Year: 2008

Finally…

On January 14, 2008

We fucked this afternoon, and it was glorious. I asked him about verbal position commands, if we could integrate them into our play, which I’m very excited about, and he came over to the bed where I was to talk about it, turned me on my back and slid easily between welcoming legs, we grinned and talked about it for a bit while kissing and grinding against each other. He made the move to get up and I wrapped my legs around his waist, grinding up against him a little harder. He teased me for a bit before pulling back and undressing, moving to the side of the bed, his cock already hard, and telling me to turn around again, get on my knees. I did.

I moved back against him so his cock slid inside my already wet cunt and his hand went into my hair, eliciting a gasp and a moan from me. He doesn’t always pull my hair, and when he does, ooh, I go crazy for it. I just closed my eyes and let the sensations wash over me. He fucked me from behind like that (as is usual for us, you’ve probably noticed, our favorite position), his hands in my hair, then around my throat, then I suckled on his thumb softly as he continued to ride me. He put two fingers from each hand on either side of my mouth, slightly streching my lips apart. I was going absolutely crazy (in a good way, of course), and I was feeling wonderfully used.

He pulled out and turned me around again, moving my head to his cock as he started to thrust into it, alternating between using my mouth and having me lap at his balls with my eager tongue while he stroked his shaft. We did this until he came in my mouth, letting me suck his juices down happily, and then we rested for a few moments before he searched through our drawer of toys which is kept next to the nightstand. He found one of my dildos, a fairly large silicone one, and started fucking me with it while he rubbed my clit until I came once and then again, easily under his ministrations.

At this point he removed the dildo, wet with my juices, and slid it into my mouth, letting me suckle on it as he then moved again between my legs, sliding his again hardened cock into me, fucking me while I still sucked on the black silicone cock in my mouth, making me moan and writhe beneath him. He fucked me nice and hard until I couldn’t take it anymore and I slid my hand down to my cunt, rubbing my clit as he got close to cumming. He took the dildo out of my mouth, presumably so that I would be able to ask to cum as I am supposed to do. I felt him cumming inside of me, filling me up with him and I began rubbing harder, my legs tightening around him, getting closer and closer and finally begging to cum, being allowed to, and finding the spasms taking me over yet again as I came hard around his cock.

Anais Nin Quotes

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On January 13, 2008

In Introspection

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”

“If you do not breathe through writing, if you do not cry out in writing, or sing in writing, then don’t write, because our culture has no use for it.”

“Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death.”

“Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish it’s source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.”

“When we blindly adopt a religion, a political system, a literary dogma, we become automatons. We cease to grow.”

“We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.”

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman. ”

“I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live richly and darkly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don’t mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, god, as a woman i want to be dominated. I don’t mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling all that I am capable of doing but I am going to be pursued, fucked, and possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding.”

I love the last two, but have issue with it at the same time, probably because of its implied heterosexuality, but also because they hinge on womanhood and femaleness. I am trying to find a new quote to use, and none of them quite work, because they’re all about men and women and I want one more ambiguous. I suppose I could change some wording, but… I don’t know. I mean, granted, I’m with a man right now, and I love him very much, but we are also poly and I also love women and need a woman in my life, and I don’t consider it the natural place of women to be submissive to men, so here lies the problem. I will stick to what I had before, but I’m still wanting a new quote, dammit.

Dream Fucking

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On January 13, 2008

In Smut

Master and I have been somewhat busy and haven’t been fucking as much as we normally would. We had a house guest for a while, who slept on the couch in the living room and since sound carries from here to there we waited for her to leave. I’ve also been going to the gym and because of that, too, I have been sore and we decided it would be wise to wait a bit.

Master did (finally) give me my protocol handbook last night, and we worked a little on that, but not much.

We didn’t fuck last night, he was sick (had a fever of 100.1) and I was all sore, but I did have a dream/fantasy last night…

We were hanging around with another man, no one that I can identify, though in the dream it was someone we both knew well. We were all talking, and Master made some offhand comment about me being a good little slut, and the other person was somewhat shocked but seemed to take a moment to remember our relationship, Master ordered me to kneel next to him on the floor, while the other person was in the room, and I was slightly embarassed but did it, of course, trying not to protest too much as I didn’t want to make a bad impression or to embarrass Master any. I did so and Master and the other man continued to talk for a bit, I don’t remember about what.

After a bit I realized they were both looking at me, I looked up quizzically, and Master repeated that he wanted me to go over and take the other man’s cock in my mouth. I gasped softly and looked back and forth between the two before crawling over to the other man and as I crawled he unzipped his pants and pulled out a slightly hardened cock. I remember taking it into my mouth and feeling the texture of it, slipping my tongue around it, and then I woke up.

I believe I will have to write a more in-depth story about this later, probably ending with me being fucked by both of them at once. Mmm.

Seven, Sieben, Siete, Sju

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On January 10, 2008

In Introspection

Seven quirks/habits/facts about myself. Some of this information may be known by some and not by others, so…

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1. Butch Despite my high femme appearance lately in high school I was extremely butch. I kept my hair anywhere from shaved to about 3″ long. For a long time I would only play men in plays. I shaved my head once and kept it shaved for a while. I went to my Junior prom in a black suit and fedora with pink tie, socks, and hair to match my date’s pink dress. I still don’t really feel female, I don’t feel male either, though I also wonder if someone can feel like their sex if they know that their sex and gender do not have to be correlated. I now identify as a femme drag queen, or high femme sometimes, but I still love putting on men’s suits and hiding my hair under a fedora every once in a while.

2. Hair Dye I am addicted to dying my hair. Although this has changed in the last few years as I have been growing my hair out and it is extremely damaged due to my hair dying for a while in high school I used to dye my hair about once a week. I have had nearly every color in my hair which you can think of: red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple, pink, blonde, brown, redhead, black, silver, teal, turquoise, light green, dark green, light purple, dark purple, reddish purple, blueish purple, fuscia, orangey red, pinkish red, blood red/scarlet, light red, light pink, hot pink, etc. Currently my hair is black and while I love it I also miss having other colors in it but can’t because I’m not allowed to at work. Instead of dying now I wear hair falls.

3. Astrology (while I do mention this in my profile and have the filter, this is slightly different) I’ve taken quite a few classes on astrology by a (certified, I believe) astrologist. I have learned quite a lot and know (barely) how to interprate a chart and the basics of most things. Although this is true, I have trouble with interpreting a number of things, mostly that which I do not have in my chart or that which I have retrograde or etc. I can intellectually explain and understand them, but I can’t feel them like I feel other signs/planets/etc.

4. IRC I am addicted to going on IRC. This ebbs and flows as addictions do, but I love going on there. Usually I go to irc.bondage.com or irc.sexnet.org or often both. You can find me in various channels on either network. Master and I even met on IRC, on sexnet in a channel called #group-sex (back in the golden age of g-s). The majority of our relationship was developed over bondage.com, however, but we originally met on sexnet. I have made many friends this way, and though many of you know this already many of you don’t.

5. Body Modifications Though I do say this in my profile, that I am “a body-mod addict (thirty-four piercings and eight tattoos)” I do not describe those. I love body modifications in general, and I would like to apprentace as a piercer one day soon. My piercings: 19 in my ears (6 in each lobe (12), three cartilage, a rook, a traigus, and an orbital (which I count as two as it’s two holes)), three in my nose (two on one side, one on the other), my tongue, +’s in my nipples (two barbells in each), a vertical clitoral hood (vch), and six in my inner labia (three in each). My tattoos: a stylized heart on my left breast, a small cancer (zodiac) symbol on my right breast (cancer rules the breasts and stomach), a small aries (zodiac) symbol behind my left ear (aries rules the head and neck), what I like to call “lovers entwined” between my breasts, bettie page by olivia (the photo does not do it justice) “don’t tread on me” (see icon) on my right thigh, elvgren’s pinup witch on my right calf (again, photos do not do it justice), a key with heart-shaped handle on my left wrist, and a heart-shaped padlock which looks like it goes under my skin on my right wrist.

6. Musicals I love musicals. Lately my addiction is Sweeney Todd, but before that has been The Producers, Rent, and tons of others including Marilyn Monroe and Audrey Hepburn musicals, among others.

7. Vintage and Retro I love vintage and retro clothing as well as many of my idols are from earlier eras such as Mae West and Bettie Page. Also, I was into this before it became the “big thing.” I cut my hair in image of Bettie’s freshman year of high school and then cut it short again, but once I started growing it out I have had it like hers since. I used to get asked “who is that?” when I would wear tshirts or have something with her on it, now I get “did you see the movie?” This is mildly annoying.

Unhappy.

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On January 5, 2008

In a Love: Onyx

Onyx and I had a fight last night. We don’t have them often, but when we do they’re always about the same thing: I’m not getting what I need from him. He agrees, and isn’t getting what he needs either, but he ignores it and can ignore it for longer than I can. We talked, a lot. It wasn’t exactly a fight fight, it was just me being upset and then that leading to us talking. It wasn’t the greatest idea, we dropped molly and I got a negative reaction to it and he was rolling, so I secluded myself downstairs. I feel bad about it, it was K’s last night with us and I holed myself up, but I’ll explain and apologize next time I see him. Though, also, Becky is here visiting and I felt bad about not being around as well, but Onyx and the K’s were all hanging out with her and so they were all rolling and having a good time, so I don’t feel too bad about it. I’ll explain to her as well today.

It’s a lot of the same stuff as in other posts I’ve posted, and posts I haven’t posted. It’s the same needs as always, the same problems as always, and I don’t know how much more I can take. I am so tired of bringing these things up, I just want it to work, and it isn’t and doesn’t. I wonder if we are not meant for each other like I’ve always thought. We are so compatible, but we can’t seem to motivate each other. This is not just his fault, and I recognize this, and it’s easy to point fingers… meh. Now I’m hurt and still a little angry, and I don’t want to face my friends upstairs, I just want to cower down here and pretend nothing happened. But that’s not a good idea. I have to go to work for a few hours. I’ll tell Becky about it after I shower (maybe). I will talk with Onyx more tonight. This will all be figured out. Will it change? I’m not sure. But, then, I’ve changed my going to the gym, maybe I’m just a catalyst for change at the moment. Maybe this will work.