I re-read my application post and my introduction post in preparation for writing this, my final post on the Kink Academy Student Blog, then looked over all my posts this semester. My intention when applying was to use the videos I would be watching and the techniques I would be learning to get closer with my partner, Onyx, as well as to learn skills that I could use both with him and others. [...]

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It wouldn’t be as much of a problem if we only had two paddles or crops or straps, in fact we only have two or less of each of those, but canes are a different story. I love canes. As you probably figured already from the title of this post, canes are my favorite toy to play with, both as a Top and a Bottom.

I have written about canes before for Kink Academy, so if you’ve been following my posts you have already read about my love of canes once, but it bears repeating again. Why? There are more wonderful caning videos to talk about now, of course! [...]

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I still have my first pair of knee-high leather boots. They were Fluevog Angel Boots, though I didn’t know what Fluevog was at the time, I was sixteen. Although the soles are now virtually nonexistent and the toes are scuffed beyond recognition I still have them, because they are a part of my past, a part of my life for so long. I still remember going to birthday dinner at my favorite chinese place in my hometown the same evening I got them and being so excited to have them snug around my calves.

I’ve been a lover of leather boots ever since. I’ve been thinking recently that leather boots may go so far as to being a fetish of mine, and not just in a talismanic sense. The feel of leather surrounding my flesh is intoxicating, and taking my Owner’s boots off for him or the idea of his boot pressed against my body fills me with pleasure. I discovered Lee Harrington‘s video Sole/Soul: The Art of Leather (a free video that anyone can watch, btw, even if you’re not a member) a while ago and even before watching it I had the desire to learn bootblacking, but it inspired me to start seriously looking into it. [...]

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In any case, I wanted to share the call along, since I had not seen it before Lee published it, even though it has been out there calling for submissions for a few months already. Here you go.

http://fetlife.com/users/117165/posts/508213

Call for Submissions:

Sacred Power, Holy Surrender: An Anthology of Spiritual Power Dynamic

I’m looking for people who are actively in power dynamic relationships (dominant/submissive, master/servant, master/slave, owner/property) and consider those relationships to have a strongly spiritual aspect – or perhaps even to be the mainstay of their spiritual path – to write essays about your experiences of spiritual power dynamic relationships. I’m looking for essays from both M-types and s-types, or from couples if you’d like to write something together. You can write under any name of pseudonym. If you feel comfortable with it, I would love to have essays accompanied by a photo of the two (or more) of you.

Any religious or spiritual perspective is acceptable so long as that perspective is not blatantly intolerant of others, and there is no generalization about what the behavior of others ought to be. Keep it to one’s own experiences, please. Write about what moves you on this path, and what you would have wanted to see written down about spiritual power dynamics when you were first starting out. If you really want to write for this book but you’re having trouble organizing your thoughts on the matter, ask me to send you a questionnaire about the subject, which you can fill out with in-depth specific answers and I’ll edit it together into a proper essay.

Essays should be 2000 – 8000 words, emailed to me at cauldronfarm@hotmail.com as a Word or Word Perfect attachment. Deadline is May 1, 2011. Each contributor will receive a .pdf copy of the book.

Please pass this CFS around to anyone you think would be interested!

Thank you,
-Raven Kaldera

In my first post I wrote about rope bondage, I mentioned that Onyx and I are fairly new to it and he gets frustrated by rope fairly easily, really he tries to make everything more complicated than it actually is. I mentioned that we were talking about making our rope play a weekly occurrence since, as we all know, practice makes perfect. That hasn’t happened, but we were able to explore some more rope videos and have a rope night tonight after a long hiatus!

First we watched some of the newest videos that have come out.

Rope Bondage Safety covered some of the same things as the Anatomy for BDSM videos but was information that I was happy to have reiterated.

Graydancer‘s Rope Scene Connection & Flow Part 1 and Part 2 are invaluable, I think, when it comes to rope bondage. He’s talking about things that seem really simple and obvious once you know them but are not often taught during rope classes such as how to approach someone you’re playing with, how to connect with the rope bottom during the scene, and how to keep confident during a scene even when you make a mistake. His tips are great for any sort of scene, really, not just rope bondage.

Then we reviewed. [...]

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When I first was introduced to the concept I was not that interested in it, though motivating that disinterest was partly having a partner who is just over ten years older than me, as well as being the youngest of three, the baby of the family, so most of my life I have wanted to be older than I am. Because I was Submissive during that initial introduction and it was introduced to me in the way of the Big having power and the Little not having power that role wasn’t an interesting one. I now know that those assumptions and limitations initially introduced to me are simply untrue.

There aren’t as many age play videos uploaded as there are, say, rope videos, but the three that really focus on it are all excellent. There are two introduction videos and one that goes a little more in-depth specifically talking about bringing power and sexuality into age play, which is fascinating. [...]

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I’ve loved canes for as long as I’ve loved impact play, especially the thicker ones. The thing I hear most about canes is this misguided notion that canes are all extremely painful, but in reality they can elicit a wide range of sensations. While I knew most of the information in the Stingy vs. Thuddy video it had never been laid out for me that same way, so it was extremely useful, and it’s information I’ve relayed to friends since watching. I started rating the canes we have: thuddy, thuddy with a stingy finish, and stingy with a thuddy finish (I love making kink toys sound similar to a fine wine and it works so well!). We used to have a wicked stingy thin one too, but one day it snapped at the handle while in mid-use! Somehow I didn’t mind.

I really like thud. That’s not to say I don’t like sting, because I do, but I generally can take a lot more thuddy than I can stingy. Really, though, I like it all. In fact, if that is not my motto I don’t know what is. When presented with multiple options I generally have a difficult time choosing because I want all of them. Go ahead and call me greedy, I don’t mind. [...]

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When I saw the title of a recent Kink Academy video: Making Unusual Fetishes Work For You – Part 1 I was intrigued and, being a psychology geek and aspiring sex educator I decided to watch it even though I wasn’t sure I would get anything personally relevant out of it. In it Wintersong just gives a teaser for the rest of the video series, just giving an outline of what he will cover in future clips. In addition to getting me excited to see the rest of the series it also got me thinking about my own fetishes.

Wanting to explore the subject further I found Lee Harrington‘s video Fetishism and devoured it eagerly. He talks about three different kinds of fetishism–desires, needs, and empowered objects–and points out ways to present a fetish to a current or potential lover in a positive way. I had heard the basic definitions that he uses before both through my own explorations and in obtaining my psychology degree but he re-framed them for me in a kink context. The re-framing actually made me start to identify with two of the three: desires and empowered objects. [...]

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There was lots of baggage we both were battling back then, issues and assumptions we both were making due to past experiences either with other people or with each other. I desperately wanted some structure. I wanted clearly defined rules and protocols. I wanted all the things I’d heard what M/S is, the things I had read about in books and erotica. I wanted to be controlled by him in every way. When we tried to put those into practice, however, I rebelled. I didn’t trust him. I couldn’t submit in those conditions. He couldn’t control me and I wouldn’t let him.

Fast forward four years or so. The last year we’ve been at our peak as far as our intentional non-egalitarian relationship, which I often refer to as Owner/Brat for lack of a better term. I am owned by him, I am his, but I am not always submissive or obedient. I have the leeway to be a brat, to struggle, things we both really enjoy (though usually I’m only a brat in certain contexts). I had been consciously neglecting the other aspects, however, at least partially because they didn’t work before.

Enter Delving Into Power, a weekend intensive by Lee Harrington (who has some wonderful clips here on the Kink Academy) that Onyx and I attended the first weekend of February. Going through that weekend my Service Submissive self was tapped into and I realized there were aspects I was missing and that Onyx and I were finally in the right place to address service and protocol in our relationship so naturally I began scouring the service and protocol category of Kink Academy to see what other tools I could find.

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A lot of the information presented included things I had thought about before that Onyx had not or things that Onyx had thought about that I had not or things that we had talked about in our previous relationship with each other⁰² that we hadn’t explicitly talked about in this one⁰³. It was especially refreshing to be around other kinky people, something that has been missing in our lives for the most part as we’ve been focusing more on the occult community here rather than the kinky one⁰⁴. We were both able to get some perspective on our own desires and feelings by being in such a group.

There was so much wonderful information I won’t even go into it, mostly I want to talk about some of my reactions and the changes in our relationship since then. I love to be a brat and part of that love is to elicit a firm hand in dealing with me, basically forcing Onyx to reign me in (consensually!⁰⁵), but something that came up over the weekend was my equally strong desire to submit and be of service. The latter is not something we have been exploring in our new relationship as much as the playful force that bratting brings in at least in part because of our failure to implement it in the old one. We had such difficulty with trying to view service in a particular way and trying to include that in our M/s relationship but now that we’ve in an O/b relationship⁰⁶ for nearly a year and we’ve gotten comfortable with that the service and submission aspects need some focus.

We had a long talk on Saturday during a break between class and dinner/play party time that was most wonderful. We both expressed some things that had been building up within us and were able to come to some conclusions as to what we each wanted to include in our relationship. I was having trouble that day because I was feeling like I didn’t fit in for various reasons⁰⁷ and because I felt like I was failing Onyx⁰⁸ partially due to lack of explicit instructions. Onyx doesn’t like giving out explicit instructions but I need them, something we have had lots of trouble with before.

There was a lot more we talked about, including the spiritual path we are currently on and our own issues that we have each been dealing with. We expressly communicated about the things we each need and want and ways for us to begin getting that. It was refreshing and amazing, exactly what had needed to happen, and took us one step further in our relationship. Realizing my service desires that I had been squelching with him for so long was freeing. I had doubts then about our ability to actually implement some things that we were wanting due to our past experiences, but those doubts are nearly gone now.

We haven’t had the time to talk too in-depth about our power dynamic since the weekend long workshop because of work and then going to another workshop this past weekend that was not kink-focused⁰⁹, but we have been able to begin some practices that have not only worked to shape the new dynamic that is forming between us.

The primary practice we’ve been putting into action is a daily checklist so I am accountable for the work I do. I’ve previously complained about feeling like I never get anything done or I don’t get enough done even when I do get things done. I’m still working on figuring out this self-employment stuff. I’ve also been a little lax at my cleaning duties. This daily checklist allows me to feel accomplished when I do get things done and for me to be sure I am doing something for Onyx every night as well, plus I have a fetish for lists¹⁰.

I’m excited to feel like we’re moving forward into uncharted (by us) territory. We have new ideas and a great many things we want to include in our relationship as it goes forward. There will be plenty of road blocks ahead but I feel like we will be able to encounter and move through them all. Along with the workshop this past weekend, which helped me release some things I have been needing to for quite some time¹¹ and I believe the same thing happened for Onyx as well. It has been a transformational couple of weeks.

There has been a general shift in our dynamic because of the communication, interaction, and introspection we were able to do both individually and with each other. I feel so much more connected and in tune than we were before, and this last year we’ve been so much more connected and in tune than we were before that! It seems like we’re just getting better and better, which is truly amazing.

1. there were 16 of us total I believe
2. the years before the triad
3. since I returned from Alaska last March-yes I consider the post-triad relationship to be a separate one
4. eventually my hope is to be part of a kinky queer occultist tribe, which is starting to happen
5. or, lately it has been consensual
6. I am not defining the differences here at the moment, but I am sure I will be talking about them soon in another post!
7. all in my head
8. or I was being set up to fail
9. which I will also be writing about
10. both making and crossing things off of
11. you will just have to wait for the other post for more on that

I’ve always been someone who plays with fire. Lighters, candles, flames in general, for as long as I remember I would run my fingers through the flames or see how close to the tip I could get. I suppose that’s fairly common, but because of it I’ve been interested in fire play since I first heard of it. Although I had seen it done a few times I had not done it or experienced it myself until after watching the series of clips by Brian/PyroSadist.

After watching the videos I immediately began figuring out how to get my hands on the supplies that I needed in order to add fire play to my collection of skills. I learned that fire play actually comes down to a few simple techniques and a lot of safety and common sense. Fire is alive and no matter how much preparation, mindfulness, and precaution are put into it there is still a risk of something unexpected happening, which I felt was stressed rather well both in the Supplies and Safety video and the following videos. He also stresses that when something unexpected happens the best thing to do is stay calm and use your head, advice that extends beyond fire play.

In Fire Play Techniques Part 1 Brian instructs on how to create fireballs as well as the four and a half different types of techniques you can use with torches: lay down, tapping, blowing, heat transfer, and lay down v.2 (hence the half). In Part 2 he talks about using fire play on genitals (using “disposable torches” aka q-tips), psychological and therapeutic aspects to fire play, and what to do about body hair and piercings (both questions I had going into learning the techniques). After watching the clips I felt like I had the information I needed to start playing with fire and decided to begin using q-tips while I figured out getting a set of full sized torches. [...]

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Day 12: Tell us about a humorous BDSM/kink experience you’ve had. If you haven’t had one, talk about aspects of kink/BDSM you find funny.

Oh, man. I hate these type of “tell us a story about a specific incident” questions. I suck at them during interviews and I suck at them here. Have there been many humorous kinky experiences in my life? Definitely! Can I think of one when being asked to directly relate one? Never! My brain just doesn’t work like that, I guess. This is why I also suck at interviews and am self-employed.

I love to have fun kink and playful kink and think that humor is essential in all sorts of sexuality, kink included. Part of the reason why I enjoy the term “play” for kinky or sexy activity is because I really do play during sex. Onyx and I both love to do funny things, crack puns, and make jokes in the middle of otherwise serious play sessions. I love doing impact play to some music that is going on in my head, often random hilarious things like the Mario Bros. Theme.

As for aspects of kink/BDSM I find funny, mostly it’s taking things too damn seriously, or any of that “one twue way” thinking that so many people seem to subscribe to, particularly online. Both of those things aren’t “funny” in the sense of they always make me laugh, though sometimes they do, but closer to being absurd. That’s not to say there isn’t room for seriousness in WIITWD, because there are times for being serious, but there’s a line there that becomes humorous once crossed. Of course, these things can also be just plain upsetting when confronted with them as well, but I try to keep them humorous.

I’m Scarlet Lotus, a genderqueer polyamorous switch currently in a long-term relationship with my Owner Onyx. We have been together for nearly six years and have been living together for nearly five of those with a few other partners along the way, but currently neither of us has another relationship. We both identify as switches and although our primary roles together are Owner and Pet he occasionally lets me Top him, which is always great fun, and I’m rather a Brat (consensually!) so I can sometimes get away with some Top-type energy from my Bottom-space.

Although we had both been kinky and into kink for a long while before we got together in many ways this is the first healthy kinky relationship either of us has been in, so we had a good amount of personal baggage to work through when we first got together (and oh how I wish I had been able to watch the Managing S&M 24/7 Relationships Series when we first got together!). The last year or so has been the best year of our relationship, and I’m hoping that will continue as the years go on.

We’re somewhere in the intermediate-to-advanced range of experience. Some of our common play time activities include: impact play, punching, face slapping, needle play, erotic wrestling, and rough body play, among others. There are plenty of other things we want to learn more about and incorporate into our play as well.

As I already mentioned, I began watching videos as soon as I was able and have already had the chance to bring a few to Onyx for us to play with together. [...]

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I mention this because today we awoke around 1pm to the sound of our apartment buzzer and now that you know our wacky sleep schedule you’ll understand why waking at 1pm was early for us. I do not jive on five hours of sleep. Usually our buzzer going off in the middle of the day means only one thing: a package has arrived for us. I immediately thought I knew what it was. Or at least I hoped. I used to get new items to review far more frequently than I do now because I’m working on clearing out my backlog of items, but the only thing that I was still waiting to come to me was a Liberator Heart Wedge.

You may or may not remember the Heart Wedge from the contest I held last month⁰² but I’ve been lusting after it since it first came out and now I have one of my very own! I’ll be reviewing it soon on Wanton Lotus.

Doesn’t it look great with the throw pillows on our couch?

As I was waiting for Onyx to return with the box my phone buzzed. In my still half-asleep state I looked at a text for a direct message on twitter. It was from KinkAcademy asking if I had received the email about me being accepted as a student blogger⁰³ as they were waiting to know if I accepted before announcing the new semester of students. I quickly responded an enthusiastic affirmative and bounced up and down with glee.

In case you didn’t read my application post for the KA student blogger position I will reiterate the awesomeness of Kink Academy and what I’ll be doing for them. KA provides instructional videos on all sorts of kinky topics from basic to advanced. As a student blogger I get three months to poke around the KA videos and will be writing at least one post a week from February 1st to May 1st about my reaction to a video or series of videos and my experiences implementing the techniques I learned. Awesome, no? So keep a look out for those frequent posts! You can also learn more about Kink Academy on KinkAcademyInfo.com and watch some of their free videos.

After opening the box to find the wonderful present⁰⁴ inside and regaling Onyx with the exciting news and my over-the-top excitement we attempted to go back to sleep and successfully woke up a few hours later much better rested.

I was still excited when I woke up and I can say that with the day starting on such an awesome note it has yet to go down. I have not had the Heart Wedge out of my immediate vicinity yet today, as is my tendency with new items I get, and I’ve already begun watching videos on Kink Academy while working on Pleasurists so I can begin to figure out which topics I’ll want to write about and explore offline with Onyx. I’m positively bursting with excitement.

1. The most awesome schedule ever. He chose it himself.
2. I probably should have posted about it on here
3. Yay! Yay! A thousand times yay!
4. Not really a present as I have to earn it, but you know what I mean

Unfortunately I was unable to participate in the first round of Student Bloggers on Kink Academy but I eagerly read along with the first batch of students as the first semester progressed and came to a close. Every day since I’ve been watching their twitter stream for the important announcement: registration⁰¹ for semester two is open! This semester I have the time and ability to dedicate to this position and I’m really hoping to be given the chance to participate.

Aside from thinking that Kink Academy is awesome, why would I be interested in becoming a student blogger in the first place? I can’t say that I’m not attracted to being paid to blog, of course, since paid gigs are wonderful. But even if there was no money involved I would be applying. Why? Having videos I have to watch and a post I have to write every week about them and my experience after watching them not only gives me great blog fodder but also the opportunity to get even closer to Onyx. Let me explain.

Kink has been in my life for may years but has seemed to come in waves. The waves that kink has come in the last few years has more to do with my relationship status than anything else. For quite a while after the beginning of our relationship Onyx and I were pretty regularly engaging in kinky sex and in a D/S relationship. When I moved in with him something switched in our relationship dynamic, and then later we switched.

Relationships are constantly changing, and we both knew that, but we just weren’t fitting together the way we had before and so we tried out different roles and activities to try to fit together again. Through much communication and exploration we came back together, and then started drifting apart again, and it continued in that pattern for a few years. We would get closer, then we would get farther apart. In the last year, however, kink has been on an upswing due to the better connection we have after facing the possible end of our relationship and I’m dedicated to keeping it that way.

I’ve been talking a lot about kink around here recently since starting the 30 Days of Kink writing prompt. Looking at my kinky desires and activities in order to answer the prompts has lead to more communication with Onyx about it and has lead to greater kinky harmony in our lives. It has become something innate lately rather than something we have to work on, which is amazingly wonderful, and unlike some times in the past we aren’t finding ourselves in a rut. Part of the trick to keeping our dynamic exciting is partially our connection which has never been better and part playing and experimenting with new things. This is how Kink Academy would help us get closer.

While I would say I know a good amount of tips and techniques related to kink as well as sex and sexuality I also have a lot more to learn. There is always more to learn. Even now our activities aren’t terribly varied, although they’re lots of fun, and being able to explore the vast amount of wonderful Kink Academy videos would help us explore new activities including those we have been wanting to do for years but haven’t due to lack of knowledge.

I’m really quite excited about this opportunity. I followed the first semester of student bloggers eagerly and enviously and now I’m hoping to be part of the second round. Someday, once I’m teaching sex ed classes of my own, I hope to work with Kink Academy as part of the faculty, but one thing at a time. For now, delving in to the wonderful wealth of sex-positive videos will help my knowledge and experience grow.

1. or, perhaps more accurately: application