Please note: this post will contain talk of ravishment/rape play and is not meant to be a trigger for anyone who may have suffered from sexual assault. This post or participation in this activity does not condone any sort of non-consensual sexual activity.
As Tart said, “Do I want actual rape? Good lord no!” And I completely agree. I can’t express my feelings of horror when I think that people actually think it is acceptable to have sex with someone completely against their will, and yet I find consensual play incredibly arousing. Playing with vulnerability and putting myself in seemingly vulnerable situations is one of the strongest lures I have to BDSM in general, and is my pull to rape play.
There is something powerful in consensually giving oneself to another, something I’ve talked about numerous times before. Willfully putting oneself in the power of another to create the illusion of helplessness while still having some measure of control is all power play is about. Rape play is another form of power play, obviously, as most rape is about power, not about sex. Being able to pretend to struggle, to be “overpowered” and “forced” into submission is something which appeals to my force fetish and allows an outlet for my strong-willed and stubborn nature while also being in the context of Master’s and my relationship.
As said before: do I want to be raped? Do I want to be taken against my will? Of course not! I would even say: hell no! However, rape play is about the blending of one person’s will to struggle and be overpowered and the other’s will to overpower. It’s about mutual fantasies being fulfilled, and fully consensual and safe, even if it may not always completely feel like it in the moment.
That said, on to the scenario.
Master and I were lying in bed, talking, teasing each other. He moved on top of me and grabbed my wrists as he often does, I struggled a little more than usual, and he became more forceful. As he became more forceful I began to struggle even more, saying “no” and “stop” and trying (not too hard) to get out of his grasp. He told me what he was going to do to me, he slid a finger inside me and told me how wet I was, that I wanted it, and I disagreed.
He began fucking me hard, wonderfully, and he continued teasing me about my desire, which I constantly refused to admit until he slowed down and then took his cock out of me. I whimpered and refused to admit it for a few moments before giving in, furthering the scenario by admitting to be a horny slut, begging to be fucked, begging to be used, begging for his cum.
The few force scenes that we’ve done have ended that way. It’s a long-time fantasy of mine, being discovered as a slut, being called out on it even if I’m pretending to resist. It is something Master loves as well, he’s the one who always turns it to that aspect of it. “Non-consent” erotic stories (or, consensual non-consent scenarios) were what lead me to BDSM in the first place.
These are desires that, when I look into the origin of them, don’t make much logical sense. But, then, what desires really do? The desire to be out of control for me (a control freak) is a big mixture of scary, exciting, and arousing. The same can be said for vulnerability. One of the nice things about rape play is that it allows me to be scared in a way that regular play does not. I can work with feeling scared and vulnerable in a space where I can let those emotions out while still knowing that I am safe and cared for (despite the appearance of otherwise from an unknowing outside observer).