book (fiction or non-fiction)

Day 22: What do you think is important in keeping a BDSM relationship healthy? How does it differ from a vanilla relationship?

Day 23: Since you first developed an interest in kink, have your interests/perspectives changed? How so?

Day 24: What qualities do you look for in a partner?

Day 25: How open are you about your kinks?

Day 26: What’s your opinion on online BDSM play?

Day 27: Do your non-kink interests ever find their way into your kinky activities? If so, how?

Day 28: How do you dress for kink/BDSM play? What significance does your attire have to you?

Day 29: Do you have a BDSM title (e.g. mistress, master, slut, pig, whore, princess, goddess, ma’am, sir)? What is your opinion of the use of titles in general?

Day 30: Whatever BDSM/kink related thing you want to write about.

Other 30 Days of Kink

Rayne @ Insatiable Desire
Cinnamon @ Seeing My Own Reflection
Gabe & Elizabeth @ Pornocracy
Kathryn/Lady Dreyanan @ Mistress Says

Are you doing it too? Comment and let me know!

From Lee Harrington’s LJ, he’s compiling an awesome anthology about sacred kink!

Spirit of Desire: Personal Journeys in Sacred Kink

In 2009, Lee Harrington’s “Sacred Kink: The Eightfold Paths of BDSM and Beyond” opened up the dialogue around altered states of consciousness, sexuality with intent, sex magic, and BDSM and its intersections with faith to an audience hungry for information. Now, it’s time to tell your stories.

Have you experienced catharsis, ordeals, transformation or a rite of passage in your erotic edge experiences? Do your perceive your consensual slavery as an ascetic path, find depth in your fear play, or dance in delight at the end of a lash? Do your fetish objects hold actual power? Does your connection to the divine manifest through your kink, engaging you through possession in or through scenes or as a sacred consort? Perhaps you have a different tale to tell?

Authors are invited to write 2-10 pages (approximately 1000-5500 words) about their own personal experiences with Sacred Kink. Anthology contributions need to be about a specific encounter or theme/concept within the life of the author, not on Sacred Kink in general. Fiction is not appropriate. Poetry will be considered on a case by case basis.

Who Should Contribute:

We are looking for a variety of contributions- Tops and Bottoms, Masters/Mistresses and Slaves, Fetishists, Voyeurs, Swingers, Male, Female, Genderqueer, Straight, Queer, Monogamous, Polyamorous, Monotheist, Pantheist, Atheist, God-Owned… and everyone else. English-language contributions preferred, but multi-lingual entries accepted on a case by case basis.

How To Contribute:

Send a one-paragraph summary of the concept of what you want to write about to Lee@PassionAndSoul.com with the subject line “Spirit of Desire Anthology” before August 1st, 2010. Also include up to one paragraph about yourself as the author.

Why the summaries first? A book of only one type of entries would not show the diversity of Sacred Kink encounters and experiences taking place in our community and behind closed doors.

Once summaries have been accepted, authors will have until September 7th to get their rough draft in. New authors will be worked with throughout the process to help share their unique story with the world.

Are you ready to tell your tale of Sacred Kink? Drop us a line.

Compensation:

Authors will have their biographies listed in the book, have wholesale rights to the project, and receive 1 finished copy of the book upon completion.

Now that I am somewhat outside of the relationships that have consumed me and took over my life for the last eight or so months I find myself getting more in touch with my needs. I am glad to have so much alone time and time to focus on me as me rather than me in a relationship. I’m thinking about this blog again much more than I have for the last few months, though I still have more drafts than posts.

I have so many different aspects of myself that I’m trying to appease all at once and am realizing there is no real way for me to do that. They are easily expressed by what appear to be binaries, but only because of the limitations of language and binaries being so ingrained in our way of thinking/expressing. There are multiple facets within each of the “binary” (appearing) identities, such as Top and bottom each having different aspects of power roles as well as sadomasochistic roles and kinks and fetishes of their own, and there is a multi-identity as well, such as switch. The same is true for my gender identities, though they can be broken down into femme and fagette there are multiple aspects within each and a multi-identity being genderfluid or multigendered.

I’m getting back in touch with the kink side of me, which is sad that somehow it got lost in the relationships I was having, but also understandable. The ability to have sexual intimacy was strained basically since July when Marla moved in with us, and before that it was strained as well for different reasons. This impacted a lot of things, but the little sex and sexual intimacy we were able to have was almost always short and usually fairly vanilla.

Specifically I miss bottoming. I haven’t done a lot of it in the last few months at all, though I have done some Topping. I actually miss more than bottoming, I miss submitting, and these days I often find myself desiring intense power play situations. I miss analyzing things on here as well, and having things to analyze beyond the triad. I realize I used to write a lot about power play, especially being a feminist submissive and all that can come along with that, back when my site was Fem(me)inist Fucktoy. I just miss power play in general, so much that I’ve actually gone on IRC and done some anonymously, though it’s no substitute for the real thing.

Onyx came up here for New Year’s and leaves tomorrow, which was good timing considering the desire for bottoming I’ve had. We’ve had a wonderful week so far and it has helped me remember how well we work together, how we used to work years ago before a lot of other things started getting in the way. I still don’t know what that means for us as partners, however. He’s been my lover, my friend, and my family for over four years and I hate that he spent both his birthday and the recent holidays alone, which was a big factor in my wanting him to come up here, but not the only factor. However, I still feel broken and damaged. I wonder when I will be able to trust anyone again, myself included. I still maintain that I need to be alone for a while, and he knows this and is willing to give me the time I need while still being able to be in touch and see each other.

Juneau is a good place for me to be for a while, to heal my wounds, to figure things out, to rediscover parts of myself I lost or forgot about. I’m not yet sure how to reconcile everything I feel inside, and often wonder if it is legitimate. I am still trying to figure out the underlying desires and drives which cause me to act how I do, but it’s a life-long task which may never be finished. In many ways I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing, but I’m taking it one day at a time.

The contents of my Kinky Christmas Stocking from FetLife! Click for larger version.

Near the end of last month I posted about the wonderful kinky networking site FetLife giving away 40 amazing Kinky Christmas Stockings. Since I am a FetLife Greeter I was lucky enough to receive a Kinky Christmas Stocking of my very own as a thank you gift for all the hard work I’ve done over the last 6 or so months of greeting!

I just got my stocking today! I’m very excited about it, and it all looks like great fun. The contents of the stocking (no actual stocking included, that’s just the term for it) is in the picture above.

There are a few things that I either already have one of or won’t be using, which I’m not sure what I’m going to do with yet. I may put them up for giveaway here, but we’ll see.

As you can see the image above is numbered 1-18 going left-to-right. That’s so I can tell you what each thing is! There’s actually 20 items in the picture above, but a few are doubled-up.

There are also two items which are not included in the picture because they are virtual gifts. A six month subscription to Into the Attic, and a six month subscription to Backdoor Bondage!

Onto the contents:

1. New York City Sexbloggers Calendar 2009 – I’ve posted about this before, so you probably know what it is, or you can tell from the title what it is. I actually ordered one not too long ago, so now I have two! This is one item I’m definitely going to be giving away on here, so look out for that.
2. The World’s Best Blindfold by Scott Paul Designs – I’ve tried this on but not had the opportunity to use it yet (since I just got everything about an hour ago) but it already seems like a pretty awesome blindfold! I actually don’t have a good thick leather blindfold so this is a wonderful addition to my toybox. It’s made of leather and lined with neoprene so it’s super comfy. I’ll probably review it on Wanton Lotus.
3. A Leather Belt Accessory Clip and 30% off coupon from Sinvention, a fantastic Canadian leathercraft store which I first heard about from Domina Doll. The clip will probably be used by Onyx more than me, as he wears belts and I rarely do, but they have such wonderful stuff I’m excited about the coupon! I’ll let you know when I get something from them.
4. Fukuoku Two Fingers and a Thumb vibrator from VibeReview. I’m a little disappointed with this since it’s made of jelly rubber, which means I won’t use it. It looks interesting and like it would be fun (the fingers rotate as well as vibrate), but I just don’t use jelly toys nor do I condone their use so I don’t really want to give it to someone else either. I may recycle it so I’m not just throwing it away.
5. Bound Gods sample DVD from Kink.Com – Sexy gay male bondage porn! Yes, please!
6. 20 Lifestyles condoms “because protection sucks but is necessary” (so says John). While Onyx and I are fluid bonded so we don’t really use condoms we are desiring adding other partners to our relationship, so condoms are good to have around!
7. EMT Sheers and gauze from Boss Bondage – Definitely coming in handy! Did I mention we’re going to a rope class taught by Midori on Saturday (the 31st)? Well, we are, so I’m sure the sheers will be used!
8. Wartenberg Pin Wheel from Medical Toys – A toy I’ve wanted FOREVER and yet have never owned. Why? I’m really not sure! I’m very excited to play with this, especially over play piercings, I hear that’s fun. ;)
9. Graves Speculum from Dr. Clockwork – High quality stainless steel speculum! While I’m not hugely into medical play I do find the idea of speculums kinda sexy (when used in a sexual context, that is). I have a plastic one already that we have yet to use, but the cold metal sound like it would be even more fun.
10. 10 foot custom dyed rope from Ms. Nikki Nefarious with a custom note from her as well! The color of the rope doesn’t come off very well in the picture, but it’s a gorgeous light purple and raspberry mix that is tied beautifully as well. I’m actually loath to take it apart!
11. Japanese Silk Love Rope Wrist Cuffs from Dungeon Discounters – I’ve seen a few reviews of these and I’m pretty excited to try them. Basically they’re rope wrist cuffs that are adjustable and simple to use. Made by the same company as the Japanese Silk Love Rope I already have. Definitely a fun thing to have around!
12. Brown 5-inch Toy Case from For Your Nymphomation – Absolutely lovely and wonderful! Can easy store a bullet or something else small-ish. I already have three FYN cases that I just got before we moved to haul all my toys around in. I don’t really need this little one, so I’ll probably give it away!
13. Bullet Vibrator from Bondage Fetish Store – Seems well-made, but I already have a few great bullet vibes, so I may give this one away too! Maybe with the FYN case since they would go so well together.
14. Round Triskele-Symbol 3″ Lapel Sticker from RogerMeToo – A symbol known as the BDSM Emblem which is great to flaunt. To people who don’t know what it is it just looks like a cool celtic yin-yang kind of thing, but to people in the know you’ll be letting them know you’re kinky. I’ll probably stick this on my laptop cover!
15. Chopsticks! Also from Boss Bondage – At first I was like “Er… yay? Chopsticks?” and I wracked my brain for a kinky meaning behind them. Upon consulting with Catalina she informed me that they are not just chopsticks, they are nipple torture devices! What fun! And inexpensive fun, I might add. Easy to make, too, if you have four chopsticks (or just two) and four rubber bands (or just two) you can make these too! I’ve already tried them out a bit, and they can get wicked.
16. Card from Catalina and John – On one side (the side you can see) there’s sexy picture of Ms. Catalina Loves herself, and on the other side there are two notes to me from Catalina and John. Not part of the listed contents of the stocking originally, but something I’ll definitely treasure! It’ll probably be framed and hung next to the next item on the list.
17. 4×6 Print of Beach Bound by (and from) fetish photographer Lochai – I absolutely love this, it’s one of my favorite shots by Lochai and I’m thrilled to have a print of it! I’ll definitely frame it and put it on my wall.
18. Last but not least: The Zeus Electrogasm from ExtremeRestraints – An electrosex toy! I’m super excited about this one. Onyx and I have been wanting to play around with electrosex for a while, but haven’t been able to. I already tried this out on my leg and it feels great, though kinda strange the higher the intensity gets. I’ll be sure to review this one!

There you have it! Wonderful gifts from a wonderful site and wonderful people! Thank you so very very much to the sponsors who donated the items to make up the stocking, John Baku, Catalina Loves, and the FetLife Team who made this gift a reality!

Contests for the items I’m not keeping will come soon. Keep your eyes out!