Some days I have very little to say D/s wise, and on these days I’m quiet.

I’m working on a paper for my Queer Theory class exploring BDSM, which should be interesting. I’m having a very hard time narrowing down a concept. I’m thinking of exploring gender, using Venus in Furs and Secretary, or possibly Venus in Furs and a scene which I will describe. Another option is marriage and BDSM, I know quite a few Dommes and male subs who won’t participate in it due to the misogyny associated with it, and since it pretty much goes the opposite of their roles, similarly, in ViF Wanda asserts that she could never marry someone who was subordinate to her, if she was to marry it would be to a Dominant man. I also know many female subs who want to get married to their Dom. And then there’s me…

Other than that… marriage would be easy to do, but I’m not sure if I could write twelve pages on it, though… possibly. I may add marriage into a paper on gender, and I could add something on gender supremacy within BDSM and also some things I’ve already talked about in here.

My Prof. agreed that basically at this point the hardest part for me will be narrowing down a topic. I think I just need to choose one and run with it, but there is so much that I would like to explore. Whatever I do I’ll end up posting it here, to be sure. It’s two weeks from the end of the semester, so I may be quite absent these next two weeks.

Do you enjoy being spanked?
I definitely do, especially long ones that start with a warming up with the hand, then move to the flogger, then to the strap, then to the cane, or some combination of such. I love being spanked by hand, and by the flogger, the strap… not so much, but when it’s in sequence and I’ve been adequately worked up, then that’s okay, but that’s the instrument which Master usually uses as punishment, too, since he knows that I hate it. Funnily enough, I love the cane. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I hate the thing sometimes, and it is also used as punishment sometimes, but I love the feeling of it versus the strap, even though it’s painful and not pleasant all the time, but often it is.
I’ve always had a thing for spanking, as well, I love the just plain dominance of it, the acquiescing, the submitting that has to occur on my part. Being taken and punished, even, although not fun, is a wonderful feeling of being owned and loved. But also just being taken and played with in the sense of knowing that he could do what he wanted to me with the aim of pain and pleasure.

Have you ever given a spanking?
I’ve spanked many times, but I wouldn’t say I’ve given a spanking. That is, I’ve done a lot of playful butt slapping with friends, and some hard playful butt slapping, but I’ve never been in the position of taking someone and spanking them in the manner I’ve described above.

Do you have tattoos?
I do. I currently have eight, and have many more planned.
Currently I have (in chronological order, from oldest to newest):
a stylized heart on my left breast, a small cancer (zodiac) symbol on my right breast with purple around it, on my right thigh bettie page by olivia “don’t tread on me” or what I call “licking the whip” she’s all in red with fishnets and heeled boots with a red crop in her hand lifted to her mouth and licking it, what I call “lovers entwined” between my breasts, a small aries (zodiac) symbol behind my left ear with red around it, elvgrin’s pinup witch on my right calf, a heart-shaped padlock on my right wrist which looks like it goes into my skin, and a key with heart-shaped handle on my left wrist (which Master has an identical tattoo of on his wrist).
Ones I have planned:
a virgo (zodiac) symbol surrounded by “silver” aka gray on my right hip-ish area; an om symbol (with purple accents) inside a red star of babalon on my left wrist (I have an icon of this in ); another rendering of bettie which is her in the middle with a leopard on one side and a snake on the other, it’s awesome, and I love it and it’s perfect! I was thinking of having it on my chest, but I’m not sure anymore, maybe my upper back; babalon riding the beast on my back or possibly thigh depending on the image I decide on; a submissive pinup (probably bound) on my left thigh mirroring my rather Domme-ish Bettie; a varga girl (not sure which) on my left calf mirroring my elvgren; backseams such as would be seen on old-type pantyhose which look like small corset lacing; a bdsm emblem somewhere perhaps made of tigerlilys (instead of roses, which is usually seen); possibly handcuffs (not sure where) with a rose peeking through them; possibly a gothic faerie; possibly many other things…

What is something you fear?
I have a few phobias, specifically bugs, I hate bugs. Currently we have bed bugs infesting our house and I have learned not to think about them as a way to survive, I had two panic attacks when we first realized we had them. It was horrible.
Another fear is pretty common, that of rejection. I think everyone has it to some extent, and some more than others. In me it’s pretty big, I don’t venture out of my social circle much, and I don’t really try to get to know new people but will generally but not specifically, if that makes sense. I also have deep wounds in that area, just in general, though I’m sure many many others do as well, but this one I’m working on as best I can.

Has your Sir changed/expanded any of your limits.. if so what? and how?
Hmm, that’s a good question. Not really, I’ve been pretty aware of what my limits are for quite some time, and we haven’t done much play with my limits, also I don’t really have many outside of general relationship ones and some of the usuals. There are many things I would do that I don’t particularly like, but I don’t consider them to be limits, and Master and I generally like a lot of the same things and dislike a lot of the same things, so it works out rather well for us. I’d like to do more play with things that could become limits, such as experimenting with different play which I never have, such as electricity, extreme humiliation and degradation (we’ve done a little, but not much), and such, but thus far we haven’t really changed or expanded any of my limits (though, I have become a little more lax on my tickling hard limit, but just for accidental tickling).

Describe your most intense, enjoyable sexual experience:
Hmm… I’ve had a few, though most intense and most enjoyable do vary in some ways, and I tend to get mush for brains during the really good ones. I’ll list a few (in chronological order):
With my previous partner we were having phone sex at one point while I was still living at home, though I was alone in the house at the time. I was playing with a toy and we were whispering and groaning naughty nothings to each other. He counted every time I came, and we got to about 48 in that one hour and a half or so. Earlier that day we had phone sex as well and I had come about 11 times, and then twice in between with him. All in all it was around 61 times, and I say around because this wasn’t necessarily exact, but I came somewhere around there. I was very sore the next day.
On Master’s birthday, the first one we were together for, he gave me his birthday spankings and then proceeded to fuck me senseless, including making me cum until I begged him to stop. We weren’t counting that time, but it was definitely in the double-digits and probably no less than 25 or 30.
One spring break (I think it was spring break) my friend Katie and I went up to Portland and Master and I were still in a LDR at that point. He said he could fly to Portland for the night, however, and so he did. We got a hotel room at the Days Inn I believe, which had a king sized bed and a jacuzzi. We did all manner of fucking, including in the jacuzzi which had mirrors around it. He fucked me from behind and we could watch both of us while we were fucking due to the mirrors, it was wonderful. He fucked my ass that night, as well, and then woke me up the next morning with an ass-fucking. I was so sore, but it was so wonderful.
Getting the Hitachi just the other day was pretty damn intense, and the most intense I’ve had recently. It’s a different kind of orgasm than I’m used to, I haven’t used a toy in quite some time, and it was kind of akin to that first instance mentioned above, within which I came 48 times in one sitting. There were some definite orgasm crests but for the most part I was just awash in constant near-orgasm pleasure, which was almost more intense than just a short burst. I’ll write more on this later.

Whats the biggest thing you’ve ever had in your ass?
I’m not honestly sure, actually. I don’t really go for size or stretching, I enjoy to be fucked rather than plugged and I’ve never been fisted anally. Possibly my silicone dildo, as it’s longer but about the same thickness as Master’s cock. My ex (mentioned above) had a damn thick cock near the base (it was kind of triangle-y, very interesting looking) but I’m not sure how much of that actually went in, I don’t think he actually fucked my ass, though we tried, but… it was a weird situation. I’ve had lots of odd small things up my ass, but like I said, I’m more about the sensation than stretching.

I’m even surprised that I don’t own one yet. I mean… I’ve wanted one for a while, but never got around to buying one, I always put other toys before it, such as glass ones and the remote controlled (cordless) butterfly and many many more… However! Tonight Master bought me the hitachi magic wand!

I feel like I am behind on the times in getting this “the Cadillac of Vibrators.” I remember Laura getting it years ago, during the obsession with Sex and the City, and I wanted one then! I just never got around to buying it… Babeland currently has it for 20% off, which ain’t bad, and so I mentioned it to Master and told him that I didn’t want to wait until June to get it, and he bought it for me not 10 minutes later! He told me that he may have to tie me up when we first use it (yes, please!) and that I haven’t begged “please, Master, don’t let me cum anymore” to him nearly recently enough (yes, please!).

One of these days I’m going to do an inventory of all the toys I have, I think, and then decide what more I need, hehe. I used to have a rabbit, too, a cheaper version of the rabbit which did not have the pearls and spinny shaft, just the rabbit ears and an insertable vibration, and it was good. Damn good. I think I may need to get a rabbit pearl sometime soon as well (which I like over the rabbit habit because of the corded controls, hehe).

We haven’t done nearly enough with toys lately, or props in general.

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”

“If you do not breathe through writing, if you do not cry out in writing, or sing in writing, then don’t write, because our culture has no use for it.”

“Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death.”

“Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish it’s source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.”

“When we blindly adopt a religion, a political system, a literary dogma, we become automatons. We cease to grow.”

“We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.”

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman. ”

“I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live richly and darkly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don’t mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, god, as a woman i want to be dominated. I don’t mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling all that I am capable of doing but I am going to be pursued, fucked, and possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding.”

I love the last two, but have issue with it at the same time, probably because of its implied heterosexuality, but also because they hinge on womanhood and femaleness. I am trying to find a new quote to use, and none of them quite work, because they’re all about men and women and I want one more ambiguous. I suppose I could change some wording, but… I don’t know. I mean, granted, I’m with a man right now, and I love him very much, but we are also poly and I also love women and need a woman in my life, and I don’t consider it the natural place of women to be submissive to men, so here lies the problem. I will stick to what I had before, but I’m still wanting a new quote, dammit.

Seven quirks/habits/facts about myself. Some of this information may be known by some and not by others, so…

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1. Butch Despite my high femme appearance lately in high school I was extremely butch. I kept my hair anywhere from shaved to about 3″ long. For a long time I would only play men in plays. I shaved my head once and kept it shaved for a while. I went to my Junior prom in a black suit and fedora with pink tie, socks, and hair to match my date’s pink dress. I still don’t really feel female, I don’t feel male either, though I also wonder if someone can feel like their sex if they know that their sex and gender do not have to be correlated. I now identify as a femme drag queen, or high femme sometimes, but I still love putting on men’s suits and hiding my hair under a fedora every once in a while.

2. Hair Dye I am addicted to dying my hair. Although this has changed in the last few years as I have been growing my hair out and it is extremely damaged due to my hair dying for a while in high school I used to dye my hair about once a week. I have had nearly every color in my hair which you can think of: red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple, pink, blonde, brown, redhead, black, silver, teal, turquoise, light green, dark green, light purple, dark purple, reddish purple, blueish purple, fuscia, orangey red, pinkish red, blood red/scarlet, light red, light pink, hot pink, etc. Currently my hair is black and while I love it I also miss having other colors in it but can’t because I’m not allowed to at work. Instead of dying now I wear hair falls.

3. Astrology (while I do mention this in my profile and have the filter, this is slightly different) I’ve taken quite a few classes on astrology by a (certified, I believe) astrologist. I have learned quite a lot and know (barely) how to interprate a chart and the basics of most things. Although this is true, I have trouble with interpreting a number of things, mostly that which I do not have in my chart or that which I have retrograde or etc. I can intellectually explain and understand them, but I can’t feel them like I feel other signs/planets/etc.

4. IRC I am addicted to going on IRC. This ebbs and flows as addictions do, but I love going on there. Usually I go to irc.bondage.com or irc.sexnet.org or often both. You can find me in various channels on either network. Master and I even met on IRC, on sexnet in a channel called #group-sex (back in the golden age of g-s). The majority of our relationship was developed over bondage.com, however, but we originally met on sexnet. I have made many friends this way, and though many of you know this already many of you don’t.

5. Body Modifications Though I do say this in my profile, that I am “a body-mod addict (thirty-four piercings and eight tattoos)” I do not describe those. I love body modifications in general, and I would like to apprentace as a piercer one day soon. My piercings: 19 in my ears (6 in each lobe (12), three cartilage, a rook, a traigus, and an orbital (which I count as two as it’s two holes)), three in my nose (two on one side, one on the other), my tongue, +’s in my nipples (two barbells in each), a vertical clitoral hood (vch), and six in my inner labia (three in each). My tattoos: a stylized heart on my left breast, a small cancer (zodiac) symbol on my right breast (cancer rules the breasts and stomach), a small aries (zodiac) symbol behind my left ear (aries rules the head and neck), what I like to call “lovers entwined” between my breasts, bettie page by olivia (the photo does not do it justice) “don’t tread on me” (see icon) on my right thigh, elvgren’s pinup witch on my right calf (again, photos do not do it justice), a key with heart-shaped handle on my left wrist, and a heart-shaped padlock which looks like it goes under my skin on my right wrist.

6. Musicals I love musicals. Lately my addiction is Sweeney Todd, but before that has been The Producers, Rent, and tons of others including Marilyn Monroe and Audrey Hepburn musicals, among others.

7. Vintage and Retro I love vintage and retro clothing as well as many of my idols are from earlier eras such as Mae West and Bettie Page. Also, I was into this before it became the “big thing.” I cut my hair in image of Bettie’s freshman year of high school and then cut it short again, but once I started growing it out I have had it like hers since. I used to get asked “who is that?” when I would wear tshirts or have something with her on it, now I get “did you see the movie?” This is mildly annoying.

I’m going to re-start my sexcast, and possibly rename it as well. It has been over a year since I did an episode, and I miss it, and have decided it’s something I need to get going again. I bought both sacredkinkcast.org and sacredsexcast.org (the latter is just a pointer to the former) and I’m going to revamp the layout soon and do things like that as well as start making new ones.

A little information for those of you who don’t know, I described the cast as “a blunt and honest sexcast exploring kinky sex, queer sex, sacredsexuality, and much more with interesting information, sex toy review,and erotica.”
You can listen to the promo here (it’s an mp3, click to listen if you have a qucktime or other type of mp3 player plugin, or right click and save as to listen to it on another mp3 player)

The first five which are out are all very basic, but you have to start basic in order to go into any sorts of detailed things. I have the next two three cast topics planned, and may ask for imput as I work on them. The first five definitely do get rambly, and I realize that. It’s been said that it’s good but it would be better if I was more organized, and so I’m going to work on that in my next ones.

I am thinking of changing the name as well. I’m not sure what to, I do want to keep sacred in there, maybe I could just change it to The Sacred KinkCast, as that is the domain I registered, though having shameless in there is kinda nice. Maybe I don’t need to change it at all… I don’t know. I’m going to keep the same format, I think, though maybe I will cut the story part of it and just have it information and sex toy review… so many choices!

by Judy Grahn

Her words pour out as if her throat were a broken
artery and her mind were cut-glass, carelessly handled.
You imagine her in a huge velvet hat with great
dangling black feathers,
but she shaves her head instead
and goes for three-day midnight walks.
Sometimes she goes down to the dock and dances
off the end of it, simply to prove her belief
that people who cannot walk on water
are phonies, or dead.
When she is cruel, she is very, very cool
and when she is kind she is lavish.
Fisherman think perhaps she’s a fish, but they’re all
fools. She figured out that the only way
to keep from being frozen was to
stay in motion, and long ago converted
most of her flesh into liquid. Now when she
smells danger, she spills herself all over,
like gasoline, and lights it.
She leaves the taste of salt and iron
under your tongue, but you dont mind
The common woman is as common
as the reddest wine.

(because I love it, and it needed to be shared.)