taiWelcome! I’m Tai Scarlet Kulystin, the creatrix of Purveyor of Pleasure. I am a somatic sexuality educator, occultist, professional harlot, and gender & relationships coach. This blog is my personal exploration of gender, sexuality, spirituality, kink, and the pitfalls of an overanalytical nature.

I identify as a queer fat genderqueer polyamorous switch and prefer the pronouns ne/nem/nir or they/them. I spend a lot of my time thinking about sacred sexuality, sacred kink, relationships, the body, queer theory, depth psychology, erotic psychology, sexological bodywork, and so much more. I'm in a long-term live-in relationship with my partner Onyx, and I also have a few other relationships and lovers.
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Archive for the ‘Sex Toy Love’


Jack Off

It wasn’t sexy or elaborate. Really it was downright mechanistic1. It had been a while since I had rubbed one out alone and the fast-paced lives Onyx and I have been living lately haven’t lent themselves to as much sex as either of us would like. It was time to remedy this situation.

I didn’t even move the pile of freshly washed clothes from on top of the bed, just nudged them aside so I could lay down2. I grabbed my Eroscillator, pushed aside my underwear, added a little lube, and arranged it to just the right spot. It had actually been a while since I’d gotten off with it, my Wahl has had preferential treatment as of late with its amazingly deep and strong rumbly vibrations. I had almost forgotten how much I love my Eroscillator, but tonight I was reminded.

While the Eroscillator has nothing on the Wahl as far as the bang you get for your buck3 I forgot just how deep and different the oscillations are from normal vibrators. It still produces a different kind of orgasm than any other toy, one I can’t put into words even though I’ve been trying to finish this sentence for ten minutes.

Though I had contemplated my Eleven or Pure Wand, my go-to dildos, I decided to forgo the internal stimulation. It wasn’t needed when the goal was release but not effort or sexy intricate fantasy. It still wasn’t many orgasms until I felt the need to squirt all over the bed.

Yes, many orgasms. When I come I can’t just stop at one, I’ve never really been able to. Onyx has tried to stop me after one and discovered just how irritating I can be when not fully sated. Although I suppose that implies that I am ever fully satiated and I’m not sure that can be said. There are times when I am exhausted, finished, and needing a break, but sated? Those are usually the same times that my clit burns4 as if to say “I NEED MORE.” There is often a point where I am unable to deliver or even come anymore but I wouldn’t call this sated.

I contemplated squirting for only a few seconds before dismissing it. I didn’t have my Throe under me and I wasn’t about to ejaculate all over the clothes I had just washed. Plus, this was mechanistic so the effort to get it and position it just right before coming again so I could ejaculate just seemed like too much work. Although even now as I write this I can feel that delightful pressure inside of me telling me to release it, a sensation I used to compare to needing to pee but now I know the difference.

So I came and held myself back from squirting, which in and of itself made the experience slightly less satisfying. How many times I came I don’t know. I always used to lose count after three so now I don’t even attempt anymore. There’s probably an app for that5. I stopped, even though my clit was screaming at me to keep going, and stumbled out of the bedroom in a post-orgasmic daze.

  1. a fabulous old post from Ellie Lumpesse, read it if you have not before! []
  2. I have more in the washer and dryer, I will put them all up at the same time. What? Don’t judge me. []
  3. $12.49 on Amazon! Seriously! Go get one now! I thought this was such a good deal I even bought one for my best friend for no reason other than it is wicked cheap and she needs one. []
  4. not from the chemicals in the lube, just from wonderful overstimulation! []
  5. Orgasm Counter for the iPhone?–or not, since Apple is all anti-sex apps, but it sounded good anyway []

Day of Awesome

You may or may not know that my sleep schedule is pretty much the opposite of what is considered “usual.” Onyx works nights now Sunday through Wednesday1 and doesn’t get home until any time between 6:30am and 9am depending on if he stays late for meetings or whatnot. Usually he gets home around seven. This means that I am usually up until around seven or eight. Even on his days off, unless we have a reason not to, we’re usually up until at least six.

I mention this because today we awoke around 1pm to the sound of our apartment buzzer and now that you know our wacky sleep schedule you’ll understand why waking at 1pm was early for us. I do not jive on five hours of sleep. Usually our buzzer going off in the middle of the day means only one thing: a package has arrived for us. I immediately thought I knew what it was. Or at least I hoped. I used to get new items to review far more frequently than I do now because I’m working on clearing out my backlog of items, but the only thing that I was still waiting to come to me was a Liberator Heart Wedge.

You may or may not remember the Heart Wedge from the contest I held last month2 but I’ve been lusting after it since it first came out and now I have one of my very own! I’ll be reviewing it soon on Wanton Lotus.

Liberator Heart Wedge
Doesn’t it look great with the throw pillows on our couch?

As I was waiting for Onyx to return with the box my phone buzzed. In my still half-asleep state I looked at a text for a direct message on twitter. It was from KinkAcademy asking if I had received the email about me being accepted as a student blogger3 as they were waiting to know if I accepted before announcing the new semester of students. I quickly responded an enthusiastic affirmative and bounced up and down with glee.

In case you didn’t read my application post for the KA student blogger position I will reiterate the awesomeness of Kink Academy and what I’ll be doing for them. KA provides instructional videos on all sorts of kinky topics from basic to advanced. As a student blogger I get three months to poke around the KA videos and will be writing at least one post a week from February 1st to May 1st about my reaction to a video or series of videos and my experiences implementing the techniques I learned. Awesome, no? So keep a look out for those frequent posts! You can also learn more about Kink Academy on KinkAcademyInfo.com and watch some of their free videos.

After opening the box to find the wonderful present4 inside and regaling Onyx with the exciting news and my over-the-top excitement we attempted to go back to sleep and successfully woke up a few hours later much better rested.

I was still excited when I woke up and I can say that with the day starting on such an awesome note it has yet to go down. I have not had the Heart Wedge out of my immediate vicinity yet today, as is my tendency with new items I get, and I’ve already begun watching videos on Kink Academy while working on Pleasurists so I can begin to figure out which topics I’ll want to write about and explore offline with Onyx. I’m positively bursting with excitement.

  1. The most awesome schedule ever. He chose it himself. []
  2. I probably should have posted about it on here []
  3. Yay! Yay! A thousand times yay! []
  4. Not really a present as I have to earn it, but you know what I mean []

How Sex Toys Changed My Life

This is part of the Sex Toy Day Blog Carnival. For more information see the bottom of this post.

It’s no secret that I love sex toys. I love them so much I have both a sex toy review blog and I started and run Pleasurists, a sex toy (and other adult product) review round-up.

I remember the first time I bought a sex toy. It was at Babeland’s Seattle store with my older sister. I was fourteen at the time, but I always looked old for my age. I picked out a plastic glow-in-the-dark bullet. I still have it, actually. I remember absolutely loving it. I had used various items as “sex toys” previous to this including fruits and vegetables (usually with a condom) and my own hands, of course, but having a sex toy was empowering and made me feel grown up and sexually alive, in control of my own body.

From that point on I bought a lot of sex toys. I bought my first strap on (the Terra Firma Harness) and dildo (Vixen Creations Leo in black) at sixteen online. I regularly shopped at Babeland online and whenever I had excess money I would get a little something for myself. I bought vibrators and dildos as well as various kink items like handcuffs and blindfolds. I mostly used all these on myself or for partners over the phone. I remember my sister giving me a Babeland gift card for christmas when I was eighteen or nineteen.

I have always loved sex toys. In June of 2008 when I discovered a sex toy review program I jumped at the chance to enter it. I reviewed a few products I owned and then got accepted as a reviewer, which lead me to another company and another. I had already been writing this blog since late 2007. That’s when sex toys changed my life again.

From reviewing on my own site and setting up Pleasurists I have met so many amazing and wonderful people. I have met people through this blog as well, which I’m not discounting, but the variety of people I have interacted with through Pleasurists alone is amazing. I feel like part of an online community.

At first sex toys empowered me, enabled me to embrace and take control of my own sexuality. Now sex toys are such a part of my daily life and I love them even more. I can’t imagine my life without sex toys, or at very least I don’t want to.

From What Is Sex Toy Day?

To celebrate, we’re giving away 1000 vibrators to the first 1000 people who enter their info at SexToyDay.com at 11AM EST/8AM PST on November 4th, 2010. Sex Toy Day gives you an opportunity to experience the joy of sex toys completely risk free. There is no cost for the toy or for shipping. It will be shipped with complete discretion in a plain white padded envelope from Sawhorse Enterprises.

They’re also encouraging everyone (especially sex/sex toy bloggers) to participate in a blog carnival related to sex toys or become a sponsor.

This whole idea brought to you by MyPleasure.

10.03

2010

30 Days of Kink: Toys

This is the seventh of my 30 Days of Kink in which I will be answering each of the thirty questions in different posts. I thought these would be interesting to answer and (hopefully) interesting for you to read. These will be posted in order, but not always back-to-back.

Day 7: What’s your favorite toy?

That’s a bit of a loaded question for a sex toy reviewer! Aside from mentoning that my Eroscillator is my absolute favorite clitoral stimulator (though I have other favorite toys in other categories) I’ll stick to kinky toys, otherwise it might just be a list of many toys of various different types, and that wouldn’t fit in as well to this 30 Days of Kink.

I really love multi-tasker toys and using household products for impact play or pinching, or something else. Normal everyday objects that can be re-purposed in devious kinky ways.

I also have a soft spot for canes. I would say that canes are my favorite impact play toy, though floggers come in a close second. I also love paddles and crops, but canes reign supreme. I suppose that shouldn’t be too surprising considering I started Cane A Slut Day. I haven’t really tried a metal one yet, but they look wicked and I would love to, but I have tried rattan, bamboo, and acrylic.

I adore gags, also, specifically open mouth gags. I mentioned this in Q2 – list your kinks because gags really do turn me on. There’s just something about being unable to speak but having the mouth open for use in any way I/my Top sees fit. I love it. Currently my whitehead gag and mini gag (Insex-style spider gag) are my favorites.

I’ve always had a fondness for clothes pins and nipple clamps, anything pinchy, and recently rediscovered that fondness after watching a scene in Rough Sex 2 that included clothes pins and Onyx deciding he needed to try that technique out. Using a cane to hit clothes pins off was an experience my inner masochist loved.

03.19

2009

My Perfect Bedroom

Inspired by AAG in her post Two Images where she actually quotes an older post from 2005 titled “The Perfect Bedroom” in which she describes all that would make up her perfect bedroom. I thought I would give it a try.

The walls would be a dark royal blue, though part of me wants the bedroom to be scarlet the rest of me says I could paint the living room scarlet so the bedroom would be blue. In one astrology class I took ages ago we did a guided imagery which was an image of our bedroom, basically our ideal bedroom, and mine was a gorgeous dark royal blue. That has been in my head ever since.

The carpet would be “silver” basically a medium dark gray with silver sparkles. The ceiling would be a matching medium dark gray as well, with glow in the dark stars across it in the constellations of the night sky in June (my birthday month). The stars would be fairly visible with the light on, but in the dark they would light up beautifully.

The bed would be a king at least with a black four-postered frame and sheer black curtains but an open top so the night sky could easily be seen. Royal blue satin sheets to match the walls, much like the ones we have now only a different color, silver pillow cases, and a big fluffy black split comforter to wrap up in.

Split comforter meaning, well, exactly what it sounds: the comforter is split down the middle so that each person has a their own blanket, which reduces on stealing in the night. Basically there would be two twin comforters for a king bed (or more depending on how many people were staying there). It works remarkably well, and doesn’t reduce on snuggle/cuddle ability either as stacking of the comforters is easy. This is something common in Norway we found out while we were there last May, both in Onyx’s mother’s house where we stayed a couple nights and in the furnished house his father let us stay in had split comforters on the bed, and I think it’s fabulous.

A mirror would take up quite a bit of the wall to the left of the bed, large enough that I could look over from any point on the bed or just off of the bed and see my (and others’) reflection. On the wall to the right of the bed there would be a small bedside table with a decorative lamp, all black and silver (notice a theme?).

On the wall to the right of the bed, there would be a black vanity table, complete with an oval mirror of course and two gorgeous side mirrors with pretty designs in the black metal. It would have plenty of counter space with all sorts of products on it like make-up and perfume where I could sit and femme up, contemplate my navel, or use my laptop.

To the right of the bed, between the bed and vanity, would be the walk-in closet. Also the same color of blue, with plenty of space for fabulous clothes and dresses, a great shoe rack, and a dresser, all of it sorted and organized impeccably. Yes, my closet is one of the places my mild OCD focuses: all my clothes are sorted by type, length/sleeve, then color.

Against the wall directly across from the foot of the bed would be a large black wardrobe. Not for clothes, obviously, as I have my walk-in closet, but for toys! The top 2/3 of it would have double doors that would open up to show shelves with also impeccably organized lube, dildos, vibrators, and bdsm equipment (from left to right). Mirrors on the inside of the doors. Floggers and cuffs hanging down the right side. Almost anything one could think of. Below the double doors would be a few drawers, including harnesses, larger bdsm equipment like spreader bars, lingerie, etc.

To the left of the wardrobe, across from the walk-in closet, would be the door to the hallway and rest of the house. To the right of the wardrobe would be the door to the bathroom… though that is a whole other post.

There would be a few places to sit, mostly Liberator furniture, all in black: an Esse and Stage combo to the lower left of the bed, Equus and Equus Rest at the foot of the bed, Buckaroo to the lower right of the bed, and an Escape between the mirror and the bed. Of course I’d have all the Liberator Shapes as well, though not out as furniture. I may need some sort of shelving or wardrobe just for them.

Above the vanity would be a poster of Marlene Dietrich (maybe two for some juxtaposition). To either side of the wardrobe there would be posters as well, and one at the head of the bed.

My laptop would be kept on the nightstand for the most part, and could provide music to fit any mood or entertainment while snuggled up in bed. There may or may not be a mini fridge with fruit, water, and ice so that one wouldn’t have to go far for quick nourishment, though the kitchen in this fantasy house would be amazing as well, probably black and silver themed.

And the rest of the house… that’s a different story. I do know that the living room would be all red, black, and leopard print, though, and there would be a play room for our cats with things to climb and chase and pounce on. There would also be a separate dungeon area with large equipment where we could also host parties. Oh, the list goes on…

This also hinges on the idea that in this poly household everyone in the house would have separate bedrooms so they could decorate each of them as they wish and we would all have our own space that we could retreat to when necessary but also have communal spaces like the living rooms, dungeon, temple, library, and probably a communal bedroom with beds taking up an entire wall (probably adjacent to the dungeon). And there’s oh so much more.

Of course, this is all fantasy, a fabulous decadent fantasy but fantasy nonetheless. But some day… who knows what may happen down the line.

Do you have any fantasy ideas about your perfect bedroom?

03.04

2009

Toy Reviewing Changes

I heart sex toys
Made by me.

Taking a tip from Bad Bad Girl I’m actually going to be changing around the way I do toy reviews on this blog.

Not too long ago I acquired WantonLotus.com and cross-posted all my reviews there. In the last few Pleasurists I have been linking to reviews on Wanton Lotus as opposed to here, kind of slowly transitioning my reviews from here to there, in a way. Now I have decided to do more than that.

While I will post on here with reviewed toys once a week it will be a brief summary of the toys I have reviewed, no more than three a week and probably more like two. I will list some of the basic elements of the toy and a link to the toy site but leave it to you to decide if you would like to go over to Wanton Lotus and read the entire review. I know many people will, just as I do this with Bad Bad Girl on her BBG Toys site.

Basically doing this will enable me to post multiple reviews on that site, possibly scheduling them to come out Mon-Wed-Fri or Tues-Wed-Thurs or something like that and not worry about having this site taken over by toy reviews.

Though I have been thinking about doing this for quite a while, as I have had Wanton Lotus for quite some time and that was part of the idea for getting the site, the catalyst for this was my post on Sex Toys and Sex Blogs. Like I said on there:

While I enjoy reading reviews and I do review a lot of toys I have always done it one of two ways. First, I started reviewing one toy a week. Easy, simple, one toy a week, with posts in between. Then, when I started to get more companies I was reviewing for, I moved that to two reviews a week (rarely, but sometimes three), but I had to have at least four posts between them. Why four posts? Well… I don’t really know. But that’s what I set for myself. I thought it was a good number, and I’ve had a lot to write about lately. Sometimes that number didn’t happen, sometimes it was two, sometimes it was six, etc. but, that was the goal. I’ve always made sure to have other content along side my reviews.

But now this method isn’t working for me, mostly because I’ve had writers block lately and have been unable to sit down and write the way I want and need to. I’ve also been busy exploring a new city and looking for a job, so I haven’t been writing as much even when I can write.

I also have more and more products that I want to review. Not just toys that are sent to me, though those are definitely a big part of it, but also books I read and older toys that I have. I have this desire to have a somewhat comprehensive idea of what is in my toybox represented by my reviews. I want to re-write some of my older reviews to be better and more comprehensive.

In addition to toy-specific posts I also want to start writing some Toy Info 101 posts as well, such as Material Safety, How to Choose a Toy, Floggers 101, Harnesses 101, etc. I know there are other sites who have articles like this, but these would be mine. I also want to write non toy-oriented ones for this site, but that’s a whole different topic.

Why do I want to do all this? Because I think reviews are important. I enjoy reading reviews and think that others enjoy reading them too. I think that they’re helpful for people who buy toys to get a good idea of products. Sure, there are lots of toy reviews saturating the sex blogging world right now, but I have a passion for toys, and I’m happy to exploit the opportunity to test out more toys, learn about toys, and share that knowledge with others.

02.05

2009

Sex Toys and Sex Blogs

Obviously sex toys have become a big part of my life. I think about them at least weekly when I round-up reviews for Pleasurists though usually more because I do my own reviews too, and just recently Domina Doll and I compiled the Best Sex Toy Reviewers 2008 list. This has sparked a bit of conversation, which I am eager to engage in and have already been asked my opinion of. First, go and read these three posts by Sinclair Sexsmith, AAG, and Debauched Domestic Diva if you haven’t already. I’ll be here when you get back, promise.

Good, now, here’s my take on this: I actually couldn’t agree more. They aren’t saying that we shouldn’t be doing reviews, just that we should be more conscious of who we’re reviewing for, what we’re reviewing, and how often we’re reviewing them (at least that’s my take on it).

While I enjoy reading reviews and I do review a lot of toys I have always done it one of two ways. First, I started reviewing one toy a week. Easy, simple, one toy a week, with posts in between. Then, when I started to get more companies I was reviewing for, I moved that to two reviews a week (rarely, but sometimes three), but I had to have at least four posts between them. Why four posts? Well… I don’t really know. But that’s what I set for myself. I thought it was a good number, and I’ve had a lot to write about lately. Sometimes that number didn’t happen, sometimes it was two, sometimes it was six, etc. but, that was the goal. I’ve always made sure to have other content along side my reviews.

There are reviewers out there that just review sex toys and don’t give much personal information or have personal posts, and that is a whole different can o’ worms I think. For my reviews and reviewing I agree with what Kyle said in the comments of Diva’s post “sex toy reviews are icing, but not the cake.” However, this is different for toy review blogs.

When the blog is dedicated to toy reviews then I don’t expect anything but toy reviews (makes sense, right?). I don’t think this is a bad blog or anything of that sort, because if the stats of Pleasurists and my own review blog Wanton Lotus are any indication, people are reading reviews and many enjoy reading reviews, I know I do. I even enjoy reading multiple reviews on the same product, because I think that gives me a better idea about the toy.

I try to pick the sites I review for carefully, I too have turned down requests (though not many, I’ll admit) and I no longer review for EdenFantasys. I’ve turned into somewhat of a toy snob and do not review just any toy, primarily I review toys I already think I’m going to enjoy, but occasionally I get one that just doesn’t work for me. While I’ve picked up some new review programs that I haven’t “vetted” completely I do feel for the most part that I’ve made good choices. I think what AAG said about questions to ask before reviewing for a company is fantastic, and I’m going to take that list, apply it to the sites I review for, and see what happens.

For those of you who didn’t read her post I’ll quote her:

  • Does the site contain representations of people from a variety of genders and orientations?
  • Are women shown as equal partners in sexual play and decision-making?
  • Is educational and safety information included?
  • Will the site accept returns or otherwise make it right if a customer is dissatisfied with a purchase?
  • Are there good ways to contact the company (not just an online feedback form) if things go awry?
  • Is the company responsive to contact and concerns from reviewers?
  • Does the site treat its reviewers well? Its employees? Does it have a reputation for good business practices from other bloggers?
  • Is the site free from dangerous products such as “shrink” creams and anal numbing lubes?

If you can’t answer “yes” to those questions, it’s time for us as a group to start speaking out both in the reviews we write and in the reviews we refuse to write.

We as a community need to use our collective powers in editorializing about not only the buzzy plastic but also the business ethics of the companies from whom we accept toys.

Very smart, seriously. I can already answer yes to most of the questions for all of the companies I review for, but not all questions as further research is needed.

Now, I won’t say I’m not greedy because I am. I’m Veruca Salt. I want it all. I want toys. I don’t want every toy, but I do want a lot of them. I think toy review blogs are valid blogs, and I know people enjoy reading them, including myself, but there is a difference between a toy review blog and a sex blog (well, duh, and I’m not saying one is better than the other), and like the lovely ladies and gentleman I am referencing in this post I don’t want my personal content swallowed up by reviews.

On a slightly different but related topic I’m interested in this gem in Diva’s post from the other side of things (the marketing side):

I personally think this year we will see an end to this over saturation of sex toys being handed out. Some bloggers may have high traffic numbers and sales through their affiliate links but overall these companies are not seeing the returns in sales for what they are giving out. They are going to start looking for different ways to market their products than all these reviews that many people seem to be skipping over reading half of the time.

It’ll definitely be interesting to see how toy reviewing evolves in the next year or so.

12.20

2008

The Winner of the First Giveaway Is…

Coy Pink!

Oh, goodness… it’s pink! I must have it! It goes with my theme, dontcha know. I’d put a fresh shock of color (pink, of course) in my hair, let Alec lovingly place the collar on my neck and the blindfold on my face. Then I’d beg him to beat me with the whip. All of this, of course, would be followed up by a photo session to capture the glory of the pink naughtiness.

What a fun giveaway!

And we do expect to see those pictures you promised!

How I wish I had more of these to give away! I couldn’t decide so I numbered my favorites and used a Random Number Generator to pick the winner. If I had my way all four of you would receive one!

However, there will be more contests in the future, so be sure to enter those! Someone’s gotta win, why not you? Enter my Holiday Bunny Giveaway and keep your eyes peeled for my contest on Pleasurists as well featuring four kinky items from PinkCherry.Com!

12.19

2008

A Holiday Bunny Giveaway

As my last (and first ever) giveaway is coming to a close (ends tonight at 11:59 PST), it is now time to give away the second toy those wonderful generous people at Babeland have bestowed upon me this holiday season: an Elastomer Rabbit Habit

That famous bunny from Sex and the City, only phthalate-free! The Elastomer Rabbit Habit is “sheathed in 100% premium Elastomer, a high-quality material that is both latex and phthalate free” so you don’t have to worry about phthalates, though it is still slightly porous so it shouldn’t be shared.

So, how do you get your own Elastomer Rabbit Habit, you ask? Simple. Comment below and tell me something new (sexually) you want to try come the new year. Deadline is Friday December 26th at 11:59pm PST.

Not your thing? That’s okay! I’m going to be doing reviews more frequently in 2009. My next one will be on Pleasurists, a kinky way to ring in the new year!

12.13

2008

Sexy Kinky Swag Giveaway!

pink kink kit

Well, it’s the holidays, and the generous people at Babeland have given me some swag to give away! I chose the Pink Kink Kit (because it’s adorable, and who can resist alliteration like that?)! This is the first giveaway on this blog (with many to come in the future).

pink kink kit

The Kit comes in “an innocent pink mesh bag” and includes all that you see above: a gorgeous pink leather blindfold with a little heart on it, a little pink 11″ whip, and a snap pink leather collar with SEXY on the front.

I think it’s absolutely adorable. My favorite part of the kit is the blindfold (and they have matching pink cuffs with hearts as well!), I imagine the little whip would be fun as well, perfect for some impact play on smaller sensitive areas. While it is a beginner kit, it would be fun for beginner and advanced players alike, and especially for anyone who enjoys the color pink.

pink kink kit

So, how do you get your very own Pink Kink Kit? It’s easy! Make sure you give me a valid email and be willing to give me your home address. If you can do those two things than all you’ve got to do is comment and tell me why you want it, and maybe give me some idea of what you would do with it if you were to win it. Deadline is Friday December 19th at 11:59pm PST.

Not your thing? That’s okay! Just wait for the next one and see if that’s more to your liking.